Q&A: How to Let Go?

how to let goThis popular question showed up in my inbox not once, but three times this week, and appeared even more often in client and group sessions.

So it seemed appropriate to have the subject of letting go be our next Q&A post for everyone to weigh in on.

Here’s the succinct question from Maryann:

“I have really struggled in the past with the “Letting Go” step of the Law of Attraction process. I’m starting to get a handle on surrendering and realizing how much resistance that I had from trying so hard. Do you know of any other resources or any other suggestions that may help with ‘giving up’?”

Another woman writes in:

“I understand how important it is to release attachment to my desire; I just don’t know how to.  How do you do it when it’s something you really really want?”

I’ve got a feeling everyone reading this has felt this challenge, whether related to weight loss, love, money, or the American Idol winner (hee).

And because we’ve all felt it, I believe everyone reading this has helpful insight to offer Maryann and others struggling with this aspect of manifesting!

So basically, we know that needing something desperately introduces the kind of resistance that actually keeps it from happening.  Cool, we get that.

But how do you let go of something that you’ve got your heart set on?

In traditional Q&A style, I’m turning this one over to you all.  Thanks in advance for your wise, humorous and helpful responses!

  • May 7, 2009
  • Ashley says:

    WOW, THIS WAS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!! Phew, I feel relief in knowing I now have so many ways to release. EPPPPP SO MUCH FUN!!!! BIG LOVE HERE!
    HUGS -CG-

  • sonia says:

    guys, you’re great. You just can’t imagine how much you helped me right now. I thank you so much. I love you all! namasté

  • My turn to weigh in: my favorite method for letting go when I’m feeling really challenged is similar to Kimberly’s and Kate’s (also mentioned by Maria and Tia) – DISTRACTION.
    Just take my attention off it altogether by dialing in on something that feels better.

  • MissyB says:

    Something that Tammy said above about baby sitting made me think on a little. I see the Universe as my caretaker. My caretaker gets to deal with all the stuff I struggle with. Its just my list for stuff for him to do has got a little long so it might take him a wee while to get round to it all ! But it does feel good to release it to him I have to say.

  • Tammy says:

    The words “letting go” are a struggle for me. When I think about the easiest part of my life, I think of my two daughters. I completely love them and they me. No effort, no thought, I take them for granted. Which in my old way of thinking sounds horrible, but as a manifestor, I just completely know we love and adore each other. So rather than letting go, I am better off to feel so supremely confident that what I want is on its way and I simply do not need to baby sit it.
    Thank you for this forum, too much fun!

  • Gillian says:

    I am just beginning to master the letting go part. Again, I manage to do that thanks to the mantras I am reciting everyday.

  • Thought I’d share this quick note from Maryann, although I know many others are gleaning tons of info from this post, too (me included):
    Hi there Jeanette,
    I’m really enjoying reading all the responses and getting different pearls from everyone. There’s definitely some GREAT stuff there!

  • Judiesjuice says:

    Tima, that is a very cool suggestion! Thank you for sharing. I very much love making To Do lists. They help keep me organized. Sometimes I will write down something that I am wanting to manifest. It always puts a smile on my face and keeps me hopeful.

  • Tima says:

    This is completely off topic! But I really thought I should share, because it has helped me a LOT.
    To manifest the things I want, I make an order list, that I address to the Universe. I pretend like it’s my grocery list, and I’m letting the Universe do the shopping for me.
    I literally just list ALL the things I want, all detailed and everything.
    And every now and then, I’d add more and more things to the list. I never remove anything though, because the universe is still working on getting me EXACTLY what I want.
    It’s worked for me SO well. I’ve gotten into the school I wanted to. I’ve met a few boys that are so PERFECT, but they’re either from out of state, or it just didn’t work out..but it’s okay, because that only means I’m one guy closer to The One. And I just moved into my dream apartment.
    Things are going so well…literally all because of this blog. I’ve learned SO much on this blog. MORE than any book can teach me. I love it. I love the posts, the comments…EVERYTHING.
    So Jeannette, thank you for making ALL this happen!!

  • Mitch says:

    These posts are all so inspiring to me! Thank you all!
    When I start stressing over one of my goals and I realize it’s time to let go, I talk myself down with logic. It seems so natural to so many people to get upset about not having what we want, but that’s only a conditioned response. And even without my LOA knowledge, it still stands to reason that feeling really, really badly doesn’t actually help anything, right? 🙂
    So I remind myself of that when I’m holding on too tightly. I completely understand the fear that accepting what is will prevent me from ever changing. But even when I’m gripped with that fear, I have to remind myself that *fighting* what is has never gotten me anywhere good.
    Now, that doesn’t always bring me immediately to joy and love, but it sure lets some resistance go.

  • MissyB says:

    I’m trying the surrender box suggestion at the mo. I love it. I bung it all in there and its over to the universe. Its like all my feelings of need are contained in that box. Love it, love it, love it !

  • MSNikki says:

    What an awesome group! Mary K’s “positive aspects” exercise sounds simply divine! I am going to be utilizing that one in my journal! Yay!

  • Kimberly Gauthier says:

    This is a fantasic post and I wish I had more time to respond. I let go by changing focus. For example, if I want more money, then I say “I want more money.” I then have a ball imagining what I’d do with the extra money that flows into my life and I add this to my daily workshop (where I set aside 15-20 minutes to focused manifesting). Other than that I let it go.
    Whenever I’m even tempted to think, I “can’t afford” or “it’s too much” or “I don’t have enough” – I STOP and I change the words “I can buy anything I want,” “I have tons of money,” “I always have more money coming in.” Then I change the subject in my head.
    I do this with people too. If I’ve had a challenging conversation with my mom, a coworker, my boyfriend, etc, when my brain started to revisit the conversation – I change the focus. I say “my mom did a great job raising me,” “I’m so happy to have such an understanding and loving boyfriend.” For work, I change my focus to this one coworker who is always sweet and nice.
    Changing my focus and rearranging my words for something positive always improves my mood (better for manifesting) and helps me let go.
    It took practice, but now it’s old hat!!! 🙂
    Have a fantastic weekend, Everyone!!!

  • Judiesjuice says:

    I LOVE this blog and I love reading everyone’s posts. Thank you all for sharing your words of wisdom.
    As for me, I use some of the techniques that others have mentioned. I will think “Wouldn’t it be great if X” or “I am so happy and thankful now that X”.
    If I find myself getting obsessed about something, I try to stop thinking about it. I’ll do whatever it takes, read a magazine, play with my kids, get online, put on some music, meditate, go to the gym, whatever. If I don’t feel good about something, I’m not going to spend time thinking about it. In the past, if I wanted to manifest something “huge”, sometimes I felt I had to do a lot of work, ie, I would have to journal, create a vision board, affirmations, etc.. But really, that just gave me a false sense of control. For me, if there is something that I really, really want, I will write it down (I love doing new moon wish lists) and then let it go. Try to put it out of my mind as much as possible. If I feel inspired to take action, so be it, but otherwise, I find fun things to occupy my time.
    Lastly, I do try to find things to be grateful right here, right now.

  • Giany says:

    From the books by Sanaya Roman, letting go is presented in two forms – surrender = emotional letting go; detachment = mental letting go.

  • Maria, these are FABULOUS!!! Thanks for taking the time to share them here!!

  • Maria says:

    Wow I absolutely love all these wonderful responses!
    For me, letting go became a lot easier once I really understood LOA and how it works. It was like ah-ha….so THIS is how it’s done. Sometimes it just takes a little reminder that letting go is part of the process to get me over that attachment hump.
    But other times I’m a little more stubborn. When that happens, I use some of these tips & tricks:
    – Complete the story – I tell my story right on past the present point to an outcome based on me continuing to hang on. Often that’s enough to see the light.
    – I remind myself that I can’t receive what I want when I’m constantly in asking mode. Not letting go is staying in the asking and in effect refusing to receive the thing when it arrives.
    – Make the distinction between wanting the thing vs. the idea of the thing. Sometimes I get so attached to the idea that I create a fantasy all around that without really wanting the thing itself. It’s like planning a party and getting so caught up in the excitement of arranging every last detail you never actually throw the actual party.
    – Remember that it’s my job to ask and the Universe’s job to deliver. Often I’ve had to fire myself from trying to micro-manage the whole thing.
    – Detach and switch to observer mode. Once I’m aware of how attached I am to a particular outcome I can usually (for a little while at least) switch to observer mode and watch myself stressing over it. It’s a really different perspective and often cures me of the “I gotta have’s” instantly.
    – Look for clues – Like a treasure hunt, this is a fun way to remind myself that the Universe does indeed deliver and also gives me clues along the way to let me know it’s hard at work behind the scenes. I’ll look for clues everywhere no matter how silly or random they seem. Want a new car? Oooo there’s a hot wheel on the floor in the perfect shade of red! Looking for that perfect relationship? Aww look at that happy couple pushing their grocery cart together. Need money? There’s a penny on the ground! Sometimes I’ll keep a list and make a game of trying to get over 100 clues in a day. Makes it fun and takes the edge off too.
    – Play with the how’s – I try to come up with different ways the Universe might deliver my request. I start with “wouldn’t it be cool if the Universe….” and then finish with everything from the mundane to the outlandish. It really expands limits and gets the mind engaged and excited. Also it takes the focus of “getting it.” Instead I assume it’s coming and the focus is now on “being excited about how the Universe will deliver.”
    – Back burner it and focus on manifesting other things for a little while. When I was new to manifesting I used to think I had to do one thing and wait until it had manifested in order to move on to the next. You can imagine I often felt frustrated and stuck. Now I put out my requests and then just keep going with other things, allowing that one thing to simmer for a little while. Sure I go back and check it from time to time but since I’m engaged in other things too I’m not so tempted to keep “stirring the pot” so to speak.
    That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. When working with clients I spend a lot of time making sure they really understand LOA and how the attachment piece fits in. Having that foundation of really understanding the process goes a long way to helping things manifest more quickly and effortlessly.
    Have a great day ~ Happy Manifesting!

  • You’re no neophyte, Adrienne! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
    I know many readers feel a bit intimidated to post in the presence of these wise folks (they email me instead – ha!) – but we all have something valuable to share no matter where we are and what we’ve learned.
    So I guess I need to learn more about the email notification option, because I thought that was already in place!! Thanks for alerting me to the contrary, my friend!

  • Adrienne says:

    I just love this blog!
    Pernille – There’s a quote that a friend told me last year that is exactly what you’re saying that I just loved:
    “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” – Soren Kierkegaard
    For those who posed the initial question, I’m a little shy to respond only because while I’ve been reading so much on the LOA and the power of the subconscious mind (which I’m realizing are intrinsically related), I have only just started actually DOING/PRACTICING what I’ve been reading (Jeannette – I was so grateful for something you wrote that gave me peace … that after your first manifestation, you read everything you could get your hands on for a year before trying again; that made me feel that I wasn’t alone in trying to understand and then getting to a point of believing [I need the science behind it so that it doesn’t just feel like a bunch of woo-woo magic] before I actually felt I wasn’t wasting my time in “doing”).
    ANYWAY, “letting go” and “allowing” is the thing I struggle with the most, too. So far, the biggest helper for me is what others have posted: trusting that the Universe/my Infinite Mind/my Divine Intelligence/God/etc. knows best and WILL bring to me what I’m looking for or better in the best way possible. If I don’t have this trust (and it is probably why I read so much before trying), as someone who is as much cerebral as emotional, my mind will try to figure out every single angle of how to get it, why don’t I have it, etc. Only by trusting that it WILL happen (b/c of the quantum law and energy … hee hee the science I needed 😉 ), can I stop my brain from spinning every possible permutation and allow myself to breathe easily.
    As I’m still practicing this, reading all of your responses, tricks, how-to’s (hurrah for how-to’s! one of the many reasons I love this blog) has been wonderful! Thank you everyone!
    p.s. Jeannette … just a thought (request :)? )… I wish there was a button on each post where we could receive “followup comments via email” even if we did not have something wise to add to the discussion [especially for us neophytes 🙂 ]. Sometimes I think about replying with just a smiley so that I can hit the “Notify me …” button below (beware if you just see happiness posted in the future 😉 ). For now, I have an ever expanding list of URL’s to all your wonderful posts, and I click on all of them periodically, etc. to see if new comments have come in. Ok — I’m now “releasing” this wish :-D!!

  • MaryK says:

    Ooooh, I just thought of another fun way to release resistance! I’m turning it into a fun little game I’m going to play with myself:)
    Whenever you start to feel overly attached to having something in your life and you just can’t seem to let go, ask yourself two questions:
    1) What do I love about my life?
    2) What do I love about myself?
    And list as many things as you can! The more, the better.
    This will help you to make peace with where you are in life right now, and realize that you still have a pretty darn good life even without the thing you are so desperately craving. And once you realize that you can live without it and still be happy, that’s when you release resistance and it comes wandering into your life! Love it when that happens:)
    Going to go play this now!

  • Wow, Pernille, simple easy AND effective, huh?!
    Right up my alley!
    Thanks for posting your wise words on the subject!

  • Gosh, you ladies so much ROCK! – I’ve just been reading through all the comments and they simply made me feel so GREAT, course there’s so much wisdom and love in this place – thank you everybody, and thank you, Jeannette, for showing the way.
    In addition to all the fabolous respones I would like to add one of my favourites.
    Experience has showed me, that everything happens for a reason, but often the reason isn’t evident until later.
    Knowing this helps me to be able to release attachment “simply” by adding “I want this or something even better”.
    As soon as I’ve said this (and meant it!), I can feel a change in how I feel, I feel lighter, I feel release – and I can feel my vibe is shifting 🙂
    Dana, your words about how “neediness is the opposite of feeling good” was really an a-ha for me and I can see, that is exactly what is happening here – the feeling of release makes room for the feel good 🙂
    Love you all

  • Debra, I think you nailed it! This was my favorite:
    “What we give power to manifests. I’m giving power to happy.”
    Can’t express to you how much I appreciate your presence here in this online community, Debra! You are such a treasure!

  • Debra says:

    Oooo…this one is in the ‘freshy-fresh’ category for me right now!  Thanks for the question…and the opportunity to share my happy observations.
    Here’s what I’ve got…
    When you really, really want something.  Good.  Be clear about it.  Proclaim it from the mountain tops, sing, dance and celebrate it’s coming.  And then…
    Get in the Power of Happy.  Eckhart Tolle talks about the Power of Now…I say the Power of Happy has even more…power.  
    Happy goes beyond and gives meaning to the Now…it gives it purpose.  (Not to mention, it’s downright FUN.)
    When I’m really, really wanting something, I’m getting better and better at being in the ‘every day happy, now’.
    When I’m focused on my happy I notice I don’t think about my ‘thing’ I really, really want (much).  And you know what else?  
    Sometimes in the course of being in the happy, I look at what I really, really want and notice that it looks different.  I notice that I want it a little different than I thought…a little bigger, a little smaller, a little more, a little less, earthier, bluer…you get the picture.
    When this happens I get to celebrate a happy dance all over again!  Oh goodie!  Thank Goddess it didn’t arrive yet, ’cause now I get to switch it up to match my new vibe!
    **Do you think it’s possible the Universe was one step ahead of me (or three, five, one hundred) and knew better than I that I wasn’t quite ready, quite clear enough?
    **Do you think it’s possible the Universe was waiting for my ‘aha moment’ of expanded clarity?
    If there’s one thing I trust after all these years of experience it’s that everything happens on purpose, in right timing.  Everything.  Period.  If it looks as if, or feels as if it’s wrong…look deeper.  Divine Timing is fail-proof.  (There’s comfort in there if one chooses it.) 
    My most recent opportunity to practice what I preach (so to speak of course!) has been with the sale of our house here in Colorado.  (No, it’s not sold yet…and if any of you reading know the new owner, could you tell them the house is ready, willing and able to be theirs? 🙂
    Trust me when I tell you, this scenario has put my “Power of Happy” to the test.  And unequivocally I tell you the better I get at being true to my happy the more my attachment to the outcome (the sale of our house) drifts into the recesses of my awareness.
    Here’s the key to my Power of Happy:
    I’ve found that doing more of what I love, more of what I love, more & more & more of what I love…gives me more & more & more happy.  As a result my neediness and attachment melt away. (…and an abundance of other amazing things line up, manifest…etc.! *Bonus*)  
    Now, when I think of the house sale I want to happen it’s just a shoulder shrug of, “I guess it’s not quite time yet.  Boy, the Universe (God) must really be hatching together the most glorious of outcomes!  THIS is gonna be goooood!!!”
    Trust, Patience and Happy.  Those are my keys to detachment.  Happy is at the top of the list…’cause it just makes everything else easy-peasy.  
    I like easy-peasy.  In more refined terms:  Grace & Ease.  They are my compass…and Happy is my True North.  (Oooo…I like that!  Never came out quite like that before!  **this is sure to become my next blog post**)
    As is always the case when a certain theme is fresh, the theme attracts that which supports it. This week I clicked on one of @kendrathornbury’s links and followed it to her blog where she had posted an especially appropriate Abraham video about happy. I bookmarked it. I posted it to my Facebook page. I made a note to include it in a future post. Yesterday, I clicked on Jeannette’s post, “How Simple is It?” (http://bit.ly/pdtmD) and low and behold there was the video again!
    See what I mean? Divine Timing. Serendipity. THIS post, this question. All on purpose. All in harmony. All giving me more HAPPY. :0) Thanks!
    What we give power to manifests. I’m giving power to happy. The way I figure, then everything else just has to bring more happy!    
    Ditto everyone else’s delicious input.  Great ideas, reminders, confirmations!  I’m so honored (and happy) to play with you all!
    Dearest Jeannette…What an incredible community of aligned support you hold space for!  
    The brilliance in the answers as well as the questions moves me beyond beyond.  
    Thanks so much for this space & for being your most amazing YOU!  
    Ditto Tia and Dana’s kudos to you…your blog fuels my happy and my inspiration.  I do believe you are nectar for my muse! :0) *sweet*  
    This quote from Sylvia’s comment reinforces my impressions on the posted question:
    “If the Universe doesn’t grant your heart’s desire maybe it’s because it’s got something even better waiting for you that you can’t even imagine today.”
    In Happy & Harmony… Debra

  • Ooh, you knew I would love this, Leslie!!
    “I don’t know how it is going to work I just know it is.”
    Goose bumps!!!

  • Leslie Richter says:

    I watched Last Chance Harvey last night and the movie ends with Kate asking Harvey “How is this going to work? And Harvey says, “I don’t know how it is going to work I just know it is.”
    Now that is what letting go is, owning the knowing part of you.
    Love Leslie

  • Janette says:

    Wow, what a great collection of wisdom all in one place!
    I’m another of those “side of the pool” types – A Former Control Junkie Queen (!) – and probably have had more challenges from Letting Go than any other single thing. So sometimes a strategy that works for one part of my life seems completely powerless in another. My strategy now is to read every blog, follow every URL posted on Twitter, in the certain knowledge that TODAY the Universe will send me the trick, tactic or tip that I need. And of course, it does!
    And AMEN to Iyabo’s comment about faith in the Universe. Years ago, I was having a moanfest to a very good friend, about how my visualisaion practice wasn’t working. After patiently listening to me blab on, she finally lost it and said “How dare you presume to think you know how to fix this problem better than God!” It was so transformative in that moment. Now when an attachment is about my need to figure out “how”, I recreate her standing in front of me and telling me off – and that cracks me up… which is what unhooks me.
    Thanks for another fab post, Jeannette 🙂

  • I love reading everyone’s comments – amazing stuff! I think this is such an important topic. I’ve always thought one of the most important things Abraham has ever said was “You can’t improve what’s coming next until you make peace with where you are.” Until you can feel totally at peace right here in this moment, you haven’t truly let go. This is why the focus of my work with clients is making peace with their bodies the way they are, because until they do that, they can’t allow for real change and healing to occur.
    I often use many of the processes people have already shared here (and I have to say, turning it over to the Universal Manager and then TRULY letting go of it has produced some near-miraculous results in my life). When I am really having trouble letting go of something, I turn to my 2 favourite “Tools of Peace”, Byron Katie’s The Work and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). These two tools have changed my life unbelievably, and I heartily recommend them to anyone and everyone. You can learn more about The Work (a process of inquiry into your thoughts) at thework.com and lots of info about EFT (a great tool for releasing negative emotions and limiting beliefs) at emofree.com.
    I have also adopted a little mantra I find particularly soothing when I am getting frustrated or discouraged about something, which is “Everything I need is available to me right here in this moment.” This is the truth for all of us, but easy to forget sometimes 🙂

  • Okay, so earlier I accidentally hit enter before I meant to…
    Just reading over all the comments and there are so many great ideas from everyone here!
    And Thanks Coach T.I.A! The Wayne Dyer quote is from the movie “Ambition to Meaning”.
    I think recognizing that what you really want is a feeling, not a thing, is a big part of “How” to let go or allow. Martha Beck says “It doesn’t take any time at all to get to the feeling state you most want. It does, however, take a lot of practice to stay in this state if you’re not used to it.” One thing she suggests is “Treasuring the Future–Now” by creating a vivid image of our dream come true, experiencing how it feels sense by sense, and continuing to experience it for 10 minutes a day for a month. (from Steering By Starlight) Feeling the feeling of what we want for a short time every day is one really easy “How” for letting go (allowing)….It’s one way of giving ourselves what we want that helps us feel less needy….

  • Kate Loving Shenk says:

    Hi everyone–pure and simple for me–when I want to let go of something, I put on some loud boogie music from the good ol days and dance!!
    And Viola, I am ready for the next step!!
    Hangin out with the dogs works well for me, as well!!

  • Mary, I’m doing a Positive Aspects right now for a few different things! Thanks for reminding me about that 🙂

  • The Inner Genius Coach says:

    Also, please understand that your wants have not much to do with your attachment to your wants.
    You want your wants. You want to be perfectly clear about your wants and enjoy the wanting of your wants.
    Oooh, I love beautiful flowers in the Spring and I want the blooms to happen in seas of fields.
    Guess what? I want what I want and if that field is destroyed, blooms are going to show up in my life somewhere somehow. The beauty and serenity of it is what I want behind the want of the flowers.
    So, beauty and serenity is going to show up for me and may not look like flowers. But I will be fulfilled with beauty and serenity.
    So you are attached to wanting a love relationship with a particular man?
    Well, just keep your imagination going about how wonderful it would feel to be in the arms of your “beloved.” Keep talking about the beloved. Not so much the face of your beloved, but the core of the essence of your beloved.
    Then miracles and manifestation happen!
    Love, Love, Love.
    Iyabo Asani

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    I’m glad my lightbulb moment turned into one for you, too, Miss Tia! Big Duh turns into Big YAY!
    And I was just thinking the same thing regarding your blog inspiration…thanks, Jeannette. 😉

  • The Inner Genius Coach says:

    One of the hallmark principles of my coaching practice is that I share how to make true peace with yourself.
    You see, your attachment to your desire and wanting stuff to show up exactly how you say it should, is wonderful.
    Let us accept that first.
    Next, I want you to ask yourself the most profound question that you can ask yourself.
    “Do I truly believe that the Universe is friendly?”
    The fact of the matter, is that when you are attached to a particular outcome, which all of us do all the time, you are saying that your limited knowledge has the best possible information in the entire Universe just for you.
    Is that true?
    As much as your intuition serves you tremendously, is your conscious knowledge the full perspective.
    You see, when you release attachment and let go and let God, you are saying that you allow perfect wisdom and perfect love to come in and support me.
    When I have been honest with myself, I found attachment to a particular outcome means that I am not trusting and that I do not believe that this mysterious Universe loves me unconditionally.
    So you can easily see that attachment is about fear.
    Heal the fear, the attachment will take care of itself without effort.
    Truly stand in the space of love and imagine the Universe just bathing every cell in your body, every hair on your skin, your nose, your lips, your eyes and your breath in pure liquid love.
    Now try to resist anything when you are in that place.
    It just will not happen.
    Please know, each of you that made this request of Jeanette: Gosh, you are so awesomely loved by Love and Love supports you and only wants what is in your best and highest good.
    Now some of the Karma folks may not agree with me.
    But this I know:
    Love Rules.
    Hugs and Love,
    Iyabo Asani

  • Thanks Dana 🙂 I think I had a lightbulb moment reading your post, lol. Really identified with “realizing that…duh…that is the opposite of the feel good place…. does not feel good now” It’s all about keeping on feeling good! Awesome!
    Carol, I love, love, love what you posted: I recently heard Wayne Dyer say, “You don’t attract what you want, you attract who you are”. I love hearing that! I must post it on my wall now. Thanks!
    Iyabo, love how you say attachment is perfect because it means we really want something and then you show how to let go of it. Brilliant!
    I’m loving this post Jeannette, I always write my best stuff on the goodvibeblog and get inspired to turn them into articles and blog posts!! What would I do without you haha. Thanks for the opportunity you give us all to be of service here. x

  • Well said, Mary. I know many people who swear by the Positive Aspects Book to totally turn things around!
    And you’re right – it’s so easy to say to someone else; it’s another deal altogether to have the presence of mind to practice it when we’re in the grip of something.
    Thanks for sharing your wisdom here, my friend!

  • MaryK says:

    Isn’t it so funny how we can tell others how to do this, but when it comes to our own lives it proves to be a little more difficult?! lol. This is my very favorite part of using the LOA because it is just so darn fascinating to me!
    In addition to all the fantastic responses above, I’d like to throw into the pot the idea of using a Book of Positive Aspects that Abraham-Hicks talks about. (I just wrote a newsletter about this, so it is totally fresh in my mind!).
    The intention of the Book of Positive Aspects is to find as many positive aspects as you can about a person or situation that you want to change. You’re not trying to turn negatives into positives, but to see the positives in a situation or person that you didn’t see before. Once you’ve picked your topic, write at least fifteen positive aspects about that scenario or individual. Dig deep if you have to, but write down a minimum of fifteen positive qualities.
    By doing this process (and repeating it as often as you need to!), you are making peace with the situation at hand and giving up your resistance… and thus, letting go and releasing attachment!
    For example, if you’ve been struggling with money and wish you had more, list fifteen positive aspects about not having as much money as you’d like. You might list things like:
    -I’ve spent more quality time with my children because we haven’t been doing as many activities outside the house;
    -I’ve learned to live without many of the material things I thought I needed before and have deepened my spiritual practice;
    -I’ve started eating healthier because I can’t afford to go out to dinner as often.
    If you’re single and trying to attract a relationship, you can give up resistance and let go by listing all the positive aspects of being single (freedom to do what you want, lots of time with girlfriends, etc.).
    By seeing positive aspects about a situation that seems “negative” to you, you are making peace with the situation as it is and giving up attachment. And by making peace with things like not having as much money as you’d like or being single (or whatever), you are in fact creating space in your life for more money or a relationship to appear! Funny how that works… 😉
    Hope this helps!

  • Oooh, thanks for the specific “how to’s” Bridgette – very helpful!

  • I’d love to share some of the “how’s.”
    First, I find it useful to examine and dissolve a bunch of the thoughts my clients have around food/eating, themselves and even their larger beliefs. Why? Because it’s those beliefs that cause us to feel badly and reach for the Cheetos (not that Cheetos are bad, I don’t roll that way, just a whole bag is not so great). It’s extremely powerful to see in detail how a thought isn’t serving you and this is where big shifts occur. People can understand intellectually that being mean to themselves isn’t useful, but looking at a mean thought in detail allows them to understand deeply just exactly how counterproductive the thought is.
    Second–this is something everyone can try. Strip off your clothes, (might want to do this alone, but who am I to dictate?) REALLY see your body. Look at yourself with compassion, think about how your body has served you, perhaps how you’ve not always treated it well but want to. Then find 10 things you love about your body–not just your hands, hair and feet either! 10 things you really love. If you can really SEE yourself compassionately, this is transformative.
    Third (there’s many more but these are some good ones) — think about what you really want for yourself (joy, happiness, pride of accomplishment)–those feelings others have been talking about. Think about those great feelings you want to have when you “feel like” diving into some Oreos in the moment. The moment you make that great choice for yourself, you have those wonderful feelings.
    Hope that helps!

  • Sylvia, what a beautiful example of finding your way to faith and trust you share here!
    Thanks for the inspiration!

  • Sylvia says:

    As someone who wouldn’t swim farther in in the pool than that I knew I could always grab ahold of the gutter I have had some issues with letting go. (Actually lots of them!) A friend of mine who was coaching me to improve my swimming had me just jump right into the deep end. Just like that. I was petrified. But I trusted my friend’s lifesaving skills so I did it. You know what happened? I popped right up like a cork. I wouldn’t sink down to the bottom of the pool even if I tried.
    That’s one of my first conscious memories of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. When I was scared to give a speech I did it and no one in the audience threw any rotten tomatoes when I got tongue tied. Lots of examples in my life.
    The idea of letting go of the want of your “hearts desire” is scarey, too. But I could never learn to enjoy swimming in deep water without just trusting that it would be ok.
    One of my favorite quotes is this: When you find yourself in a circle of light and all around you is nothing but darkness faith is knowing that when you set your foot out in the darkness you will either be given something firm to step upon or you will be given wings to fly.
    If the Universe doesn’t grant your heart’s desire maybe it’s because it’s got something even better waiting for you that you can’t even imagine today.

  • This is a really important reminder, Carol. Thanks for it!
    (“… what you really want is how you think you’ll feel when you have what you want–and you can give that to yourself now.”)

  • What I keep reminding myself is what I’ve learned from Abraham-Hicks, Martha Beck, Eckhart Tolle, etc.–that what you really want is how you think you’ll feel when you have what you want–and you can give that to yourself now. In the deeper sense, what we want is never really the thing we want, it’s our own alignment with our soul, inner being, etc. When desire feels bad, what’s really going on is we’re not allowing ourselves to be who we really are, in the deepest sense. I recently heard Wayne Dyer say, “You don’t attract what you want, you attract who you are”

  • You’re giving me goose bumps with this, Bridgette:
    “Hating your body now is not in alignment with loving your body later.”
    No wonder you’re so good at weight loss coaching!
    And this: “They worry that ‘letting go’ means no change will occur.” – I’ve not only seen it with clients, but felt it myself. On this very topic.
    So seriously, other than telling them to “let go” – which I know a lot of folks forget (or never knew) is important – once we remember/realize that .. what’s the “how to” part of it?

  • Great question! Most of my clientele desperately wants something–to lose weight. I’ll talk through the idea of letting go in this context because, well, it’s what I know. 🙂
    They believe that losing weight will give them a certain feeling-state: happiness, sexiness, confidence, you name it.
    Many are also at war with their bodies. They can’t stand the way they appear now and really, really want to change it.
    Can you see the counter-intentions here?
    Hating your body now is not in alignment with loving your body later.
    Hating where you are now does not get you to where you want to go.
    I spend most of my time teaching and showing clients how the awful things they say to themselves is not creating motivation to move toward their natural weight. They worry that “letting go” means no change will occur.
    What really happens is that letting go allows them to end the war with themselves. Which allows them to say nice things to themselves and see all the ways their awesome body supports them, which makes them feel good, which makes them want to take great care of themselves, which causes them to move toward their natural weight. Alignment.
    When they let go, the extra weight no longer belongs on their body.
    It’s pretty frickin’ cool to let go if you ask me.

  • Well, Dana, I’ve got the same question myself on a totally different topic that I get to work with, too.
    We have good company!! lol
    Much love, sister.
    And Iyabo – you rock!
    These are the Queens of Walking Their Talk answering this question! woo hoo!!

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Tia, love your personalized response, complete with a glimpse into your own humanity. Lots of great tips there. Iyabo, that was beautiful!

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    GRRRRRREAT post, btw, Jeannette! Thanks for answering my question by posing it back to me.

  • This is why I love you ladies.

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    I have to admit that I haven’t had that much attachment to many things in life, that is, up until the most recent years. I used to think anything I wanted was mine and I didn’t give it a second thought. Ode to youth!
    Recently, I have had a particular outcome that I’ve been quite hooked to. I know that to attract what you want you must release it, be detached from the outcome, and make life fun so that you’re vibrating at the same frequency of your desires. However, it seemed that the thing I wanted was at the core of my identification with myself. If I didn’t have it, I’d not exist. Wow, pretty attached, huh?
    What most spoke to me was understanding that when I am so invested and attached to a particular outcome I create a neediness and the doubt and fear starts to creep in. The lightbulb moment for me was realizing that…duh…that is the opposite of the feel good place. Needing something doesn’t feel good. Doubting that you’ll have it doesn’t feel good. Wondering whether you’re good enough to get it doesn’t feel good. Wondering what others will think of you when it comes does not feel good. Believing that you will not feel good until it happens does not feel good now.
    So…what does feel good?
    Good question, and the right question to release attachment from a perceived need.
    For me, it feels good to set my intention around the desire or goal, including that I intend to unhook myself from the outcome. After that, it’s about making the journey fun. What feels best to do right now?
    Doesn’t mean you forget about what you wanted to begin with. Just means you remember the feel good, because that’s what draws the good stuff into your life.

  • Boy do I ever know this one 🙂
    Some ways I let go of what I really, really want:
    1) Turn it over to the Universe ~
    Like last week when I had a bit of a tantrum and told off the Universe for not doing the job, writing a list of what I wanted, sticking it on the wall and saying “All yours Universe, time for you to Step Up to the Plate thanks!”
    2) Going within to check my receiving radar ~
    The Universe delivered some of what I wanted after the tanty I threw and I somehow managed to stave it off. So today I sat down with “am I really ready to receive”? Turns out there was a block within that I’ve now acknowledged and it’s now up to me to make sure I’m ready.
    3) Change focus ~
    After asking for something and giving it the energy etc, go do something else to take your mind of it. I find that the more I start thinking about it, anxiety starts to creep in. So once the desire has been set, I’ll stop thinking about it too much.
    4) Trust ~
    I repeat words of trust and faith, belief and knowing that what I want is now mine in most magical ways. By refusing to wonder how, when, where etc, I’m trusting that the timing is always perfect and I can’t see the bigger picture but I know I’ll get what I want when the time is right.
    5) Alignment ~
    I check to see how I’m still feeling about my desire. If fear has crept in, it’s a reminder to manage my vibe and get re-aligned with what I want. This is a daily practice! Music, visualisation, scripting, day dreaming all work for me.
    6) This or something better ~
    This or something better is now manifesting in my life for the highest good of all concerned. When I say this, instant peace :). Cos that’s exactly what will happen.
    These are the ways I let go of that attachment, desperation and neediness for something. As soon as I start feeling any of that, I’ll do one or the other of the above and it helps bring me back to what’s rally important – being happy in the here and now.

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