Chewing Bones & Manifesting Dreams

manifesting someone else's dream?Six year old Sadie is the undisputed alpha of our dog pack. She’s usually a benevolent and generous leader, but on rare occasion she flies a different flag.

She revealed that other side when I unwrapped a new rawhide bone the other day – a rare treat at our house.

(I’d picked them up for our pit bull foster pup, but he got adopted before finishing them.)

The thing is, Sadie doesn’t like rawhide bones that much.

What she does like, though, is having what the other dogs want. She seems to take pleasure in lording it over them, prancing around with it to make sure everyone sees it.

I don’t speak dog fluently, but I bet her song goes something like, “It’s mine; I’m the boss; you want it but can’t have it.”

(If I’m projecting … oh boy!)

Anyway, when Sadie’s home alone, she has no interest in bones.Β  t’s only because her packmates want it that she’s all over it.

Joe’s even resorted to fake barking at the back door, sending out a false alarm in an attempt to trick her into distraction. Alas, even Russ coming home from work won’t tear her away from the bone she doesn’t really want to eat.

Watching Sadie pretend to enjoy the bone she doesn’t really want made me wonder if I do the same thing. Β Am I chewing on bones that aren’t mine?

Have I wanted something only because everyone else does? Or because having it reinforces my “status”?

I know I’ve fallen for this before, when it came to college degree, marriage, corporate career, expensive car, and probably even with ideal body intentions, too.

Clients consistently want help with career success, bigger bank accounts, better relationships, etc. But I suspect part of the reason some of us aren’t so good at manifesting that stuff is because it isn’t what we really want.

As spring unfolds, I started thinking about manifesting a beautiful yard this year – thick, full green lawn bordered by thriving flowers and bushes. But is that what I really want? Β Or is that someone else’s bone?

It made me wonder more … what if my people didn’t care about long term relationships or financial security or even service to others?

And what would I want if I were raised in a culture where war was revered … or that success was measured by how much pleasure one experienced, rather than how much we got done or how many lives we influenced?

If your dreams are slow in manifesting, it might be worth checking to make sure they’re really yours.

What would you want if you were strictly under the influence of your own heart?

Knowing the answer involves taking the time ask, as we’re chewing on our latest bones, “Is this really what I want?” Not because there aren’t enough bones to go around – there are. But because we each deserve to live our own best life. Not someone else’s idea of it.

  • April 13, 2011
  • Anne says:

    wow!what a quote… a wake up for me since I’ve recently been orphaned at 54!
    thanks for that ,Alora.

  • Alora says:

    Wow, right again with a timely post, Jeannette! Recently I asked myself – if I were to wake up on a parallel planet that had no family members on it – not even aunts or uncles or extended relatives, what would I really do?
    It was a huge wake-up call for me.
    I spent the last few years trying to stop the woo-woo in me (or at least translate it into the “normal” life) so I could be comfortable in the ‘regular’ world.
    But on that parallel planet I was totally channeling and doing spiritual things. It felt so good I just had a major shift and decided to live as-if.
    So now I’m totally re-launching myself as a woo-woo channel and I have never felt more happy, more centered, more at peace or more ME. Come to find out that “normal” life was my perceived everyone else’s bone!
    It was Abraham’s quote that did it. Something about how most people don’t really start living until their parents are dead. I thought of a parallel planet since that felt better to me than killing them in my head. πŸ˜‰

  • Lisa,
    I think that if we lived ONLY following our own unique desires then we would truly be living an “authentic life” as we were meant to.
    Living this way will create some perceived obstacles or challenges but it will only be temporary and the feelings of liberation and freedom by living life on your terms would be worth it.

  • Sensuality Coach Lisa says:

    I think you are spot on with that description! It’s a delicate balance – at least for me. Almost like doing a risk-benefit analysis (though certainly not that formally or deliberately!) to decide which (family or societal) expectations are worth tolerating for the sake of “harmony” and which are not.
    But that buzz you get from a unique desire – ALWAYS worth pursuing!
    I have always tended toward the non-conformist side, and I tolerate less and less that doesn’t light me up, but I wonder if any of us ever gets to the point of ONLY following our own unique desires? And if so, what would a life like that be like? Hmmm…

  • Nat,
    Our unique desire cause us to feel a certain buzz inside of us. Like a light bulb being turned all the way up.
    Society and family desires when we decide to go along with them tend to lessen our anxiety and may make us feel a wee better for the short term.
    Like getting a job or getting married, you may not want this but at least people and society are off of your back. At least until they find something else that you SHOULD be doing.

  • Justin, I completely agree with you.
    I just wonder if there is an easy way for someone to make the distinction between “what our desires [are] and what are desires that are influenced by society” and our family.
    Often times these desires are so intertwined.

  • Jeannette, ha ha, re: just missing go to med school, yes, it was a close one πŸ™‚
    Even though I knew I didn’t want med school, it still wasn’t clear to me what I wanted to do. I tried just about everything – medical research, HMO analyst, sales, holistic exercise teacher, etc.
    Like Nancy said, “Sometimes…you gotta try out things BEFORE you discover you don’t really want them.”
    Fortunately, I don’t see any of those experiences as a waste. In fact, I gathered skills that I now use in my coaching business.

  • Wise words, Justin! Here’s to discovering what truly lies in our own beautifully unique hearts!

  • That’s so true about wondering what are our desires and what are desires that are influenced by society.
    I believe that if we go with our own unique desires we are more likely to reach our goals without any inner-resistance. But on the other hand we may get resistance from the outside world.
    Follow our heart and joy will come.

  • Houkje, you sound like one smart cookie to me!
    I remember in my early days of coaching hearing a colleague share that she was happy with her little practice that didn’t get too much attention but made a decent living for her just the way it was. She had no ambitions to grow it. And I thought, “WHAT?!”
    I’ve thought of her many times over the years, and wish that I’d have considered more possibilities for myself in the early days so as to have traveled a more authentic path.
    Thanks for posting, Houkje. πŸ™‚

  • Houkje says:

    Great post and timely. I’ve been struggling with this one for the last few months. What I am ‘supposed to want’ (BIG Coaching practice, lot’s of business!!) versus ‘what would make me feel better’ right now (taking a step back and getting some sort of regular income and taking my time to build coaching into my life the way I want to).
    Thanks for the bone to chew on!!

  • Wow, Nat – I read that first paragraph of yours and thought, “Whew! That was a close one!” ha ha
    I think you nailed it with your comment about overwhelm and where it comes from. I hope everyone reads that!

  • This post reminds me of my own story. Years ago I was on the path of choosing to become a doctor as my career. I was pre-med in college. Did grad school in public health afterward. I took the MCATs a couple of times. Basically I did all that I thought I was supposed to do to get into med school During my last year in grad school, I had applied to several medical schools. However, during the process of sending in all the follow up application stuff, I realized that I didn’t really want to go. I suddenly realized that it was just all a dream – my parents dream. I knew that I enjoyed helping people but this way was not *the* way. The whole process of prepping myself for med school seemed like a chore. So needless to say, I was so grateful when the last rejection letter came in.
    By the way, in working with my coaching clients, I’ve noticed a pattern. Most who experience overwhelm with life and who are generally not excited about their life, are that way because they’ve been living someone else’s life and dreams. What’s missing in their lives is themselves. Not knowing this, they strive to create so much stuff to do, stuff to have, that they get overwhelmed with stuff that just doesn’t give life. So once they connect to who they are, to what they personally desire, their lives become much more fulfilling and in the flow. πŸ™‚

  • Pamela, I wonder if the older we get, the smarter/more authentic we get as well?
    I wonder because I’ve noticed that the older I get, the less concerned I am about things that used to trouble me to no end. (A mole on my right knee, a blond eyelash & eyebrow, etc.)
    I like the thought that the more experience we have in these lives, the closer we get to knowing our true heart’s desire.
    Thanks for posting, Pamela!

  • M says:

    P.S. the dog is back with his human girlfriend now, I have heard!! <3

  • Pamela says:

    Jeannette- Love this post. As Lisa says it is really thought provoking. I know when I was younger my looks and body were SO important to me. It was because I thought the better I looked the more desirable I would be to other people. I really don’t care what I look like at all. I think for many years I did take on a lot of what other people wanted, I think most of us do. I’m going to take a look at what I’m working on manifesting today and make sure that what’s on my list is really mine.

  • M, I think you got to the heart of it with that happiness one. At least, that rings a bell for me.
    And thanks for the inspiring story link – I love rescues like that! πŸ™‚

  • M. says:

    Thanks Jeannette for the beautiful blog entry and the question!
    What would I really want?
    I want to be free.
    I want to be able to love (and be loved back would make it even nicer)
    I want to be happy.
    Our pets are great teachers huh? I love them so much.
    Btw have you heard this nice story from Japan?
    Love <3

  • Lisa, that’s sort of what I suspected. I think we might be doing this (limiting ourselves) more than we even realize.
    Seriously, if I hadn’t been trained to desire long term financial security or romantic monogamy or good health and long life – what would I do if left to my own true devices?!
    Thanks for reading and for commenting, my friend. πŸ™‚

  • Sensuality Coach Lisa says:

    What a thought provoking blog post! As I neared the end of it I thought about something I heard Sophie say on one of the GVU calls today (Sarah’s I think)…it went something like – What would you choose to do if there were no limits whatsoever? If it could be absolutely anything at all.
    When I think long and hard about it, I realize that even my BIG dreams include some bones I think I’m “supposed” to like, or that I think I “have to have” in order to get the other stuff I want – LIMITS.
    If I dreamed without ANY limits, what would that dream be?? Is it attainable? Does it matter whether it’s attainable or not? Perhaps it’s just enough to dream it – ridiculous or not! Hmmm.
    I do wonder just how much of my slow manifesting on some fronts is due to conflicting desires – or lack of certainty about them. That sure would do it, wouldn’t it?!
    Thought provoking – and certainly worthy of taking the time to think it through.
    Thanks Jeannette for putting that question out there!!
    (WOOF!!) Lisa

  • Oh my gosh, Anna, what a great opportunity to explore your true desires!
    Jackson in Hollywood?! Now THAT sounds like a good time!! ha
    Of course, Jackson anywhere is a good time. πŸ™‚
    Thanks for posting, Anna!

  • Anna says:

    “strictly under my own heart”
    Aye, there’s the rub. (as my beloved Bard would say)
    I have a friend who had to go check out the latest sports scores & stories because that was what the people she was hanging out with would want to talk about. I asked her if she liked these particular sports. She didn’t. It didn’t matter what I said – that checking into stories she was actually interested in seemed more important – she felt she had to do it anyway. (yes, at the cost of other things that piqued her own interest)
    That was an influential moment for me – not long after, I moved across 3 provinces to an island where I knew no one, no one knew me, and for the first time in my life I found myself wondering “What do *I* want? What do *I* like?”
    It’s remains one of my favorite times in this life, because it still feels so magnificent to me – personal freedom as I’d never experienced before! I HIGHLY recommend it!
    Now and then, even with my autistically gifted boy, I still consider up and moving to someplace completely new to us… Hollywood would be his choice, but I haven’t quite allowed GUS to work out the details of getting us that spacious skyline view… But don’t worry – I’m forgetting about it!

  • Sometimes, yes, that could very well be the case. (Like with my coaching rates and chocolate chip mint ice cream, for example.)
    Not so for me with marriage or corporate career. If I’d have known how to better hear (and honor) my true self, I’m pretty sure I would have known I didn’t want to walk down that particular aisle or climb that ladder.
    But yes, sometimes I get that experiencing it delivers clarity about whether we want it.

  • Jeannette, I’ve already left a big ol’ long answer on GVU about this topic, but let me just add…
    Sometimes…you gotta try out things BEFORE you discover you don’t really want them.
    So, even if some folks come to the realization that they are gnawing an unwanted bone (LOL!), they may have had to have that experience FIRST in order to realize it was truly unwanted. After all, we often choose things that *look* like they might be fun, but it is experience that reveals whether they really are. πŸ˜‰
    So it was for you with corporate jobs and marriage.
    Many blessings,

  • I took the lazy route and pulled a photo off the net temporarily for this post, Ming. Figured I’ll replace it later. (Sadie IS a cutie, though!)
    Speaking of “can” vs. “want” … I recently dropped my coaching rates after I was pleasantly surprised at how affordable one of my new coaches is. It was such a nice experience for me, I thought it would be nice if my clients had one like it. I thought, just because my colleagues charge $350/hour, and just because clients will pay it, doesn’t mean I SHOULD charge it.
    Another example of me chewing on someone else’s bone, when it came to setting rates.

  • Ming says:

    Hey Jeannette, I was thinking about this post when you had mentioned it in the forums. Sadie- she’s so cute in that picture. Joe, so smart to even try to distract her! My pembroke corgi Lucy is 20lbs and she is the alpha, she will steal a treat from my yellow lab Sammy if she can. Sammy has called her a ‘BRAT’ before. I think Lucy does that because she ‘can’ like Sadie. So is there a difference between can and want?
    There is this joke between my husband and I. I was not looking to get married again. Just wanted someone to travel with really. SO I say he tricked me into getting married. But he came awfully fast after a break up I had with a guy who really hurt me. People tell me I manifested my husband quickly. We literally dated a few weeks, next thing you know he’s proposing. I mean it was that fast. So I’m wondering now that you said that, because I ‘didn’t care’ is that why it came so fast? Looking back, I’m happy now.
    I know my corgi Lucy is happy EVERY TIME she gets the extra treat. πŸ™‚
    Doesn’t LOA say look at “something” else if you aren’t getting what you want (since what you want has already out there)
    I kind of feel like I’m rambling (probably because my thoughts are trying to figure out exactly what you are asking) LOL

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