Q&A: How to Believe a Relationship Will Happen?

Fellow creators, I get excellent questions every day that I know this amazingly wise, insightful, experienced and generous community would be happy to answer.  When this one came from Melissa I felt inspired to connect her with you here.   
(In fact, if this goes as I suspect, I’d like to have this Q&A be an occasional feature on the blog.  I’ll post your burning law of attraction questions – that many of us have grappled with at some point in time –  and we support our fellow manifestors by pitching in with answers, insights, experiences, support, resources, etc.)
The question that inspired this came in last week from a regular reader who is struggling with relationships.  I knew immediately this group would be excellent at providing support and insights, so I’m officially tapping into our collective wisdom.
Here’s the gist of the note:

How can you believe or be positive about something that hasn’t manifested before and which you really really want – like a boyfriend? I’ve wanted someone for years and none of the guys on offer have been what I want. It’s hard not to think that all the good ones are taken.  How do you build up confidence when you’ve never been successful (i.e. never had a relationship because the guys you like are either taken or not interested)? 
So my question is how do you raise your vibration if you have never been successful and have not even one positive reference point? Most books write about previous relationships and focusing on what you liked about them so what do you do if you have had n0 relationships? How can you not focus on lack and an empty hole?
How can you BELIEVE that something positive will happen if you have had nothing but failures?

Okay, Good Vibe Community … consider yourself officially recruited for this group Q&A project. 
Let’s hear your input for dear Melissa!  What words of wisdom, experiences or resources do you have to share?  (I’ll post a response in the comments as well.)

  • April 20, 2009
  • Danielle says:

    Very impressive indeed! Do you heal a broken heart in the same way? By loving yourself?

  • Jennifer Tilley says:

    I have only two short, simple things which I think you should keep in mind:
    1. “BE” a great lover (meaning someone who radiates/gives vibes of love) to attract a great lover. (all things start from within you.
    2. Leave the past where it is… in the past… and realize that every single second of every single day promises endless opportunities for something new… you never know what’s just around the corner!!!
    Hope that helped 🙂

  • Tima says:

    I’ve hit a stop.
    For the past week, my vibrations have been completely up and happy! I’ve been feeling good about myself in general. Everything felt like it was in alignment. But these past two days have been “icky”. I just am not as “up” as I was this past week.
    I’ve been keeping a pray rain journal (aaaahh which i ABSOLUTELY LOVE) about a relationship. And reading over my past entries alone, raise my vibrations. But one can only read over them so much.
    I feel like everything is just at a stop. I haven’t been in a happy enough place, to post new entries in my journal.
    But how do I raise my vibe…and just learn to let things be?
    I read the When You Need It Bad post, that Jeannette posted (aah a post that I’m EVER so grateful for). But I’m just blocking myself. I’m surrounded by couples and young love…I just feel so, unloveable. I am a pretty attractive woman, with a lot to offer… I try to be approachable a lot of the time. But there’s so much a person can do.
    Please help!

  • Elaine Mazakas says:

    The LOA responds to whatever you’re thinking right now and that thought could be about the present, the past or the future. It doesn’t have to be about your present reality.
    Do you remember when you were a child and pretended you were a mommy to your dolls or played that you were a teacher at the blackboard with your teddy bears as students or that you were a movie star or whatever fantasy you dreamed up that day? You had never been any of those things but that didn’t stop you from having fun playing the part as if you were a mommy, a teacher or a movie star. Try pretending again.
    Or perhaps it’s easier to think of yourself as an actress who just landed a choice part–a romantic lead in a movie and you have to act the part and be believable because you really need the money. How would you act if this romance was real?
    Or you could pretend you’re an author or a producer and write your own romantic script, making yourself the main character and live a fantasy on paper.
    It’s amazing what these little “games” can produce. Have fun with them and see what happens.

  • Big Ed, welcome to Jeannette’s amazing community!
    I LOVE what you shared about raising your vibe. Wrote a post on it recently (7 Ways to Up Your Vibe) & would love for you to add your tips to it! I think many people would appreciate them ~ feel free to cut and paste some of your responses if you feel inspired to do so, at http://www.coachtia.com/ Thank you!
    Allison, what you wrote about making space is one of the points in the same post I’m talking about!! And the bank accounts / empty wallet – goosebumps… cos the next post I’m writing is about how to create an Easy money vibe and be a Money Honey (improving your relationship with money and attracting more of it!)
    Wow, I feel like I was drawn back to this blog post to meet you guys – this is my wink from the Universe that I’m on the right track .. thanks you two! 🙂

  • Allison says:

    Sort of like have that heart and life open and ready for the relationship!

  • Allison says:

    Love it! Good idea! Have that wallet ready to receive the money!

  • Big Ed says:

    So cool what you wrote.
    How bout: along with the new bank accounts, buying an extra wallet or purse and keep it empty in a conspicuous place? those checks and bills will overflow our present wallets/purses, right?

  • Allison says:

    Oh Ed! I’m so glad I was able to share something useful! The “making room” concept seems to work for me. When I was getting ready to make a huge relocation move, I “made room” for new things to come by each day, for several weeks, clearing some large items I no longer needed – a spare computer, a gas grill, my old piano (but eventually made room for a GREAT Steinway piano). I had a big yard sale just to “clear” my life. I moved from New York to Colorado with a lighter load, lighter heart, and clearer mind. When I get bogged down, I clean and purge. It’s my way of “clearing”. Works every time to get me back on track and “make room” for better things.
    Lately I’ve been toying with the idea of opening a bunch of bank accounts to “make room” for all the money I’m expecting in my future. What do you think? 😉

  • Big Ed says:

    Allison, what you wrote sparked something for me. You’re talking about making room for the good things you want and living and thinking and imagining that they are already here. Mmm, maybe I can do that with the business success I am reaching for. Thanks for sharing.
    Jeanette, a weird note: just recently I started imagining a way to interact with more high vibe LOA stuff. I’d only read your ezines, and now, today, I found your blog for the first time … with all these amazing people. Mmmmm ….

  • Allison says:

    I think you may have heard this maifesting story before, Jeanette, but it’s appropriate to this question.
    I had a friend who had it all – her own home, new car, great job, but she was desperate for a relationship, and Mr. Right kept evading her. Finally one day she realized that when she came home from work she parked her car in the middle of the two-car garage! She realized that she didn’t have a relationship because she didn’t make room for a man in her life. She started parking her car on one side of the garage. She started pretending that he was already in her house, and she was sharing her daily routine with someone. In no time, she met a great guy and got married.
    Shortly after her wonderful story, I met a man that I knew was “the one”, but he didn’t seem to be too anxious to make a commitment to one person. So I followed her example and made room for him. I cleaned out my closet and “made room” for his clothes. I put new fluffy towels and a new toothbrush in the bathroom, just for him to use. I kept beverages in the fridge and snacks in the cupboard that he liked, fully expecting that he would just stop by one day. I went through my daily routine, pretending that he was right there with me. I was, in essence, shifting my vibration to a place that already included him. That was 5 years ago – we’ve been married 3 of those years!
    On a side note – he paid me the best compliment ever the other day. He said I was “such a live-in-the-moment sort of person”! How great is that!

  • Big Ed says:

    ps. planting petunias and feeling the dirt on my hands really raised my vibe!

  • Big Ed says:

    My first time reading this blog. I dig all the diverse insights.
    I’m working with the excitement/fear of starting a new business right now. I notice a lot of fear come up around the questions: “what if it doesn’t work?” “what if I’m not successful” “what if I don’t live up to my potential” yuck, ick, blaaaaaaaaaa
    It all comes down to a feeling of I’m not enough that comes and goes, even thought I’ve had many successes in my life.
    Here’s what I know about LOA from experience:
    – It’s all about feelings
    – When fear and “not enough” feelings surface, my work is to gently move my energy and feelings toward stuff like gratitude, excitement, fun, beauty, and an abundance of money
    – I’m playing with my mind’s ability to imagine the stuff I want even before I have it
    – Playing with idea that if “it doesn’t feel good” then change something – never stay in a place of negative vibe for too long
    – take advantage of my own body: standing up, running around the block, downing a chocolate milkshake, or ripping off 15 hard minutes of cardio-v exercise — all those things can change my vibe — too often I get stuck in my head, swimming in fears and worries
    – ultimately, learning to create the full, positive, happy, materially satisfied, spiritual feelings in my mind and heart that I THINK will come to me after I get something else that I don’t have (like the successful new business, debts gone, etc, bla, bla, bla)
    – I guess I’m saying that God has lovingly given me the resources to feel all the joys I want, and thus attract the life I want – if I will have the faith to feel it consistently before I get the stuff.
    thanks for reading. Big Ed

  • Noelle says:

    So glad! Your welcome :)!

  • Stuart says:

    Noelle & Coach T.I.A.,
    Thank you so much for those heartfelt responses.
    Noelle — your comments really struck me. Quite amazing. I understand. Things for me to work on. Thank you again.

  • Noelle says:

    Stuart, one more thing 🙂
    Just got this Daily Quote from Abraham-hicks.com and felt inspired to post for you…….
    Love and appreciation are identical vibrations. Appreciation is the vibration of alignment with who-you-are. Appreciation is the absence of everything that feels bad and the presence of everything that feels good. When you focus upon what you want – ;when you tell the story of how you want your life to be – you will come closer and closer to the vicinity of appreciation, and when you reach it, it will pull you toward all things that you consider to be good in a very powerful way.
    Excerpted from the book “Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness”
    Our Love,
    Jerry and Esther

  • Noelle says:

    Hi Stuart,
    Had to pop in here and give some input cause I know this subject sooo very well! I have been a devout LOA practicitioner and coach for 9 years and my husband doesn’t believe in it at ALL! Matter of fact he is a very R-E-A-L-I-T-Y based alpha male, lol! You can just imagine my “challenges/opportunities(really:)?!
    So, here’s the deal…..you noticing her being upset and scared IS what is making her show that to you! Did you get that? The short story of the LOA with people and everything is; WE draw to us what we are looking at/thinking of/observing(what is IN us) etc… So, if you stayed in your “happy” place no matter what, she would have NO choice but to be happy around you or she wouldn’t be around you, it IS law! You CANNOT see or be around what is not present in YOU(you would repel each other)!
    So, here is the good news; it’s ALL about YOU, not ever, ever, ever about anyone else! And she is showing/demonstrating good info to YOU about what is still active in YOU! And now you know what your work is, get really really stable in your happy/hopeful/optimistic vibration so that she cannot throw you off your game!
    And don’t try to convince, persuade, or talk her into your beliefs, she will just hear that as “making her wrong” and nobody likes to be wrong, including you, right?! Don’t need her to be on “your side”, you can create what you want WITHOUT anyone else, including the one you are creating it “with”! YOU are the strongest force in the relationship when you are tuned into your Inner Guidance/Well-Being/Happyenergy/God!!!
    Here’s the practical tools I would recommend:
    1. Make PEACE with what is! It is YOUR fear, anxiety and negativity that brings on others to show theirs/yours(same thing) to you! I repeat, it’s ALWAYS about YOU! YOU have the POWER!!! Appreciate that you have her, and she is coping the best way she can, appreciate whatever you can about your situation and relationship now! Maybe how it is challenging you to practice what you preach, transform your relationship to something even more wonderful, create a brand new beginning with your career, relationship etc….
    2. Positive aspects on her; why do you love her, what is good about her, what do you admire, respect, and like about her?
    3. Positive aspects on YOU(when you feel like someone is unhappy because of you, it can create lots of guilt and self flagellation even though you know the LOA “truth” that everybody creates their own thoughts/feelings/reality!) What are you proud of about you, why do you like you, where do you shine, what are your strengths etc…..
    3. Try to see things from her perspective. ACCEPT that she doesn’t believe in the LOA, knowing that it doesn’t matter one whit to your creations, you have your own pipeline to unlimited wealth, nobody else matters, unless you are NOTICING them, and giving their opinions weight(I usually spend some time writing this out but you can do it in your head if you want:)
    3. Get as happy, excited and STABLE in your well-being vibration as you possibly can about what is coming for you, pray rain journal(script it as you want it to be from the perspective of having it already)! Include in it how happy she is going to be when it happens!
    Now Stuart this is probably gonna be an ongoing process so don’t get discouraged if she doesn’t stop “freaking out” right away, YOU just hold to YOUR knowing and perspectives and she WILL fall into line one way or another cause if you are truly happy and feeling good, then she has to be also in order to be around you!
    ***Also, remember this is NOT about changing her!!! This is about changing YOU!!! This is such a subtle difference sometimes, as to be not noticed! YOUR intention behind doing all these practical tools HAS to be about changing YOUR feelings toward her and toward your desires!
    Otherwise she WILL feel the “push” you are directing towards her(took me a long while to “get” this one, couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working all that much, even “backfiring” sometimes, lol, til I realized this subtle, yet BIG difference in MY intention behind doing them)!!!
    Stuart this stuff WORKS, I KNOW! I may have the “hardest” case ever, lol, and he has soooo calmed down, so uplifted TO me soooo many times! Our relationship is sooo much more “real”, connected and happy than ever before, now!
    You’ll SEE, sometimes it will feel miraculous how different they show themselves to you! And it sounds like she is an “easier” case than my husband(just conjecture here, of course, don’t know your exact circumstance:) cause she is at least somewhat spiritual and believing less traditionally, given her Buddhist background!
    So, KEEP THE FAITH and know that this could just be one of the BIGGEST OPPORTUNITIES your wife is giving you to get really strong in YOUR beliefs and desires, and manifest in a much BIGGER, more amazing way than if she didn’t give you this wonderful opportunity by showing you your resistance!!!
    Happy Manifesting,

  • Hi Stuart!
    Can I just say – CONGRATULATIONS on all the success you have been having and being so focused on what you want! You’re doing a great job by the sounds of it 🙂
    My ex partner isn’t spiritual and didn’t believe in LOA either. It bothered me and I’d try to explain it to him but realised I was getting more wound up as a result. So the best is to just live and let live. Each of us have our own paths and experiences and that’s why we are here.
    Don’t Buddhism followers also believe they are responsible for creating their own karma and can change it by focusing on the good they can create? I ask because my mom practices a form of Buddhism as well (Nam-Myo-Ho-Renge-Kyo) and that’s what she believes.
    You can’t change what your wife feels, says, thinks or does but you can mellow down the effect it has on you.
    It’s not the easiest I know, because we are often affected by people close to us but this is when your own practices will help.
    Meditate, stay focused on your vision.
    Try this (NLP technique): Imagine an invisible shield or bubble around your body that all -ve feelings, thoughts and emotions directed at you just BOUNCE off of. Inside this bubble is your world as you want it, and no outside projections have any effect on you.
    In here, you could see your wife reacting a certain way and send compassionate love to her fears … you could see yourself growing stronger and more focused as a result of others -ve emotions….you can create whatever you want in this bubble! And step into it anytime you like.
    Let me know if that helped or if you’d like more techniques and exercises like that. Cheers and good luck!

  • Ariel says:

    Hi Stuart,
    Since your wife believes in Karma, is there something good you could do together to turn your luck around? Maybe volunteering somewhere as a family. You don’t have to mention your intentions- but it may work to turn her mood around. Also, I have heard that you can add your spouse to your “story”. Start telling yourself, I am so grateful that my spouse has such a sunny attitude and is so supportive of my finding a new job, and see what happens.

  • Stuart says:

    A friend passed along this site and I’ve been quietly following…and enjoying.
    How have people dealt with the situation when your spouse doesn’t believe in or even consider the idea of the LoA? I’m recently unemployed, and I’ve been using the LoA to find a new job. I’ve been having success getting interviews and meeting people. My wife on the other hand, who works part-time, is getting really frustrated/scared out of her wits and is projecting negatively left and right. I’m finding that by staying positive, good things happen to me. Now, my wife, being so negative lately, has “bad” things happen to her. She also has a strong Buddhist belief, so this situation, to her, is just karma raining down in buckets (which isn’t helping).
    Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks.

  • Kimberly says:

    One thing that works for me without fail is instead of focusing on what I don’t have or what I don’t want, I turn it around and focus on what I do want and have.
    The first thing that I noticed about your question was that it was focused on your lack of a relationship, not meeting quality guys. Instead, why don’t you use your experiences to draw up a shopping list of what you do want.
    I did this and got really specific, height, eye color, everything. I taped the list to my bathroom mirror and read it all the time. At the time I had never heard of LOA, but I did manifest the most wonderful man that I’ve ever met and 4 years later, I’m still crazy in love with him.
    So now, I focus on how lucky I am to have such a great guy; how much I adore being adored by him; that he’s so easy to love and we have so much fun together. Because of my focus, my live with my boyfriend is a blast all the time. ALL THE TIME.
    I’ve instituted this mindset in other aspects of my life and have seen immediate improvement there too.
    Practice thinking about what you want this person to be like and what you life with be like when you find them. Whenever you find yourself slipping back into focusing on your lack, STOP, and turn it around. For example, if I start thinking that my boyfriend doesn’t understand me, I stop and then say that I’m so happy that I have a boyfriend who takes the time to understand where I’m coming from. You’ll be amazed at how quickly things turn around for you.
    Good luck and happy manifesting!!!

  • Ariel says:

    Dear Melissa,
    One of my favorite books on this subject is: Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together by Kathryn Alice. It took over a year after I finished reading this book for me to draw my sweetie to me, but it happened! It takes a knowing. You have to know and trust that he is out there. Start talking to him, writing letters to him, pray rain journaling, lighting candles in his honor. Before I met my sweetie, I definitely came to a knowing that I was in a really well balanced place and knew that the next man I attracted to me was going to be really awesome because I was coming from such a great place of attraction. I also felt my heart opening up.. almost melting. I noticed love coming to me from so many different places. By the time I met him, I was so brimming with love, he was just the cherry on the top. I know it isn’t easy. I went through many months of frustration before coming to allowing. Where ever you are, know that it is all part of the process. Enjoy each step of the way!
    One thing I noticed about your post is that you say you have never been in a relationship so you have zero experience to draw from. Is this really true? I challenge you to challenge your thinking on this.. and even turn it around. Even if you have had just mini crushes, you can draw from those.. chose all of those awesome traits that you loved from those guys that were already “taken” to create your ideal man and focus on that.

  • Menard says:

    Keep trying.
    At the start of the day, as soon as you wake up, tell yourself that it’s a new day, a new chance to meet the man of your dreams. This gets irritating at times, but one cannot really advice you something so certain simply because you have had no relationships before. Only you know that he’s “The Guy”. You might also try changing preferences a bit to allow for greater options. That’s just a suggestion. You can go out more often and be engaged in even more social activities. Just don’t lose hope because you might be on the last step to meeting your man. It could be tomorrow. If you stop today, you might not know him. So again, just keep that positive spirit and keep trying.

  • Just got a note from Melissa I thought I’d share an excerpt from. She’s very grateful for the input and says:
    “it is nice to get such positive messages. Even though they don’t know who I am it seems as if they genuinely care and want to help.”
    The wisdom shared that “you have to give out love yourself” made an impact on her – and I see another note from her already that I’ll check out next.
    Just wanted to thank everyone again for the brilliant input and let you know that I’ve had a couple clients quoting you already, and received emails from other people benefiting from your words, too.
    I think we’re on to something good here!!

  • Kim Falconer says:

    I am in awe of all your responses! This is such a wonderful resource!
    Thank you everyone for your love and insights!
    I’m soaking all this up 🙂

  • MaryK says:

    At first I wasn’t going to respond to this because everyone else has done such a fabulous job!! But I’ve had an internal shift with himself the past few days which may shed some light here…
    Without going into too many details, my shift occurred when I realized that it’s not that I have trouble attracting guys into my life, it’s the type of guy I attract that is the issue. For years I thought that guys just didn’t like me or want to be with me, but my friends point out that I always have some guy I’m interested in or vice versa so that just can’t be the case! Once I accepted that, it created space for me to realize that the guys I’m attracting are where the problem’s at… not with me.
    Melissa, even if you hadn’t ever had a real relationship, you have still attracted guys into your life that you like… so that’s a start! It’s not that your internal mechanism for attracting guys to you is not working, it’s just that it needs a little tweaking. Rather than being so hard on yourself and focusing on the fact that you’ve never been successful at relationships, realize that you have in fact been successful at attracting guys into your life that you enjoy. It’s just that they were unavailable somehow.
    So, that’s the good news! Guys are coming into your sphere, they just aren’t exactly what you’re looking for. I have girlfriends who haven’t met a guy in YEARS that they’re interested in, so at least you’ve found guys to be attracted to! It sounds like you are being really hard on yourself and blaming yourself, so shift some of that focus to attracting more available guys. Take some of the pressure off of yourself, and instead place that energy into visualizing a guy who is available, interested in you, willing to commit, etc.
    Hope that helps!

  • Phillis says:

    WOW – looks like I have a lot of reading to catch up on here! Thank you Jeannette for another Awesome BLOG.
    Cheers, P.

  • MaryK says:

    Oh come on Coach Zev!! Share your story!!! 😀

  • Coach Zev says:

    LOA Skeptic? I’m still a skeptic! I’m the biggest skeptic of LOA on this thread! …but I have to tell you, it could sometimes really work. And boy did it work for me!!!

  • wow – this is such a great opportunity to really clean up around relationships! Thanks Jeanette and everyone – your replies are very inspiring indeed. REading through them got me more and more excited about my own wonderful relationship (starting right now).
    A couple of you have already gone over this but I just wanted to add – through the past few weeks as I let go of an outdated way of relating to a man I love (and let go of him) I kept myself centered by continually paying attention to my thoughts and feelings and asking that question over and over ‘how will it feel to have what I want?’ – it immediately pulls me into that feeling place. It feels like THIS – calm, content, fulfilled. It feels just like loving myself! (so here I am, completely loved)
    anyone can do it 🙂

  • TheDatingDr says:

    Melissa, thanks for honestly sharing how you feel!
    First, let me give you some hope.
    I had a guy client, 30, who had never made it past the 3 month relationship mark. There he was, so ready, willing, and able, yet, it never seemed to happen for him. Heck, most of the time he couldn’t get a second date. In fact, he started expecting that he wouldn’t make it past the first date. The future looked dim. Then we started working together.
    And I’ll be honest- he’s a great guy- but when I met him, I knew it was going to take someone special to “click” with him. Let’s just say he wasn’t tall, dark, handsome, and charming. Rather, he was, shall we say, short, average, geeky, and somewhat socially awkward- BUT with a heart of gold. Nevertheless, I KNOW- there is a soulmate or two out there for every single person- you simply have to Hold the Vision, and stay patient- even when what you want isn’t showing up! (BTW- read more about how to handle it when what don’t want keeps showing up here: http://tinyurl.com/de6y9o)
    Fast forward a few months, plus another failed relationship before the 3 month mark, and then Violá- she shows up. They’ve been dating 4.5 months now- they past the dreadful 3 month mark. I’m so excited for him, because he broke his own “curse” by Holding the Vision and refusing to permanently give up hope.
    Now, dear Melissa, there is no reason why that can’t be your story too!
    So with that hope in mind, on to your question: How do you raise your vibration if you have never been successful and have not even one positive reference point?
    Simply Keep Your Love Faucet Turned on!
    If you are a regular reader of this blog, then I know you believe that energy is energy- so love is love in all of it’s forms.
    When you turn your Love Faucet off by staying stuck in negative beliefs and emotions- love can’t flow into your life, in any form.
    When you open up your Love Faucet and keep it open- eventually your soulmate shows up- it can’t be any other way!
    So how to keep your love faucet open if there’s no romance in your life?
    The easiest way is to: Keep your focus on Giving Love.
    All day long, every day- keep your focus on how you can give more love: to your friends, strangers, co-workers, family, pets, flowers, sunsets, rocks- everything.
    You are right, sometimes, when you’ve had nothing but perceived “failure” you can’t muster up thinking positive about it anymore. Fine- here- you don’t have to- you never have to think about a boyfriend again if you don’t want to- simply keep your focus on giving love to everyone, every thing, every situation in your life.
    Do it out loud, do it with your actions. Do it in your head: Bless everyone and everything you see with a silent: I love you. Keep looking for more ways to offer love to your surroundings.
    And keep taking your focus OFF of negative things related to romance. You don’t have to change those icky romance-related thoughts and feelings- just leave them be and refocus on giving your love.
    Fill your waking moments with every other kind of love- and romantic love will show up!
    Now, if you’re ready to take that challenge and are really ready to transform your life- we’re giving away one more free 3 month membership to my dating coaching community: http://www.mysoulmatesolution.com. If you want to work a process to make this shift a reality and get all of the support and guidance you need, head on over there, check it out, and if it resonates, shoot me an email about why you are finally ready to find the love you deserve!
    I know you deserve it, it’s time to make it happen! 🙂

  • Sarah says:

    Coach Zev,
    Tell us, tell us!!
    Thank you ALL for the wonderful inspiring posts.

  • That’s something coming from a guy who was something of a skeptic back when I met him! ha ha
    I love you and miss you, Zev!

  • Coach Zev says:

    My story? Just use LOA!!! End of Story!!!

  • Great reminder, Kelly, not to talk about the “bad” dates! And indeed to glean something positive from them.
    But the biggest key here – and I think you can give yourself more credit than just “trying to” – love yourself like you want to be loved.
    It is a worthy endeavor, isn’t it? 🙂
    Much love, Kelly!

  • Kelly says:

    I’ll try to be quick. First, I love Jeannette and have started working with her. I also love Michael Losier’s book Law of Attraction bc it is a real workbook and his section on ALLOWING is amazing. He talks specifically about this and Dana above said essentially the same thing:
    When you go out on “bad” dates, don’t tell anyone. Don’t consider them bad. Look at the GOOD traits in your date, the ones that ARE on your list (you wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t made the list yet!) and then use the not-so-good to contrast what you do want. “He talked too much” = “I’m in the process of attracting a life partner who is a great listener!”.
    Secondly, Michael Neill in Feel Happy Now has a great way to feel loved (which is essentially what you are struggling with. Feeling loved when you don’t feel loved):
    Put your hand over your heart and think of someone who DOES love you: your mom, your sister, your best friend, your dog, whatever. Really visualize how they feel about you and have that feeling travel to your heart. You CAN feel it. In this moment, charged up with love, visualize your life with your new love.
    If it helps, I’m working through the same mental roadblock and it IS hard. I’m trying to learn how to love myself like I want to be loved. Ain’t easy…but who said it would be.
    SO, Jeannette’s Pray Rain Journal (hugely helpful), M. Losier’s and Michael Neill’s books are all helpful.

  • Zev, you’ve got a story worth sharing!! It’s an amazing example of success in relationship! Will you tell it? Or at least give the highlights of how you got here?

  • Linda Miller says:

    Well, Coach Zev! That is an honor. Thank you! And I am really glad to know I think like you! Many blessings. Linda

  • Coach Zev says:

    I wanted to write my answer but Linda Miller already wrote it!

  • Noelle says:

    Ok, so what occurs to me is; of course you MUST have some reference point or else WHY would you want it! How could you want something that you don’t even know, or can’t even IMAGINE what it feels like???! Noone ever wants anything unless they think it will give them something, make them feel some way…. and they can’t want to feel that way unless, either they have felt it, or felt the opposite of it!
    Soooo….. HOW do you think/imagine it will make you feel when you get it?! Why do you want it? What do you imagine it will give you? Start there, create the feeling within you! Asking and answering the WHY will put you right into the feeling of having it!
    ***Another thing is; ARE you trying to fill some “void”?! Somebody else doesn’t “make” you happy, YOU make YOU happy! And the happier you are AS YOU ARE, the QUICKER you are going to attract the RIGHT guy! So, sit down with pen and paper(or computer) and write down what is so great about YOU, and why YOU are a great catch!!!
    Also, you sound like you’ve had some “bad” experiences….well, that’s ANOTHER great “reference point” because with each “bad” experience you KNOW exactly what you DON’T want, which means you KNOW exactly what you DO want! Just flip the bad around to the opposite, and think/feel how nice it would be to have it! As you are in that feeling of what you don’t want, and you think of the opposite it’s easy to feel the relief and better feeling of the good!
    Also, one more thing; it sounds like your negative belief that “all the good ones are taken” is blocking you big time….sooooo time to bust up that “totally un-serving” belief! With about 6 billion people in this world and about half of them being male(3 BILLION MALES) I would say that’s a total no-brainer to bust up, lol! Ask the Universe/God to give you some evidence that there are lots of good guys out there that aren’t taken!
    And take it lightly, just ask for that evidence to begin with, without “having” to be asked out by them yet! Then when you’ve got lots of evidence that they are out there, THEN ask for some of them to ask you out!
    And PLAY with it, just decide to date for awhile, and think of it as an “interviewing” process! You are just sampling the merchandise, you don’t know if you want to “buy” it just yet! And while you are “sampling” keep noting down what you DO like in each one, even if they aren’t the “one”…..you are “researching” to get even more “data” to work with here! And of course if you do find one you do like in your “interview process” by all means…..KEEP him, lol!
    Good luck! And they are SOOOO out there! I see and talk to them CONSTANTLY!!!

  • Miss Nikki – YES it IS!! Definitely put in whatever you want, physical attributes included. Have your cake and eat it too why just ask for half of what you want? 😉

  • Melissa says:

    Hi Melissa,
    So, I’ve had good relationships, a divorce and now I’m blissfully happy with someone.
    Think of what you want to feel like with someone – adored? appreciated? an equal partner? Basque in that glorious feeling and then you’ll recognize the person when he comes along.
    In truth, sometimes it’s really hard to know someone for you is out there.
    A friend said to me, “Relax, and it will happen.”
    If you’re finding it hard to relax and let it happen then, my guess is, that there’s a painful something itching to get out.
    Once you can hold both how you want to feel with someone, AND the acceptance of living a full life on your own, the relationship will come to you.
    Come to you out of the fullness of your own life, not a lack.
    With love,

  • MSNikki says:

    Thank you Melissa for asking this question because there are many people who have similar concerns who may not have been comfortable to ask them in a public forum.You are so brave for putting this out there! What’s so awesome is the number of responses you have received thus far!
    Melissa, the cool thing is that you have a clean slate and no funky garbage that missed last week’s trash pickup! You can only go up from here!
    I am going to take these folks advice as well. Is it alright to have a list of physical attributes, I wonder? Hmmmm….

  • Adrienne says:

    Jeannette – Thanks so much for posting this topic!
    Melissa – I’ve been doing a lot of reading on LOA and the mind/subconscious because I’m ready for my guy, too. I’ve had some great relationships, but it seems that for the most part, I attracted men with commitment issues. I realized that I’m the common denominator in all of these relationships ;), so there’s something I was doing/vibrating that had been (I’m definitely trying to change my vibe on this by using the past tense 😉 ) attracting this. I have just started reading about E.F.T., which someone else above mentions. It is quite new to me, but I’m looking into it as a way to clear any blocks/old gunk that may be preventing me from attracting what I don’t want.
    Sooo … with lots of caveats (i.e., I’m just learning about it and therefore don’t know that much about it, I haven’t really researched the group offering the following, yada yada), I wanted to share with everyone here a free web event that I came across last week and that starts tonight (now). There are 2 different speakers every night for the next 9 nights all speaking about EFT. There is a monetary promotion associated with it, but if you listen to each show within 24 hrs of its broadcast, it is completely free. Here’s the link to sign up: http://www.EFTWorldSummit.com.
    I’m hoping it’s helpful and maybe you will find it to be, as well.

  • Judy says:

    Hey Melissa!
    How cool that you asked a question so close to people’s hearts!
    I’m w/ Jeannette about the story you’re telling. Tell the story that will lead to the ending you want.
    For example, here’s something you said that is ripe for creating a new story.
    You wrote: How do you build up confidence when you’ve never been successful?
    I bet you have plenty of relationships that you enjoy and consider successful-friends, family, colleagues etc, yes?
    Which relationship has been the easiest?
    Which is your favorite? Why?
    What do your relationships have in common?
    How did you go about developing/attracting these relationships?
    ALL these relationships have prepared you to have a deep, meaningful romantic love relationship with someone extra special. You have ALL the skills you need to attract and enjoy the relationship you desire.
    Your answers above, and understanding why you’ve had these relationships helps you to create a new story, something like:
    “Yes, my love will be easy and fantastic like __________ and have these qualities that are important to me ____________________________________________, just like my other relationships.
    Of COURSE I know I’ll have the love I want-look at the relationships I’ve created already!”
    (Sometimes going straight at something that we have a lot of attachment to is just too damn stressful. Find something that is similar or close to use as an example. For example, I say “money comes to me like rock star parking spaces.”)
    MOST importantly, you have your relationship with you. Create THIS relationship into the relationship of your dreams. There’s no waiting AND, is there a brighter light than this? I don’t think so!
    Who could resist you?
    Much love to you!

  • There is SO much awesome advice here, wow. Way to go tapping into available resources Jeannette! ALL of you rock.
    I would look at that belief that none of the guys you meet have what you want.
    I’m currently manifesting the relationship that I want. And just like Dana said, each time I meet a man who has qualities close to what I want, I thank the Universe for bringing me even closer to the one I want!
    How about appreciating the few qualities you may like and say Thanks and MORE of that please Universe, along with … …!
    As for never having had a relationship before, I don’t believe that’s an excuse or a reason for not being able to manifest what you want.
    Like dreaming about a holiday like Iyabo did, or seeing others in relationships and knowing what love looks/feels like, you can focus on how YOU would like to feel (whether in love or generally)
    It seems like there is a deep rooted belief here that needs to be looked at. Self awareness is KEY. As is Self love! It might help to use techniques like EFT or Psych-K to change those limiting beliefs.
    What do you feel about yourself right now? Do you think a relationship will make you feel more loved? Secure? Happy? Worthy? What is it? Feel that way now.
    You could start with something simple to build that “feeling as if it has already happened” muscle. The other day I was walking down the street feeling very happy, imagining I was on the way to meet someone special. And imagining how nice it would be to have beautiful flowers at home.
    Getting into that feeling mode was easy, it only took a few seconds of seeing them in my living room and thinking how pretty they were and then I totally forgot about them.
    A couple of hours later a friend dropped by and brought me flowers! Now I havent been given flowers in .. over a year. And there they were.
    The reason we manifest flowers and other ‘little’ things so easily is because it’s a simply stated want with no attachment / neediness / desperation.
    Imagine me saying “I really want flowers. I asked for them everyday. Why havent I got them yet. All the good flowers are taken. I’ll never get any flowers again!” 😉
    LOA talks about how wanting something small and big is only small or big to US. To the Universe, it’s all atoms and energy.
    When the emotions we attach to something we really want are needy and despairing, that energy we vibrate makes it hard to get what we want.
    There’s a lot here for you to play with, just remember to do what feels good and be aware every thought you have creates your reality. Hugs! Tia
    @TiaSparkles on twitter

  • Debbie says:

    My favorite LOA jump starter is to create an Authentic Image. I sit in quiet meditation for a couple minutes, then I play my favorite love story vision in my head. (you do have a love story vision, right?)
    And when I feel all full of love an happiness, I search my inner self for any image that comes up. THen I trust that my soul is speaking to me, grab some crayons, pencils or paint and start creating
    I try to keep my thoughts out of the way. No saying “well, this doesn’t look good, or I don’t know what I’m making” I try to focus on the love feeling and trust my intuition.
    When I’m finished, I like to sit for a few moments witnessing my creation. Then I fishish this sentence like I am the art speaking. “I am…….”
    The words that come next are so insightful.

  • MissyB says:

    Well my answer is going to be short and sweet as the Good Vibe Coach got there first with my handy hint. Whenever I get the I don’t want to be single or its never gonna happen doom and glooms, I now try to remember my set phrase. It is hard to always turn it around, but it gets easier. I simply say “what DO I want”. With that, I find my mind immediately off the negative and on to the cor wouldn’t it be great if game that allows me to choose the qualities I’m looking for in a potential partner. I am also exploring the idea that I am single because I’m not ready for a relationship yet. Hmm, not sure how that one sits with me at the moment but gives me something to ponder as I fall off to sleep.
    And isn’t everyone just great here ?! There’s some really good hints and tips.

  • What I wanted to say, Melissa, is that it sounds like you’ve got a strong story going about how hard it is for you to experience a relationship (let alone a happy one).
    You don’t have to believe a new story in order to start telling it. That’s what a story is by definition, right? It’s not necessarily based in real life facts or experiences.
    Start telling a new story, and Universe has to accommodate you. Don’t worry so much about shifting beliefs … just start telling it how you want it instead of how it is, how it has been, or how you don’t want it.
    Again, you don’t have to believe in your story. Just the repetition of it will bring it to life. Trust me, I know this one. 🙂

  • Lori Bjork says:

    first and foremost, know there is someone you will be thrilled to share a romantic relationship with that is just as thrilled to be with you as you are with him.
    2. you do make it sound like you know some of what you don’t want, which through the law of polarity helps you start compiling a list of what you do want
    3. start compiling the list. You move energy when you write and get it flowing into the universe.
    4. be sure to also start a list of what you bring to the relationship. If you don’t feel very good about yourself or feel you don’t bring much to the table…use this time to help yourself improve how you feel about this. if you don’t love yourself enough, you will feel skeptical when someone else does.
    5. you most likely have friends who are in relationships or you may watch a movie and see how others are in romantic relationships and can get a sense of what they are experiencing as whether it is something you would like or not. Use this to help you compile your list.
    6. don’t be so all consumed about not being in the relationship while you are helping the universe bring you the best relationship possible. Instead, as much as possible when you project your life out in the future see yourself as already being in this relationship that is even better than you ever thought it could be. The Universe is all about ease. Know it will seem effortless as you enjoy this time really getting clear on the relationship you would love to enjoy. Plus, a bonus on getting clear is that you will be amazed when it shows up how much the Universe has not only fulfilled your list but exceeded it in a good way.
    7. also try not to be hung up on who or how it manifests in your life (remember it is manifesting).
    8. enjoy the process, there may be some mis-starts as you become more and more clear. Be thrilled because this means you are getting closer.
    I offer all of this because these are the same things I did when after over twenty years of multiple relationships that all seemed to be the same just different guys, I desired a relationship that would be more fulfilling than I ever thought possible. It was with these types of suggestions that for over four years now I have enjoyed the best romantic relationship of my life.
    Lastly to borrow something from Abraham-Hicks that I feel fortunate enough to have read and kept close to my heart when my relationship first started was to make the relationship, as much as you can, be more about what you appreciate about the other person and less about what you think may be “wrong” with them. It’s not your role to mother or change them. It’s your place to love them as unconditionally as possible.
    Remember, the gist of the Law of Attraction is that whatever you vibe in any given present moment is what you are technically asking the universe to bring you more of. So, once the universe connects the two of you, instead of feeling it is too good to be true and metaphorically waiting for the other shoe to drop, know it is fabulous ‘cuz you asked for it. And it will stay fabulous as you continue to affirm and appreciate the joy of sharing this romantic relationship with this other wonderful child of the divine the Universe has matched you up with.
    I celebrate your romantic relationship you are manifesting and soon will be enjoying in your physical life. For during this inner manifestation process, truly allow yourself to enjoy what you feel your ideal relationship will be when it is manifest. And you will find that your truly are already enjoying this relationship NOW.

  • The Authentic Change Coach says:

    Melissa, I hear you. Take deep breaths and set time aside for manifesting. Pen and paper or my computer keyboard are my favorite tools.
    One of the manifesting problems that we all experience is that we try to manifest from a place of feeling incomplete and some how we have a belief that if you just got this part right, then you would be complete.
    Desiring something from a place of feeling incomplete is not ideal. No matter what has happened to you, you can feel complete and create from the complete person that you are.
    In a sense, you are being unfair to yourself to say you cannot imagine what you have never heard.
    Have you to been to the beautiful exotic beaches of Bali with the thatched huts and had a massage in complete isolation on the beach with the slight salty breeze on your back? How about reaching over for the Maitai while the beautiful and young soothing Polynesian lady rubs the kinks out of your neck. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Can you feel it?
    I have never experienced that but you can well imagine that I will soon experience it if I can describe it that well.
    You can do the same thing on any subject that you want.
    Our imaginations are wonderful and delightful. The knowledge of the experience is in the creating of it. Let me repeat for emphasis. The knowledge is in the creating of it.
    If you have never had a good relationship, no problem. Easy one really. What are your favorite relationship movies? Did you like that the guy brought her flowers? How did you feel when he left her love notes on the fridge?
    Frankly, what are your fantasies about a great relationship?
    You are capable of wonderful fantasies that indicate what you want.
    You are a person of value. How do I know that? Anyone that loves herself enough to write the request to her coach absolutely loves herself and knows that there are solutions out there and is not settling for “less than.”
    As a person of such great value, you have been endowed with a wonderful, creative mind.
    Begin to stimulate your creativity and get your creative juices flowing.
    If you can think it, you can have it because you deserve it just because you thunk it!
    As you think it and believe that you can have it, keep notes, keep a log. Even when you think something does not relate.
    One of the things I wrote about when I was single was that I wanted a partner that when I was with him I felt the same way I did when I saw blooming flowers in Spring.
    Blooming flowers have nothing to do with a partner but I love the way I feel when I see blooming flowers. So that is how I want to feel with my partner.
    Same for you. What makes you happy? That happiness is the same feeling that you want to experience with your lover.
    So call to your beloved from your place of wholeness and value and specialness and beauty and he will show up.
    You deserve it.
    To your greatness Meslissa!
    Lots of love and warm hugs to you.
    Iyabo Asani

  • Holy hannah, I tapped into the Mother Lode here!! You guys are even more brilliant and willing and generous than I imagined – if that’s possible!!
    I am absolutely awed by your contributions here …

  • Please forget “the impossible” = – it doesn’t make any sense 🙂

  • Dana says:

    Thank you for giving us the opportunity to help and shine.
    While looking back at past relationships can be a useful tool for sorting out what you want and/or don’t want in your ideal mate/relationship, you can rest assured that you don’t need to look to the past to summon the vibrational energy and alignment with what you want now.
    In my experience, I’ve learned that we oftentimes look outside ourselves to see how we should be forming the image of our ideal mate, based on what others think or want. The really neat realization for us all is that we have all of the answers and wisdom we need inside us, including the vision of our ideal mate.
    Would you try something if I suggested it to you? First, when I was out there dating and focused on attracting the love of my life, I had a big sign on my refrigerator that said, “Just say next!” It was a light-hearted reminder to myself that just because I came home from a date with someone who didn’t meet my vision didn’t mean I should feel let down in any way. In fact, it was a clue from the Universe to let me know without a doubt that the guy I just dated was not the one so I should keep on going, trying other dates, AND the really cool part was that the dates I had were opportunities for me to fine tune what I wanted in a man.
    Every time I got home from a “bad” date or a less than ideal date, I’d look at my sign, smile, and go find my “list”. I’d think about the date and what he was missing or what could have made him more aligned with my vision, and then I’d tweak my list accordingly. Without fail, I’d find that whatever “flaw” he had would clearly be something I hadn’t considered in creating a vision of the perfect mate I wanted. This exercise in conscious dating really helped me to enjoy my dating experience and get the most out of it. It’s what we really should be doing out there. When you feel like all the good ones are taken, turn that around and know that your perfect mate is also looking for you and has a very specific list that you meet item for item. He just may not have clarified it himself yet either.
    You see, dating should be fun! I know, we all want to be in that cozy, comfy and loving relationship where we’re loved for who we are and happy. When you begin to see that where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be, because without being there you wouldn’t have the opportunity to see the contrast in men that abounds and clarify what you want so you can find the love of your life, and when you begin to love who you are, how much fun you’re having, and laugh at every opportunity to “just say next” with optimism that the next guy just may be the right one, you will begin to see so many possibilities. You will realize that it’s up to you what your perfect mate looks like (not just on the outside) and it really is fun finding him.
    As a little bonus, when you do find him it will be like winning the biggest prize you can ever imagine.
    Are you willing to try this out? I’d love to hear whether you do and how it goes. If you have questions, I’d love to hear those as well. Good luck!
    Much love,
    @coachdanalboyle on twitter

  • Dear Melissa, sometimes it seems very, very difficult to create what we “really, really want”, maybe because we feel that we actually “need it” to be happy – and Universe seems to be quite “unwilling” to deliver what we “need”. So we “need” to detach ourselves from the “need” and try to find a lighter way of “wanting”.
    I usually find it very helpful if I can turn the scenario into something more playfull – have you ever tried the “wouldn’t it be nice-game”? It could be something like “wouldn’t it be nice to meet a wonderful man, and wouln’t it be nice if he was crazy in love with me from the very first moment he saw me, and wouldn’t it be nice if he was single and ready for a lasting relationsship, and wouldn’t it be nice if he had blue eyes and was a dog lover, etc., etc. – you can play with the details like ordering from a menu 🙂 and have lots of fun with it, and this way raise your vibration on this topic.
    Another thing I noticed: I know it may seem that “all the good guys are already taken”, but saying it out loud (or writing it or thinking it) is like telling the Universe “you don’t have to bother cause I know its impossible”, and Universe must deliver what you ask for, which in this case is “no available good guys”! So if you could somehow turn it around or rephrase it, it would be very helpful.
    (Wouldn’t it be nice if there were plenty of free, good guys, just waiting to meet me :-))
    Have fun !!!!
    “the impossible” =

  • Debra says:

    I thought it may help for me to share that I have been utterly, blissfully, completely and totally in love and loved in return by a most incredible man, my beloved Mark for 23 years!
    Our relationship only continues to deepen and grow richer because every day we give gratitude for each other…and we imagine our love growing stronger and stronger…and so it does! No matter the challenges or adversity we may face.
    This may sound like a fairy tale…and indeed it may be. We’re living it. Because we choose to. Because we create it this way.
    I share this only to show you it’s possible. I’m living proof.
    I practiced on a couple other relationships prior to meeting Mark…he did as well.
    We’ve had our bumps. Everyone does. It’s what you do with the bumps.
    The bottom line is, the more deeply I love myself, the more infinitely I attune myself with my God-Given/Source Brilliance, the more capable of loving and being loved I am!
    Believe it to See it!!!
    In Love,
    (@debsoul on Twitter)

  • Melissa, although you haven’t had a relationship yet, I’ll bet you’ve seen plenty of them. You’ve no doubt been up close and personal with your friends’ relationships, your family’s relationships, relationships in movies, in plays… So choose some of the intimate relationships you have witnessed and choose the ones most like that which you’d like to have.
    For instance, I admired the marriage of Joanne Woodward (no relation) and Paul Newman. Seemed to be based on mutual respect, partnership, passion and meaning.
    If you can identify a few relationships that have aspects you’d like to have in your relationship, then you can start to feel what it would feel to have, for instance, the kind of partnership Joanne and Paul had.
    You can experience, vicariously, the feelings you haven’t felt before and then begin to welcome them into your life. Before you know it, you will welcome the right partner into your life, too.
    All the best to you!

  • Ming says:

    Dear Melissa and Jeanette, This is such a great topic.
    I love talking about the LOA. I haven’t studied it or took classes but have just lived it.
    Just the other night someone on Twitter asked me how did you get your husband, he’s so nice! He was singing “brown eyed girl to me” . I said to her, “do you believe that I manifested him?!”
    Which is true. But that does not mean I did not have heart aches and a failed marriage. But what I did is take each experience, each feeling and own it. Not blame but own what is my part. Then let it go. Yes, hard to let it go and at times you can get in a “rut” but you have to PULL yourself out. If you don’t you’ll get in the spiral and nothing will bring you joy. I go where the joy is.
    Later on, one day I got on plane and who sat next to me? My ex. We were able to talk, forgive one another, put blame where blame should go and move on. I am blessed to have been able to go full circle!
    So one day I told my best friend what I want in a man. It wasn’t long after he came and found me. You have to believe it. It works. Don’t give up. Press on. And go where the joy leads you. The best to you.

  • Debra says:

    Firstly Dear Heart Melissa, I notice something for you to be incredibly grateful for…
    Being that you’ve never had a relationship…you’re a clean slate…a promise just waiting to be given. You are free of past experience, baggage, unwanted yuck that you don’t want to bring into your experience again. Be grateful. Celebrate this!! :0)
    This is an absolute PLUS…and has nothing to do with an empty hole or lack…unless that’s how you choose to see it.
    Here’s a potential reframe:
    Picture it as a beautifully handcrafted container that has been sculpted and honed by you, over time…a container only fitting to hold what you choose to place there…and you’re choosy. You know what you want. Be clear. Be confident. Know that your container is ready to be filled upon your choosing. :0)
    Breathe into the love of YOU. Deepen in relationship with yourself. Imagine all that you are, all that you are yet becoming. Notice your strengths, your gifts, your talents. Observe the greatness of your being.
    Fall in love with YOU over and over again until you’re beaming radiantly the light you were born to be.
    As in all relationships (even and sometimes especially in our relationship with ourselves), things come up that may not feel pretty or appealing…things that may be disturbing, things that may challenge your feel good vibe flow…
    Welcome them. Hug them close and thank them for making themselves known to you. …and then, without resentment, attachment, fear… With complete and total love and detachment let them go. Trade them in for the shinier part of you that was there all along.
    Breathe into that…
    Allow the brilliance of your being to shine in all its glory.
    Begin to relate with the fullness of who you are.
    In so doing you will radiate this essence outward.
    Without even attempting to do so much that matches your vibration will be attracted to you…
    Including your perfect mate. Another who shines in his brilliance and who has fallen in love with himself enough to love another.
    Know that the love I’m speaking of is pure, true, real. That of the I AM self. (I just had some amazing revelations this morning while sitting with Lakshmi after my morning chanting…we all need an I AM boost…so different than an ego boost…post coming soon! :0)
    Remember…the key with attracting is YOU have to be a vibrational match for what it is that you want to attract…
    So…focus on yourself. Key in on your own personal vibe. What are you emitting? Do you feel good about it? Are you in love with yourself? Are there any fears that may be tucked away that would prevent you from recognizing and allowing a loving relationship into your life? Do you believe you deserve to be loved by another being who is centered and authentic? Are you ready for that relationship to enter your life? If so…beautiful! Allow… If not, what can you do/be to get yourself prepared?
    You deserve LOVE. We all do. It is written. :0)
    Loving ourselves authentically goes a long way to raising our vibration higher and higher… In this space anything is possible. Even love. Especially love.
    May LOVE be with you, Melissa…inside and out.
    Believe it to See it!! Believe that the person you love, who loves and adores you is only a breath away…
    Breathe into that…
    With Love. In Harmony…

  • Wes Hopper says:

    When you have a situation where you are left out of a life condition that most everyone else accomplishes relatively easily, then in my experience you are dealing with a belief that in some way says you can’t have it.
    One of my w/s grads told me that in her age group “all the good ones were taken.” I ask her “how many do you need?” and she got the joke, admitting that there just might be one left. In 3 months she had her relationship.
    Since you have a long term experience with this issue, it appears that you have a very strong belief of some sort, like “relationships are really difficult, no one meets my standards, I’m not good enough, I’m always left out” or something like that. By examining your childhood you might be able to pinpoint the experiences that led to the belief decision. In the meantime, the LOA won’t seem to work because it’s actually manifesting the old belief, and doing it quite well.
    In addition, the belief that all the good guys are either taken or not interested will cause you to ONLY be attracted to men who meet those conditions! Chances are you’ve passed up many fine men because they seemed unattractive to you. They seemed unattractive because your subconscious knew they didn’t meet your requirements of taken or not interested.
    Your feelings will lie to you, because they come from your subconscious programming, and you will only FEEL strongly attracted to men who meet the subconscious requirements, no matter how dysfunctional they are.
    Your solution? Handle the belief, understand what caused it, know you’re worthly, don’t trust your feelings, and you’ll be surprised by how many nice guys suddenly seem to be out there.
    Best wishes,

  • Linda Miller says:

    Yes, that is a question many people have I’m sure… including me at one time.. for 13 years after I was divorced. The turnaround for me was when I began to define what characteristics I wanted in a husband and I decided I was not going to compromise… and if that meant being single forever, so be it.
    I reached a place where I realized it was more important for ME to like HIM than for him to like me. I accepted myself exactly as I am and I knew I deserved the best.
    It is really important to detach from the outcome also, knowing that there is a higher power that is watching over you and will deliver what is best for you.
    Now I have been happily married to a wonderful man I met online for 11 years – and we were married after only 6 months.
    I let go and he was delivered to me in the most miraculous way!
    From a Law of Attraction point of view, it is about not focusing on what you don’t have and thinking only of what you do want AS IF you already have it.
    I noticed in your original question you described yourself as never being successful… so that is the way you see yourself… and Law of Attraction always delivers what you are thinking, whether you want it or not, without judgment of any kind.
    So, my suggestion is to spend as much time as you can imagining that you already have the relationship you want. Describe it. Feel it. Smell it. BE it. How does it FEEL?
    When you spend as little as a few minutes FEELING as if you are already in the relationship you want, it WILL come to you. There is no other way. Law of Attraction delivers what you are thinking and feeling. Period.
    I sincerely hope that helps.
    Many blessings.
    Linda Miller

  • Believing you can have, be, or do something AFTER you have already acquired it, became it or done it is EASY. Anyone can do that. Believing you can have that relationship BEFORE you are in it is not as easy. This is where faith comes in. So how do you do this? How does a person who has never been in the relationship of their dreams develop a feeling of faith that she WILL have it? How does an unshakable faith like this get developed?
    Through AUTOSUGGESTION. Autosuggestion is the process of automatically SELF-SUGGESTING things to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is always on–it is always being influenced. When you watch TV or when you are reading books, your subconscious mind is being influenced. The challenge is that you are not aware of this, because it happens automatically. The key here is to learn to consciously learn to influence your subconscious mind. This is what the process of autosuggestion really is; a method of communicating between the part of your mind that is conscious and the part that is subconscious.

  • Well, that is a fantastic question. Essentially, you’re asking “How do I manifest something, if I can’t even describe/feel what it would be like to have it?”
    For me, it’s a combination of asking for the closest thing plus asking for the excitement of something new.
    So, the closest thing to having a beloved, is being loved and appreciated. Nearly everyone has had someone in their life who loved and appreciated them. So, start there, even if it was a teacher or your mom, or even a dog. Start with re-living the love and joy of that kind of moment. Then also ask for the excitement of the new! Because a new lover is going to give you that. It’s going to be new.
    I hope this helps!
    Bridget Pilloud

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