What To Do with Obsessive Thoughts

I bet we’ve all been there …

When for one reason or another we had to deal with obsessive thinking. When something bad happened and we couldn’t stop mentally replaying it.

Maybe we were unjustly fired. Or a true love betrayed us. Or a family member said something that hit a sore spot.

And we keep turning it over in our heads, repeating what we wish we’d said or still want to say …  as if resolution will be found by rehashing it.

Sometimes it does help to sift through the mental mess to find a better-feeling perspective.

But sometimes we just keep looping obsessively through thoughts and visuals that torment us with every repetition.

Even when we try to stop, we can’t. It’s like we’re not in charge of what we think, and that makes it even more disturbing, because we don’t want to give this subject any more air time and yet we can’t stop.

I have to imagine that regular meditators have a leg up on this routine, since they are more practiced at managing thoughts than those of us who don’t meditate.

But there is something we can do when we can’t seem to stop obsessive thoughts …

and that’s to make them work for you.

This happened to me when a love relationship ended in a way I didn’t appreciate. I mean, I really didn’t appreciate.*

I’ll spare you the sordid details, but I found myself in a sh*tstorm of negative thoughts about this guy and how wrong he’d done me.

If someone offered me $100k to say something nice about him, I’d have said a bunch of swear words about what they could do with their stupid hundred grand. I had not a single whiff of anything remotely good, and what’s worse – I wasn’t making room for anything good because all I could do was repeat everything I was so upset about.

After several days of this routine (it might have been longer), I realized I needed to get an LOA grip. Because continuing this pattern was going to lead to more things that I wouldn’t like either.

So I did the only thing I could do … and that was to use every single complaint I had about this guy as a lead-in to what my next guy would be.
Because conscious creators know how this works. Whenever we experience the high contrast of what we don’t want, it automatically inspires new desires (or stronger desires) of what we do want.

So this blankety-blank-blank jerk was actually helping to create someone as fabulous as he was dastardly.

And that thought made me feel better.

To think that this jerkoff would be the reason my next guy was so amazing – that seemed like sweet justice. I could get on board with that.

So for every complaint I had about the former guy, I made a list item about the fabulous new guy.

And every time I started the routine of complaining about what I hated about the old guy, I used it as a chance to run through my list of the new guy.
You know what that meant, right?

It meant my next guy was getting a lot of air time in my head. And conscious creators know what that means! (Read that sentence again in my sing song voice! Things are about to get delicious!)

Pretty soon, I didn’t even have to finish my whole bitch session of the old guy to start enjoying thoughts of my new guy. As soon as I started to hear myself thinking, “I can’t believe that blankety blank jerk thought he could blankety blank …” I’d take a pause, shake it off, and switch the channel over to “what I love about the new guy.”

The new guy became a joy to contemplate! I made it easy to tune into him via a short list of one-word qualities that I quickly memorized. He was:

  • Capable
  • Kind
  • Competent
  • Generous
  • Loving
  • Smart
  • Sexy
  • Sensitive
  • Savvy
  • Fun

By the time I finished my list of what my next guy would be, I wasn’t minding the old one so much. Funny how that works, right? Once we know we’re going to be happy again, we kind of sort of drop old grudges and want everyone else to be happy, too.

Thoughts of the next guy helped draw my obsessive attention off of what I didn’t want and onto what I did want.

So every time my brain wanted to go back to the bad thing, it just became a cue to conjure up the good thing.

That’s how I made those obsessive thoughts work for me.

Care to guess what happened?

Once I dialed off of the tirade of bad vibes and consistently plugged into good ones, three things unfolded:

  1. the old guy was able to explain how badly I misunderstood things
  2. we saw clear to reclaim a genuine friendship (still friends to this day), and
  3. a new guy showed up that took my breath away in all the best ways.

New guy was an extremely welcome relief to what I’d been torturing myself with for those couple weeks, and his fabulousness delighted even me, who is used to fabulous surprises from Universe.

So the next time you feel battered by bad thoughts on repeat, remember this as a potential way to put them to good work.

Just think on whatever represents the opposite of those bad thoughts, and tune in there each time the old ones rear their ugly head. It won’t take long before you have good momentum going toward a preferred outcome.

If you’ve got a tip to share about managing obsessive thoughts, please share!

* understatement of the year

  • December 22, 2017
  • K says:

    Y’all are amazing. You need to do podcasts

  • Layan says:

    I love love love this article!!! I was wondering what could be a great way to focus on what I want while experiencing some automatic not-what-I-want thoughts. This is a great way to shift the focus, THANK YOU!

  • Drew says:

    Hi Jeannette:
    Once again, thank you for some great insights and advice. However, your article made me wonder about a related subject, specifically what should one do when trying to manifest abundance/wealth, but one’s current financial strains/burdens (meaning thoughts of lack) seem to dominate most of one’s day? Not that relationships aren’t important, but financial worries/obsessions seem harder for me to ignore.

    • Jeannette says:

      I’m glad you asked, Drew! The process can be the same no matter the subject of our “obsession” … where we use awareness of the unwanted as a trigger to refocus on the wanted.
      For me, if I kept thinking thoughts like, “Uh oh, this isn’t going to work. I’m going to have to get a job” – I would use that awareness to refocus on a better thought, like, “Wait a minute. That’s not what I’m creating. What I’m creating is: I’m a brilliant coach in high demand!”
      Or for money like when Mike Dooley when get a big bill, and gulp, wondering how in the world to pay that thing, he’d switch that thought to, “It’s a good thing I’m rich!”
      That might be too big a stretch for some, but the point is to find a better thought and use it to replace the ones that weren’t helping. Make sense?

  • Kim says:

    My, my, my. This is exactly how I was able to manifest my husband! The guy before him was a real, self absorbed, heartless person (in my humble opinion) and I was trying so hard to make things work between us…too hard! However, I was the only one trying. So one day, I was standing in front of him talking about the many things he was doing that were wrong, and how painful it was for me. He was sitting there as if he was bored with my usual demonstration of contempt. I took a deep breath, and I began to recite my list of desires out loud, but instead of saying I want you to do this or that, or I want you to be this way or that way, I said, “I want a man who loves and appreciates me. I want a man, and I began listing all of the things that were the opposite of what he was constantly doing in our relationship. In other words, i took all of those angry powerful feelings and used them to push my desire for a “man” who would be all of the things I was reciting at that moment.
    Those strong emotions fueled my ability to deeply think on the things that I considered requirements for a relationship with me. As I was about to walk away from that heated moment of ranting and raving(manifesting), I turned around and said to my ex, “and I want him to be younger than me!”.
    Less than a year later, I met my husband. The perfect man! We have been married going on 3 years now. Guess what? He is 8 years younger than I am.
    Before he came along, I thought having a true love was supposed to be very difficult and hard to have. Now, in restrospect, I see it was hard and difficult because I believed it was supposed to be. It wasn’t until I freed my mind of false beliefs and traditions that I was able to be open and receptive to what I truly wanted.
    Jeannette you are so on point with this post as it is exactly what worked for me!
    Happily married and loving it,

  • Jiya says:

    Thanks for this article!
    A very important matter in our household decides the future of one of siblings. I have already done what is suggested in my journal and this article is a wink from Universe that I am doing the right thing and it will work.
    Thanks Jeanette!

  • Lin says:

    OMG!!! Love this post, and thanks for sharing!!! It’s all about pivoting the energy behind those pesky thoughts!! 🙂

  • Jeri says:

    LOVe, LOVE this! Perfect timing… of course

  • rb says:

    love this!! i’m amazed at the timing of this post, haha. i just went through my first major breakup and i’ve been having a really hard time with those obsessive thoughts. this was exactly what i needed. thank you <3 (and merry christmas!)

  • JG says:

    I meant: ‘energy already manifesting AS emotion’
    And by the way: What a Christmas treat this article was! Thank you!

  • JG says:

    This reminds me of an idea I have been having for a long time: energy is neutral. Like electricity, it may be converted into different elements -heat, sound, motion- depending on the the transformational devise it is put
    In LOA’s case, you may have whatever emotion, no matter how unpleasant, and make good use of the energy behind it by sifting it through a better ‘psychic representation’ (thought).
    Since it is really thought that defines the quality of feelings, and energy that really turns things into stuff, we can ‘simply’ apply the energy already manifesting into emotion -feelings- to more desired thoughts and in so doing turn it into more pleasant feelings and better stuff… just as you so elocuently did!
    This is why, even the most unpleasant feeling or situation can be turned into a really nice result.
    Does it make sense?
    (By the way, Happy Holidays to you all!!!)

  • Carmen says:

    Thank you so much Jeannette! Perfect timing!

  • Ming says:

    Great post Jeannette.
    Isn’t it fun to play with thoughts. I mean yes, I have have had obsessive thoughts when I was first learning to co create. I would have the same thought OMG. I need money. OMG am I going to be okay. It almost seems funny to me now but oh not so funny at the time. I remember practicing to dial off those crazy thoughts. It worked. NOW yes, thank goodness for meditation so I can play with moving thoughts into the unknown like Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about. I love that we keep evolving and growing.
    My favorite saying from TUT, what we focus on grows. I think I literally say that phrase every day.
    So here’s to our obsessive thoughts creating magical things and if its a great love interest than so be it haha.

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