LOA Success Secret #4: Don’t Make It Important

This is secret #4 from ourย Law of Attraction Success Secret series.
manifesting secret: relax about it

You’ve noticed it, too, I’m sure. How the things you don’t care about too much come together easier than the “big deal” desires of life.

It’s why the email from an old friend pops in the day after randomly thinking about them, but the phone hasn’t rung in weeks after interviewing for the dream job.

It’s why we can manifest a free lunch in the blink of an eye, but dropping the extra weight seems next to impossible.

People ask me regularly why the stuff they don’t care about happens so quick, while the things that really matter take forever.

* It’s the difference in the energy. *

When we make it a big deal, it might seem like that would light a fire under Universe to deliver it faster.

That approach might have worked with mom when we were little (which is probably why we default to it), but Universe doesn’t work that way.

That’s because when something really matters to us – when it’s a really big deal in our life, it’s common to have a “charge” on it that isn’t conducive to true vibrational alignment.

Feel it out for yourself … when something is really important it’s not unusual to feel a slight tension or anxiety, right? It’s a stress signal that tells Universe all is not well here, that we’re on a little bit of edge. Which is why it can’t deliver the goods since we’re not lined up for good news. Rather, we’re lined up for tension, anxiety, more stress.

How do we get past that in order to let the “big” stuff manifest just as quickly and effortlessly as the “little” stuff?
law of attraction success secret: don't make it important

The answer is to find a way to feel easier about it. To lighten up. To relax a little. To treat it like the big deal it ISN’T.

Dropping the “charge” doesn’t mean giving up on the desire; it just means don’t make it a ‘life or death’ matter.

Because if your happiness or satisfaction is conditional on this result, you’re signaling Universe for a delay. You’ve got to get happy/relaxed/peaceful/fulfilled first, then it can send in the goods.

I chill out a big deal desire in a couple of different ways:

by appreciating what’s already going right, and reflecting on all the things I already enjoy about my life. That helps me release the “need” for this next thing to manifest. Life is already REALLY good! This will be icing on the cake, but I don’t have to have it in order to feel satisfied.

Sometimes I just remember that Universe might have an even better plan than I did, so while this thing might seem like a fabulous next step in life, I’m open that there could be something even better. Thus, I don’t feel as attached to my idea.

Another way to replicate that aligned energy is to practice thinking of the big desire like it’s a small one. I remember how I felt about something that happened really easily which helps me conjure up that “no big deal” feeling, and then practice feeling that way about this desire.

Sometimes I just remind myself that everything is easy to Universe. There’s no difference between a huge pile of money and a good song on the radio. A healthy body is just as easy as a smile from a stranger. We’re the ones making some things harder than others. And we can change that.

When we stop making things a big deal, when we remember that it’s all the same and that we don’t need anything to be happy anyway, we become much more powerful manifesters.

There is a way to make something a big deal that doesn’t kink the vibe. That’s when we have strong belief or expectationย and little attachment. So it’s not that we have to never have another big dream again – it’s just a matter of making sure the energy is lined up.

Even if it isn’t the desire that we make such a big deal, some of us put pressure on ourselves to prove our deliberate creation skills. And that’s more energy that can kink the alignment, so let’s not do that, either. <wink>

I’d love to hear how you let go of “big deal” anxiety to create stronger alignment to your desire, as well as examples of how something manifested after you stopped caring so much about it …

  • May 12, 2012
  • Suzanne M says:

    Well, like many people I have learned to just TRUST in what the universe is capable of doing. Nothing works better for me than 10 minutes of mediation with deep breathing. When I was diagnosed with Melanoma in 2010 my world was turned upside down. But with trust and focusing on wellness I made it through much stronger than I was then.

  • Dana Boyle says:

    Once again, you have given me goosebumps! First, in reading that quote and, specifically, the portion wherein it says, “The telephone was seeking Bell.” I know that! Duh. And I know Paul (COL) has told ME that I already know how to manifest anything I want, and that I have a specific way that works for me, but that if I can learn to apply that to other areas that I am believing I don’t know how to manifest in, things will flow to me better in those areas. I applied the telephone seeking Bell analogy in creating my marriage…finding David. I knew he was also seeking me.
    It gave me big goosebumps to admit, out loud today, that my children are seeking ME.
    Also, I have to tell you that this part of Paul’s quote helps me to forgive myself and offer myself permission to just enjoy life and stop trying so hard:
    “All the work that you do to make sure that you never forget what you really want is only delaying the experience from coming to you. As you open and allow the inevitable to happen, it will.”
    I work damn hard and have for a year to have a baby…doing all the things that I have read are the right things to do, from charting to taking supplements to timing things perfectly to keeping track of every little physical sensation/symptom, to eating the “right” things and NOT eating the “wrong” things, etc.
    Just recently, after the last “failed” cycle, I had an all out temper tantrum and exclaimed to my husband that I’ve been trying to MAKE this happen all by myself for a year and I’m just going to do whatever feels good to do and f*** it! I started doing things like riding my bike and gardening (things the books say not to do) and having an occasional “wrong” food or drink. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Your post reminds me that I (as in ME) can’t make this happen. Universe makes it happen. I am a deliberate creator, but I am trying to control every aspect to get it right and how the hell do I know “right” when it comes to bringing forth life?
    Besides, I’m reminded by my mother that her generation and generations before her never worried about prenatals, charts or unpasteurized cheeses and we all turned out ok!
    Thanks for that, and Jeannette, thank you for this post. I’ve already shifted my energy on the importance of this, not by making it less important, but by unearthing my why and getting really comfortable with it – and playing with how I have that why satisfied already. xo

  • Pat says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I am back again. Love all the posts in here. Barbara I love your Giggle Fest and Manifest – what a concept, I love it!
    Lois, thanks for that reminder, it’s not about the money. We primarily want relief or “financial peace” and that is where the focus needs to be as well as on all the wonderful and uplifting things.
    Blessings, Pat

  • Janette, Frank/Paul, BamaGirl, and all of you such good content…I am just thinking in this moment, regardless of ‘importance’, wanting it real bad, etc, how often are we thinking: We can have it All(of whatever it is that we want/desire/etc)l because we have created it All, the scene, the characters, the set, the fun, the loss, the gain, beauty, the pain, the all of it in every aspect WE have CREATED/ATTRACTED it as Paul was telling us on the Matt and Phil Show show last week, it all comes from us, so of course we can adjust it anyway we want(!wow!)….when I really allow those kinds of thoughts/feelings/vortex/fun place, the idea or story of ‘importance’ is hard to exist next to the idea that it ALL emanates from us(ME/My vibration) in the first place. It pre-supposes a whole lot of the follow up circumstances/drama and so on if we focus on that truth and move from there…anyway just a fun thought I was having, love you all so damn much thank you for all being so instrumental along my path.

  • Janette says:

    This morning I caught myself talking politics with a friend as though it mattered, really mattered. He finally commented on the fact that we have elections every three years, so it all changes then anyway (I’m in Australia).
    In other words….. “this, too, shall pass”.
    I’m thinking maybe I could get that tattooed somewhere obvious to keep reminding me LOL!! Whatever it is we think is important…. this, too, shall pass.

  • Yay for focusing on fun, Berta. And MissyB, I could not agree more!!

  • MissyB says:

    I really wish you had a like button for all the comments GVG – they can be just as inspiring as your blog sometimes.
    Thanks folks

  • Berta Bauer says:

    I’ve been telling myself, “It’s all about fun. I’m just going to go in there and have fun.” I’ve been amazed at how many times that takes out all the urgency and stress.
    I’ve been dreading taking my book into gift shops and book stores and talking to the buyers/owners about having them sell my books in their shops. But with that attitude, I’ve met some very cool people, learned things that work into my sequel, sold more books than I expected, and mostly I’ve had a ton of fun.
    I admit that meditating and tapping before I leave the house has put me into the “This is going to be fun,” mood.

  • Smart, Barbara! I’m also finding that “go general” approach very effective as well.
    And Lois, kudos to you for recognizing the desire behind the desire, and giving yourself the gift of that relief right now! No doubt that will take you to some delicious places, in addition to enjoying the emotion in the red hot moment already. Very nice.
    Frank, your contributions here always make this a richer discussion and understanding!

  • Lois says:

    As I have been struggling with money the last couple of weeks I was thinking, “wow, here I am at the age of 64 and still struggling with money issues. When is this going to end?” And then I realized, money is not the problem. The problem is my vibration. What I am really seeking is relief. I am getting better at feeling relaxed and noticing all of the wonderful things around me. Over the weekend many people appeared to offer suggestions and help alleviate the stress. So instead of focusing on “money”, I am focusing on relief. Everything really is ok.

  • Barbara says:

    I like to “go general” and find what’s GREAT in my life – even if it means forgetting about the “big deal” for awhile. I have found this practice (from Abraham) very useful for me. And when elements of the “big deal” show up, I find it’s time to celebrate them, laugh, and then get as specific as I can (without feeling the “longing” that the rest of the “big deal” hasn’t shown up yet).
    And if none of that works, I just deliberately laugh and giggle until I’ve raised my vibe and can focus my desires more in The Vortex. In fact, I’m doing that again this Sunday with Giggle Fest & Manifest! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I’m really loving all the comments here!
    And Bama Girl, what you just shared reminded me of something I noticed recently.
    Normally, I sleep like a rock and fall asleep quickly, but a few months ago, I bought a new mobile phone with new technology and found that every night I wanted to explore what it could do and the features and all that. Every night, I would end up playing different kinds of solitaire and, as if I was two years old again, would nod off to sleep then wake up and refuse to actually go to sleep until I could win the game I was playing (or the next one, or the next one, on and on).
    Anywho, what I noticed that astonished me was that when I would nod off to sleep while trying to figure out the next move (or which possible move would be best), I would come to and immediately know which one was the right one. I started winning a lot of the games this way.
    The funny thing is that my “knowledge” of the next move felt so obvious that I was surprised I hadn’t noticed it before.
    So, thank you for this powerful reminder. I’m going to let myself nap and slack even more than I’ve been doing and will see what happens when I do so in the middle of a task instead of trying to get everything wrapped up before I nap or slack.
    Powerful stuff here! Thanks, again, everyone for your delicious comments!! And thanks Jeannette for getting this ball rolling! Love the series and love this one in particular…

  • Thanks, Leigha. ๐Ÿ™‚
    And BamaGirl, big YAY for the power of breaks! LOVE that!!! Thanks for sharing with us.

  • Bama Girl says:

    For a long time when things got frustrating or I felt overwhelmed or hopeless, I would end up tired and grumpy and sometimes just mean. It was a cycle I went through. I knew, though, that if I would take a break and relax for a little while that things would get better. I saw that in my son as well as he grew up. He would get frustrated about playing a game or not understanding a math problem. After a break from it everything would seem to just work out.
    Now I take breaks and relax a lot more consciously, especially since reading about slacker manifesting ๐Ÿ™‚ If I feel myself feeling frustrated or hopeless or something just isn’t working right, I stop and take a break before reaching tired and grumpy and mean. I am breaking that cycle by taking a break, taking a naps, walking the dog, reading a book, following my inspiration, things change. The “BIG DEAL” is no longer a “big deal” and it’s all okay.

  • Leigha says:

    Inka, I loved what you wrote about making this life a big game!! I practice that a lot too and find life so much more fun and adventurous…
    Pat…I totally did that too with guys when I was growing up…I actually remember thinking one day…I have always managed to get the guy I want…”how am I doing that?”
    Jeannette…I loved this post!!!

  • Pat, you are brilliant!! I love that technique (of not “chasing” something we want) … in fact, I think I wrote something along those lines last year …
    Thanks for sharing such a fun example with us! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Pat says:

    When I was younger I actually really got this piece of the law of attraction without really knowing what it was. I had realized that if I was “needy” for something it would evade me. The metaphor that would always come to mind was that it’s like chasing a cat, the more chase it, the more it will continue to run away from you. But if you stop, it will stop. If you sit and call to it or even ignore it, it will come to you out of it’s own curiosity and desire for attention.
    It worked really well when it came to dating etc. If I found or caught myself wanting or waiting for this one particular guy to call and it wasn’t happening I would get frustrated by this pathetic image of myself that I was “waiting by the phone for him to call”. So I realized that the essence of what I wanted was “male attention” so I would go out to my favorite local pub or bar and surround myself with male attention so I would “forget” about “needing or wanting” him to call.
    Sure enough by the time I would get home or the next day, I would find out that he had called or would receive a call from the “him” I was waiting for.
    It was a fun way to play with this concept and it certainly worked, thanks for reminding me about it again!
    Blessings, Pat

  • I think you’ve got god company with that one, Frank. It seems a little counterintuitive that relaxing about a strong desire is what often allows it in. Probably because of early training with parents, right?
    Anyway, I am LOVING that quote from Paul! Especially this part: “All the work that you do to make sure that you never forget what you really want is only delaying the experience from coming to you.”
    I might just put that one up on my board as a helpful reminder.
    Thanks for chiming in on this one, my friend! (And for bringing Paul with)

  • ChipEFT says:

    In my mind, contrast is the key. It is the contrast that points out the thoughts that generate the most resistance. And the fact that we don’t like the contrast gives energy to what we don’t want.
    So we need to find a way to be okay with the contrast. Instead of fighting or ignoring the emotion, allow it to be what it is–the vibrational manifestation of the thought form not in alignment with what you are wanting. If you let the emotion run its course, the thought form that is not serving you is exposed and you can decide what you would rather have.
    The more of these contrasting thoughts you allow to evolve away from you in this way, the less you are concerned with the outcome. In other words, you are dropping your resistance to not having what you want.
    When that happens, you see that what you want has been there all along. And when it manifests in the physical doesn’t matter quite so much.

  • The problem I have always had with this is that I think I’m afraid that if I don’t remember what a big deal it is, then the Universe will somehow forget.
    I’ve been re-reading (for the umpteenth time), the works of Florence Scovell Shinn (which I HIGHLY recommend). This afternoon, I read this:
    Demand definite leads, and the way will be made easy and successful. One should not visualize or force a mental picture. When he demands the Divine Design to come into his conscious mind, he will receive flashes of inspiration and begin to see himself making some great accomplishment. This is the picture, or idea, he must hold without wavering. The thing man seeks is seeking himโ€”the telephone was seeking Bell!
    This feels so right to me and yet I got stuck on the second sentence (about not forcing a mental picture).
    So, I asked Paul about it and this is what they said:
    If you’re going to visualize something, only do it because it feels better to do so. But that’s what we would say about anything. If you’re going to think any thought, think the ones that feel better.
    You’re doubting the existence of the perfected versions of what you have launched rockets of desire (what is referred to here as the Divine Design). Remember that you are the Divine One, as an extension of Source Energy. All the work that you do to make sure that you never forget what you really want is only delaying the experience from coming to you. As you open and allow the inevitable to happen, it will.
    If you’re thinking of a new car and wondering where it is, remember that owners of new cars do not wonder where it is because they are too busy enjoying them. It would never occur to you as the haver of something to wonder where it is. When you relax into the inevitability of its existence, you are moving into the vibrational state of having it so the physical experience must follow.

    Thank you Jeannette for helping bring this home even more than ever!
    P.S. My quote above: Shinn, Florence Scovel (2009-11-05). Florence Scovel Shinn: The Prosperity Collection (p. 44). Beacon Hill. Kindle Edition.

  • Thank you for the encouragement, Cat!! mwah!

  • Cat says:

    Oh, boy! Been waiting for this post since Secret #5! You always have such penetrating insight into how this whole Deliberate Creation gig works, and as much as I adore Abraham, hearing it from a human being rather than a Nonphysical Collective Entity really makes it seem doable. Secret #5 felt almost like my Higher Self was talking to me, it was so timely and gave me a real breakthrough. I can’t wait to see what comes of this one! (Appreciative and eager for more!)

  • No doubt, Chip! Making friends with ‘contrast’ would go a long way toward feeling better and upping the alignment.
    And Matt, you’re pointing out something that is increasing my distinction of this subject. I’m thinking, I want to have the experience of knowing something as a “big deal” because it feels so good to land those!! At the same time, I don’t want it to be “important” enough that my happiness is conditional on it.
    I guess I want the best of both those worlds.
    I’ll be thinking on that some more … thanks for the inspiration, you guys! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • As always, great post Jeannette! I was just thinking about this today after going through the process of closing(opening in my mind!) one of the bigger online marketing contracts for my company. I celebrated, I appreciated, I really enjoyed the journey….and then after it was kind of done I was thinking fondly on the experience but then I wanted to go deeper so I asked myself: Why aren’t I closing north of 50k deals every month?” The answer I received was very similar to your post, because I make it a ‘big deal’, ‘important’, etc. Heres to just letting it all FLOW! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for being such a great mirror to my thoughts!

  • Love that perspective, Inka! And I have to imagine, with an approach to life like that, you’re well positioned for effortless manifesting.
    And Shannon, that’s a big picture view sure to enhance the “chill” factor!
    Thanks for posting, you two! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Shannon says:

    Paul and I have come to accept that we have lived thousands of lifetimes and will live a thousand more. None of “this” (insert big anxiety causing subject here) matters. Even if we think we will “die” if we don’t get it. If you are going to “die” in the end anyway – you might as well have as much fun and experience as you can while you are in your physical body. Enjoy the contrast!

  • Inka says:

    I like to treat this whole life as a “big game” or something “dreamlike”, so nothing is really a big deal. Everything’s made of the same thing basically, energy, and they just appear different to our eyes. But that is just an illusion, and if one can see past that, everything is easy. Effortles..
    Loved this post, and the blog <3

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