December 5, 2010

Q&A: Do You Have to Believe It?

QAToday’s question for the Good Vibe Community comes from a fellow creator who is wondering if we have to believe in something before it happens. Here’s the question in her words:

Can you manifest something that you don’t believe can happen? Everytime I try to imagine having a safe and secure relationship with a man who loves me, tears well up in my eyes and I become angry.
I do not believe any man could ever love me and treat me with care. I have been trying and trying, and I can NOT IMAGINE what it could be like. I can’t get to that joyful feeling of having it.
I manifest so many wonderful things, why can’t I imagine manifesting love from a man …on any level?

Actually, that’s two questions, isn’t it?Β  And I suspect you’ll all have excellent input on both.
Shall we help our friend out?

  • I work as a volunteer counsellor and my client was talking about a farm she would have in the future. I took her through the mechanics of manifestation but she couldnt shift from future to present tense.
    I did mange to coonvince her, however, to affirm that she already had something small (a certain toy for her dog)and for her to remember the chat when that toy came into her possession.
    Maybe, sometimes people need to start small…..

  • Mia says:

    I’d say work on the anger and the tears that come up – eg with EFT. Allow them to be there – they seem to indicate a block that’s there, so they’re valuable as indicators of your vibrational relationship towards this topic. Explore what the anger & sadness is about, if you feel so inclined.
    If a loving and secure relationship isn’t conceivable for you right now, think of what kind of relationship would be at this point in your life – neutral? indifferent? No strings attached? These could all be stepping stones in your journey towards the kind of relationship that you really want in your heart of hearts.
    Good luck & be kind to yourself.

  • There is no reason to confuse with the doubts she has on Love in the present Digital world. Though the word Digital has nothing to do with relations, I mean to say that, the power to analyze things have increased a lot. If you still experience such doubts, it is your insecure feelings towards relationships(friends,well wishers). The world you have lived or you have experienced with is what you are now. So first realize that your doubts/fears over your relations are just because of the way you have experienced in relations or with the information you have come across. Next, follow this quote from Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world”. When you follow this, it will inspires you to many positive outcomes from you!

  • Brian says:

    I love this question because I really felt like someone was in pain and calling out and that we all would come up with something. But when I at first thought about it I realized that I was making it sooo complex incorporating so many avenues of LOA thought. So I decided that it was my ego trying to come up with an answer and said the hell with it.
    So I thought I had quit on the subject but as I was showering before bedtime and drifting off into sounding like Tom Waits doing Neal Youngs “After the Goldrush” I started getting redressed so that I could finish the concert in my totally empty -good acoustics living room. Well rushing in came the vortex and this is what the universe came up to me in a sudden flash.
    You can only decide to start the process of attaing what you wish for. Let yourself be led from there by unseen forces. Explore everyones input but don’t expect to figure it out. All are speaking through thier own experiences, filters and souls. What you vibrate to can’t really be taken into their account as specifically as you might need or resonate to. What you can do is resonate your imaginary best.
    As for me, for I can’t speak for you-I’d imagine being in a cozy living room with my beloved. It’s early AM and we are sipping tea. It’s the weekend and nothing is planned but being together. Our body language is quite relaxed and open. If we had just met we’d be guarded about the sexual conotations about our open body language. But we are best friends and lovers and at ease and are just that way. Lions at play, relaxing in the sun. I’d smell the tea we were sipping, feel the clothes we were wearing, look at the sun through the window and smell the garden outside. I’d gaze at my lover, wake up and feel how that made me feel. Then I’d smile knowing that I communicated to the universe what it had better get ready manifesting as I also asked for guidance and to believe what I had done was all that was needed to make it true. I’d do this daily while learning the craft of LOA.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Suzie Cheel, Ryan Biddulph. Ryan Biddulph said: A new blog post from @GoodVibeCoach Do You Have to Believe It? […]

  • JG. says:

    I figure that if she can NOT IMAGINE, then what she can imagine is “NOT”. Which makes me wonder, What is she imagining, at an unconscious level?
    I guess it is important to figure this, in order to let it go, not by suppressing, but by understanding her attachement to whatever idea is lurking there…

  • So many fabulous comments and wonderful advice here for you. I can’t add anything only emphasize this point again – Be the love you want to receive. Love yourself, love everyone you know and meet, be loving and kind and give, give, give. When we are resonating to the vibration of what we’re looking for – it will find us.

  • Well this might seem contradictory to what I just wrote in response to Marielle, but what you’re saying Sophie is what I’ve heard Abe recommend before.
    They say that sometimes the best way for us to feel better is to start where it’s EASIER to feel the love. That sometimes loving ourselves is so challenging that we’re better off just finding an easy lovable object of attention and working our way up from there.
    Obviously you’ve found that works, huh?

  • Sophie says:

    Here is my take on it. When I decided (yes, decided) to find my partner, I did not do much self-love work. BUT I looooooved ALL the men in my life, including: Dad, ex boyfriends, boss, neighbor, friends, actors, and any man I saw or met. Then, after I did meet my partner (and married him), something happened that threatened our relationship. And the ONLY way I could keep what I wanted to have was to love myself so much that whatever he did would not mean anything about me. I did it. And it worked.
    So I say you can have whatever you want, and whether you believe you need to change something first is up to you. But as you feel sad for the lack of romantic love, I would ask if it truly is not sadness for the lack of self-love?
    Much love,

  • Marielle, you said it in a way that made it really click for me …
    … what we want isn’t a relationship with a loving man.
    What we REALLY want is to love ourselves, to feel the alignment of knowing and appreciating who we really are.
    And sometimes that seems easier to put the responsibility of that on someone else.
    But it’s an inside job. That’s not one we can delegate, is it?

  • Wonderful to hear from someone who’s been on both sides of it, Ande.
    That carries a lot of credibility, because it’s one thing to say it, it’s another to have lived it and done it. Thanks for bringing the real life success story to this topic.

  • MariΓ«lle says:

    Beautiful reactions everybody! It’s all so true!
    Give to yourself what you’ve been looking for and he’ll see your light shining from far away and will be attracted to you like a moth to a flame. I’ve been there, done that and it works like magic.
    And you know what? The relationship you attract in this way will be a lot easier and way more fun that it would have been otherwise.
    Falling in love with YOU is where the real juice is… πŸ™‚

  • I speak from experience both positive and negative that you must believe in order to manifest. Where there’s doubt, there’s misalignment. This has been my experience with money, for sure.
    About imagining a man love you, that happens when you can’t find the feeling place of being loved, period. I agree with everyone who says it starts with self.
    I was in a similar place 10 years ago, and I made it my #1 priority to feel the love and respect and everything I wanted to receive from a man. Within four months, he showed up on my doorstep. We’ve been together for nine years. It starts within, but then it blasts outward exponentially and creates incredible things!

  • Catherine, I’m liking this visual of your “good blazes” going!
    There is power in engaging ritual here – good tip. Thanks for contributing to this collected wisdom!

  • Good one, Terry: a list of every compliment you can remember.
    That’s a great place to start for someone who is really disconnected from self-appreciation.
    I also like your going to sleep suggestion!
    Thank you for posting here. πŸ™‚

  • LOALoveCoach says:

    Hi Jeannette and All,
    Great answers and suggestions from everyone. I know from personal experience that deep insecurity and low self esteem attract the worst in a man. Been there and glad I have done that!
    Now, my goal is to attract Larry’s highest and best. The only way to do that is to shine my highest and best as often as possible. It hasn’t always been easy as I had a long difficult relationship history before I met him.
    One thing that has helped me get over some heartbreaks is to create a ceremony to celebrate and or forgive offending parties in a tangible way. I like to take popsicle sticks and write names, events or whatever will fit on a popsicle stick. I write until my hand is tired. Then, in a safe space, burn them. A little 92% rubbing alcohol is helpful to make a good blaze.
    You may want to do this a few times. It may seem that you are afraid of love or afraid of being hurt but the truth is you are afraid of the thoughts that go with it. You can create some really wonderful thoughts for yourself once you have burned through a few energetic blocks.
    My husband is a pretty left brained guy but I do my fire ceremonies with him some times. Hey…whatever it takes, right?
    Love and Best to You!

  • Terry says:

    There are so many great ideas here!
    You say, “I do not believe any man could ever love me and treat me with care.”
    Some of the others have rightly suggested that you start by loving yourself (nobody can love you until you love yourself!). To facilitate this, write a list of every compliment you’ve ever received. Write a list of all the things you’re good at and all the lovely things you’ve done for other people (don’t be ashamed; nobody’s going to see this). See for yourself in black-and-white what good you do on this planet and what you can offer some lucky man.
    Read this list whenever you doubt that you’re lovable. You are.
    Furthermore, when you go to sleep at night, ‘feel’ a man’s arms around you. Drop off knowing you’re safe in his arms and that he loves you so. (It’s preferable not to ‘feel’ a specific man; just allow yourself to be open to the feeling of a man’s arms around you.) You can bring this feeling to mind often during the day, too: ‘Feel’ that man slipping up behind you as you’re at the sink, or at your desk, whatever, and sliding his arms around you (or perhaps settling them on your shoulders).
    This method is effective and easy. Try it and good luck! πŸ˜‰

  • “Rocking her own juju” – great manifesting tip, Zoe!! lol
    I LOVE it! “Mojo is magnetic” … are you writing this stuff down? Besides here, I mean? It’s fabulous!!
    All right, I know the answer to that question. Zoe DOES write it down, and does that very well, at
    Thank you, Zoe. πŸ™‚

  • Zoe Routh says:

    I think I would sum this up to anyone who wants to attract a partner – be what you want to attract. Be loving and kind if you want loving and kind.
    I have a client in this exact same position: she wrote her list of qualities she wants in a man. I asked her to go back through that list and see what qualities SHE had herself and focus on developing THOSE, rather than focus on finding them in a man.
    Be loving and kind to yourself – as a rehearsal and message for what you want in a man. He’ll feel the magnetic energy of someone who loves herself, honours herself and is rocking her own juju – and will want in on that party. Who wouldn’t? Mojo is magnetic – so invest in some self-love mojo juju.
    I am lovin’ the sound of that myself… self-love mojo juju…

  • Yeah, Debra, it’s clear from your response that a person could find their alignment simply hanging out with YOU.
    You are emanating it, my friend. Highly contagious. Thanks for bringing your good vibe here!

  • Debra says:

    I read this post in my email feed and had to come over to share what sings from my heart the most when I read the question. …and then I read all the lovely responses and observed that it’s all here…which is so perfectly perfect.
    Self Love is IT. Everything Kim said. AbSOULutely right on. And the other comments, fabulous icing.
    I am a partner in the most brilliantly blessed, amazing relationship I could have ever imagined. This February, my hubby and I have been married for 24 remarkable years.
    There are all sorts of wonderful reasons why our marriage relationship works.
    And at the heart of it…is our continued commitment to loving ourselves first…caring so much for our own vortex, our own Joy of Brilliance, our own alignment… and then seeing the brilliance of the other shining before us.
    When we rock our relationship with self, we are less needy, less attached and so much more available to LOVE. And be loved.
    One of my favorite stories from Abraham lately is about Love. It goes something like this, love because you’re a lover. Not because someone is lovable.
    The very meaning of unconditional love means that you love…simply to love…not based on outside circumstances or influences…just because, we love.
    We are born lovers and the greatest gift we can give ourselves is Self Love. I believe this is the Gateway to every thing we desire in life. Rocking our Self Love means we’re rocking our Joy of Brilliance. It means we’re lined up with the Divine Lovely that we are. And from this place…absolutely every thing is possible!
    Give yourself a Self Love HUG, for real. Do it again. And again. Get to know the YOU inside of you. Fall in LOVE… And LOVE for the sake of loving. And watch LOVE show up in all sorts of magical ways.
    Dear Friend, know that you are not alone. In my practice of guiding others this topic of Self Love is the most frequented visit along the path to our greater awareness. (That goes for my own path, too) We’re with you. πŸ™‚
    Be LOVE. You are worthy. You are deserving. Love YOU.
    XO Debra :o)

  • VF, you nailed it with this:
    “we are constantly manifesting tons of things we don’t have to believe in first…but those things often aren’t what really means the MOST to us.”
    and I second that request about a better online resource for ho’oponopono. !!
    Even without knowing the ins and outs of it, though, those four sentences can change everything.
    Thank you, VF!

  • I really really love what everyone else has already said here in regards to putting the focus on yourself right now. I think we are constantly manifesting tons of things we don’t have to believe in first…but those things often aren’t what really means the MOST to us. This is something that obviously means a lot to you and if imagining yourself in a fantastic and loving relationship with another is making you feel tearful and angry I would give that a rest for just a wee bit. No sense upsetting yourself. Start out by imagining treating YOURSELF better. Relax and don’t get frustrated. If you do get frustrated, just breathe it off and figure out what you CAN imagine that will make you feel GOOD. It may sound silly but just look in the mirror every day and say:
    “I love you.”
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Please forgive me.”
    “And, thank you.”
    Which you can read about here:
    (If anyone has a great info source for Ho’oponopono other than this I would love it!)
    For now, forget about this other person who most certainly is awaiting you. Love yourself the way you are excited to love another. And be patient.

  • Ah, Leslie, I like your list already! And I love your suggestion to be neutral about it. Attention OFF the “want.”
    It’s amazing how well that works. !!

  • Leslie Richter says:

    What usually feels the most comfortable is to take your attention off the I really want stuff.
    Wear red if you feel tired or depressed.
    Focus on some random kindness to others for the day.
    Remind yourself ” I know how to do this”…hey and then let go..
    no more thoughts on it other than I know how to do this.
    The power of being neutral!!! yeah – I want this but I am sooo
    okay if this doesn’t turn out.
    The famous wish list – have you physically done it? That’s where you get the fun good feelings, focusing on all the delicious things you like about guys. No going past that – just start listing.
    Kindess that makes your toes curl,
    brown eyes
    oh wait that’s my list.. but you could so use any of those.
    Focus on the delicious honey bun, cos boys are!

  • Ryan Biddulph says:

    Hi Jeannette,
    Those strong feelings form the resistance that prevents the manifestation of the relationship.
    It’s fascinating when you think about it. We are really instant manifestors, plus blockages. When we think it we in essence have it but outside of a few select instant manifestors down through time we each have plenty of “stuff” that wells up preventing the manifestation.
    Feel great about you, for manifestation occurs through you and you must be light to become a manifestor of what you want. Do whatever you have to do to feel great about you and when those feelings of anxiety come up, use my FER method: Face, Embrace and Release the emotions. Forgive yourself. Form the habit of laughing out loud each hour you’re alive. I mean *REALLY LOL* πŸ˜‰ It’s like magic πŸ™‚
    Eventually you will be smiling during your visualization sessions instead of being angry and upset. Just remember to keep facing, embracing and releasing the negative emotions when they arise for you can’t get over something that is still in you.
    Thanks for sharing Jeannette. Have a powerful day!

  • ChipEFT says:

    Here is the cool thing…
    Just like when you don’t like something in someone else it is a mirror for what you don’t like about yourself…
    If you see two people in love, that vibration is in you.
    If you see Harry and Sally type love in a movie, that vibration is in you.
    Anything and everything you perceive is you. Appreciate those qualities in others and you amplify the vibration in you.

  • Ryan, I like your reminder to be Light about it. Well said!
    Thanks for adding to the wisdom here …

  • Nice one, Nicole! I hope we’ll be one of the ones who get to hear about it!

  • Nicole says:

    What Kim said… since today is the New Moon, I’ve been telling myself “something great is coming my way… and I can’t wait for another 3 or so weeks to be able to tell everyone about it!!” I am totally expecting fantastic outcomes, even though I don’t know what they are yet. Like getting a present. I know it’s coming, but no clue what’s in it. Now, I just have to see what unfolds πŸ™‚

  • “There is a reason. It is true.”
    30 days of self-love under a new moon! Kim, you’re so inspiring!
    Thank you for weighing on this one. You are amazing!!

  • Kim Falconer says:

    There is a saying, ‘I’ll see it when I believe it.’
    I agree that your steps to getting what you want (a loving relationship) begin with having a loving relationship with yourself. I know at first that seems like a cliche–love yourself and all else will follow. It certainly has been said a lot. There is a reason.
    It is true.
    If your hardcore belief is no man can love and care for me then it’s going to be pretty hard work for the universe to deliver the opposite (a man loves and cares for me). As long as there is a ‘charge’ on the man, the love, the relationship, you’ll be a magnet for charged experiences–man comes into life. Man doesn’t love. Man leaves life. Yck. That’s not the sweet spot so, as Jarrad says, don’t worry about the ‘man.’ Take a holiday from the whole concept of inter-human-relationships.
    Take yourself off this manifesting hook because it’s weighed down with too much merde.
    Instead, HAVE the relationship of a lifetime right here, right now. Today! Start this instant and be your own best friend, lover, partner. FEEL what it is you want from something ‘out there’, AKA illusion, and give it to yourself. That’s real. That’s the step to take. Just do it. Now!
    Spend the next 30 days lavishing yourself with positive reinforcement, upbeat self talk, compliments, comfort, treats of every kind and ALL the things that put a smile on you face. Every moment you do something for yourself, say thank you! FORM a conscious relationship with yourself,now. Get in the habit of giving to you and letting go of anything in your life that isn’t on board with your smile.
    30 days.
    Pivot away from thoughts about you and another.
    Pivot away from beliefs of any kind to do with relationship.
    Stop thinking about this and just LIVE the love of your life.
    Start today!
    It’s the New Moon and the energy will carry you on a wave of angelic support like you’ve never in your life experienced.
    Make this commitment to yourself and your life will change, right before your eyes!
    Big love!
    Kim πŸ™‚

  • Karanime says:

    Forgive yourself, first. If you can let go of the frustration of not being able to imagine it, you’re one step closer.
    Then, just enjoy not having a man. If you’d like, you can still ask for one… then go out there and have the time of your life being single!
    So, yes, you can manifest something you don’t believe can happen. It’s as simple as not focusing on the fact that you don’t believe it. Just wish for it, go have fun, and see what happens. πŸ˜›

  • Indeed, Jarrad, self love must present before we can be a match to receiving love from another.
    Thanks for the spotlight on that crucial element!

  • Jarrad says:

    before anyone can love you, you must love yourself “I do not believe any man could ever love me and treat me with care” this is not doing so… dont worry about the man you dont have, think of all the freinds you do.
    Make the most outta NOW !!
    Enjoy πŸ™‚

  • “Get out there and party!” hee hee
    Well that’s exactly how it works, isn’t it, MissyB?!
    Thanks for summing it up so succinctly! lol

  • MissyB says:

    Shove your wish out there, take your focus right off it (by that I mean don’t chase it in your mind with visualising and stuff) and get out there and party ! Doesn’t matter then whether you believe or not because you are having fun…and that’s all that matters.

  • That’s the mark of a smart creator …
    … loved your response, Karanime!
    Thank you for it. πŸ™‚

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