Manifesting Friendly Exes
My ex hubby called to share his success story in manifesting an amazing night with a beautiful young lady in Nashville last week. He’s new to law of attraction, and isn’t exactly in the habit of picking up girls – so this was out of his ordinary.
He created it by first recognizing the desire – “I want to have dinner with a beautiful girl.” Then he stated it out loud: “I am dining with a fun beautiful girl tonight.”
Then he “acted as if.” He saw the Godiva chocolate store in the hotel, went in for raspberry truffles for his as of yet nonexistent dinner date, which is when a beautiful young fun girl nudged him in the back of the knees to get his attention.
Hours later after a whirlwind of dining, dancing and (probably) some drinking, he was back in his own hotel room at 4 am. He was quite proud of himself, and I admit, I am too.
As we were laughing about his first deliberate creation success, he said “I knew if anyone would appreciate this story it was you.” Ha! I like being the kind of ex-wife who can delight in hearing her former husband romance another woman.
I asked if I could blog about it. He said, “Sure, but don’t call me your ex.” He hates that term.
But it’s practically a term of endearment for me. I think it’s a fortunate man who makes it to my ex list. He’ll get more love as an ex than most men do as a husband or boyfriend. (Slight exaggeration, perhaps.)
What’s even more cool is when I get hired to help others accomplish this same thing. They want to relinquish the traditional experience of divorce or breakup and instead create a fulfilling friendly relationship with a former spouse or partner. Certainly that’s using our power for good, right?! (Or maybe that’s still up for debate as per our last post!)
Some folks assume I’m friends with exes because I ended the relationships. They say, “It’s easy for YOU because you’re not the one getting left behind.”
Well that’s just not true.
In fact, the times when I was the dumpee (vs. dumper) were my best chances for ongoing friendships – since if it’s me initiating departure, their ego seems to have a harder time thinking nice thoughts about me. (The other impediments generally include new girlfriends/wives.)
But how I got to be such good friends with the only man I’ve ever said “I do” to was not what you might expect.
I credit it to the night he walked out of the house looking like a million bucks and smelling even better (on our date night, no less, which we’d implemented when the marriage road got bumpy) and he said, “I’m going to do what I have to do to be happy; you should do the same.”
Well, I knew exactly what that meant! There was no talking about it; his mind was made up. He was gone.
And I cried. And cried. All night long. And felt betrayed. And abandoned. And rejected. And scared. And angry. And a failure. And alone.
All of it. It was quite the solo pity party!
And the next morning, I was done with it. I was done being sad and feeling depressed. I had traveled that road to the end.
The next day I bounced off to work with a spring in my step. (For real – not faking!) All the bad feelings were done and gone. ?! Sounds bizarre, I know.
I was still getting divorced, obviously; I still had a husband who (apparently) didn’t want me, and who (apparently) wanted other women, but that wasn’t going to ruin my life or even one more day.
As I waited at the bus stop I heard someone approach from behind and I called out “Good morning!” in the most sincere singsong voice I’d heard from myself in a very long time.
That was the beginning of my friendly divorce and becoming even better friends with my ex. I attribute much of it to “feeling all the feelings” and letting them process right on through. Not getting stuck in them, just letting them come – and go.
(It maybe also helped that the person I called out a cheery “Good morning” to at the bus stop turned out to be super handsome. There is definitely life after love, huh, Cher? hee hee)
This is what I mean when I say this place is crawling with fabulous people. They’re right under our noses when we just look for them – whether they’re the ones we’re married to, divorced of, or waiting for the bus with. That doesn’t mean we have to make something work with a person we’ve grown apart from, but it also doesn’t mean we have to cut off the love in order to move on.
After all, we live in an “AND” Universe. We can have our cake AND eat it, too.
What does that look like in terms of relationships? Where have we limited ourselves as to what we believe is possible?
I see an opportunity right under my own roof right now, and will have fun bringing more AND into my current love life. The same way I’ve learned how to work less AND enjoy more money; to work out less AND be more fit; I intend to bring more ANDness to my relationship with Russ.
The food for thought here includes manifesting by acting as if (way to go, Kev!), “feeling the feelings” as part of the allowing process, finding ways to feel better (handsome men at bus stops!), dropping conventions about how it’s “supposed” to look (divorce=ugly), and being willing to let more of the good stuff in.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about relationships and their evolution, as well as your range of experiences in deliberate and maybe not-so-deliberate creation of them … ?