LOA Success Secret #3: Make Friends with Problems

make friends with contrastThis is secret #3 from our Law of Attraction Success Secret series.

This LOA success secret took me a while to embrace, even though I’ve been hearing it from Abraham for a while.

I’d originally approached conscious creation as a way to get what I wanted to ensure a smooth, easy road in life.  If I could just get my thoughts right, life could be relatively problem-free.

Or so I thought.

That’s not actually how the system works.

Whether you call it problems, contrast, the unwanted, the undesired, blankety blank crap, or whatever we bump into in life that we don’t want any part of – it’s not actually a failure of the system to experience that.

Rather, it’s part of the system. Indeed, it’s a crucial first step for how life gets better and better.

Here’s how I understand it:

all of our new desires are fueled by (or sourced from) a “don’t want.”  We want health more than ever when we’re sick.  We want prosperity when things feel tight.  We want companionship when feeling lonely.

So all those desires originated from something that didn’t feel so fab.  And desire is what fuels our expansion.

Which means it’s actually a good thing when we run across something we don’t like.  It means life is about to get even better!

That is, as long as we don’t stay stuck (i.e. focused) on the crappy problems.  Since we get what we focus on, if I’m all panties-in-a-twist about what’s gone wrong, then guaranteed I’m creating more things going wrong.

But when I can appreciate the role this “contrast” has played, knowing that it’s leading to even better things (as long as I don’t overly dwell on the ‘problem’), then life can’t help but get better.

So that’s actually two reasons to make friends with what doesn’t seem very nice in life (losing a job, getting dumped, going broke, getting sick, etc.):

  1. The first reason is that it’s what leads to things getting even better than they were before,
  2. and the second reason is that if we don’t make some sort of peace with it, then we get stuck in it!

And we know too much to play it that way!

Since resistance is all that keeps us away from experiencing our biggest dreams and desires, dropping resistance (coming into alignment) is the name of the game.

One of the ways we most often kink the vibe is being upset with contrast.

When we instead see contrast as our friend, something we welcome and even appreciate, our dreams come together beautifully.

In fact, one of you readers shared something recently that I absolutely LOVED.  Kate wrote about “exciting cosmic ordering” in reference to some major unwanted stuff.  Which was fabulous, because it shows how much she gets that something great is on the heels of something ‘awful’ when we learn to ride the vibrational wave.

That doesn’t mean we don’t feel out the not-so-fun emotions when they come up in response to what we don’t like.  There is an appropriate time for swearing, crying, and feeling sorry for ourselves.

But when we really do let ourselves feel it out, it passes relatively quickly.  And we can then get on with the next step of allowing the next cool thing that this beautiful problem has fueled for us.

Like I said, even after I understood this process theoretically, it took a while for me to be able to see a problem and be grateful for it.  I’m still learning to make that a habit, but when I do, I minimize the time spent out of alignment which makes dreams manifest that much bigger, better and faster.

Sometimes the easier first step is just to make peace with the problem, if we can’t actually celebrate it for where we know it’s taking us.  One way or another, though, learn to drop the resistance to what you don’t want, in order to get on with a lovely life.

Here are a couple of inspiring reminders I found on Pinterest about embracing the challenges we occasionally find in life:
embrace contrast
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf
Would love to hear your tips on how to drop the resistance to life’s ‘problems’ if you care to share …

  • May 27, 2012
  • Suzie Cheel says:

    Hi Jeanette,
    Wow this resonated with me as recently when i was relating how i was upset at the effect a medication that i know saved my life was having some very adverse effects. Ellie Walsh suggested to was time i made peace with prednisolone!
    I now ask myself positive question each morning which i journal and this moves me forward
    wonderful series 🙂

  • I ask myself “What will I learn from this?” or “What do I REALLY want?” It has been an interesting few weeks at my day job, that’s for sure.
    I am finding that instead of trying to run from a problem or blame someone else, which has been my reaction in the past, I am now looking at the problem head on. I decide what it is I really want.
    For example, do I really want to get my way (a radio in the office, sharing the time / pictures of my own nearby) – or do I want something else? I realized what I really wanted was, if I had to work in an office right now, I wanted to feel accepted, to feel as though I were part of a team.
    So I changed my morning pre-paving. It had been releasing and positive but for a long time it had become stressful and made me realize I dreaded going to work. It was making me focus on what I was lacking. So instead of asking for my way, I asked for a peaceful work day and to feel like part of a team. It has made my day so much easier and better and the dynamic has changed around the office. Still no radio 🙂 But then that’s not what I really wanted.

  • I often write out worries, and then I find myself writing affirmations and encouraging thoughts in response to the unhappy emotions. It’s usually a specific thought that is upsetting, and then a response that addresses why it’s ok, and actually why things are great helps soothe and improve my vibe every time. I often wonder, maybe we need to repeat this over and over for ourselves. I love surrounding myself with inspirational images and words 🙂

  • Twinkle Teacher says:

    I’ve found that having those sorts of Deebie Downers around let you bring light into your life by knowing how you DON’T want to be/act/live. I’m all about the happy, and there’s lots of happy to be learned by the not-so happy.

  • ChipEFT says:

    I’d like to see if I can reframe contrast a little to make it a little easier to swallow.
    As conscious creators we know that everything is our creation. And we also know that everything about our life is about expansion. As such, we make decisions and form opinions and based upon the relief we expect it will bring us. When the decision brings us relief we form a habit of thought that continues to bring us this relief.
    But since we are ever expanding, we are looking for ways to feel better and better. In the course of this expansion, the habits of thought that once served us, are now in opposition to what we are wanting now — they are in contrast.
    So contrasting thoughts are just habits of thought that once served us, but now we have outgrown. There is nothing wrong with the thoughts, or you, they are a perfect manifestation. You just no longer like the result they produce because it feels bad.
    The emotions that feel bad are the vibrational expression of the thoughts that no longer serve you. If you can get that the emotions are just there to point out this fact and can be okay with the role they play, you can use them to find the conflicting habit of thought.
    Once you do, you simply have to acknowledge the thought and decide what you want instead. Then it is just a matter of following the thought or action that feels better–what I call your Intuition Compass.

  • Berta says:

    I’ve been there too, when you have the resources but for whatever reason you don’t remember to use them. Sometimes I’ve even remembered them and have doubted the LOA, because after all, I’m here wallowing in my self pity. (Bringing more to me!) I wonder if those times when we forget who we are and how LOA works are those times we find the silver lining in our clouds. Your might be the connections you made when you reached out. GorgeouSophie has many great suggestions for you. One that I love is doing something for someone else. Even if its sweeping off the sidewalk in your building for you and the other tenants. Anything, no matter how small a gesture, will give you a lift.

  • GorgeouSophie says:

    Hello Sarah!
    First & foremost, have a hug, aaaaaaaaaaaaall the way from London – oh hang on, are you in the US at all?! And know that we feel deeply for you, so although we may belong to the virtual world, you are in our thoughts & we are all cheering for the brave & beautiful soul that you are, going through the dark night as it were, but also, seeing the light already at the end of your tunnel & no, as the joke goes, it is not an oncoming train!
    Are you part of GVU? I am asking you this question, not as a marketing ploy *gag* – Jeannette is most certainly not the kind of coach who will try in a zillion years to sell anything – people seek her & her products, she does not hunt them – but because you could have access to some wonderful free coaching (Heaven, I have been with GVU from the time when it was born & I have yet to take them up on their offer but was blessed with a session with Frank & Paul – aka The Communion Of Light – which was amazing, as you may imagine). Free coaching in turn may start you on the way to feel what it is to live in opulence again, for instance. There are also many an uplifting video, interesting conversations & calls about many a fascinating subject.
    My other very ‘down to earth’ suggestion would be – Have you looked into how the state can help you? Is there any money to which you are entitled? Free food? Medical care? Would a roomshare with perhaps a quiet family or an older person suit better & be just as affordable? Here in the UK there is a scheme where you can rent a room very cheaply & add to the small amount of money 10 hours of work, looking after an older person. Could you volunteeer anywhere & thus remind yourself of your fabulous value whilst looking for a job? Have you got any family & friends who could help you a little? People with whom to hang out? Places for free training or inspiration? Are there parts of your city where they offer cheap manicure & pedicure, massages, beauty treatments so that you can still treat yourself &, again, ride the feeling of opulence that pampering triggers?
    You may desire indeed to have a MASSIVE crying session followed by a swearing & shaking your fist session & then, let the world be your Oyster…
    With much love & compassion & bright, beautiful & never ending Hope – You are Loved. xxx

  • Julie B says:

    Such a great post and such great answers for you Sarah. Every one of us has crappy crap happen to us over the course of our lives… we’re human (spiritual beings having a human experience). Sarah at the end of last year I had a crappy crap few months: lost my job after 10 years with a fabulous position and my sister died in a freak accident just 3 weeks after I lost my job? Coincidence? Hmmmm what else does the Universe have in store for me?
    After the shock and fear (I’m sure you have a lot of “what if’s” running around in your head – my mind had a frikkin pity party the size of Texas and Yes I did swear, a LOT!), I finally threw my hands up and said “okay, Universe, angels, whatever… you take over because I’m numb and cannot think”, and TRULY let go, a real SURRENDER, and in that moment when I TRULY let go and got okay with where I was at…. I got such peace.
    You will survive Sarah, you will get past this, chin up kiddo. Just appreciate any little thing you can, when you can. You want to be vibrating at a higher frequency than the crappy crap vibe and you’ll see great things happen, and remember great things can happen in the smallest of ways… keep your eyes open for good, you’ll find it.
    You have a loving community right here that will hold you up and send lots of love.
    All the best,

  • sarah says:

    Hi everyone!
    Thanks for the awesome feedback. I appreciative your thoughtfulness to take the time to reply.
    Frank- I think car and dorm style living is comparable lol. Depending on how you want to look at it I suppose.
    As for being willing to accept the worst, I guess that’s all I can do. If the worst happens, it happens but the thought of it makes me want to ball my eyes out. And I’m sure I will when the time comes.
    Barbara- I have tried to appreciate all the things you’ve listed. Having a roof over my head and a strong internet connection that allows me the freedom to unlimited resources and caring people like all of you here =). But this situation definitely a wake up call.
    In the midst of this emotional turmoil, I do feel a hint of opportunity that lurking around somewhere. My confidence is shot to do anything about it..
    After some reflection, I thought perhaps the universe was helping me along by trying to get me out of the house. I have been cooped inside, not doing anything to move things along. I was just trying to stay calm. I decided to take the students being up til 3 -4 am as a sign that I needed to get my arse out in the morning, get some fresh air,get some exercise in me so i can tire myself out then maybe I will pass out and not notice the student pacing around upstairs.
    Berta- thanks for reminding me about Abraham Hicks techniques. What’s funny is, I have several books of Abraham Hicks but being in this vibrational kink I wasn’t inspired to refer to them. lol. So thank you for reminding me that I had resources right under nose. =)
    Is Law of attraction as hard as I think it is? from the vantage point I am in, it feels like it takes a LOT of focus to stay in the vibrational alignment to our desires. For about two years when I was applying the LOA religiously, life was awesome! Somewhere along the line I lost focus and appreciation of what I had and ended up here. That was happened so fast!
    I know everything happens for a reason. I know I manifested this situation in order to perhaps find my purpose in life but couldn’t the universe deliver a more cushiony ride to my desire lol. This really bites! I’m on an emotional roller coaster, feeling very out alignment. Breathe– I shall try frank. This too shall pass..

  • Berta says:

    I’ll share with you an action that my husband and I have taken that helped us. I took a small legal pad and wrote across the top of the first page the lowest emotion from scale of emotions listed in “Ask and It Is Given” by Ester and Jerry Hicks on page 114. (It was “Fear/Grief/Depression/Powerlessness.”) Then under it I wrote, “This is true because:” and then I skipped down to the middle of the page and wrote, “This is not true because:”. On the next 21 pages I wrote each of the next emotion(s)up the scale at the top of the page and repeated the two other statements in the same fashion. Every day or so, my husband and I talked about why we felt the emotion(s) on the top of the page, and then what we knew from previous experiences was also true and opposite or at least different enough to feel the emotion from a bit more hopeful perspective.
    Our example was dread of financial ruin in the October 2008 newly re-adjusted economy. We both were self employed. We vented as we answered the why it was true–vented our anger and fears, cursed the president, congress, corporate business, and ourselves. Then we at first struggled to come up with why this wasn’t true. For example of why our fears were untrue, my husband reminded me that we’ve always paid our bills on time, have been free thinkers and come up with new ideas to try, and willing to do what it takes. (i.e. look at our previous successes-list them too)
    It gave us relief, just a little on first few pages but more and more as we literally moved ourselves up into a better place. And we always have had work and things have worked out.
    I don’t know if this idea will help you, and I always suggest to take the idea and modify to make it work for you. If this doesn’t appeal to you, hopefully it will spur an entirely different idea to come to you that will be right. Then again, maybe an action isn’t right, but I’m just sharing an idea that worked for us.
    I also agree with other comments earlier and say it’s OK to get angry. (It’s number 17 on the scale of emotions-up six from fear and depression.) Like BarbaraM said, you have deliberate creators covering your back.

  • BarbaraM says:

    Hi Sarah,
    I think Frank covered it briliantly. I would add to all this – first be kind with yourself, don’t beat yourself up. You are amazing as you are. Own your feelings – yes, you are angry, sad, frustrated – try to MAKE PEACE with situation you are in and even with the worst which might happen in your opinion. Than move your focus on what you want. Life is showing you contrast – so you can from that you don’t want define what you want as a next step up from where you are.
    For appreciation look larger and more general – you are still alive, you still have roof above your head, access to computer and to group of deliberate creators who can help you magnify your manifesting powers. Can you try to appreciate that? Somewhere along these lines you can find a thought which will make you feel better. A bit better?
    From a larger perspective everything is as it should be… usually we don’t see that in our situation, but later on when we look back, we see, that this had to happen to move us in direction to which we want to go.
    Let us know if any of this helps…

  • Sarah —
    I’ve been where you are (or close to it — sleeping in my car was probably better than the basement dorm room, but maybe not) so I get (as much as anyone can) where you’re coming from.
    I think Jeannette put her finger on it in her reply to Stephen above when she wrote:
    I can’t usually get there till after a swear word or two.
    To me, that’s the step up from where you are. You probably are going to need to get angry. That seems like it would be a vibrational step up from where you are.
    And I think you’re right on: you can’t meditate or find silver linings from despair. Those are too far away from where you are.
    This is what my mom has said to me about these bottom of the barrel experiences (and she’s always been right):
    “You’re going to have to get willing to let the worst happen.”
    Once you do that (again, in my experience), things start to get easier. If you can make peace (or at least come to an armed truce) with the things you really, really don’t like, you will get some breathing room.
    Nothing specific may change, but you’ll start feeling better. Not great. Not grand. Not fabulous. But better. And that’s a start.
    The other thing I can tell you from personal experience (may or may not be helpful) is that you’re going to only ever be doing one thing at a time. That’s really all you can do from where you are (heck, that’s all we ever can do).
    But it’s always been helpful to me when I’ve been in these places of despair to remember that it really is just one step at a time.
    Oh — and one more thing — this may be hard to remember right now but I want to put it in writing so you have it for future reference when it does have some meaning:
    Every moment is a new moment.
    The past is dead and gone.
    And you can keep those zombie corpse thoughts around as long as you want, but they really do start to smell after a while.
    Take a breath, when you can, and remember that right now is where you are.
    This is all temporary.
    And you can always start again whenever you want.
    Lots of love,

  • sarah says:

    Hi Jeannette,
    I’m so upset with my situation that I can’t input my correct email address. I’ve quickly typed up a comment and pressed send 3 times and it didn’t go through. Do you have a negative vibration filter on this blog? lol.
    Ok. So I need all of your help. I am in the crappiest situation ever in my life. I feel ashamed to be in where I am in my life at this point in time.
    After being burnt out of the field I was in I decided to call it quits. Since then everything has downward spiral. My relationships with everyone, my financial resources, and my living situation is worst of them all.
    I live in an off campus student housing. Not because I decided to go back to school but because I couldn’t afford anything worth living in. Plus my credit is shot because I have a gambling problem and not having a job doesn’t look too great at a landlord’s stand point.
    These students are driving me up the wall. They are a bunch of night hawks. they sleep during the day and up till 3 or 4 am in the morning. I live in the crappy basement room where i hear every sound that’s going on upstairs.
    Please tell me where the silver lining in all this? and how this is all is suppose to get better?

  • Anonymous says:

    Hi Jeannette,
    I’m sorry but I’ve hit rock bottom. How am I suppose to see that this suppose is going to get better?? Because I know for a fact things can always get worse, and soon enough I’m going to be there.
    What am I suppose to do now? Meditate my way out of this unwanted situation? Appreciate what I have now and my problem is just going to disappear? Seriously. I can’t see a way out at this point.
    My options are limited. My financial resources are running dry. I quit a job I hate and there aren’t any prospects out there I’m interested in working for.
    I know I ended up here because I lost focus, and appreciation for everything and everyone i had in my life. But I don’t believe appreciating my unwanted situation is going to turn my life back around. How can I appreciate my situation in the midst of it when I feel hopeless and angry that I ended up where I am?
    Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  • Janette says:

    What I love about contrast (okay, maybe ‘love’ is too strong a word!) is how it makes it easier for me to find a kink in my vibe.
    If I have a money glitch, it means I have some scarcity thoughts that aren’t serving me. If I have a health glitch, it means I have some hiccups in my relationship with my body. If I have a crazy mad diary full of to-do items for other people, it means I have some misalignment with strong self-love boundaries.
    Contrast is like an announcer calling out “clean up in Aisle Five” – or wherever that kinked-up vibe is.
    When I see it that way, contrast is definitely on my side!

  • Ha! Love that, Janette: “Contrast is like an announcer calling out “clean up in Aisle Five” – or wherever that kinked-up vibe is.”
    Nice way to look at it! 🙂

  • Kim, that is a really good point – thank you for making it! Without being able to judge things as “good” or “bad,” we’d sure have an easier time making peace with what is!
    We know we’ll always have desires and preferences, but when we don’t make the “unwanted” stuff “wrong” – we’re a step ahead of the game.
    Thanks for posting such great suggestions for releasing angst, my friend!

  • Kim Falconer says:

    I love this post, Jeannette. Getting okay and easy with contrast for me means dropping value judgments. Instead of thinking, ‘this is bad OR this is good,’ I think, ‘this is interesting. This is unique. This is new/different/surprising.’ If I can get a bigger perspective, I can see how it’s not so much ‘bad’ as a change, or a lack of change.’
    It’s like going to the dentist. Without perspective we might think getting the Novocain is ‘bad’ but really, yippy for local anesthetic! We might then think the drilling is ‘bad’ but hey, do we really want a decayed tooth in our mouth? When he get the bill, instead of thinking how ‘bad’ it is we can think, how great to support our dentist who we hire to take care of our teeth.
    Most situations that upset us are ones where we feel out of control but with a great enough perspective, we can see everything as taking us, by our leave, exactly where we really want to go!
    Ways to get perspective include
    1) asking if this will matter in six months, or maybe 6 years.
    2) Noticing payoffs or long-term results of the situation that we really like.
    3) appreciating the moment.
    4) asking ‘if not this, then what?’
    I am sure there are other ways to gain that zen-like perspective that allows us to drop judgment. Any other ideas?
    Thank you again, Jeannette. This blog is always a ray of sunshine on my day!

  • Jerry was good at it! I can’t usually get there till after a swear word or two. lol
    Loved this quote from Abraham earlier this month showing how Esther does it:
    “When something happens, discord with someone, she is aware that what she
    really wants is harmony. What she really wants is understanding. What she really wants is collaborative cooperative components in her life experience. And she is willing to accept that there are many, many people who are not in this particular moment in time cooperative components to her, and she’s realizing that she’s holding uncooperative components in her experience by her attention to them.”
    “So she’s asking herself, what is it that I want? Because she knows, we’re convincing her, that if she will focus upon what that experience has caused her to WANT, that that experience cannot return unless she’s active about that experience. Does that make sense to you?”

  • Stephen says:

    I remember Abraham describing Jerry’s reaction to one of Esther’s beautiful something or other getting broken.
    He said, “oh good! Something new to want.”

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