September 19, 2008

Rules Shmules

The topic of rules has been on my mind lately.
Specifically, how there are none.
At least, none you can count on.
My week at the Perfect Health retreat included a consult with a medical doctor.  This western-trained doctor told me that sleep was required to lose weight, since as long as we push the body, it thinks it’s in crisis mode and thus stores energy for the crisis.
Makes sense, huh? 
And it totally flies in the face of conventional wisdom. 
I mean, most doctors tell us to eat less and exercise more to lose weight.  But less food and more activity just means more “crisis” signals to the body.

sidenote: I just realized – this doctor literally proved out my recent (ridiculous) affirmation: “I lose weight while I sleep.”  ha!  Don’t ya love it?!  Universe HAS to prove us right, no matter how ridiculous the thoughts are that we dare hold! 

Here’s another rule that flies in the face of (my personal) real life experience:
The harder you work, the more you accomplish. 
It’s the exact opposite in my experience.  How about yours?
When things slow down for me, I know it’s a sign I’m working too hard.  That’s my trigger to go goof off some more to get things flowing again. 
The week before I left for the retreat I had a zillion things calling my attention.  As I felt myself getting stressed out I wouldn’t get it all done, I remembered to relax and slow down.  Which is when I actually got things done in FABULOUS time – easily and effortlessly!  By slowing down and relaxing.  It was really quite magical!
Or how about this classic piece of wisdom: Mr. Right won’t come knocking on your door.
He did on my girlfriend’s door. 
She had scheduled an in-home massage.  She had a lot of fun with him all summer long.  (He was cute, too!)
Shoot, there was one really big rule that was inspiring me to write this piece, and now I’ve completely forgotten it.  Guess I’ll have to post it in the comments when it comes back to me.
In the meantime, what “rules” do you see broken?  What things do we believe without questioning? 
Let’s smash up some more rules here!

  • Jessica Earl says:

    hmmmm… microwaves are bad for us? Never really heard that one. In fact, I’ve heard more good things. For instance steaming fresh veggies in the microwave vs. cooking them in water on the stove top. The microwave ones will have more nutritional value.
    The one cool rule I have is “What ever rule I WANT to believe, is the “truth”. Anything that seems highly debatable, I just say or think “What do you WANT to believe is true?”
    Usually whatever we want to believe is true is what will assist us on our journey the most.
    I love it that we can make up our own rules as we go along. A lot different than having a set of rules given to us at birth that we have to follow our whole life, just like a board game.
    Funny thing is, if it is a board game and those kids that would “change” the rules would annoy me to death. I couldn’t play w/out going by “the rules”… to me it wasn’t any fun but to the one changing them, it was fun… ha! So it all depends and comes down to being aware and knowing what suits us well, or hinders us!
    What rules set us free and what rules confine us?

  • Hmm .. so you’re making me wonder, Paul, whether rules serve us at all, or whether some do and some don’t.
    I’m inclined to say there are some rules I rather enjoy. Those tend to be the ones I made up for myelf.
    Like, the “no work on Friday” rule. lol
    Thanks for posting, Paul. It’s thought-provoking, to say the least.
    Hey, as I’m eating my reheated Mountain Mike’s pizza, I’m thinking about what a strong case George made back at the Perfect Health retreat for why microwaving is NOT bad for our food, not bad for us.
    George is a brilliant scientist – it’s what he does for a living – and he explained it in a way that just about has me convinced the rule about microwaves being bad for us is bogus.
    Thank you, George! Not that I really need to know “the truth,” I just like the freedom you give me to choose my rule!

  • Paul. says:

    Jeannette, as I was drafting my promised email to you (about your doctor’s comments), they prompted more thoughts about “rules.” I noticed that we’re not smashing all “rules” here, just the ones that we’ve judged as bad.
    So what about these “rules” that makes us want to reject or break them?, I started to wonder. As I review all “rules” above that we want to break, it seems to me that these are “rules” of other people, foisted upon/offered to us, that no longer serve us. In fact, it struck me that one could lump these “rules” together under the heading of “common wisdom”–you know, the things that “they” are always saying.
    I am reminded of “wisdom” from my family that was rejected (by my immediate, “more enlightened” elders) almost before it could be passed on to me. A lot of this “wisdom” was rejected because it was out-dated but I have benefitted from other bits, like the foundation understanding of astrology and tarot as well as the LoA. One such helpful nugget of wisdom–“Judge a tree by the fruit it bears”–has helped me in my quest to reclaim the useful bits of “wisdom” and to explore the LoA as I move along my path.
    Which I finally understand, Jeannette, is what you were doing with your doctor. (See? I knew I could bring it back to the topic.)

  • Jess, your post is lighting me up all over – like a really good pin ball player …
    I’ll go one at a time:
    Yes, listening to our body! That’s where our answers are!
    It never ceases to amaze me how one person thrives with something (say interval training, for example) while another dreads it. It also never ceases to amaze me how often we IGNORE what our body is telling us!
    An instructor at the retreat I was at two weeks ago said meditation is the first place to go, the first and best solution, no matter WHAT’S going “wrong.” Sleep problems, relationship challenges, health issues, no matter WHAT, he said meditation is the first and best solution.
    That really intrigues me.
    Thanks for a great post, Jess! I loved it!
    PS – I can send you my doctor’s info and he might know of someone in your area, if you like.

  • Jessica Earl says:

    Jeannette, Can I join you and your bf? haha! This is such a huge area for me right now.
    I am so totally perplexed by the state of my health right now, so I am doing my best to find time to “talk” and “listen” with my body…
    I loved the fresh perspective on pushing your body. I keep hearing in my head how “lazy” I feel. I seem to have a gift in doing “nothing” (as in a previous post I mentioned). I find that I do “more” from doing nothing. When I meditate regularly, so much inspiration, clarity, and energy comes to me and to top it all off great health.
    No matter how much I know this, somehow I keep forgetting to do it! If I “listen”… body says do nothing (meaning I need to get back to meditation) yet my ego/mind keeps arguing saying I need to figure out my diet, or exercise plan, or going to the Dr for my long list of strange ailments… the truth is there. I just need to boot the “rules” to the curb and “do” what my intuition and body are telling me.
    I laugh now in the face of all this resistance!
    Thanks SOOOOO much for sharing your life and experiences. This is great and so helpful. I am glad I was able to articulate it. I can feel all the good vibes flowing out of me when I think of “doing nothing”. It puts a HUGE smile on my face. 🙂
    I’m getting a Dr like yours or a coach!! Somehow the right support system is falling into place. It is coming to me NOW!!
    To health and Vibrant energy, Jess

  • I forgot why I bought that book, until her dog started talking to her and I was like, “Oh yeah! That’s why I was interested in this!” lol
    Hey, I just thought of another REALLY couple good rules to break.
    It’s 1:42 pm and I’m still sitting in pjs and haven’t had breakfast. Thinking about how I got all my calories in last night at 8 pm, and how that’s supposed to be a bad thing for your metabolism or weight or whatever.
    (Last night I weighed in at such a fabulous number I think I might propose to my scale.)
    And then I was thinking about how they say you’re supposed to eat 5-6 small meals a day instead of three big ones. Or just one humongous one. (however you spell humongous)
    And I thought “I’m breaking ALL those rules!” It doesn’t matter when I eat, what I eat, how much I eat (ooh, that one didn’t set in .. ha ha .. I must still believe that one), but I am DEFINITELY proving the first two wrong!
    And so does my boyfriend – he eats once or twice a day, none of it “healthy,” he’s eight years older than I am (I love saying that), and he EASILY maintains an ideal weight and he’s healthier than I am. EFFORTLESSLY! And he’s breaking every freakin rule out there!
    He doesn’t exercise regularly – or at all – unless you count bowling. (ok, he golfs in summer, but he rides in his share of carts.)
    He doesn’t listen to me about processed v. real food, he could care less about 5-6 meals a day, he doesn’t take ANY supplements, and he rarely varies on the scale. And he’s older, which – you know they say it gets harder as you age.
    I’m joining HIM.
    Except, I’m eating real food. Or at least, more than he is. Because I still get my share of Pirate’s Booty and .. sometimes Starbursts .. and one day maybe a Ding Dong just because it makes me feel young and free. hee hee
    Ok, I should go get dressed. Or eat.
    Or not!!

  • Lauren McHugh says:

    Thanks Jeannette!
    P.S. I read a book you mentioned, Walking in Circles Before Lying Down…..omg it was awesome! I was laughing so hard! She has many more…..(Merrill Markoe).

  • Gillian says:

    Yap, I absolutely love all of El Baugher’s rules, especially ” My marriage is easy because I accept him totally. The only reason people think it’s hard is because it’s REALLY hard to get your own way all the time. Hard work bossing someone around or spending all your energy in plans for manipulation.” .- What a great quote!
    Practising acceptance or “tolerance” in a relationship is not a burden, if we can release our ego-trip.
    Yes, I also agree there is nothing worth in anything that needs struggeling.
    I have neer been a smoker, so I fortunately never had to deal with struggeling to stop smoking!

  • Couldn’t find it, Lauren, but a search on Amazon turned up on I might like: “Dog Sense, 99 Tips From Your Canine Companion.” lol
    When it turns up, I’ll email you …

  • I was wishing I could remember it when I wrote this post, Lauren … I’ll go search the library and see if I still have a copy …

  • Lauren McHugh says:

    What’s the name of the book/author you mentioned in one of the first posts? I think I might like to take a look at that one….thanks!

  • Jessica Earl says:

    I’ve observed in others how comforting rules are. It is as though they need them to feel safe or as a foundation to stand on.
    Why stand when you can fly?
    I’ve noticed when I challenge others with a question it seems to disrupt the balance they’ve found. I thrive on this for myself, but for others they seem lost or upset by it. I’ve come to have more respect for others needs to have rules. It is how they can grow, by having something to hold onto or something.
    I find organized religion does this… it provides a framework of rules to live by, so a person knows “what to do”. When some of us find it restrictive and not to encompass all of who we are, limiting our potential to be the good person we choose to be; while others find it a relief, supportive and comforting in order to be the good person they intend on being. It all depends on perspective.
    I love breaking up rules and challenging beliefs. To me THAT is empowering.
    have a good day!!

  • Iyabo Asani says:

    Jeanette, you know as the lawyer turned coach in this group, I must weigh in on this one. I would have already but I get the blog post like the next day – What is up with that?
    OK, here goes. Rules are set up to create boundaries to define and preserve the norms and mores of society. Then punishment comes in when we violate those externally imposed rules.
    Well, our law makers, instead of approaching laws with the same approach that our great constiutuion is written – which is what our rights are – they approach the laws from the perspective of what we should not do, which is reflected in our lawbooks that only tell us what not to do, not what to do.
    So what happens? Everyone (almost) breaks the laws. Think of speeding down the highway. Who here has never broken the speed limit? Please raise your right hand.
    When caught speeding, you get a ticket and pay a price. That is called punishment. It is designed to deter such behavior in the future. Really?
    What is truly the effect of such a penalty? Punishment, deterence or resititution?
    The energy of laws is restrictive and punishing. It is not free and expressive. It is narrow. Human beings have never responded well to this as we are constantly growing and seeking to not be restricted. It is our default setting.
    The problem for me is this: I have an issue with anything that defines me from the outside. Self definition is the only true defintion. We can create a culture of self defintion that does not entail stepping on other peoples toes but this is too much of advanced thinking for the average person out there.
    To make peace with rules, since we must live with some, at least the legal ones, we have to explore what the originial intention of the rule is and make peace with it. The sign on the highway that says 70 MPH is not designed to curb your desire to speed but is designed to for everyone to have a safe and protected journey on the road.
    Yes, I want my journey on the road to be safe and so do you.
    As for other rules that are self imposed, who the &^%$$%^^&&^&& has the right to define that for me.
    For instance, I am bi-racial. My mother was half Irish American and half polish Jew. My father was black from Africa. I certainly do not consider myself a white person but I cannot say I am black either. Especially in the way that black is defined in this country. Yet because I spent my first 16 years in Africa, I consider myself African. Culturally, I vascilate from reflecting my mother’s white New England culture to being very African and representing my father’s African sensibilities. I was just raised that way.
    Why do I have to check a little box on a form that narrowly defines who I am? How come I cannot write out all that I am? Really, I want a box that just says I am human. That is the box I will check.
    Do you see what I am saying? I am human and I want to define myself and I want to be the one that creates the rules that govern my life. I respect that there needs to be some laws that reflect our commonality of community but I get to define who I am and the rules I want to live by.
    What has this got to do with rules? Rules are other peoples opinions that we have been programmed with as a fact that if we are unconcious, we blindly adopt. The height of living an authentic life is to create your own rules, while respecting the community to which you belong. Nobody defines you. You define yourself.
    OK. I know I am ranting. Thanks for reading. I do not know how I ended up on the race thing but I guess with the political climate right now, it comes up also it is something that I have always had a pet peeve about.

  • Jessica Earl says:

    I get your view on laws. I often have this approach to rules/laws similarly.
    I look for the positive intent behind it. I figured the law came from “somewhere” from “someone” because more than one person felt passionately about “something” and thought that it was doing something “well meaning”.
    I also like to support that freedom to make a choice about what rules I wish to follow. Many times I wouldn’t be able to tell you if I believe or support a certain law or view point, as I can see both sides of it… I can see how some could feel strongly against it, and others strongly for it…
    As for myself and breaking the rules or self imposed, unquestioned rules, Why do we need bedtimes? Why do we need clocks at all? Sleep when I am tired, wake up when I am not- when I am excited to start my day!
    On that note, I’ll head to bed because actually, I am pretty tired. 🙂

  • Jeff Atherton says:

    OK, here’s what we need to do. Jeannette’s birthday is… well… soon. That’s as close as I could pry out of her. So since she gets so excited about her alexa rating I say everyone go out and make sure you have the alexa toolbar install in your browser and then that will help increase her rankings when you visit the blog. And then that can be her birthday present from all of us. So what do ya think?

  • Anonymous says:

    OMG Kristy I was just thinking that too! I Love Star Wars and The Matrix! I Love the no spoon scene. It is so true though there is no trying just doing. It is like admitting defeat “I’ll try..”
    Loving everyones thoughts thanks!

  • Kristy M says:

    Do or do not… there is no ‘try’
    -Yoda (?)

  • Good reminder, Anna!
    That thing about the “try” word is so true. Even most of my clients hear it without me having to point it out. It’s like a red flag for “I don’t believe it’ll happen.”
    Hey guys, I looked us up on Alexa today … our traffic rankings for this site continue to escalate! woo hoo again!
    This is just a huge woo hoo day for me, I guess! lol
    Thanks for being here, everyone, and contributing to the profound and transformative conversation we conduct here.
    Fun stuff, huh? !!

  • Good point, Mark. It’s easy to sit here and SAY we don’t believe in rules until the going gets tough … and then we’re all about looking at the limits in order to find our security again.
    In fact, let’s bust up THAT thought right now!
    Woo hoo!!!
    Oh, I think I even have evidence at the ready for it, too. Some of my FAVORITE manifestations came to me when the going was REALLY rough.
    So I can easily see how in my own life it’s easy to throw out the rules about what’s possible even in the dark moments.
    Ahh, liking this space you took us to today, Mark. Thank you for posting!
    And HUGE big fun delicious thoughts coming your way for your new venture! woo hoo!!!

  • Anna says:

    At the base level (society’s use, that is) saying “I’ll try” is little more than admitting defeat in advance, or pacifying someone at the time.
    When it comes to rules – oye! And laws? I can only speak for myself when I say that there is not a single law I have abided for the reason that it is a law (barring the presence or sight of law enforcement officers). Someone told me long ago that in Australia, it’s only against the law if you get caught. He may have been talking about speeding, while I felt profound truth in it.
    Really, we only have rules because somebody somewhere decided that people are not intelligent and able enough to make a “proper” and “appropriate” decision for themselves, and thus need to be told what to do. That’s my take.
    Now, about the spoon… ultimately, everything here is so because enough someone’s thought it. And when we really get down to it, nothing is actually “solid.” Scientific fact, everything is just atoms and molecules moving together – vibrating. Energy. Just like us. Is it any wonder we get what we vibrate?!
    Here’s to sitting in elevators and singing our own words!

  • What a great thread!
    Love all the perspective, insights and energy.
    Was thinking this morning about whether folks people stay true to these concepts when the going gets rough.
    It’s real easy to feel in abundance and that your attracting things when things are going well.
    How about when things are not quite optimal for you?
    In the philosophy of this thread, would you still believe in the path outside the rules if you had some not-quite-right things happen?
    I have a financial opportunity right now. I desire a level of cashflow that is totally outside anything I have ever produced in the short term. And, life could get interesting pretty quick.
    Now, I’m not all about the money. I’m clearly focused on what I want and know that I will attract and receive the resources to make it happen.
    It’s so easy to question ones beliefs when the going gets rough.
    And, we then fall back into ‘conventional wisdom’ and the ‘rules’ to get back on track.
    I completely and totally believe that what I desire is happening. I currently don’t have a clue how, and that is part of the process for me.
    None of the rules I have ever known could possibly support me in my quest right now.
    This is where it gets to be fun. Do you really believe in the principles and trust that they will get you to where you want to be?
    I know that I do and am excited about what is unfolding for me.

  • Oh my gosh, El, three classics! Out the door, just like that!

    Thank you for ushering the way.

    Your commitment to choosing smoke-free and how THAT worked with the prior 5 or 6 tries didn’t is inspirational.

    Thanks for showing the power of commitment!

  • El Baugher says:

    Nothing worth having comes easily.
    Marriage takes hard work.
    I have found, in my life, that if it DOESN’T come easily, it’s not the right thing for me.
    My marriage is easy because I accept him totally. The only reason people think it’s hard is because it’s REALLY hard to get your own way all the time. Hard work bossing someone around or spending all your energy in plans for manipulation.
    I quit smoking 5 or 6 time to no avail. The day I quit and said, “No matter what, no matter who, no matter when…. I do not want this in my life and I will not have it anymore!” I quit with no problem. But everytime I added the word “try” I failed. You can’t “try” to do something. You intend to do it, or you intened to try and beat yourself up when you fail. Lesson learned, rule broken. I haven’t touched a lit cigarette in 2.5 years now. And to prove to myself that it was my decision, I still have the last 3 cigarettes in my last pack. It was almost like having a vision board to remind me to turn to what I DO want, instead of what I don’t.
    Great post Jeannette! (As always)

  • LeslieB says:

    What a great post and comments! I love “there is no spoon” (once it was explained) and it brings up a strange rule:
    Girls can’t remember lines from movies – that’s a guy thing!
    And here are 2 more rules that I’d like to throw out:
    You can’t have it all.
    You must get all your work done before you can play.

  • And dessert first!

    ha ha – thanks for this post, Leslie!

  • That’s another great “rule” to drop – actors have to struggle. Or teachers, or musicians, or artists, for that matter.
    My roster of clients REGULARLY proves no struggle is required!
    Hey, I thought of another good rule to drop: “You can’t be famous in your own backyard.” lol I was thinking about how much I love this conversation we have here on the blog, and how there is NO conversation on the Catalyst site where they publish the print articles.
    None! Okay, maybe a few a while ago – I don’t know.
    And then I thought, that’s probably be because you can’t be famous in your own backyard. lol
    Where did I pick THAT up?
    I know … from some “expert.” And at the time, it was probably a good thought that had the potential to help release stress. And undoubtedly it still does. For some.
    But for me, I thought maybe I should share some of those articles with my online audience and intend a couple of positive comments make their way to them.
    August’s What Do You Wonder is here:
    and July’s Trading Today for Tommorow is here:
    (People did write in on that one. They wanted to know who the hottie in the photo was, just in case he needed a place to stay. lol)
    While we’re at it, I thought of another good rule to release: You can’t change the past.
    If you could hear my delirious laugh as I type that, you’d think I’ve gone over the edge.
    I love it!! Let’s go over the EDGE!! There is no spoon!

  • Jerielle says:

    I’ve been playing by too many rules recently myself. I needed this great reminder!

  • Gillian says:

    Its really funny Kristy, I just read an article about Katie Holmes, where she stated how flawlessly and easily she became an actress and that she never had to struggle, like some other actors, doing odd jobs. She practically became famous overnight with Dawsons Creek. She also mentions that she took auditions easily, without pressuring herself, like “I’ll do my best, and lets see what happens”, “If I don’t get the part, then something better will turn up”. “I just focus on what I love to do”. When asked, what makes her angry, she says: I have a road rage, but other than that, I am very patient and I go with the flow”. Just a few of her quotes! Its very intersting to study Katie’s mind set. Looking at her life now, Katie must be using LOA without knowing it and it sure is working in her favour!

  • Kristy M says:

    Hey Gillian!
    Yes, I’ve always loved Katie Holmes 🙂 “Dawson’s Creek” was such a good show. Shes actually going to be in “All My Sons” on Bway so I’m gonna try and see it. Katie definitley has a blessed life and I LOVE those quotes.
    Thank You!

  • Kristy M says:

    Thanks you SO much, Jeanette
    I really needed this :).. especially with a big audition tommorow!!
    A rule I intend on breaking is that you have to struggle for a long time and become a waitress (or any other sterotypical ‘starving actor’ job lol) before you can make it big.
    Those rules were made to be broken 🙂

  • Gillian says:

    My My what a great post!
    I love Marks quote of Einstein: “The way you see the problem IS the problem.” All problems are “Mind over Matter.” If we don’t mind, it doesn’t matter! It really is all about our own perspective, whether we choose to see something as difficult or easy, valid or invalid. While I think it is necessary to “compromise” and “tolerate” in a relationship, I don’t believe compromising and tolerating needs to be hard work or be difficult or genarate bad feelings, unless we choose so. Its all about the way we see a problem. I believe compromising and tolerating is just part of the deal to make a relationship/friendship work, so deal with it! It’s how we cooporate with the other other people. I see it more as a practicality rather than a burden. Thats my opinion. But other than that, I totally agree, as a very free spirit, rules and regulations are not for me at all! Away with them, I only believe in one big rule : More brings more, less brings less!

  • Jeff Atherton says:

    Yes, it’s from a scene in the movie The Matrix. Neo is trying to bend a spoon with his mind. And all the current “rules” of our universe say you can’t do that. (They also said that a human couldn’t run a mile in under 4 minutes, but Sir Roger Bannister straightened that one out.)
    Then a little kid who can do it tells Neo “There is no spoon”. Which fits right in with Mark’s quote from Einstein: “The way you see the problem IS the problem”. Thus…
    There is no spoon.

  • Jeff Atherton says:

    If you’re going to break rules then why not Go Big…
    “There is no spoon.”

  • I believe it’s a reference to a line from Matrix, right, Jeff?
    I’ll let him (or someone else) explain it better than I would …
    The way I interpret is that we have yet to BEGIN to understand what we’re truly capable of. Like, we still tend to believe in bullets and gravity and time. ha!
    I caught a few minutes of a show last night called I am Superhuman or Superhero – something like that. One guy pushed a half ton slab of granite off of him while sliding downhill to his death – in order to save himself.
    And yet in the heavy lifting circle, guys train for hours a day for years in order to HOPE to dead lift 1,000 pounds. Like, it’s virtually impossible for most of us.
    This guy did it – when he was properly motivated. lol
    Rules!!! ahhhh … we have so much freedom available to us when we drop them!!!

  • Paul. says:

    Oh, no! I think the thread just took off without me!
    Could someone please explain to me: “There is no spoon”?
    (Where’s the closed captioning on this thing?)

  • Now THIS is where it gets exciting!!
    THIS is where the action is!
    Thanks, Jeff, for giving us the stretch! I am SO with you!!!!

  • That’s a GREAT one to bust up, Paul – “people with jobs get jobs”! Nicely done! I’m joining Phillis in the wasted youth one, too.

    Like Phillis, I also like your very “allowing” way of letting your friend believe in her reality, and just not letting it become yours.

    Just like that!

    Thanks for posting both of you. With observations like this, pretty soon rules are going be a thing of the past!

  • Paul:
    Like your response — “It’s all right if you want to have that as part of your reality; I’d prefer it not to be a part of mine.”
    Here’s the one I LOVE to break “Youth is wasted on the Young” — I am always youthful – both in looks and how I act (not childish I might add.) Age is but a number assigned by those who need to assign labels . . . . .

  • Paul. says:

    So many ideas are barrelling into my mind from this post; where to start….?
    I grew up in a very –erm, shall we say–“rule-driven” environment. Upon later reflection, I’ve come to realize (and I think this holds true for many people) that these “rules” were merely “superstitions” to “protect” us or to make the adults’ lives easier. I say “superstitions” because as I test the “rules,” I find that they, like traditional superstitions, only have power if I believe in them or not.
    This line of thought so reminded me of your recent Experts post, Jeannette. I think we get so many of our “rules” from the Experts in our lives, sometimes even before we’ve had a chance to develop our own protection against this type of programming.
    Which brings me to my recent experience with “rules” and Experts and the like….
    I have a friend who is a very talented therapist. (Not only does she have more letters after her name than any legitimate professional I’ve met but I’ve had people confide in me, after learning that I’m her friend, time and again how she’s saved their lives.) As a friend, she’s been interested and supportive in my current job transition and over lunch last week she hit me with a “rule:”
    “Employers hire people who have jobs.”
    What? Fortunately, I’ve had a bit of practise since my childhood so I smiled and asked to see where this was written. She wasn’t going to be cajoled from making her point so I had to say, “It’s all right if you want to have that as part of your reality; I’d prefer it not to be a part of mine.”
    Other “rules” I’m currently busting:
    –“Life is hard and then you die” and “Life gets harder as you get older.” (My father’s favorite sayings. Can you imagine how fun a party in our house was? )
    –“Pretty-Young-Things are more desirable/sexy than Gentlemen-of-a-Certain-Age.” (Katharine Hepburn has a funny quote on this topic but, unfortunately, it supports the “rule” rather than busts it. 🙁 )
    –“Our bodies break down as we get older.” (Ick! Who thought of this one?)
    (Off-topic: Jeannette, I have some thoughts on reconciling your knowledge of weight-loss and your western-doctor’s opinons but I’ll send them along via email later.)
    Oh, yes, and the ever-popular:
    “The path to success and prosperity is through long hours and hard work>.”
    What’s that I hear breaking in the background?

  • Ha! I LOVE it Mark! “The way you see the problem IS the problem.”
    Wow! That says SO much.
    This is exactly what I’m asking my group course participants to do – to stop seeing themselves as someone who is challenged with LOA, or wanting to write a book, or without romance in their world.
    And to start seeing themselves as if the “solution” were already present in their real world lives.
    Oh my gosh, Mark, JUST finished reading the rest of your post! I LOVE the example from your young son! Gave me goose bumps!
    Sitting in elevators – I might try it sometime!
    Thanks for posting, Mark. I always benefit when you share your thoughts with me/us!

  • Mark — sitting in the elevator — way cool . . . only a little one would ‘dare’ to do so . . . . hum, I do remember being ‘7’ . . . great memories and of course I didn’t know the ‘rules’ . . . thank you!

  • Hum, I’m on a roll . . . thanks! Cheers, P.
    Off to break rules! Love it . . .

  • Einstein said “The way you see the problem IS the problem”
    Many of the ‘rules’ that govern us are essentially the way that someone else sees the world, life, etc.
    Now, I’m not a rebel and have to reject everything that comes across. I just play with it to see if it holds true for me.
    There are certain rules that I do live by. And, of course, there are Universal Laws that are always present and cannot be compromised. When you align and flow with them, life is so much smoother.
    I learned a great lesson from my son a few years ago.
    He was 7 and we were in the elevator in my office building – the Bank One tower in Indianapolis. We were going up to the 27th floor and my son sat down on the floor. “Get up!” I said. He looked at me with that priceless 7 year old expression and said “Why?” I answered “Because you can’t sit down in an elevator!”
    He then stopped me cold by asking “Why not?”
    I could not think of a valid answer to give him, so I sat down with him. Yes, a couple of suits did look at us strangely, but hey – who cares?
    To this day, I ocassionally sit down in an elevator.
    Don’t ever be afraid to ask Why or Why Not, and just do what feels right.

  • You know what I think that means, Phillis? (Rules are meant to be broken?)
    That that’s how we expand this Universe! That’s how we create heaven on earth!!
    By moving BEYOND! By daring to believe something OUTRAGEOUS!!
    Oh, I like that a LOT.
    Cool questions you’re asking tonight, my friend!!

  • Yes – things/event/life is as easy or as hard as we “CHOOSE” to make it — and of course much easier when those around us cooperate too (ha ha). . . . perspective, eh?
    Rules were meant to be broken? What does that mean anyway?

  • Oh my gosh, of COURSE that one, huh Kim?! Thank you for starting us off with that big smash!!
    I remember telling an ex-fiance (when we were still engaged) during a particularly challenging conversation (ok, it was an argument) that “relationships are HARD WORK. It’s gonna TAKE a lot of work to make this work!”
    And he looked at me and said, “It shouldn’t have to be this hard.”
    I was like, “What dream world are YOU living in?!”
    A week or two later I threw a gorgeous ring back at him, and about a year later read a book on relationships that changed my perspective completely.
    The author said something like why would we ever bother doing something that was hard? If relationships are so hard, why even BOTHER?!
    His point was that they CAN be easy, they are BETTER when they’re easy, and he taught how to let them be easy.
    Thank God for the sake of all my future relationships, huh? lol
    Nice rule to blast, Kim. Thank you!!!

  • Kim Falconer says:

    Oh Jeannette, what fun!
    The rule we ALL know comes to mind– Relationships are hard work requiring compromise, emotional maturity and realistic expectations.
    Ha! I don’t believe a word of it, anymore 🙂
    It’s so liberating.
    Relationship are easy. All you do is show up!
    xx Kim

  • Related Post