Ever catch yourself shooting daggers at the happy couple holding hands? Or holding back tears after opening a baby shower announcement? Or wanting to unfriend a former colleague who announces her dream job on facebook?
While it isn’t pretty, it also isn’t unusual – feeling bad when someone else feels good.
Deliberate creators know feelings of envy and jealousy aren’t very vortexy.
Meaning, the worse we feel, the longer our own good news is in coming.
What to do when someone else’s happiness makes you feel worse?
Abraham says jealousy is an “activated awareness” of the difference between where you are and where you want to be, and that in order to let in what we want we must “eliminate the discomfort” of jealousy.
They also say jealousy is a good sign because it means you want something. It also means you’re not in alignment with that something, but it is first and foremost a sign of desire.
And desire is not a bad thing.
With that in mind, we can reframe feelings of jealousy (and get to a higher vibe) by remembering the truth:
1) Feeling jealous is a sign of desire. So what exactly is it that I want?
That simple reframe takes the attention off the negative “gap” and puts it back on the desire.
Her husband is a model of the ideal man: kind, generous, considerate, smart, funny AND hot? While I stand here dateless and divorced at yet another family event? My jealousy signals my desire: having a guy like that.
And with that simple acknowledgement my attention dials off of WANTING a guy like that (and being irritated that I don’t have him while someone else does) and ON a guy like that.
Can you feel the difference? I’m celebrating my desire, rather than dwelling on not having what I want.
When I drop the “lack” and the “wanting” (and the irritation that someone has what I want but don’t have) I’m dialed solely in on my desire: a guy like that. And that’s a sweet subject. 🙂
2) Jealousy arises from negative comparisons. If you’re going to compare, do it in a more positive way.
I’m jealous of the sexy blonde in the black dress getting all the attention? You know, there IS something to be said for having a conversation with someone who is genuinely interested in conversing, not just hopeful about catching a glimpse of cleavage. (For real.)
Better yet, stop the comparisons altogether. Per Abe:
We want you to care so much about your own balancing of energy, so much so that we want you to leave everyone out of the equation. If you’re trying to achieve what someone out there is achieving, if your comparing what you’ve accomplished with what anybody else has accomplished, its gonna drive you crazy… because there is always going to be someone who is focused in more of a succinct way on something that always managed to attract something or create something beyond what you have.
And that’s one of the reasons that we think it is really a good idea to get your nose out of everyone else’s business. And you put YOUR nose in YOUR business – and your only business is your alignment of energy.
3) Honor your feelings. If I know anything, it’s that resisting feelings of envy will contribute to more stuff to envy.
My advice? Own it, and get over it.
I’ve noticed when I let myself feel a negative emotion fully (ala Tom Stone’s work from 12 Core Dynamics) it doesn’t last all that long. It’s only when I resist it that I get stuck in it.
Deliberate creators sometimes do get panties in a twist about negative feelings, which the truth is it’s all a part of the evolution of desire. So jealousy isn’t such a bad thing; it’s just not something we want to get a PhD in.
4) Using jealousy as a signal of desire, that can help me see someone else’s having what I want as reinforcement that what I want is possible. People are doing/having/being it! It’s happening every day!
And if I’m seeing it, that means I’m not that far away from it vibrationally. As I revel in that, even through someone else’s experience of it, I’m getting that much closer to it vibrationally.
Which means it is soon to be mine, too. Happy day!
Remembering that everything is possible for me helps, too.
Much of this managing jealousy is simply finding a better feeling thought. Which just requires an awareness of what we’re thinking and feeling and a willingness to play with it.
I’ll end with this quote from Abraham, and invite you to share your tips and tricks about managing jealousy in the comments discussion:
Don’t you know people that have all the money in the world and are still dissatisfied? Don’t you know people that are living in what you think is your dream house who are dissatisfied with it? Don’t you find it amazing that people who OUGHT to be happy under the conditions that you think you are reaching for aren’t?
And doesn’t it sort of point out to you that you just can’t compare anything anyone else is living with what you are living? – Abraham-Hicks, Caribbean Cruise April 8th, 2006