August 1, 2009

Q&A: How to Allow (Step 3 It) Without Giving Up?

Ready for more Q&A fun?  Here’s one on the subject of allowing I think we all can relate to:
Following is an excerpted question from a note that came back after I offered coaching on getting out of “asking” energy and into “allowing” energy (re moving from step 1 and into step 3), without giving up the desire:
Q: “I DO feel good even though it is not here yet.  However, I cannot escape the “when the hell is it going to show up??”  I almost feel like saying- forget it universe, I don’t want it!  I have said- Ok, Universe, I am letting it go, you make it happen.   But, since I have ‘let go’ I want it to manifest now.  I don’t get why it wasn’t manifested!”
She continues:
“Honestly maybe I don’t know how step 3 feels.  I’m beginning to feel like this is a hopeless cause! I feel like it will never happen. I have not felt like this before. It could be because I was seriously expecting to manifest this goal immediately after speaking with you.”
We know what Abraham says about desire and allowing:
(excerpt from the January 2008 Mexcio cruise workshop):

“You cannot continue to tell the story of where you are and move in the direction of [what you want].  Your work is about letting what you’ve asked for, be.”

Abe continues with an explanation of the difference between pure desire and yearning:

Pure desire is: I want it, I got it, it’s coming, I know it.    Pure desire has no doubt woven in it.  I’m a worthy being, life has helped me know that I want that, and I’m looking forward to watching the natural unfolding of it, because I’ve asked for it and it’s done.
Yearning is: I haven’t had it, but I’ve really wanted it, and I’ve done the work and I’ve wanted it well.  And see my book, I’ve written it down 1,000 times.  I really want it.  And it hasn’t come yet, but I know it will, I know it will, I know it will, I know it’s coming, I know it’s coming, hasn’t come yet, I know it’s coming, I know it’s coming, I went to that workshop, I know it’s coming, I know it’s coming, he’s got it – damn!  I know I can do this, I’m really good at this, I know I can do this, I’m getting kind of sick and tired of it, I know I can do this, I know I can do this, I’ve wanted this my whole damn life, and it’s about time that it starts coming to me because it’s not fair …”

(I laugh every time I listen to that one!  It’s a classic!)
Abe says you want to feel fresh and light and free and frisky about your desire.  That “when you want something purely, it feels good.  And when you talk about it you get that rush.  And when you want something that you don’t believe, that you doubt, then it feels like work.”
I know many of us accidentally get into the allowing space by giving up – that’s what’s sometimes required to eliminate the negative “charge” we have on it after frustration has built to this point.  But there’s a better way …
So the question becomes when you’ve been wanting this thing long enough to be frustrated that it hasn’t materialized, how do you get yourself in a space of allowing at that point?
Can’t wait to hear your words of wisdom and insights from personal experiences, everyone!

  • That was fun, Gopali! Thanks for the smile! 🙂

  • gopali ghosh says:

    Hi Jeanette
    The above post just “came” so wanted to share it but was so excited forgot to put in details.SElf help goddess thanks for your post; helped me to refocus and realign when tears were close….. I believe with all my heart and with joy….

  • Anonymous says:

    to use the LOA Law of Attraction
    we need to LOA – Like our actions
    so we can LOA – Love our Awards
    That the Universe delights us with…
    I’m lovin’ it…..
    Gopali Ghosh

  • Kristy M says:
    This is one of my favorite videos about ‘letting go’, it when Oprah got the part in “The Color Purple”, amazing story… she wanted it soooo bad and actually got to audition.. and nothing happened. Finally she ‘let go’ and surrended it to God.. and freakin got the part.
    Of course, for an actress, that hit home… but you can apply it to anything.. worth checking out

  • PurePotential says:

    another way to change the rain

  • Thanks are right back atcha, Carol, for you and everyone else making it worthwhile to host this gig … without you all I would … wow, what WOULD I do without you? lol
    That question isn’t even fun to consider, so I won’t.
    Much love, everyone. 🙂

  • Carol L says:

    Here are a couple of other vibe boosting songs (besides Sweet Surrender mentioned above) . . .
    Let go and life is good!
    Thank you to all of you for the wisdom and compassion you offer on this blog . . . and to you, Jeannette, for hosting this wonderful community! All of you are amazing!!!

  • I’ll echo the same words I shared for Bonni, Robert … thanks for keeping it real!
    I think all of us have the experience that some times are easier than others to practice what we know works.
    Thanks for reminding us that it’s an evolving process. 🙂

  • Robert says:

    I think I understand this concept, but living it..? Well, I’m still learnig.
    Last night I got into bed and I really wanted to fall asleep. So I tried as hard as I could to relax and fall asleep. I tried laying in different positions, taking deep breaths, thinking pleasant thoughts. For 2 hours I layed there trying to fall asleep! Then finally I quit trying and surrendered to a good nights sleep. It’s like I was trying to force myself to let go! Letting go isn’t always as easy as it sounds. 🙂

  • Berta, can I just say … you feel good from way over here!! he he
    I can only IMAGINE how fab you’d feel in the same room. 🙂
    Thanks for posting – you kept it simple yet very effective and helpful.

  • Berta Bauer, Lighthouse Coaching and Retreats says:

    This blog is so timely for me. I have just let go of the need charge around what I am manifesting and I’m feeling so much relief. Expressing gratitude and being in the moment have helped me the most to release the need to have what I want.
    It also just occurred to me to be grateful for the situation that I have that has created my desire. Many people who would love to be in my situation.

  • Well, Bonni, what I love about your willingness to post (and Judie’s willingness to initiate the conversation with her question) is that it KEEPS IT REAL!
    This is what MOST of us struggle with at some point or another. I think that’s the value of this community – we can relate and we can support and we can grow!
    Please know the importance of your contribution and for everyone else reading, please don’t think you can only make positive, uplifting, encouraging, supportive responses. If this isn’t relevant to what we’re living in the real world, I have failed here.
    So Bonni, thanks for helping me/us to succeed!! Highest thanks to you for that!

  • Bonni says:

    By the way, I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to be argumentative or troublesome. I’m just thrashing through this stuff, and I figure maybe someone else might read what I write and get bit of an ah-hah or something. So just in case anyone thought, “Wow, she’s being negative,” I kind of am, but that negativity is what I’m trying to get to root of…
    Right at this moment, there’s a professional lawn care guy in my yard digging out some very vicious weeds. The roots on those things go WAY deep (which is why I hired someone to come and root them out). Not only am I grateful to be able to hire someone to get the weeds out, the metaphor is absolutely NOT lost on me. 😉
    I’m still digesting all these comments, many of which have “stuck” and are maybe starting to take root in a positive way. But before you can plant the good seeds, you need to get rid of all the pernicious weeds, eh?
    Love this blog, and love to all the commenters and the blogatrix (I just made that up. I like it.). 😉

  • I like that, Mary … thanks for the reminder!
    I ask clients to consider whether this is what they would say and do and think when their desire has manifested.
    Whatever would be different then, make those changes now. Because otherwise we’re just sending contrary signals to Universe.
    Thanks for pitching in, girlfriend!

  • Hmmm, not much to throw in the pot since everyone has already done a fab job answering this… but a few things came to my mind when I read this.
    First off, I can totally relate!! I’m sure we all can. But, I read something here on this blog once which *really* helped me get what it truly means to allow… I wish I could remember which post it was (I don’t), but Jeannette said something along the lines of, “If you truly believe it’s on its way, you won’t be focused on the absence of it… because you KNOW it’s on its way!” Harder to put into practice, but that made a lot of sense to me.
    If you are truly allowing, then you absolutely know 100% that the thing you are wanting is on its way. At that point, your only “job” is to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!! If you truly know it’s on its way, you won’t care that it’s not here yet, because you know it will be here soon! A fun game to try is to think of all the different ways Universe could deliver this desire to you, and the wilder the better! Using your example, you could imagine things like, Oprah is going to personally call me herself to pitch me an article idea for her magazine (or the editor of whatever particular magazine you are trying to get published in).
    Also, as many people have already alluded to, remember that Universe can only deliver to you what you are vibrating! So even if you are vibrating “I absolutely know it’s on its way, but it’s not here yet” Universe has no choice but to continue to deliver to you “not here yet.” Instead, try vibrating “I absolutely know it’s on its way, and I am soooo excited to see how Universe brings this thing into my life! Yippee!!”.
    You get the idea… It seems like you just need a *minor* little tweaking to your vibration and you’ll be all set!
    Best of luck to you:)

  • Cheri, welcome “home”! lol
    You feel like a perfect fit for the mindset and practices of this community! Thank you for finding your way here, and especially for sharing your experiences and perspectives with us.

  • Cheri says:

    For me, once I start to feel frustrated with something I’m asking for I realize (sometimes quicker than others!) that the energy around how I’m asking for it is what I will receive. So if I’m feeling like it ‘has to happen’ or I won’t be happy (or fill in the blank) I take a step back.
    For example. when I went to seminars ‘hoping that this will work’ i did get results, but not what I was looking for. And it was pretty hard.
    Now I start things with the attitude of ‘I’m perfectly satisfied, I just want more’ and things flow so much easier! I come from a place of knowing that I am on my path and that things are happening for my highest good. I look for signs that validate that, since I know they are all around me. And I focus on feeling complete NOW.
    The biggest thing that has also helped has to practice receiving. I believe that God has gifts He gives me everyday – but often I’m not open to receiving (or even seeing) them. If I’m thinking that it’s going to look ‘a certain way’ I can miss what is right in front of me.
    Blessings on your journey! I just found this blog and am loving reading it and all your comments!

  • Well, that’s ONE way to tell the story, Bonni …
    If I were in your shoes I might practice another version of it. (

  • Bonni says:

    Okay. I’ll confess. When I was young, I had a real and potentially attainable dream. I did pursue it, as far as I was able at that time. I visualised, I dreamed, I daydreamed, I imagined, I did all those things (having absolutely no clue whatsoever about anything to do with attraction or anything of that sort). I cherished this dream for a very, very long time. Sometimes, it was all that kept me going.
    Eventually, one day, I understood that it was never going to happen. That ship had sailed, so to speak. It was not something that I could achieve. So I let it go. I had to. I couldn’t keep dreaming about something so cherished that I was never going to have. It was agonising.
    I did get on with my life and do other things, but I’m in my forties now, and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, because the one thing I wanted to be/do is gone, lost to me now. I suppose that on my deathbed, the loss of that dream is going to be something I still regret and mourn. I feel sometimes like I really missed my life’s calling, and, believe me, there is no way to get it back. Time has moved on and so have I, and it’s not do-able now.
    So the idea that you can give up on a dream and still have it magically appear in your front yard one day… Well, let’s just say I have apprehensions where that idea is concerned.
    And therein lies the rub.

  • Who can’t relate to that, Gillian?! I smiled reading your post.
    I like how your trick is not to obsess over it – that’s a sure way to keep the energy clean and flowing.
    Thanks for posting, my friend.

  • Gillian says:

    I don’t know about the giving up Bonnie. I understand where you are coming and I agree with you to a certain point, but I have numerous accounts in the past where I wanted something badly and when the goal never showed up (obviousy!!!) I did give up or I simply lost interest in that goal because it was just too exhausting to keep on trying. Once I stopped wanting it and just stopped thinking about it all together, the very thing I wanted showed up in my life a couple of months later!!! Of course, now that I understand LOA its all so obvious to me, but it was really frustrating back then when I did not understand the LAW. I got so angry, asking myself: Why do things always come when I no longer want them. Why do the guys show up for dates when I no longer have a crush on them?, why am I suddenly presented with the job opportunity I have been wanting for so long, when I have decided to do something else now? Oh what frustration, ha ha!!!
    Nowadays, that is how I allow my desires to come: Once I express a desire for something, I just stop thinking about it. That it! I just stop obsessing about it. Maybe I have also become more patient.

  • Wow, I just read through several more of these comments, and realized “I am in the presence of masters.”
    You guys rock!! All of you (you too, Judie)!
    Nice example, Robert. MissyB, you did an excellent job of describing what some consider a complicated topic!
    And MsNikki, thank you for such an inspiring way to share what non-attachment looks like in real life.
    And yay, Mitch, for the reminder to incorporate self-love to get to the point of not needing anything. BEAUTIFUL!!!

  • Mitch says:

    I totally get what you’re saying with this. And I love all the advice given so far.
    For me personally, if I’m getting impatient about something manifesting… and it has only been in the past month that I’ve realized this :)… it usually means that I need that thing in order to feel worthy or validated. A STRONG practice of self love has gotten me through that struggle to the point that I can let go of the manifestations in terms of knowing that I’m perfectly okay without them.
    But ironically, that is exactly what frees me up to get *really* excited when I think about them because I know for a fact that they’re unfolding now!

  • Cheri says:

    For me, once I start to feel frustrated with something I’m asking for I realize (sometimes quicker than others!) that the energy around how I’m asking for it is what I will receive. So if I’m feeling like it ‘has to happen’ or I won’t be happy (or fill in the blank) I take a step back.
    For example. when I went to seminars ‘hoping that this will work’ i did get results, but not what I was looking for. And it was pretty hard!
    Now I start things with the attitude of ‘I’m perfectly satisfied, I just want more’ and things flow so much easier! I come from a place of knowing that I am on my path and that things are happening for my highest good. I look for signs that validate that, since I know they are all around me. And I focus on feeling complete NOW.
    The biggest thing that has also helped has been to practice receiving. I believe that God has gifts He gives me everyday – but often I’m not open to receiving (or even seeing!) them. If I’m thinking that it’s going to look ‘a certain way’ I can miss what is right in front of me. I wrote a blog about things looking a certain way – check it out if you are interested!
    God Bless,
    Cheri Bennett

  • Judiesjuice says:

    Hi everyone! I am the mystery client 🙂 I am a writer and intend to get published in two specific magazines. I have gotten published in countless other magazines and websites. With these two magazines, I have submitted idea after ideas and the editors have been responsive but for various reasons, I have not gotten an assignment yet. I am quite happy with all my successes so far and I have been focusing on the feeling that I will get once this goal has manifested. I know I am in alignment because I have attracted other writing opportunities- these opportunities came to me!! And yet, not the assignments that I would like to manifest.
    Bonni, I completely get what you are saying.
    Thank you everyone for your advice. I am at the point of letting go. I am not happy when I think of this goal. Instead, I feel frustrated and impatient. So, the Universe is giving me more frustration and impatience. Sigh…

  • MSNikki says:

    What a great reminder for all of after the Money Mojo class!
    Could it be that maybe said goal is not really in alignment with the person and the person doesn’t realize that at the time? For example, I thought I really wanted to be a certain dress size and I did every manifesting trick I could think of along with being OCD about food and exercise. Nothing! Didn’t gain and didn’t lose anything. Once I got clear on wanting to have peace in my life in general, everything fell into place and I dropped a size without struggle. I easily ate things that were nutritious (steel cut oats, even) and found exercises that were fun for me to do (hiking, dancing, etc instead of slaving at the gym). I slowly but surely am still weeding out negative people and dropping codependent behaviors. Just a thought!

  • MissyB says:

    The link between all the things I’ve manifested is I’ve not needed them. By that I mean I’ve asked and if it manifests quick then great, but if I’ve to wait…then I don’t need whatever it is to continue to live my life. So I just forget my order and continue my life without it. So I’ve a list as long as your arm of outstanding wants (from a perfect partner to getting the money to have my car serviced), but I never give up because when you look at it…I have all that I need to live this moment in time. It’ll all come in time. So why give up. As Robert says, don’t give up, just let go.
    I think we do live in a pretty instant world. We want our goods we order on line yesterday. But if you sow a seed, it’ll grow in time. Imagine planting a carrot seed today and eating it tomorrow. LOL. Nature accepts universal laws – so should we. Sow seeds and reap !

  • Robert says:

    I would say that there is a difference between giving up and letting go. I have experienced this in my own life in the area of dieting. I have found that when I deny myself the foods that I love I am not only miserable but I don’t lose weight either. If I give up, and pig out, I also feel miserable. But lately I have been losing weight by simply not focusing on food. I still have the desire to lose weight, but I just trust that it will happen. I trust that my body will process the food that I eat in the best possible way and I don’t have to fight my cravings.
    Don’t give up. Just let go.

  • Good point, Bonni, and well-said, Laura.
    Thought-provoking conversation you’re creating here!

  • Laura says:

    Hi Bonni,
    I so understand what you are saying…I just think a little tweaking in thought will get you where you want to be (Broadway or anywhere else)…
    The giving up is actually in the energy behind the thought (like the desperation that I have to have this or else I won’t be happy for example) and not the desire itself. You are not giving up what you want, just the strong must-have “charge” behind it. Does this make sense? The Universe interprets this emotion (worry, fear, anxiety, desperation) as you wanting more of that emotion and not the thing that you are feeling that way ABOUT. When you think of what you want, it is essential that you have feelings of happiness, joy, expectation and a trust that it IS coming. I know, this is much easier said then done and does take some time to become aware of your thoughts to actually see how often you have those feelings of “I want it…where is it! – I don’t believe this stuff!”.
    Another thought (again, not easy at first) is to find a way to enjoy what you are doing till you see the lights of Broadway (I know this is just your example!)..waiting tables is not easy work but if you can somehow enjoy it (look at all the interesting people you get to meet each day, look at the pleasure you are bringing them by bringing them their food, etc.). That will help keep your vibration up to help get you where you want to be. And if you absolutely hate everything about the job and it is just killing your energy (been there, actually quite recently) then quit and find something else!
    I hope this helps you Bonni…I really can relate as I have been there and it does take patience and time to really see the workings! Best to you!

  • Bonni says:

    The thing I have trouble with is that if you give up, you stop trying for whatever it is. For example, say I wanted to be a Broadway dancer as a living. I do all the work, I go to auditions, etc., and I may get a couple of small parts, but I still have to wait tables to pay my rent, and it’s exhausting and frustrating.
    So I give up. I stop going to auditions. I quit the dance workouts. I may even move away from New York. And guess what? The thing I wanted never happens, because I gave up!
    This is one of the things I struggle with. If, indeed, we CAN create our own lives, then what’s up with “oh, it’s not for your highest good” (personally, I’m willing to create things that aren’t; I’ve done it before!) or similar “explanations” as to why something didn’t work? Don’t you have to be attached to wanting something for it to happen? Broadways producers don’t call you up when you’ve quit auditioning and moved back home to Indiana…
    (Note: This is all a scenario I made up. I never wanted to be a Broadway dancer. I’m just saying. ;))
    If you give up, don’t you actually GIVE UP?

  • Avi Marcus says:

    Sounds like a really good time to release and accept NOT getting it. Then, you are free to get it.
    Hootlessness, as Hale Dwoskin calls it. Hmm, 3rd time I’m quoting him.

  • Jeanne, you’re inspiring me to look up that song, as it’s not one I remember off the top of my head.
    And Avi, I love that concept of “hootlessness” – I intend to master it in more ways myself!! lol
    Thanks for this, both of you. 🙂

  • Janette says:

    I get instant relief from the “where’s my stuff?” angst by just saying “Thank you” out loud. Not for anything in particular, just an all-purpose generic no-brand “Thank you”.
    That kicks me into another place, just long enough so I can do whatever I need to do next – deep breathing; put on a loud high-vibe song and dance; ho’oponopono; cry; meditate; tantrum; hot bubble bath; buy myself flowers; ask angels for help; whatever ….
    That’s my energetic first aid and sometimes it’s enough on its own.

  • Jeanne says:

    The above response are awesome — as is this blog, so thank y’all!
    For me, two things help: the story about a little boy who wanted his bike fixed, and constantly asked his dad if it was fixed yet. His dad finally blurted out, “I’d get it fixed a lot faster if you’d quit bugging me!”
    My all-time favorite, though, is John Denver’s lyrics in his song “Sweet Surrender” — I’ve got them memorized and sing them in my head too frequently to describe!

  • You ladies: BRILLIANT!!
    Thank you for your responses!
    I could not have said any of this better nor covered so many impactful bases. YOU ROCK!!

  • Tiffany says:

    For me, whenever I get to the frustrated, unhappy, universe-you’re-pissing-me-off stage, I have to step back and think about a few things.
    1. Is life so horrible without it? 100% of the time I look around and start to notice I’m so well off that I don’t really even NEED this. I just WANT it. Which instantly detaches me from it.
    2. WHY do I want this? Is it to feel loved? The universe does that. Is it to feel wealthy and abundant? Abundance comes in many more forms than money, and I am wealthy in all ways. Do I just wanna keep up with the Jones? Why? I’m awesome as a non-Jones! The why almost always reveals that I don’t even really want it. I want how it makes me feel. So I do things that make me feel that way and just relax.
    3. Distract yourself! When I stop thinking so much/so hard about something, it’s really easy to become detached and see the want more than the yearn. Plus when you’re distracted, you’re a lot less stressed out. (At least I am!)
    4. When all else fails, [expletive] it and go for something else! We all need to give up sometimes just to feel relief. Relief feels better than feeling ilke you’re working with no progress, so just give up and let it go. It’ll happen!
    I hope this helps! Much <3

  • Laura says:

    Well, a couple of things come to mind here…
    1) The thing you are asking for can show up in a different way than you imagine. For example, if one were asking for wealth and abundance they might not necessarily receive cash, but might get loads of freebies, opportunities suddenly presenting themselves or many things to feel grateful for.
    2) I have found that it is really helpful to actually look for evidence (NO MATTER HOW SMALL) of manifestation. This is really key as the Univese will deliver what you can handle at that time. Once you appreciate what you have and the small things you are receiving, bigger things will come your way.
    3) Sounds like there is a part that still does not believe it is possible to have what you desire so strongly. Any doubt you have that it is possible will in essence cancel out your “order”. This is a big one for me and one I have had to learn to adjust to things I know I can handle. A good idea is to reexamine what it is you want so badly and see if it is within your reach of believability.
    4) As I was reading the blog what seemed to be screaming was ATTACHMENT. No matter how hard this person was trying to convince herself that by letting it go she is getting rid of her attachment, yet is sounds so contrary since she then she wants it NOW. What I have found is to not give up, per se, but to surrender the power over to the Universe and then stop looking for it. Once you in the energy of relaxing about it that it is going to show up…you start seeing signs of it. It is important to keep some sort of a gratitude or manifestation journal so that you will begin to see what you have already created in your life.
    I heard a wonderful analogy last week about comparing one’s asking to planting a seed. Once you plant a seed expecting a plant or flower to blossom, do you dig it up each day to see if it is growing? No. You know that it takes some time and it will appear. Knowing is such a powerful, confident message to send to the Universe. When you know something is coming, you eliminate fear, worry and doubt. You have the expectation but there is no concern about it.
    I have found to just know and relax and be grateful for all you have manifested thus far is really all you need to do. Any angst you have tells the Universe you are not ready to receive.
    Hope this is helpful…

  • Related Post