Not Giving a Rip What They Think
Lately I’ve been playing with not giving a rip what others think.
It’s a good skill for deliberate creation.
Because when we care more what others think than what our Inner Guidance thinks, the vibe gets kinky. And that kinky vibe slows the flow of good stuff from our vortex.
I’ve personally found the habit of caring too much what others think is more deeply ingrained than I realized. Like …
- The other day I was embarrassed when I referenced a scene from Bachelor Pad. (Yes, I had watched.)
- I wonder if my mailman feels unappreciated when I don’t pick up the mail every day. (Seriously?!)
- I wondered if the neighbors thought it weird that I spent 30 minutes petting their cat on their driveway. (It probably was.)
If I clocked it, I bet I worry or at least consider what someone else thinks as often as men think about sex. (Researchers say that’s a lot.)
So how does one stop giving a rip what others think? To be less concerned about living up to others’ expectations and instead answer our own call to the vortex?
I turned to three experts for help on this topic: Abraham, Michele Woodward, and Amy Pearson.
First up, when Michele Woodward addressed Masters of Creation Circle this week, she said that it’s a process to get to that place of caring less what others think, and it’s a process founded on self-love.
I couldn’t agree more, because when we fully appreciate who we are, and are confident and approving of ourselves, others opinions just don’t weigh as heavily as when we’re filled with doubt or self-loathing.
Michelle said that when she has the sense that someone disapproves of her, she looks for any truth in it. Example:
“Am I talking too much? Am I failing to create a reciprocity in this conversation?”
And if there is something which is true, I accept the knowledge of it as a gift. But if there’s something in the disapproval which is completely not true, I attribute it to her pain body, figuratively pat her on the head and move on.
While she has compassion for those who live in fear or conflict, she doesn’t carry it for them. “I have learned not to be a wet sponge, soaking up the emotions of others. Rather, I am dry-as-a-bone – and I let it all run off me.”
That’s a nice example of what it looks like. But I notice I can think myself in circles without anyone even saying a word to me. Like when an LOA celebrity joins Good Vibe U, I found myself wondering what they think of our LOA party. Does she like it? Will he stay? What do they think?
All that wondering can put a damper on my own good time – know what I mean?
Here’s what Amy Pearson, who offers excellent remedies to Approval Addicts, had to say:
The thing about approval seeking is that it completely disconnects you from yourself so you end up totally stuck. Most of the people I work with have no idea what they even want. They have spent so much time focused externally. How can you attract what you want when you don’t even know what it is?
In this post Amy shares five steps for overcoming approval addiction, beginning with mindfulness (notice it), compassion (don’t beat yourself up for it), and courage (it takes guts to be yourself).
Let’s check with Abe on embracing the habit of not trying to gain others’ approval:
When you really get there, somebody will disapprove of you and it will strike you as funny. It won’t bring you to your knees!
You won’t say, “Oh, oh, oh, what do I need to do differently?” You’ll just say, “Pffffffft! I’m sorry you have a problem with me, but it really isn’t something I can do anything about. This is between you and you.”
And they’ll say, “No it isn’t between me and me, it’s between YOU and me! And you need to be different.”
And you’ll say, “I can’t be different enough, so deal with it!”
Isn’t that liberating? “I can’t be what you need me to be so you can be happy. I’m giving this up! I’m releasing you to your own joy or bondage. And in the process, I’m releasing me. I’m standing on my head no longer to please anyone! I’m tuned in to who I am. And because I’m tuned in to who I am, I am in love with life! And you are SO cute when you are mad!” Alaska cruise, July 2008
That’s what I want more of. To not be trapped by caring what others think, but to care more about my own Inner Guidance opinion, and not feel guilty for it.
Here’s to being able to say to the next person who is upset that we don’t care what they think: “You are SO cute when you’re mad!”