Q&A: Offer Support & Steer Clear?

supporting a loved one while staying vibrationally clearThis is the sort of question I suspect some of you have real life experience to share about.
A fellow creator asks:

How would you go about supporting someone who is seriously ill without bringing it into your vibration?
My mom is dealing with stage 4 cancer, and I recently had two cancer scares of my own.
I want to be there for her, and support her however I can, but how would you guys go about being supportive without allowing it to affect your vibe?

When you hear it like that, it feels like standing between a rock and a hard place.
But I know you guys will have good tips.
What do you say to someone who wants to support a loved one through a challenge while steering clear of that vibration?
Thanks in advance for sharing your insights!

  • February 1, 2015
  • Patrice says:

    I always do my best to keep myself in the “feel good” place for me and others. If someone I know is suffering I do what Neville says. He says to bring them to your mind and see them as you want them to be and hear what they would say. I also see them smiling bright and happy. I think no matter what their soul chooses, by keeping a very high and happy vibe for them we have definitely helped them more than we know.
    I personally feel the strongest place we can be for ourselves or anyone else is in a “feel good” place. Back in 2005-2006 I lost about 8 people in that span of time. I was fortunate enough to be with my grandmother while she transition. I sat holding her hand all day/all night hours and hours. The entire time I talked and laughed so hard. She could not talk but she squeezed my hand at various times. She and I had been more like best friends than grandmother/granddaughter. We would literally look at each other and start laughing hysterically for no reason. The next night, when I was finally able to sleep I dreamt I was with her in her driveway, there were blinding bright rainbows and I said to her, “mom-mom, what are you doing here you are dead” I walked her into the house and we were laughing and I asked if she heard what I was telling her and she said, “I heard all I needed” she kissed me and vanished. I know she was there, this was not just a dream and its not the first time it happened to me.
    I feel in my heart being there, laughing for hours and recounting over 40 years of memories helped her soul head to its new destination on wings of joy and bliss.
    It was the least I could do for the woman who brought me so much joy and love.

  • Flora says:

    My mother has bean chronically ill with a wasting disease for 38 years. She is in the end stages of her life.
    I will tell you that when I was younger I would get sucked into the drama of another hospital stay or let my hopes get high with the newest experimental drug.
    Then about ten years ago, I took a step back and made an agreement to be a witness for my mother.
    Instead of living the drama with her, I decided to tell her what I saw happening in her life.
    For instance when she was taken off of all food and placed on Total Protein Nutrition through a pic line, I said “Mom, I can see that you are going to miss the taste of food and enjoying going out to eat. You and I both know that this supplemental food is best for you right now. I see you rising up to this challenge with grace.”
    When she is truly suffering in pain – I witness “Mom, I see that you are in pain- I see it in your body, in your face and in your heart. What do you fee would bring you relief.” Many times she will say- the fact that you see me helps so much.
    I found that taking a point of observation helped my mother more to validate her true experience than what was being dramatized by family, doctors and friends. It helped to keep things grounded and real resulting in better decision making that in turn would result in a better outcome for my mother’s care. It has also helped my mother cope with the end that she is facing in the next few years.
    My best advise is to be real and be present with our loved ones when they are facing a health crisis. In instances where it is not going to get better – pretending that everything is going to be ok is total false hope to everyone, being present and witnessing does more for manifesting truth and honest wellness than anything else.

  • Gary Bodley says:

    Dear Fellow Creator,
    All disease stems from resistance to what is. Cancer stems from resentment. You do not have a genetic predisposition to any disease just because a family member has a particular disease, you are simply influenced by them to act (or react) to conditions in a similar manner. If your mother resented something in her life and her habit was to hold on to this resentment, you might have also picked up on this habit. If she consistently spoke to you about why things should have been different than they were, you might also believe that it is acceptable to resent the conditions that have already occurred.
    You do not need to follow the pattern of behavior of your mother or anyone else. You are a conscious creator and can realize that what is, is and what has happened, happened for a reason. It was caused by a response to the vibration you were emitting. It was a reflection of the predominance of your feelings and thoughts. Nothing wrong happened. Simply change your perspective on the subject and everything else will change as a result.
    You can create ease and well-being in any body by going with the flow of life. It is only in your resistance to what is, that you cause any dis-ease. Because you cannot change the conditions in the moment (since they have already occurred), you must see them as perfect. You might prefer the conditions to improve in the future, but the conditions that are here now cannot be changed and there is no benefit to believing they are wrong. See the conditions as right, and you’ll ease your feelings. Ease your feelings and you’ll allow dis-ease to fade away.
    Realize that there is nothing wrong happening to your mother. She is going through an experience that is right for her, at this time. Everything will unfold as it should. Your attention to it will only affect your vibration if you see it as wrong. Again, you will be resisting what is. Allow it to unfold as it will and think as many pleasant thoughts as you can. Support your mother, but do not agree with her resentment. Release any resentment you may be carrying and forgive those who have hurt you. Know that this is her experience and it is valuable to her. Your experience in this time is one of love and support. This is her cancer, not yours and it serves her well, even if you cannot see that.
    You are loved and supported more than you can imagine.

  • Cat says:

    I find that a very effective way to let go of things (and, in future, to not be scared of or resistant to them) is to re-vision them into friends. So often, the prevailing paradigm says something is bad, when it’s equally true that it can be good if you let it be. Ego? Wayne Dyer has said “murder it”; Neale Donald Walsch, on the other hand, points out that the ego is necessary for us to have the experience of being an individual entity (when we’re really all One) creating our individual reality — meaning, it’s a useful tool, if sometimes overused. So many LOAers are afraid of negative emotions, but Michelle Bersell has written an entire book about the specific messages each of the major “families” of negative emotions have for us — meaning, they may not be enjoyable, usually, but they’re actually GOOD.
    And that horribly scary “C” word? I recently watched a video series called “The Truth About Cancer,” in which a doctor quoted the founder of homeopathy in pointing out something very intriguing — and very true. “The body is no dummy. If it’s doing something, that something is probably a wise thing. Like a fever, the symptom itself is often a healing response. The human body can live at a high temperature, but certain bacteria can’t. The fever, therefore, is a tremendously beneficial symptom which can help you get healthy.” He then went on to say that cancer is no different — it’s a symptom which (difficult though it may be under the prevailing paradigm) can also be seen **as a healing response**.
    Perhaps try keeping something like that — or whatever re-visioning works better for you — in mind as you support your loved one. Anything that will help you decrease fear and resistance will be of tremendous value to the both of you.
    Also, remind yourself that it ISN’T you that’s sick! Sometimes the illusion of separation is a really useful one, too!
    Best wishes to all involved!

  • Frank, I absolutely love that thought that we can have whatever we want as long as we don’t “need” it …
    and your post also made me think about how differently we might experience this situation if we weren’t carrying traditional negative thoughts about death.
    I’m thinking how in that interview with Pam Grout at GVU last month Pam said she simply doesn’t see anything as a “problem” or see negativity in any way. Wow, if we could get THERE on a situation like THIS we’d be home free, right?
    Thanks, as usual, my friend, for sharing your wisdom with us. Love you!!

  • This very question, as so many excellent folks above have written about both directly and indirectly, gets to the heart of the quandary that so many of us come to recognize as we move from what we were taught to what we actually know:

    You can have anything you want as long as you are willing to not have it.

    We were taught to try to control the uncontrollable and it never works. It may for a while, but it never really does.
    So, for myself, I think about your writer’s mom and I try to imagine what feels better to offer her. Obviously, I’m not right there, but I can certainly imagine how easy this process could become, wherever it is going. I can see your writer and her mom having some amazing experiences along the way.
    But most of all, I imagine how perfectly this is all working out for everyone: the mom, the writer, the medical folks, all the other family members, and all the friends. What a graceful experience this can be for each person touched by the intention that your writer is setting. What a very delicious and magical series of unfolding moments are so very much obviously inevitable here from that intention and the amazing intentions of each person who has taken the time to read and/or respond to your post, Jeannette.
    Thank you!

  • Wow, good point, Caroline. We’re already aligned to it (to a certain extent) that it’s showing up in our experience. So it’s not like we hope we don’t activate it by hanging out with another who has it – we already have it activated to a certain degree. hmm.
    That would make total sense especially for someone who’s already rendezvoused with this particular gig.
    I like your invitation to see it as an opportunity to dispel our fears once and for all – that could definitely shift the perspective on it.
    And your computer analogy for this situation makes a lot of sense!
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I especially like the affirmation, “It’s simpler than you think.”

  • Caroline says:

    Tricky. I would say it’s simpler than you think. The fear of cancer (or insert serious illness here) seems to be running in the background all the time (like microsoft windows, always whirring and running unseen programs) and bringing it into the forefront isn’t necessarily activated, it’s just bringing it to your conscious mind to show you your vibration on the subject so that you can consciously deal with it. Staying away from the dis-eased just underlines your actually active fear of the dis-ease so consider this a gift, to show you where you stand on the subject (remember, when you pick up the health stick, there are two sides. which side do you most heavily vibrate on, health or lack of health?) and give you the opportunity to shift your vibe. It’s like when your computer has been running slow and suddenly a window pops up on windows and asks you if you want to shut down a program that you didn’t even know was running. It’s giving you the opportunity to shut it down. I understand it can be tricky to know how to shift gears while in motion but the fact that you are here asking means it’s easier than you think. Good luck, you’re closer than you think!

  • Jeannette says:

    You know what I like about those suggestions, Queen – it helps us plug into optimism or positive expectation when we give ourselves a reason to believe in a good outcome. Thanks for that!
    Erin, I think you’re onto something really powerful with that suggestion to see her as healed. In my experience, that’s been easier to do from a distance, rather than when I have a front row seat at doctors appointments and such.
    An experience like this, though, would sure help build some focusing muscle!
    Big thanks to you both for chiming in on this one with such helpful suggestions.

  • Erin says:

    I would see her healed. I would help her and support her 100% yet, REFUSE to see her sickness. She her essence, her Soul back behind it all. I would focus on the healed her and again, treat and support that person…knowing all the while you are just helping her raise her own vibration to the healed version that exists in her vortex as Abraham Hicks talks about. All versions of her health exist in her vortex and all versions of her health exist in yours as well. All vibrations of how you FEEL about her and her sickness also exist in your vortex. And the one that will manifest is the one that you focus on. By you NOT focusing on her sickness AT ALL, you will help her start vibrating at that healed version of herself too. I do this with my kids all the time. They start getting a cold or the flu and I basically love it out of them. I look at them and see them already past it. Yes, I wipe their nose, I even give them medicine if they need it…and take them to the doctor as well. But I refuse to start vibrating at their sickness because every time I do that….I make it last way longer than I want it to. The moment I start worrying about it and them…the more I feed that vibration of them and the longer it stays.
    So, I know this is easier said than done when you are in the face of it. But that is one of the reasons I believe we bring all of this in. Is to figure out how to love the old manifestations that don’t match our true self away. And this is the perfect chance for you to do that. To ignore the reality of it…no matter how hard it pulls on your sleeve and tell a new story. I would focus on all the good things about her recovery. All the wins. If I talked about it…I wouldn’t talk about the reality that normally cancer patients talk about (it is at this stage, going in for this procedure, etc.)…I would talk about the light in her eyes and the laughter you two shared while caring for her…..and anything you can find to raise that vibration.
    You doing your best (ps…you don’t have to be perfect at this either…just giving it your best shot will raise it) will help her raise her vibration as well to a different frequency. Everything that has manifested thus far is from PAST thoughts and beliefs. And that is okay. But now we are moving to bringing that healthy version of her health that lies in her vortex….into reality. And the only way to do that is to focus on it. To refuse to see her as the sick person. To care and nurture her as if she is already healed but just dealing with a temporary vibration and you two can love it into another place and time.
    Much love to you.

  • Queen says:

    Have you thought of going for alternative medicine? It could be used in conjunction with the regular therapy. Personally I would recommend working with a Body Code practitioner of your choice. The Body Code is a system created by Dr Bradley Nelson who is a chiropractor. Using muscle testing, it pinpoints the exact imbalances in the body and are released. I myself am working with a Body Code practitioner for my own issues. And it’s been helping me. I have realized the importance of keeping a positive frame of mind while getting any therapy done. It really does help. Praying for your mother and you. Please have hope. Miracles are real and are happening. Take care!

  • Good reminder, Janette, to set the intention about how you want to feel in advance! That would do wonders for one’s alignment.
    I also loved this: “I’m only seeing a tiny portion of their true power, and that their path is not my business.” That’s so important that we practice seeing “all is well” rather than adding energy to any perceived “problems.” Which will call on our focusing powers, won’t it?!
    And basing the whole experience in love (so fear can’t get a hold) sounds helpful as well. So glad you contributed to this Q&A thread. Thank you, my friend!

  • Janette says:

    “How would you go about supporting someone who is seriously ill without bringing it into your vibration?”
    I’d begin by setting that intention – to support my loved one with compassion, and keep a high vibe while doing it.
    And then I’d take a big step back and remember that we are all eternal beings, and all outcomes are perfect. Whether it’s a return to full health, or a return to non-physical, the outcome is perfect.
    I’d practice ways of seeing my loved one, and all the other people supporting her, as whole and healed, while letting go of any specifics about what that looks like. And I’d remind myself that they are all eternal beings, that I’m only seeing a tiny portion of their true power, and that their path is not my business.
    Being in a hospital room or at a treatment centre can mean spending time with people who are anxious, fearful and stressed. Set the intention for your vibe to be clear and positive, and where possible, get picky about who you talk to and/or the topics of conversation.
    I know from experience this isn’t always easy. I also know that you can always reset your own vibration to a high level by taking three long, slow deep breaths and reconnecting with your intention to vibe high and flow compassion and support.
    Perhaps the simple way to say this is – use love as your anchor and fear cannot get a grip.

  • I agree, Cassie. Always smart to amp up the self-care, no matter what.
    Gina, I think you’re pointing out something important, which is to get firmly grounded in our own good vibe before we attempt to support someone else with their challenge.
    Abraham has said that you can’t help anyone else when you’re out of the vortex, right?
    I also think it’s worth remembering that it doesn’t have to take a lot of time to get to that good place. (Because I was thinking, well our loved one needs support right now – we don’t have a couple days to plug in to the vortex. But them I remembered it doesn’t have to take a couple days to get there.)
    Maybe it’s worth writing an activation script on this subject … I know I’d appreciate one if I were in this person’s shoes.
    Thanks for chiming in you two! Much appreciated!

  • Gina says:

    I think it comes from certainty of who and where you are in regard to your vibration. If you are firmly rooted in your good vibes, there is no reason at all not to be supportive of another who is facing a challenge. You may also give them the gift of example – they may raise their own vibration just by proximity to your higher one. Hesitation to be present to another because it might lower vibration tells me you are insecure about it it and so its probably not as high as you think it is.

  • Cassie says:

    My first thought is no matter what dive into extra self-care. It’s important whenever you’re supporting someone to else to be conscious that it’s going to be helpful to invest extra time in taking really good are of yourself.

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