LOA at the Vet’s Office
Koda Bear (my 5 month old chow pup love of my life, pride and joy) has been limping on a rear leg for the past week. I thought it was from something that happened at the groomer’s, but when it didn’t improve over the week, we finally made a vet appointment.
My vibe at the vet hasn’t been great since I lost three cats and two dogs in the last two years. Yeah, they were all older, and had the best of care, but I definitely don’t have positive patterns of thought when it comes to vet visits lately.
Shadow and I managed to turn that around last month when he was checked for weight loss and upper respiratory, so I was at least somewhat hopeful that Koda and I could walk out with a clean bill of health.
As we waited for x-ray results, I thought about what I wanted. “I want Koda to be happy. I want him to have a full life. I want him to enjoy life. I want this to be no big deal.”
I imagined the vet walking in and saying “Yep, looks good. He’ll be fine soon.”
Then I checked for attachment, and did a little Byron Katie Work just to make sure I was fine with whatever outcome.
In going through the whole process, I soon realized that hip dysplasia wasn’t contrary to my wishes. Koda could have dysplasia and be happy. He could have bad hips and still enjoy a full life. Even with dysplasia it could be no big deal. Why did I care so much that he not have dysplasia?
So then I asked what I REALLY wanted. Was it really enough that Koda be happy? Or did I want a dog who could go on three hour walks with me? Yeah, I wanted that. Well, I already had that. Sadie’s good to go. She can go all day. Did I want company for Sadie? Well, we’ve already got that, too. She’s got lots of dog friends she walks with every day. It didn’t have to be Koda.
As I’m sorting all this out, the vet comes in with the xray, showing very clear dysplasia in the left hip.
On the way home I realize the toll this is taking on my “feel good.” How did I vibrate this? What’s to be gained from Koda’s handicap? Where did I go wrong?
My beliefs about how purebreds are more likely to suffer from genetic problems surface. I find some relief in realizing I really have adopted a dog who needed rescuing (I felt some guilt over keeping a completely adoptable puppy – that’s kind of a no-no amongst my rescue friends).
I’ve been talking for the last five weeks in my Money Vibe group class about how my old money vibe was “It figures- if it’s not one thing, it’s another” and I realize I’ve totally reactivated it.
So yeah, I admit I’m in pretty damn good alignment with hip dysplasia for Koda Bear.
The only thing that can be next … finding a better feeling thought.
Look, it’s hip dysplasia. It’s not the end of the world! He’s still a happy guy! Look at that guy smiling with his head hanging out the window! Even if he never walked again, you could drive him all over town and he’ll be thrilled. And look at him lighting up all these other people, who can’t help but smile as they see this cute little white fluff ball with his half pink half purple tongue hanging out. He might very well inspire their only smile for the day.
And there’s surgery for this. You’re lucky you can buy it. And that you have the best vets in the state to do it. And Dr. Kirkland said his other hip looked great! And if he’s not walking every day, that just means you’ve got someone watching the house all day. Permanent company for me here. And even if he dies young, that just makes room for another one. I of all people know we don’t “die” – that we’re just energy, and we just transform. So even that’s not that big a deal.
And at least this isn’t something YOU did. Not like you let him fall out the window or anything. It was in his genes. The vet said we didn’t make it worse with all those walks at this young age. Nothing like that. It just is. And it’s no big deal. He’s a happy guy. You’re a happy girl. You’re still together. He’s still smiling. You’re still reaching for yours. It’s all good, girlfriend. Cheer up! The sun will shine again.
Update: nearly ten years later Koda is still happy and thriving. His supposed diagnosis has never revealed itself – he’s always kept up just fine with everyone on our walks. We never had surgery, and he’s never had any symptoms that would indicate this was a problem. He’s slowed down a bit with age, but he’s actually the most limber and active dog in the pack now. 🙂