Resistance-1, Allowing-0

IMG_2063For “good” medical reasons, Joe’s vet put him on a restrictive diet about three weeks ago. No more free feeding; no more table scraps.

(She and a neurology specialist determined that an extra 20 pounds pressured nerves that were damaged in an old car accident, causing tremors and other unpleasant side effects.)

This was not good news as far as Joe was concerned. This guy practically lives to eat.

He loves food like few dogs I’ve met. (And I’ve met some food-loving dogs!)

Joe could care less about a dog walk, doesn’t need to play with other dogs, and while he loves a good belly rub – his true passion is food. All kinds of food; he’s not picky.

(Actually, I can relate.)

For my ex who thought the doggy diet was funny, I said, “It would be like you having to give up smoking.” How about a little empathy, huh?

And when Russ laughed at the diagnosis, I said, “It would be like you having to give up golf.” Thus the somberness of the situation settled in.

So with the vet’s strict orders to drop 20 pounds pronto, we’ve followed the feeding instructions for two and a half weeks. That’s meant half portions and no table scraps whatsoever. (Except when Russ isn’t looking, and then maybe just a spoon lick or two.

But still, it’s a BIG improvement!)

Today we drove to the vet’s office to weigh in for positive reinforcement from the scale for our extreme efforts. At his last visit he was 81 pounds. I thought after nearly three weeks of half portions he’d be in the 70 something range.

Not so.

This guy actually put on weight with this restrictive diet. Unbelievable!

So this afternoon Joe comes in the office to tell me he’s hungry. “No,” I said with my most calm assertive voice. “It’s too early to eat. You have to wait.”

Apparently I was convincing. Joe collapsed into a desperate heap on the floor to wait it out.  He acted like he was being maliciously maltreated.

Which is when I realized I’d trained Joe to believe in scarcity of food.

And his body was likely responding to that scarcity by going into “starvation mode,” saving up calories that were “obviously” needed for a rainy day. This is probably a survival tactic, passed on by generations of successful forebears, to preserve precious calories in times of famine.

What’s embarrassing is this is the very thing I point out to my money clients: if we believe in lack and scarcity of money, we get clingy and desperate with our money. Which signals Universe that we don’t have much; thus we unwittingly turn off our own money faucet.

If we’re taking score, this weight loss situation with Joe might look like: Resistance – 1, Allowing – 0.

I gotta fix this! (Ha – even more resistance about resistance!)

So you know what just happened here, right? Joe just enjoyed a full dish of his favorite food, topped off to the brim, with no supervision from me and no sharing with the other dogs. (They couldn’t hone in if they tried – he’s become much more protective of food since the diet started.)

That was a lot of food. (Maybe now we can drop some weight around here, huh?)

How about you? Are you playing the game of expecting something to get better by employing scarcity? I’d love to hear if so, since I’m feeling a bit foolish now.

Also thinking I could have written this post about how to not let someone else’s authority override your own! (Written with all the love in the world to my well-meaning, well-educated, brilliant vets.)

  • November 16, 2009
  • Dana - Your Inspried Coach says:

    As usual, Susan, you hit the nail on the head. That doesn’t mean sit on the couch with a big tub of ice cream every single night. It just means when we obsess about ANYTHING, we get the vibe all screwed up and we end up creating all sorts of things we probably don’t intend. LOL! I had a perfect metabolism and perfect body (lucky me) until someone started criticizing me in my 20s and making me really self-conscious about a few pounds (literally a few) and what I ate. Now I’m in “try not to ever think about it” mode…which probably isn’t quite right either. Either way, self-care is always a good idea.

  • Alora says:

    I just read the post and every single comment and just had a huge epiphany about lack.
    I have sometimes felt that there is some unidentified lack-thing playing in my vibration but I haven’t been able to see it. Until now!
    When my parents divorced and we left the state I only saw my dad a few times a year. I loved my dad so much as a little girl (and still do).
    From that moment on I felt like at any holidays or special events in my life (like a play or a recital) there could only be one parent. I felt it very acutely growing up, especially at Christmas.
    So I’ve been wondering “where did I learn that money was scarce or that life was scarce?” and I couldn’t find a huge story around that… but I DO have a huge story about lack of safety, support, love and that parental thing feeling like I can only have 1/2 at any time and I have to choose (Christmas with Mom or Dad?) and no choice is the best choice.
    Wow, that makes so many things about my life clear!
    So I got a bit off topic from the dogs and weight but the issue of self-love and lack really spoke to me.
    There is no scarcity of love!
    There is no scarcity of support!
    There is no scarcity with choice!
    There is only Yes, AND!
    Thanks, Jeannette and everyone!

  • Amy says:

    Oops, didn’t mean to post anonomously, it’s me, Amy, above with the little boy.

  • Berta says:

    Yes, it gives me such an elated feeling when I get those direct hits, and I can’t help but laugh and say, “Got it!”

  • Florin says:

    he’ll get better and better 🙂

  • Noelle says:

    You reminded me of something that happened to me a couple of weeks ago when you brought up the song “Money” by Pink Floyd! HA….I was leaving for work one morning and was asking, asking, asking my Angels/Inner Being/Spirit ect….(everybody out there possible, lol) for an “answer” about where “MY MONEY” was!!! When, oh, when was it finally coming!
    And I was asking so “diligently” that I almost didn’t realize that “Money” was playing on my radio when I turned my car on, and when I finally “heard” it, the song was ending and wouldn’t you know it but the song “Patience” by Guns n Roses followed, without so much as even a pause in between!!!!! HA!!! Got my answer, like “instant manifestation, huh?!
    And it did the trick cause I was so taken aback by the “direct hit” of it that I couldn’t stop laughing and chuckling all the way to work, and for the next couple of days or so!!! Love that! So, there IS “help out there”, we just have to figure out the “trick” of relaxing just a little to hear it! 🙂
    Happy Evening,

  • Col says:

    Yes, yes, Susan is right … although I heard it on one of their audios. Was it Toronto? Not certain which, I have so many!
    Esther was talking about how every house they’re in has a problem with the floors … because of her attachment. “I care about floors,” she said. 🙂
    Always love the energy here, look who you attract, Jeannette!

  • Berta says:

    Hey! I just had an epiphany on the issue of lac, be it weight, love, relationships, money . . . whatever. The more that we talk about lac the more we invite it in.
    So this is the last post I will write about my feelings of lac concerning money. Why? Because I read a post about lac of food and gaining weight and it brought up my lac feelings on money?
    DA! Because that is my old tape playing in the background–telling me no problem with your weight but just take a look your money.
    Thank you, Mitch, for telling me to keep changing the tape.
    I ran this past my husband and he agreed, and said “Quit that.” Then he reminded me of Tia’s post with the Mad TV skit featuring Bob Newhart saying “Stop it!”
    My mantra is –Money is energy, Money is love, I’m a Money Magnet.
    I also went searching for the Pink Floyd money song, but listened to it I realized it wasn’t the message that I wanted to play. It did lead me to this tune titled “I am a magnet to Money” (Abe moment) Take from it what resonates and discard the rest:
    Here’s to your abundance in all the areas that are important to you.

  • Mitch says:

    Okay, I have a question then. I hear a lot about weight loss with LOA, but I’ve never heard anything about building muscle. (Well, I guess Arnold S. mentioned it in the previous post. lol) It seems feasible to me that people can drop weight without really trying. Can the same be true for gaining weight/muscle mass?
    Not that I don’t enjoy working out. I love rigorous gym fun. Just throwing this out there. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    Great post!!!!! The part that I identify with is having to make food choices for others, like children and pets. My “vibe” in relation to my child’s weight is all full of guilt and insecurity. He’s really gotten heavy and as he does my vibe problem increases!
    We went to Target the other night and I decided to push him around in a baby carriage from Kohl’s. He’s 9 1/2 and a big boy! His legs were hanging over the front, but he loved it! We were having a lot of fun! He’s autistic and oblivious to what others were thinking about this, but in my mind I knew what others were probably thinking.
    When we got to the cashier, it was all played out for me, mirrored perfectly. The “older” woman looked at my son and then looked at me without trying to hide her disapproval letting me know he’s an awfully big boy to be riding in that carriage! She meant he should be walking and getting all the exercise he can, and shouldn’t his own mother know this? Then she charged me twice for a ten dollar item, which I didn’t notice until the next day, my punishment to go with my guilt.
    all self-induced, I know.
    I am so pleased to have attracted this post and I look at it as a sign that I have allowed in more information that will help me with this process. I know all will get better, with time, and at least I can see what’s going on! That’s a great start!

  • Pure Potential says:

    Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happines
    Page 205
    And Esther will say, “I care about floors.” And Jerry will say, “That’s obvious. If you weren’t thinking about them at all, we could get a perfect floor. …

  • That’s it Gemstone and Col! I’m quittin the gym. I look great as I am right now, was trying to get perfection but I guess I’m not inspired by perfection 😉 ha!

  • Me, too! Will you share it, Col?
    PS – I’m laughing at the club we have going here of LOA-savvy women & weight loss (or not) experiences! lol

  • LivingtheLOA says:

    I am drawing a blank on the story of Esther’s floors. Will someone please enlighten me? The reference REALLY caught my attention, so I know there’s a message in it for me.

  • Col says:

    I sooooo-ho-ho know what you mean, Jeannie-J! (Look out, I’m in one’a those nickname moods! 😉 ) What a brilliant example Joe was … thank you Joe!
    An Abraham-lovin’ friend o mine told me, “You don’t have to put on weight if you eat tons of cookies and cream ice cream” (Ok, I’m paraphrasing, said the cookies and cream ice cream lover) … So I ate EVERYthing … and gained a few pounds.
    I tried the reverse, eating NOthing! … and gained a few pounds. Wazzup?
    Now I eat healthy with a very healthy dose of unhealthy thrown in from time to time … whenever I feel super-inspired to eat something really unhealthy. I listen to my gut.
    So now I just made this into a food issue, huh? Sorry ’bout that. Food and weight is such a curious thing when it comes to manifestation. It really intrigues me, especially after my friend’s comment.
    I remember being a skinny-minnie for all my life when I never had one care in the world about being skinny, and I’d eat cookie dough and fritos and whatever on earth I wanted and it’s so interesting to notice that I only gained ten pounds AFTER I suddenly cared and became focused on not wanting to eat “badly” and totally getting funky about what I ate and focusing on NOT gaining weight. Soooo interesting!
    Remember the story of Esther’s floors? “Floors are important!” 😉 Same thing!
    Hugs to Joe!

  • Funny you’d say that, Noelle. That was actually my ex-boyfriend’s first thought, too. (Except he DOES express it with blame.) ha
    We know animals are super sensitive to what we’re flowing, so it’d be ridiculous if I didn’t look at how I contributed energetically to this situation.
    And I’ll be honest, I didn’t think Joe was fat. I thought he was a big guy, but honestly, I didn’t think he was overweight or was in danger of being overweight. 20 pounds was a shock for me to hear.
    But no doubt I was feeling the “restriction” too in not being able to share treats and scraps with him, and not feel like a good provider who always makes sure the bowl is full. Several years ago my overweight retriever (who I DID know was heavy) ALSO gained weight once I put her on a diet. I must just be incredibly anti-diet programmed. ha
    More here for me to learn, I’m sure, just wanted to point out that I recognize I have a stronger role in this than the original post would lead to believe.
    Thanks for putting this here, Noelle, for those who hadn’t considered it or who were wondering about it too and just didn’t mention it.

  • Noelle Sharp says:

    Oh boy….just had to comment on this one! Great post yet again Jeannette, I just LOVE getting your ezine and blog posts, they are my absolute favorite of all the ones I get…ALWAYS LOTS of “food” for thought(bad pun intended)!
    So, the first thing that crossed my mind was completely different from anyone else’s(at least the one’s “I saw” who posted anyway:)!
    My first thought was(and NOT trying to make you feel guilty, just aware); what were/are you expecting to happen with Joe’s body and weight when you saw/see him loving to eat soooo much food???!!!
    And just for the record….and I know you know this, but in case anybody else here doesn’t know; food doesn’t make you fat, how you feel about what you think about food does(I am a prime example(as well as many others I’ve seen)….been observing and experimenting for years, lol)! So, if food doesn’t make US fat, then why would it make our animals fat???!
    Animals take on OUR vibrations veeerrry easily when they live with us for a while! Haven’t seen too many wild animals in person, lol, but I am guessing there aren’t too many “fat” ones no matter how much food they have available :).
    Anyway, that’s all for now, maybe more later :)))! Love this topic!

  • I know from personal experience that takes guts to acknowledge, LivingTheLOA! ha
    Thanks for the smile I got from reading your post.

  • LivingtheLOA says:

    The lesson here for me was to make sure I’m not just walking the walk and talking the LOA talk to and for myself, but to be aware when I’m applying different rules and standards to my family and friends….which is easy to do without even realizing it. Example? Say one of my children receives a bad grade on an assignment. Instead of having them think positively about the outcome the next time, set goals and visualize reaching them, use affirmations, etc, I typically tell them they need to “get more serious about their work”, pay more attention during class, do more studying (“work”), etc. None of which makes either of us feel better about it. Go figure.
    Thanks for a great (and eye opening) lesson, as always, Jeannette. You ROCK….as does everyone else here!

  • Mitch says:

    I think that’s it, Berta. Keep changing the tape. The abundance of love from your mother is something that was always there, so it was not hard for you to expect it.
    But if you’re not used to feeling the abundance of money, it’s really a matter figuring out what that feeling is, and then reminding yourself again and again to keep feeling that. Eventually it will become your normal way of feeling, but until then it’s up to you to keep it up! 🙂

  • Berta, I can’t imagine there’s a better gift to give or receive than that (unconditional love).
    Wow. Nice realization! Thanks for pointing it out to those here who might be wondering the same thing (where the abundance is).
    Much appreciated.

  • Berta says:

    Hmmmm! For me: Same story, differnt name.
    I would love to hear from someone who, at least in one aspect of their life, lived it in abundance. Now that I’ve just writen this, I realize that I have; I have always felt unconditional love from my Mom. Even when I felt all others disliked me and maybe even she dissapproved of my actions, I knew I could always turn to my Mom. Somehow, as a mom, I think my children have felt that unconditional love, too.
    So why is that same feeling of abundance (of my Mom’s love) so hard to replicate in the areas of money for me?
    Why do we resist giving up our old paradigms? I guess we just need to keep changing the tape.

  • Isn’t that amazing, Gemstone? Totally opposite what the (traditional) experts teach us about losing weight. (Bridgette B not included, of course.)
    And I agree with Robert’s assessment … if it feels good, you’re on the right track.
    I know I’m not the only one who appreciates hearing your experience – thanks again for sharing it here, Gemstone!

  • Gemstone3: Sense of peace = doing this correctly.

  • Gemstone3 says:

    Another great topic Jeannette! I grew up with this type of thinking. My parents are older, and survived the Great Depression/WWII as small children. For them, sacrifice was noble. My mother was also a great believer in “Keeping up with the Jones”, and always let it be known that she never had as much as her friends– and she never did.
    I’ve employed lack and scarcity throughout my life too. This line of thinking hit my waistline, bank account, love life etc..
    I never thought about my weight, or eating habits growing up. And while never skinny, I was never fat either. But in recent years, I kept remembering that as I age, my metabolism would slow down, so I started cutting back on calories. Guess what? I gained 10 pounds! When I became totally frustrated by Weight Watchers and quit, losing my resistance– guess what happened? I lost weight.
    Now I try to remember to enjoy every bite and let the resistance/guilt go. It still doesn’t come as naturally to me as I’d like, but with practice, I’ll keep getting better.
    As for money, I’ve spent the last several years going though extremes. I spent money I didn’t have thinking that by doing so, I was saying “I don’t have scarcity in my life”. I don’t think deep down I believed it because for the first time, I accrued debt. Now I keep telling myself that I have to be smart about my finances. I also tell myself that I do have money to spend on dinners with friends, self-help workshops etc… and more is coming.
    I don’t know if I’m doing this correctly (so correct me if I’m wrong gang), but at do know that at the end of the day, I’m always taken care of, and that sense of peace is very freeing to me.

  • I think you’re right, Mitch. It’s just old habits from our earlier years coming into play.
    But the good news is with all this awareness we have now it can’t HELP but be different!
    Thanks for sharing, my friend.

  • Judy says:

    WWCD? (What would Cesar do?)
    Actual, for me, the post was all about: “Expecting something to get better by employing scarcity” and that is a good “belongs in the old story pot but keeps rearing its ugly head” scenario. Thanks for throwing it out there, Ms. Jeannette.
    And, I really wonder, what would Cesar do?

  • Mitch says:

    Jeannette, you just made the point I was thinking of. The same way attention to scarcity doesn’t bring us abundance of anything, neither does a whining, begging attitude bring us to the happy result we desire.
    I’m guilty of it too. Sometimes I think (not consciously of course) that if I make a long enough list to explain why I hate my job and I get really angry and desperate about wanting something better, the universe will take pity on me and answer my request. I can’t stress enough, though, that all of this happens unconsciously. That kind of thinking is based in an unconscious belief that negativity will get us what we want. (Hey, it always worked with my mom when I was trying to stay home from school! lol Jeez. Maybe that’s where I learned it.)
    So, while my job is not necessarily my favorite place to be, I have at least made a deal with myself to notice when I’m starting to get whiney and then focus back on what I actually want.
    Looks like Joe is learning the same lesson. 🙂

  • Glad it’s serving, Theresa, and I’m also thrilled about the fabulous contributions everyone’s making! Thanks, all!

  • This is a fascinating post, Jeannette, and each of you have really contributed something to round out this whole notion of scarcity and get me thinking.
    I know that I am so guilty of living in this mode financially and have been there with weight loss too, but you are all absolutely right that it can apply to anything in our lives that we don’t feel we have enough of. As soon as we get in that scarcity mindset, the resistance kicks in and there’s no way to get what we want until we release from the wanting.
    Thanks for the article, Jeannette, it hits the spot! I just love how the universe works!

  • Good question, Judy.
    I’m imagining Joe on the treadmill. (He’s no longer allowed to do the hilly hikes with us – flat ground only.)
    But the only way I can see that happening is if there are treats involved. lol
    Perhaps I’ll give it more (aligned) thought! Thanks for posting, Judy.

  • Too funny Jeannette! Someone should make a movie of your life, it would be hilarious! I had to read your last post 3 times, but it eventually made perfect sense.

  • It just occurred to me that when Joe was resisting not getting food, I didn’t give him food. (When he whined and complained and tried to cajole me into feeding him – in fact, he’s doing it again now – he gets NOTHING.)
    But as soon as he gave in and realized I wasn’t giving in, that’s when I gave in. Once he released HIS resistance, he got fed!
    And man, did I get in trouble with Russ last night!! He said that’s what the body initially does, you’ve got to ride it out to the weight loss. ?? Really? That works?? lol
    (PS – Joe ate three bowls of food last night – the other two didn’t get any because he kept eating theirs, and they let him – and I haven’t decided how to proceed this morning!)

  • Thank you Iyabo for reminding us that scarcity serves a purpose. I already feel better about not getting any sleep last night. That will serve me well for the contrast to nights of deep restful sleep. And times of depression can serve me for the contrast that they provide. The concept doesn’t just apply to food and money.

  • Iyabo Asani, The Inner Genius Coach says:

    Wow! I just love Joe for helping us out here on the blog. What brilliance!
    Well, I was working on my own money program and discovered this: scarcity is part of abundance in that you cannot experience full abundance without the contrast of scarcity.
    That gave me a whole new perspective on scarcity. Scarcity is just there for the contrast, not for living it out. So it is not something to resist. It is something that will come up every now and then just to point you in the direction of what you want.
    You know our DNA is coded to react to scarcity with the “panic and conserve” resistance. Well, if we just suspended “panic and conserve” for just a little bit, and appreciated scarcity for its gifts of contrast, then our DNA does not get activated.
    Truly, it is all about gratitude and love.
    So maybe Joe can have several little meals throughout the day and in the meantime, I am sending Joe several virtual rubdowns and loving messages of releasing the weight and lots of love to the nerves for telling us that some adjustments are needed.
    I really love and respect Joe’s body for communicating to us about his needs.
    Love you Joe. MWAH!

  • Oh, check you out, Iyabo! That’s exactly what my client suggested! Hmm …

  • Well put, Sylvia.
    Thank you. 🙂

  • Sylvia says:

    Before allowing someone else to love us we really, really need to love ourselves – just the way we are right now. The “technique” for allowing love is to love.

  • Janette says:

    Poor Joe!! I grew up with labradors, so I too know food-loving dogs 🙂
    Please give him a big hug from me (actually no, make that a coupla doggy treats) to say thank you for giving us ALL a brilliant reminder of just how many ways we may unconsciously find to repeat the scarcity mantra.
    And thank you to you, too, for recognising it and sharing it (you get a hug, not a doggy treat…). Mwah!

  • Rose, my personal opinion, it is time for you to BRAG IT UP and BELIEVE it!
    To not be surprised when you hear it, and not be embarrassed, shy or reluctant to share the facts of your amazingness. (Let’s not be so stingy in admitting it, huh?)
    You said your self-love seems to be okay, and that “people do seem to like me and find me fun and smart and all that.” When you can say that about yourself, without feeling the need to apologize for or diminish it, I’ll believe your self-love is healthily intact.
    I think the key is not just to act like you’re drenched in love, but to drench yourself in love. Self love. Not imaginary love from someone else, but real love from you.
    And when you write back saying, “holy hannah, I’ve got it goin’ on” then I will throw a party here for everyone who understands how delicious and important and TRUE that is for themselves, for all of us.

  • Rose says:

    Funny thing, I didn’t think of it through the whole piece but when you asked ‘are you expecting something to get better by employing scarcity?’ my brain immediately said: love. So tell me, do you have any advice for that? I get the basics: act like I’m drenched in love, believe it. I’ve been single for about 10 years and haven’t dated at all in about 2 and even before that it was pretty unusual for me to meet someone I was interested in or be asked out at random. At the same time, men have often told me (or just let me know, if you know what I mean) that they think I’m attractive. The other day when I was out walking a man driving by rolled down his window and said, “You are gorgeous!” I’m not bragging, I find this surprising and incredibly flattering and I’ll never quite believe it. I simply feel a need to make the point that I couldn’t possibly be unbearably hideous. I also know that relationships are based on what’s on the inside and I think I’m pretty good there, too, people do seem to likely me and find me fun and smart and all that. All that said, I can’t seem to even get into the beginning stages of finding a relationship. I would be soooo happy if you would offer me some kind of technique for allowing love.

  • Funny you’d suggest that, Bridgette!
    Tonight a client advised that I feed him more often during the day, in smaller amounts. And his wife suggested I give him a bone to chew on throughout the rest of the day.
    That might just be the “middle way” you’re talking about.
    Thanks for pitching in, girlfriend! I know this is your area of expertise!

  • LOL!
    I talk to my clients a lot about deprivation vs. overindulgence–we spend so much time swinging from one extreme to the other that we miss the huge middle way that’s available to us. I find that’s the place of non-resistance where I have lots of creativity to think about things differently. Maybe for Joe there’s a middle way between what the vet says and him snorfing all the food he can eat. 😉

  • We’re enjoying the hugs and doggy treats, Janette!! Thank you for those!! lol

  • Ooooooohh!! I said brakes instead of breaks! And that made me realise, I’m putting the brakes on for some reason which bears looking into further.
    I think the only way to get fit and healthy is by gymming (duh! how wrong am I!) And if it hasn’t worked for 8 months, then maybe it never will, at least for now.
    Cancelling membership next month before I go away to NZ and will find a way to get my foot OFF the brake by getting what I want in a different way. Gonna be OPEN about the new way too.

  • I sometimes wonder, Tia, if his love of eating originated from scarcity living. Like, did he used to go hungry or have to fight others for food? Or maybe his “eating” gene is just kicked into overdrive. I don’t know!
    Interesting experience you’re having though .. have you blogged on this topic?

  • Joe’s like me! Or, I’m like Joe! Put on 5 lbs when I went on a detox. Wondering if this is somehow related to my gym habits as well .. I always, always get sick or sore for 3 days when I go to the gym after a break. And somehow, those brakes happen every few weeks. Maybe my body resists it cos it wants to be looked after another way? Hmm?
    Doesn’t seem like he believes in scarcity though, maybe he just loves eating and doesn’t know his limits?

  • >