Right and Wrong with Tiger Woods

TigerHousehold discussions have been interesting here about Tiger Woods and his latest reason for being in the news.

While some (i.e. Russ) thought it was unforgivable that Tiger would flagrantly betray marriage vows, others (me) thought it was sad that Tiger’s closest friends would leak sensitive information to the media. Talk about betrayal!

(More evidence that we get what we vibrate, huh?)

Still, how embarrassing to have your secret voice mail played on the nightly news!

(Ok, I don’t know if it was actually on nightly news, but it may as well have been for all the places it was broadcast. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, kudos for being outside the vibe of celebrity gossip.)

Which reminds me of sage advice I’m not sure whom to attribute: if you’re ashamed of it, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Not an Abraham quote, but sounds like it could be, right? I think it actually came from dad when in 6th grade I stood up my best friend to go trick-or-treating with the cool kids, and didn’t feel good about any of it.

Which doesn’t mean if others think it’s wrong, we should be ashamed of it or not do it. It just means if you think it’s wrong, you’re flowing a vibe that will not likely lead to good things.

Which further means, if I were embarrassed about following celebrity gossip, I would either want to make peace with it or not do it. If I didn’t feel good about violating copyright laws by sharing an occasional (really really good) Abraham track, I should refrain from doing so. And that if someone felt guilty about committing infidelity, they’d either want to get over it or not engage it.

It’s actually pretty simple: make your choice and line up with it!

We’ve got to take this business of doing what feels good more seriously!  ha

Because the vibration created when we go against what feels good, right and true for ourselves does not take us to fun places.

Here is an Abraham quote on the topic:

If you can follow your own heart and feel good while you’re doing it, then that’s always the best route for you to take. We always encourage doing what rings your bells and then find a way to line up with that rather than doing what’s most comfortable. We like to say: find what thrills you and make that the right decision.

Another related Abe quote:

There are no wrong paths. There are no wrong actions. There’s just wrong attitude within the action.

And if you can clean up your attitude, which means go with the flow, you could take any path and get to San Diego.

(San Diego being where we want to go, for those of you who aren’t familiar with this Abe analogy.)

So it’s worth a gut check before engaging in a highly charged decision, thought or action:

  • Does this sit right with me?
  • Do I feel good about this?
  • Would I be embarrassed for mom to hear about this in a court of law? (wisdom via Heidi Fleiss)

That last gut check question can be a little tricky, because it’s not others’ judgments or opinions that we’re checking in on; rather just ensuring that if this were something played across the entire globe, we could hold our head high knowing we made the right choice for our Self at the time.

In conclusion of my excuse to talk about Tiger (to whom I’m sending loads of compassion), he’s given us a prime opportunity to check in on whether we’re betraying our own Self and values (as defined by you, not those who trained you).

No one else can say what’s right or wrong for you. Which is why it’s of utmost importance that you figure that for yourself, and do your best to honor it.

Something for me to remember next tax season.  😉

  • December 7, 2009
  • Iyabo Asani, The Inner Genius Coach says:

    Ooooh, Yummy! I just had to come back here for more after reading the comments.
    Lurking on your conversation Jeanette, Ellie and Michele, I got very clear about something.
    I have always been confused about evil because as a Christian, I was taught it was the oppositional force of good.
    Now, to foster that belief further, I grew up in a third world country with rampant examples of dark forces such as people being sacrificed to please the gods or being sacrificed to buy wealth from the gods, etc.
    So then came the LOA information into my life and I was not clear on how evil fit in because I was still coming from the perspective of it being an oppositional force.
    Well, as I realized a lot of things that I had qualified as evil was just the absence of light of good, of life creating Source energy, then I got clearer.
    This conversation today clarified some language for me. It is not about me having a dark side. It is about a shadow side that wants light.
    I remember reading Debbie Ford’s book, the Dark Side of the light chasers about ten years ago but it really did not make the sense to me that it makes today.
    Now, I get it. We have a shadow side and that shadow side can go further away from the light but in and of itself, it is not evil.
    I embrace my shadow side.
    Just shed some light on it, i.e. love and then all is well.
    Hugs to you brilliant geniuses!

  • Ellie Walsh says:

    Absolutely an interesting conversation. I Love to read all the different perspectives!

  • Good point, Barbara – after all, this is CO-creation. (Tiger didn’t do this alone.)
    And Ellie, that’s very much in alignment with Abe’s message, isn’t it? That there is no such thing as dark (or evil) .. just an absence of love/light.
    Interesting conversation here! I love how much there is for us to choose from in finding the thoughts and perspectives that feel best!!

  • Barbara says:

    I’m loving reading all the comments from this insightful post and just thought of something else that I’d like to share. It seems as if not only is Tiger out of alignment, but also his wife and all the mistresses, too. I’m thinking here about Abe affirming that we attract and create our own reality. So not only did Tiger attract this, but his wife and mistresses did, too.
    On a personal level, I, like Jeanette wrote above somewhere in these comments, found that I had just a little bit of judgment about the actions of Tiger’s friends in this. That became clear to me while discussing this situation with a friend (who was very judgmental about the mistresses’ motives for coming forward). I think I surprised myself that I wasn’t much more judgmental than I was, however, and that’s a good sign that I’ve made progress in my own personal development growth (and in my own alignment). And that feels really good! 🙂

  • Ellie Walsh says:

    I hear what you are saying…. Some of this is semantics…
    I don’t think wanting to have sex with another partner is Dark – it just is. Some people think it is OK and others think it isn’t OK.
    I don’t think we have a “Dark”. I do think we do not always let our “Light” shine. I believe our “pull” is towards the “light”, towards who we truly are- which is Love / Light. Obviously we don’t always heed that pull!
    People have a tendency to do things based on their thoughts, beliefs, old stories that run in their heads not on how they “feel”.
    If I’ve always done the best I was capable of doing at each given moment… I do not consider that Dark — That doesn’t mean I would want to do that same thing over again.
    If I am doing my best – I have nothing to hide – whether anyone else agrees with my best or not.
    Surely as we travel this road of life – we decide, adjust and fine tune what is and isn’t appropriate for our lives.
    If I Feel Good in what I am doing I don’t have to think about integrity or good and bad things… As a person who is allowing their true nature to come through is always in the flow of Light.
    Integrity is a word which has different meanings for each of us. How we are brought up, what groups we mingle in, education, society, cultures, and history all play a part in what is called integrity. Each persons perspective is what defines what is called integrity for them.
    In my life – I have done many things I would never even think of doing today. Still that was my best at those times… And my actions were based off those old stories of lack, fear, vulnerable. I wasn’t Dark – I was not connected – and I didn’t even know it!
    But… I did indeed have the “symptoms” of not being connected — I had inner conflict. I can look back and see – had I paid attention to how I was feeling and followed that guidance instead of the stories in my head – I would have never done those things.
    I do not regret those times… as they have brought me to where I am today. I have greater clarity and greater desires from those times. I have “made peace” with all things I have done and all things I have lived. I have found the “opportunity” in all situations in my life.
    I personally believe I am perfect! Not everyone agrees with me! 😉 And I believe every being is perfect… We each are Being the best we are capable of taking into account the stories and the contrast that is going on in our lives at the precise moment.

  • If I truly loved my Dark, then I could say to my partner, “Wow, I am having a real pull toward having sex with someone else” rather than furtively suppressing that desire or acting on it, and keeping the knowledge hidden. Imagine being able to share that Dark – then it is no longer scary, secret Dark, it’s something OK. Acceptance transforms Dark to Light.
    When I think about loving my Dark, I think about having nothing to hide. About being absolutely transparent. Authentic. Open. No fear of being found out, because I’ve already found out about myself. Nothing can embarrass me or make me wince.
    Not even those college photos. Long story.
    Loving my Dark doesn’t mean that I do “bad things” with no conscience. It means I am aware of my pull toward things that are Dark, but by Loving them rather than hating them, I can say “Thanks, but no thanks.” To be the person I want to be in the world, in the vortex, as Jeannette would say, I need to stay in my integrity and be a force for good in the world. Loving my Dark -even the college pictures – is a big part of that.
    Hoping this makes an iota of sense,

  • I get it, Ellie … removing the judgment from duality, right?

  • Ellie Walsh says:

    So…. the question is – If you Love your Dark – is it really Dark?
    Years ago I heard this statement – don’t know who said it “Every human being does the absolute best they are capable of doing – given with what is going on in their lives at that particular moment.”
    That is true non-judgment! That statement was life-changing for me. It let anyone I had resentments against off the hook and it let me off the hook!
    If we lived in a society that said it is OK to have 14 or 15 lovers on the side – we would not be having this conversation about Tiger Woods.
    I think people do something they actually want to do – then become embarrassed and hide it because of what other people say and think about them.
    Now they have resistance in their vibration… That is the “gerbil resistance wheel” – It keeps running and running…and Law of Attraction doing its job will continue to supply lots of resistance!
    Always great conversations going on here! Wishing you a “Enjoyment” New Year! 😉

  • WOW, total goosebumps, Michele!!
    Here’s to not just acknowledging, but LOVING, our Dark.
    (Right about now I’m thinking the smartest thing I could do in 2010 is spend more time in your sphere.)
    Thanks for reading and especially for contributing to the conversation, Michele!

  • OK, I missed this post when you wrote it, Jeannette, but have been fascinated by it and all the comments. Of course, I have to add my own.
    I see this whole situation as a battle between Light and Dark. Tiger was raised to live in the Light – he has enormous talent. He is heroic – playing despite the grief of losing his father, playing hurt, pulling a win out at the last minute. He’s a role model – a person of mixed-race who has excelled.
    It must feel all warm and fuzzy standing in all that Light.
    It must feel all fake standing in all that Light, especially when you cannot even acknowledge that you have a Dark aspect. And we all have Dark, baby.
    Tiger had to diminish the glaring Light by letting his Dark out. Had to. No choice. It’s the only way the Light becomes bearable.
    Part of being in alignment, I think, is loving your Dark just as much as you love your Light. You live without fear and make good choices when you love both parts equally. In fact, when you are balanced this way, choices don’t feel like choices, do they? They feel like opportunities.
    Sometimes people ask that their teachers, their guides, their role models, live without any visible Dark, possibly because we want to imagine what it would be like to live without our own Dark. We asked this of Tiger, and he complied. But his Dark could not remain hidden, just as yours and mine can’t.
    The truly spiritual path is to love, love, love. And when Tiger begins to love his Dark, his healing will begin.
    Ours, too.

  • I agree – good point, Jessica! And well said.
    And indeed, Tshombe, that was my point. Since everything is a mirror, this is a great opportunity for US to see where WE might be out of alignment/integrity.
    Thanks for the videos, Carol – looking forward to watching those!

  • Carol L says:

    Found these videos out on youtube this morning and thought Abraham’s take on this subject was interesting (especially the second part):

  • Tshombe says:

    Great article, Jeannette, as always! I’m afraid this is the first time I actually read/heard how in the world any of us know Tiger Woods cheated on his wife (as if it were our business), but your article really has less to do about him and more to do about us.
    First, it’s a great opportunity to check to see if we’ve inadvertently slipped on our judgment robe. Secondly, what a wonderful reminder to always check to see that our actions line up with our feelings.
    Being congruent is the best manifestation technique there is!
    Thanks Jeannette!

  • Mitch says:

    Thanks, Shauna. 🙂 And I love your idea of deliberately talking to our parents to get to other possible limiting beliefs! That would be a good opportunity for me to be more objective (read: less annoyed) when I’m talking to my parents about certain topics. 😀
    Jessica – Great point about how no matter what you do, someone won’t like it. So true. It’s a good example of how right and wrong are such relative terms, and that in the end, only we can decide for ourselves.

  • Jessica says:

    In regards to following our inner guidance rather than from the outside… I admire those who are confident and unphased by outside judgment. That is more desirable than the act itself. Haven’t you ever seen a movie in which you end up rooting for the villian/criminal? It is because they are SO good at what they do, but have no guilt and are in alignment with it. The confidence they project outweighs the “bad” thing they are doing.
    For me, I struggle with how private of a person I am. I can be in alignment with a personal choice/belief, but choose not to share it with certain people in my life because I know that from their perspective they would not understand. I don’t like how judgment feels (against my choices, life, self)… but that would be allowing others to influence me. It doesn’t make judgment feel any better even if I am at peace with my choice. Some people are just better at shielding from other’s judgments. So any act or choice can feel “good” and “bad” at the same time. It feels “good” if it is private, but feel “bad” once it is public. We’d never be able to do/say anything because there is always someone there to judge.
    Anyhow, I love the exploration of this topic- how the inner/outer relate and how it all changes perspective once it is in the public eye. It seems no matter “what” you do that there is someone there to attempt to make you feel bad about it… religious choices, sexual preferences, etc.
    Thanks for everyone’s comments! Great!

  • Wow, Mitch – that’s REALLY interesting! Not what your Mom said, but you having the insight based on your Mom’s comments about something unrelated to you that you must have heard that a lot growing up! This is a gem – we could all talk to our parents (if they are around) about some current event and see what beliefs come out…a new way to explore some hidden limiting beliefs we may have…hmmmm…

  • Mitch says:

    I spoke to my mom about all of this last night and it was so interesting to trade views with someone non-LOA savvy! First, she couldn’t quite wrap her head around alignment and misalignment. lol I said, “if Tiger were okay with what he was doing, he probably wouldn’t be having this scandal.” And my mom said something like “you’re right, if you do bad things, bad things come back to you.” I was like… wait. I’m not talking about what he did. I’m talking about what he felt about what he did. lol We went through that a few times before I gave up. 🙂
    Another interesting thing was when my mom said something like, “Well, these celebrities just have so much money and power that they always end up getting in trouble.” HELLO! I think it’s a fairly good guess that I grew up hearing that if my mom’s the one saying it, right? I gently pointed out to her that non celebrities have affairs too, and also that there are a lot of celebrities who *don’t* cheat on their spouses. It’s just that when one does, we pay more attention than we would if it were just some guy down the street.
    My intention here wasn’t for me to be right and my mother to be wrong. I really just needed to reinforce my own story, which is that power and money don’t make people bad or cause them to misbehave. I wonder how much of *that* story has been weighing on Tiger during all of this.

  • Wow – what a beautiful perspective, LivingtheLOA! Way to bathe it in positive light. (Relief for Tiger, stimulating positive conversations for couples all over.)
    And it’s easy for me to see how you’re right on all counts.
    Thanks for pitching in such a good-feeling angle on the topic, my friend.

  • LivingtheLOA says:

    I loved this comment from Missy B.: “Its not people that let you down, its your expectations of those people that let you down.” That definitely resonates with me.
    It seems Tiger’s actions were out of alignment with his personal beliefs and values, so it has to be a relief to him to have it out in the open and be able to finally move past it. He is so strong and determined, I have no doubt that he WILL get past it and hopefully he will be happier as a result. I also have no doubt that Tiger’s recent actions have inspired and facilitated lively debates and discussions between couples all over the world and hopefully helped many of them clarify their own wishes and intentions out of the contrast of knowing what they don’t want (i.e. to be in either Tiger’s or Elin’s position). My SO and I had a great conversation about it and about our commitment to each other (sending much gratitude to Tiger for that!) and I feel like I’ve grown as a person due to the excellent insight and lively discussion posted here. As painful as this is for Tiger right now, it’s easy for me to see how this is “unfolding for the greatest and highest good of all concerned” (and thank you, Dr. Jenn for the reminder of that!).

  • Believe it or not, Gillian, my non-LOA coach gave me her extra copy of it when she heard I hadn’t read it yet. I was thinking I listen to enough of the workshop CDs that I’m up on their current vortex message, but she said it’s a must read, too.
    Thanks for the reminder to get to it! 🙂

  • Gillian says:

    Since we are discussing this subject, I propose everyone to read “The Vortex” by Abe, because it is discussing exactly what we are talking about now : Relationships!

  • Good point, Kimberly! ha It’s easy to better appreciate our own situation, whatever it is, when we see someone else with this kind of challenge!
    Thanks for reading and especially writing, Kimberly. 🙂

  • Kimberly Gauthier says:

    This is a great post. I’ve heard all the lovely details of Tiger’s situation and I feel bummed for everyone involved. This is a bag full of bad choices.
    Whenever I feel like my life has some drama, leave it to the media to set me to rights.

  • I laughed when you said this, Iyabo:
    “I love the fact that Tiger cheated on his wife. It is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him, including all this media blitz.”
    … because it made me think about how Abe says we get BORED when we’re not stirring things up. That we didn’t come here for feathered nests, but to experience contrast and put the eternal into eternity! lol
    And what other kind of challenge could Tiger take up?! he he I mean, he’s mastered golf … why not mistresses? lol
    I just really mean – “to each his own.”
    And for the spouses who cheat on their spouses without feeling bad about it (they are out there, and God bless them for lining up with and honoring their dreams and desires) I know they don’t get a lot of support from the rest of us who are pointing out what we don’t think belongs in the buffet – but that’s what it’s all about. Choosing OUR path without conforming it to the expectations or desires of others.
    And let’s face it, that’s not always easy!
    I also don’t pretend that Tiger’s an example of that, but I sure am inspired by people who truly don’t give a rat’s *ss about what anyone else thinks, and lives true to themselves.
    It makes me want to find where I could do more of it myself.
    As usual, thanks for being here, Iyabo! I love seeing things through your perspective!

  • Iyabo Asani, The Inner Genius Coach says:

    O I forgot to say:
    We have to remember that Tiger attracted this to himself by just being out of alignment.
    I have a lot of compassion for him as I see him as hurting. Anytime you are that out of alignment, you are hurting.
    Also, in this country, we ask our stars and people in the limelight to be super human and not be fallible. Tiger is just another human being under untold pressure. He is entitled to find his way in private.
    Sending you much love and light, Tiger and Elan.

  • Iyabo Asani, The Inner Genius Coach says:

    Brilliant as usual Jeanette!
    Listen, these are my thoughts.
    I love the fact that Tiger cheated on his wife. It is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him, including all this media blitz.
    Let me explain: When I hear the stories on TV, I hear how he was on heavy doses of Ambien. Kinda reminds me of Michael Jackson!
    This incident will help Tiger get crystal clear on his energy and what he wants and what he does not want. Hopefully, he will not end up like Michael Jackson, using strong chemicals to sleep or needing the excitement and adrenaline rush of cheating on his wife!
    I used to be married to someone else. He just came home one day and said, “I can no longer tolerate this level of responsibility. I want out.” No fuss. Later, the divorce did get some what acrimonious but I have always respected him for not dragging me through the dirt. As far as I know, there was never a third person.
    Now, the issue is NOT that Tiger cheated. The issue is that Tiger wanted to cheat and followed through with it without communicating a change in the relationship to his wife.
    He could have told her, “I want to date other women. Deal with it or divorce me. ”
    The issue here is that he said he would be married and monogamous and he changed his mind and did not bother to communicate that to the party of the second part.
    That is all.
    We will all face being tempted by someone else that seems so much more attractive or that we lust after. Some of us may say, “I made a commitment. I will not do that.”
    Others may say, “let me try it out and see if I like it.”
    I think the honest thing to do is to search within. What does this mean? For me, when I find another man attractive, and sometimes I do, I know that I am picking up something in that man’s vibration that I am not seeing in my beloved husband.
    So, I enjoy that vibration in that person. I seek it out within myself and I enjoy it that way.
    Hugs and lots of love,

  • Gillian says:

    Thanks, Dr Dating. I always felt that if everything was truly happy and blissful in a marriage, no third party has the power to wreck a marriage. So yes, I don’t believe, there exist home-wreckers,unless there are already cracks inside the marriage.

  • Yes, Shauna, your ready willingness to “look inside rather than out” is exactly why your blog is listed as a favorite on this blog!
    Thanks for chiming in, Shauna! Your contribution is much appreciated.

  • As always, there is so much wisdom and contemplation in the follow-up comments.
    Thanks, Jeanette, for bringing up a subject in a light which asks us to look inside rather than out. This is ALWAYS the wise path, and when ‘larger than life’ people are being profiled, it offers us an opportunity to evaluate our own choices and judgements…I find myself wondering how lonely and frustrated Tiger must have been feeling lately to be acting out in so many ways. Perhaps, as gemstone said, he will create something new and authentic for himself after the dust settles. We are NOT static, and can always create anew.
    On a kind of funny note, I can’t resist sharing the new nickname a dear friend of ours has come up with: Cheetah Woods! Just a giggle, to bring a little levity.
    Have a fabulous day, everyone!
    xox ~ Shauna

  • Indeed, Dr. Jenn: “Things are not what they seem” AND that how we see them is a reflection of our OWN vibration, not someone else’s.
    Beautiful question that you offered – I’m going there now! (What will that greatest good look like?)
    Good to hear from you again, my friend!

  • I so appreciated this perspective from Gillian: “There is no such thing as a home-wrecker, only homes waiting to be wrecked”.
    And personally, I love the reminder (from my departed greyhound Ice) that “Things are not what they seem.”
    And that from the highest perspective, things are unfolding as they should for the greatest and highest good of all concerned.
    So I am always curious: What will that greatest good look like?
    And if it’s me in the situation, what can I do to allow that good to hurry up and get here?! 😉 Rather than resist it by insisting that things be other than what they are!
    Of course it’s good to heed the initial inklings so a train wreck doesn’t have to get our attention, but alas, sometimes a train wreck is what it takes!

  • No doubt, Gemstone!! (Where was his team?!)
    Your comments are also reminding me about something Kim wrote – I think it was in regards to Michael Jackson’s passing .. oh, just found it. It was particularly on the passing of celebrities, not just our projections onto them.
    Truly, though, this COULD be a great time for Tiger (we know great things come after a big Step 1 experience like this, if we just allow them in) because I suspect you’re right when you said, “His life has been so micro-managed up to this point, he probably doesn’t know what it is he truly wants.”
    It is a refreshing question to consider how might this be perfect for everyone involved? Much better light to see things in.
    Thanks for posting, Gemstone!

  • Gemstone3 says:

    I have so many feelings on this topic. Having a publicity background, I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that his management team completely botched the handling of this crisis! Ack!
    I’m also very suspect when the media (usually with the help of said management/marketing team) hype someone as being super human/perfect. There’s no way Tiger Woods (or anyone) would be able to live up to the standards that have surrounded him for most of his life. It’s just impossible. (And I’m a big believer that people project whatever their given needs are onto celebrities– so it can truly be a no-win situation)…
    Also as a sports fan, I know that two of Tiger’s best friends are Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley. Not exactly bastions of fidelity. If these people are a big part of Tiger’s world, then what are the chances that he’s not living that life too? At any rate, this didn’t come as a shock to me. What did come as a shock was the brazen attitude Tiger took with these women. No condoms? Text Messages and Voice Mails with his name? Sounds like someone might have wanted to get caught!
    However, like you Jeannette, I feel for Tiger on a certain level. I can’t imagine how hard it is for these super-celebrities to know who to trust. Are these people being genuine, or just in it for a payday? It must weigh heavily on them. I know it would me… It bothers me that these women all got lawyers and are airing their grievances because it doesn’t reflect my values. It screams famewhore to me, which I despise! (And bringing it around to money… it’s actions like this that bring up my hangups regarding abundance/money. This to me is bad-energy money. Yes, these women are hitting pay dirt, but at what price?) Anyway….
    After reading your post, the main thing I came away with is this could be an opportunity for Tiger Woods to redefine what he wants out of life, and start being his authentic self. His life has been so micro-managed up to this point, he probably doesn’t know what it is he truly wants.
    The next several months are going to be hell for him, but once the dust settles, he can start over without fear (if he chooses). His wife can choose to forgive him, or start over without him. The Fortune 500 companies can stick with him, or release him (most contracts have morals clauses in them).
    I believe there is a silver lining in this situation for everyone, but they’ve got to make the decisions that will have the most positive impact going down the line; not take the path of least resistance, and I’ve learned from personal experience that that is never easy.
    Fascinating topic. I’m eagerly awaiting everyone’s thoughts!

  • PurePotential says:

    An opportunity for me to check in with my inner judge. Good news – the judge is on vacation 🙂

  • Well said here, Gillian: “As for Tiger’s supposed transgressions, nobody is to judge …” and I also agreed completely with this: “Nothing ‘happens’ to us, unless we have invited it in somehow.”
    That last comment of yours is very reassuring to remember when we start feeling bad for “victims.” Since there’s no such thing.
    And I haven’t read that part of the Vortex yet – must get to it!!
    Thanks for posting, Gillian!

  • Gillian says:

    Wow, what a stimulating post. While I have not been following the celebrity news in detail lately (not because I don’t like it or because I don’t usually watch it, just because of lack of time) I did catch the headlines about Tiger’s rumoured infidelities. This post comes so timely as I am just reading the chapter about “laws” and “rules” made on sexuality, mating and marriage in “The Vortex” and it is clear that any set of “rules” made by a religious or secular group comes from a place of lack and fear, as these rules or laws are meant to protect somebody from something. As for Tiger’s supposed transgressions, nobody is to judge because nobody knows what sort of marriage Tiger is leading, if he is fulfilled and happy in his marriage or not, we will never know. To me, one thing is clear: In any relationship, it takes two to tanggo. Its always about give and take.When one of them starts cheating, what triggered the infidelity? What caused the effect? Could one of them have been always taking and taking without giving something back? We don’t know Tiger’s motivation for his infidelities because we also don’t know his wife, what personality traits she has or if she was vibrating something that lead to her husband’s cheating. An outsider only sees the transgression made and points his finger in blame for breaking marital vows, but who’s to say what is wrong and what is right? I feel we may never judge a book by its cover and judge from our limitted perspective as an outsider. Nobody knows what is really happening in a marriage other than the two people in it. No oustider knows what triggered the transgression, because there is always the cause-and-effect factor to consider, where there is an effect, there must have been a cause somewhere along the line.
    I once heard somebody quoting: “There is no such thing as a home-wrecker, only homes waiting to be wrecked”. Can’t help but agree with it. Nothing “happens” to us, unless we have invited it in somehow.

  • Kudos to you, MissyB, for not falling prey to the expectations or judgments of others!
    Feels good, huh?!

  • MissyB says:

    This post is sooo mine. Currently in a situation that others would be horrified at, I am totally at ease with it. It suits me right now. When something deemed as wrong feels so right is an odd situation to be in. It is the only almost drama free relationship I’ve ever had…boy does that feel good. And I hope that by being in it, I’m attracting more drama free relationships, one of which will be “the one”.
    I feel for the celebs – at least my dirty washing doesn’t get aired publically. We expect them to set examples and feel betrayed when they don’t meet those expectations. Its not people that let you down, its your expectations of those people that let you down.
    Thanks for reminding me that I am just fine as I am.

  • Kim, most of our society would certainly answer in the affirmative to your question, “So I take it Tiger transgressed in some way?” but I think the point of this post is to remember that we’re at the buffet of life and we each get to choose for ourselves. Just because it’s not what we would want for ourselves doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for someone else.
    It might appear (from the fact that he left a message and the tone of it) that Tiger’s not fully aligned to his actions, but … seriously I think it’s just like you said, Kim:
    The only point of looking at his situation is to learn something about ourselves from it.
    I realize that although I don’t have judgment (or at least not much) on Tiger for being unfaithful, I did feel judgment about his friends for spilling the beans. ha

  • Kim Falconer says:

    Wow–great piece on taking responsibility for our own joy or shame or guilt or pleasure! If we look outside ourselves to determine what is right or wrong we aren’t experiencing our life–we’re experiencing the collective’s interpretation of life. Another way to travel, I suppose but I’m pretty interested in having my own experience and knowing how I feel about something (I already know how I’m ‘supposed’ to feel.)
    So I take it Tiger transgressed in some way? I had no idea. At first I thought we were talking about his behavior on the putting green….
    I get now that he allowed his energy to flow beyond his marriage.(OMG I just typed WE allowed his energy…thank you Dr. Freud!)
    The only thing I can think of now is that everybody reading about it and reacting is probably wishing they could flow a bit of energy that way too! Maybe Tiger is being a true hero–a mouthpiece for the collective.
    It’s hard for me to take Tiger’s personal life seriously but I am sitting up and paying attention to the question, What do I think is right for me? I’m going to do more of that regardless of consensus reality!
    Thanks Jeannette. Now I have to go read some gossip to see what all the fuss is about!

  • Well said, Dana – there’s all SORTS of places in this story for us to get tripped up on right, wrong, justice and injustice.
    Great opportunity for us, huh?
    It reminds me of what Abraham says about contracts – that the best marriage vows go something like, “I like you pretty well. Let’s see how it goes.”
    ha ha
    Off to check out your “lighten up” clip – thanks for reading and especially for posting, Dana.

  • Super cool how generous you are with the compassion, Barbara.
    That’s a nice vibe to flow, and I thank you for the example and inspiration to do more of it!

  • Barbara says:

    This was very insightful and a wonderful post! I, too, have been sending loads of compassion to Tiger (and his wife, his kids and the women involved). Imagine if we all did that–the story wouldn’t even be “news!”

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Keepin’ in light!

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    Just to keep it light. I had to laugh out loud at the end when his notes said “help me”.

  • Dana - Your Inspired Coach says:

    There are probably other lessons in this story as well. One I can think of is our expectations around marriage, sex, intimacy, taboos, etc. I read a part of the story today describing the types of sex acts these women are saying Tiger likes…with them. None of my business and I sure wouldn’t want anyone to be a fly on the wall or report on that about me. Then again, I even wondered what was so bad about his “hair pulling” fetish, if nobody was actually being hurt and if the other participant was there willingly. The fact that it was reported on the way it was assumed the judgment of others…us, about hair pulling and sex in the car in church parking lots. Yes, I read the article. Wow. Nonetheless, what they said led me to wonder about whether he was having a need met elsewhere and incorrectly assuming it couldn’t be met at home, or just assuming it was taboo to even talk about at home.
    I also wondered if he’s a Narcissist. Just a hunch.
    All I know is if I were renegotiating his prenup on behalf of Elin, I’d push hard for a vest now clause and a punitive clause for each additional indiscretion, or for it to be void altogether. I’m sure if she were the one having her hair pulled in someone else’s Caddy they wouldn’t do a “do over” on the prenup.
    I guess I’m with Russ. 😉

  • And I probably haven’t been reading enough Ken Wilbur, Jackie – but I love your observation that what we perceive is a reflection of what’s going on inside.
    Huge food for thought, huh?
    Thanks for posting, Jackie!

  • Karen, I even felt it after publishing this post, wondering what others might think that I was so willing to let someone off the hook for breaking marriage vows!
    I suspect that habit of caring what others think has been deeply ingrained in most of us – and God bless us for knowing enough to release it whenever we see it in play.
    Thanks for reading and especially for writing, Karen!

  • Jackie says:

    Wonderful insight. I’d like it if things like Tiger’s problems weren’t reported on so much. It’s difficult to avoid hearing about them and, therefore, forming opinions/judgments. I think that these incidents reflect what is going on in our culture and what is going on in us individually. Maybe I have been reading too much Ken Wilber.

  • Karen says:

    Great post and very thought provoking! I think many people are trained to think of what others will think instead of putting ourselves, and what we want, first.

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