Settle or Hold Out: When the Manifestation is Close But Not Quite

close1Thad’s big dream is to leave his copywriting profession behind and become a motivational speaker.  Actually, to be a highly paid motivational speaker.
But right now it does just feel like a big dream, while he pays the rent by “selling his soul” (his words, not mine) writing ad copy for other professionals.
While manifesting his big dream come true, Thad (not his real name) has been sprinkled on by Universe with a variety of close calls, aka “signs of land, “good omens” or “near misses” (depending on who he talks to).

  • One was when his local business networking group asked if he would speak at their next meeting on the topic of copywriting.
  • Next was when his local boys & girls club asked if he would lead a meeting for new volunteers.
  • When he finally got one response from over a dozen inquiries he’d sent to various groups, it was for an unpaid gig.

By now Thad was losing his sense of humor.
He started wondering whether he should hold out for the paid motivational speaking gigs he really wanted, or just try to make the best of these other options that weren’t really what he had in mind.
He’s not alone, is he?  Many of us have found ourselves with a “close but not quite” manifestation.
Like when the guy we’re dating has all the right qualities except that he’s several years younger than we’d prefer.  Or when the dream house we’ve been looking for is perfect except for the power station next door.  Or when we said “swift natural healing” but the doctor’s recommending surgery.
Sooner or later we’re faced with the question whether to accept this “less than perfect” option or to hold out for what we really wanted.
Some believe if we “settle,” we send a signal to Universe that sabotages the true dream.  Others believe it’s a sign we’re headed in the right direction, and it’s okay to babystep our way to our happy ending.
You probably already know what I think.  What feels better?
I don’t think anyone else can tell you what’s best for you, and I believe what’s best for you is what feels best to you.
After all, you’re the only one who knows whether it feels better to give the short guy a chance or not waste your time; whether it feels better to practice motivating your colleagues about copywriting or hold to your ideal of highly paid motivational speaking; whether it feels better to put an offer on the practically perfect house or thank Universe for getting it almost right, knowing the perfect one must be around the next corner.
But I will suggest this: if it feels like you’re settling, don’t.  If you can’t shift perspective so it feels empowering to accept this into your life, take a pass.  Because when you send the vibration of settling, Universe will hear and respond.  That’s not a habit you want to get into, right?
I also know this: when I was building my six figure practice it felt better to work than not work, even when it meant giving sample and discounted sessions.  That felt like steps in the right direction, and I loved the work.  While I could have seen it as a “failure” or “settling,” I chose not to.  I looked at it as the ship starting to turn.  Things starting to go my way.  That I was on the right track and just needed to keep moving forward.
But that was me.
Someone else might have experienced it as a huge compromise shifting them completely out of the vibe that allowed a perfect manifestation.
When I was manifesting my next guy, I imagined he would have a dog.  Russ showed up without a dog, but that was an easy one to shrug my shoulders about.

Turned out to be a good thing, since I already had three of my own and we moved in together a year later.  Plus, I really meant dog LOVER, not dog OWNER.

On top of that, I know lots of girls happily married to short guys, and lots of guys living out dreams come true with girls who are mothers to someone else’s kids.
Does it sound like I’m making a case for compromise?  I hope not!  What I mean is that Universe delivers the best our vibration allows, and that sometimes stepping into that next place is what allows us to fine tune things even more, so the next manifestation gets even better.
If you can maintain your positive vibe while holding out for the very best match to your big dream, you’re golden!  Don’t let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing to get there.  (Including me.)
So remember, as you’re answering this question for yourself, pay attention to what feels best to you.  And if you can shift a belief or a perspective that takes you to an even better feeling place, by all means shift away!!
As always, I’d like to hear your thoughts and experiences on this!

  • May 21, 2009
  • Karen says:

    Asking yourself “What feels better?” at every junction you cross will keep you on the right path. The U responses to your vibration – not whether it is right or wrong – so pick and choose your next step by how it feels.

  • Karin says:

    I VERY MUCH needed to read this right now. Thank you!

  • Susan says:

    This is sooooo good !!!
    I’ve just manifested what I want but with the wrong person. For an awful minute I thought the big U had gotten mixed up. But then I realised that this is just another sign that what I want is on it’s way. If I can do it with one person I can do it with another. I’ve always had a doubt that I can have what I want with a certain person but this is just the Universe letting me know that I can do it.
    WooHoo. It’s on it’s way. I can feel it.

  • Amen, Anna, for inviting us to reconsider and re-know what is possible!!

  • Anna says:

    True, history tells us Rome wasn’t built in a day. But have you seen what can be done in a week on those makeover shows?!
    Baby stepping or lottery winning – we decide. Which, speaking to energy and vibration, differs a great deal from choice.
    Really, the difference between baby steps and lottery wins is little more than the difference between the journey and the prize.

  • Hope to be?! Girlfriend, you’re MY role model!!! ha
    How funny is that?!
    Thanks for reading and for spreading the word, Kelly! 🙂

  • Kelly says:

    HOW DO YOU THIS JEANETTE? Brilliant post, perfect for a client who has her own potential “perfect” client (the type she wants to support) who doesn’t have quite the budget my client would like. She asked me what to do?
    I’m of the “baby steps” mindset because, lottery winners notwithstanding, Rome generally wasn’t built in a day. But hey, that’s me!
    Sent her this post.
    I hope to be as prolific as you are. CONTENT IS KING.

  • Mary I have goosebumps reading abt your realisation – this AND something more! Wow, your manifestation is HERE girlfriend .. 😀

  • Check you out, Kimberly!!
    Just like that!!
    I have to admit, this is a style I am very comfortable with.
    Congrats!! And what amazing work you’re doing!

  • Kimberly Gauthier says:

    Fantastic post! I feel the same way about my work. I want to become a successful pet photographer, I want to have fun, I want to make lots of money.
    This came about because (1) I wanted time to enjoy photography more – then the idea of this business was instroduced to me in a random way and (2) I wanted an abundance of money coming my way, hence the new business.
    Money will come, I will be successful; and knowing this, I’m happy to accept all the free inquiries that come my way. I wanted more experience and to improve upon my craft and I was flooded with people who volunteered their time so that I could photograph their pets. Finally I’m starting to hear from people who want to pay me for my work. I now have a “testimonials” page on my website. I’m learning lots of marketing strategies, I have a business. I’m having fun.
    The time I requested to indulge in my photography has come, the abundance that I requested is right around the corner!
    Have a fantastic weekend, All!!!

  • I think you’re right, JudiesJuice – at least, that’s how I experience it much of the time myself.
    Congrats on manifesting BFF girlfriends!
    I have to admit that’s an area I am really deficient in.
    Food for thought for me. 🙂

  • Judiesjuice says:

    I’ve been thinking about this post as well. One of the things that I wanted to manifest was a close girlfriend. Being a mom to two young daughters can make it challenging at times to fit in everything you want. At any rate, it was something that was on my list for a long time. Yesterday, a friend called and needed my help with her daughter’s birthday party. Earlier that day, I had called her and offered any assistance she may need. After the conversation, I had to laugh b/c I clearly manifested this friendship.
    It wasn’t realistic for someone to call me and ask “Hello, can we become BFFs?” But slowly, over a period of time, we have become very close.
    That situation made me think about this post. As others have mentioned, it’s taking baby steps. Perhaps both you and the Universe are aware that you may not be ready to achieve the “full” goal so it provides baby steps to ease you into it. To get you comfortable with it.
    MaryK, that is an amazing story. Good for you. You go girl!!!

  • I love that you offered beautiful examples of both perspectives, Jessica!
    “It just happens and somehow it helps boost us to the next level” is certainly something I’ve experienced …
    as well as the instant knowing on the big, outrageous stuff.
    Isn’t that cool?!
    How fun are WE?! If I were an alien, “us” on Earth right now would be my favorite entertainment. hee hee
    Thanks for posting, Jess!

  • Jessica says:

    Yeah, I was thinking the unpaid speaking gigs are just “practice”… I mean, what better way to imagine you are doing this as a highly paid speaker? I find that sometimes I just can’t quite imagine what my life would be like if I had a particular manifestation. I sort of need to grow into it. I can’t picture myself a millionaire just yet, but at one time I was so poor, I couldn’t imagine myself owning two houses and being unemployed and just fine all at the same time. It just happens and somehow it helps boost us to the next level.
    However, sometimes there are things way out there that I CAN imagine and it just FEELS right. It feels so easy and natural as though no doubt it will just be, even if I have no idea how I’ll get there. I am in the process of writing a business plan for a business I can’t quite imagine, but yet I know it will happen. There’s just no doubt, and I don’t know why. (Which is fine by me!!)
    In any case, yeah, I agree… how does it feel?! is a great measuring stick, but if there’s away to explore other perspectives, we may just get the best of BOTH worlds… being okay with the baby steps, practicing and getting more comfortable to step into our dreams!
    Thanks everyone!! Jess

  • MissyB says:

    Hey MaryK – what’s the bets you ex feels the shift in your vibration and suddenly wants you back ?
    I shouldn’t jest perhaps, but bloody well done because having been where you are, that’s a damn fine shift in my book. And what I needed to hear too at this time. Thank YOU for sharing.

  • HUGE shift, Mary!! And not one that can be forced or faked.
    I bet you’ll have some fun stories for us very soon as a result of this …

  • MaryK says:

    At first I didn’t think I had anything to contribute to this conversation, but I just had a major breakthrough with respect to this just last night! So I had to post, of course… 😉
    Last night I had dinner with an ex-boyfriend of mine, who I’ve remained friends with since we broke up. And trust me, it was not an easy break-up because for years I thought he was The One and that I would never meet anyone quite like him again. For the past few years I’ve been pining away for him (even as I dated other guys)and hoping we would get back together.
    Over the past few weeks, though, I’ve been placing a lot of energy on calling in my soulmate/life partner and figuring out all the qualities I think that person will have. And last night when I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend, I realized he’s not The One for me anymore because he doesn’t line up with all the qualities on my list.
    We still had a great time and got along better than ever, but instead of pining away for him and feeling badly about the whole situation, I found myself saying to myself, “We have such a great connection and I want this sort of connection with my soulmate, in addition to all the other qualities I’m looking for.”
    This was such a HUGE breakthrough for me because I no longer felt lack when hanging out with my ex-boyfriend. Instead, I felt really optimistic and hopeful about meeting my soulmate in the near future, who will not only have all the qualities I’m looking for but also that great connection with me. I reasoned, if I could feel this great with my ex-boyfriend, imagine how wonderful it will be to experience this feeling on a daily basis with my soulmate!
    It’s like when Abraham talks about only putting those ingredients in your pie that you want to put in there, not all the ingredients that you don’t want! In the past I would have felt sorry for myself and said, “God, what if I never meet anyone like this again?” And this time I just added the great connection I have with my ex-boyfriend to the list of things I’m looking for in my soulmate. “More of this, please!” 🙂
    Ahhhh, that feels so much better and it was such a HUGE shift for me!
    Thanks for letting me share.

  • MissyB, don’t let me complicate things! Ask and Receive works just fine – go with it! 🙂

  • Missy B says:

    This is where I lose the whole process and wonder is it all worth it. In my head it is as simple as this – ask and receive. Like you would do when you order food. I’ll have fish and chips please. You’d be pretty miffed if you got sausage and chips instead. Now I can understand it if I asked for fish and chips, and didn’t qualify which fish I wanted…ie I wanted cod, didn’t ask for it, and got haddock. But when you are specific about what you ask for, the “loss leaders” that come your way instead of the real deal questions the validity of LOA in my mind. And this begs the question is there any point in wanting, if the universe is going to decide there is something better for us anyway ?
    This post doesn’t sit well with me today…so I have some thinking to do on it, so thank you Jeannette for highlighting an area I need to work on.
    Hmmm …

  • I’m with Janette, Mitch. Your words are inspiring!
    It’s a goose bump, worthy of re-read post for sure!
    Thanks for sharing your fabulous energy with us here, Mitch. Much appreciated!

  • Janette says:

    Wow Mitch – I don’t often ‘double comment’ (don’t wanna hog the space, ya know??) but you have just taken me back <> years to the days when I, too, knew the joy of doing stuff JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT!!
    I did freebies all over the place when I started my (previous) performing career – not primarily because it was a step up, or a foot in the door (although it WAS all of those things), but because I got to hang out with people who were doing My Thing and to have fun and to totally immerse myself in the essence of what I wanted to do. And – to my amazement – they LET me! And then – even better – they started HIRING me! And it was just brilliant!
    But somehow since then, I’d forgotten how that works. So thank you for reminding me and everyone else on this fabulous blog!

  • Mitch says:

    And is it me, or did you sneak in an extra bonus message here about listening to our own guidance rather than someone else’s advice? (Or maybe you didn’t “sneak” it at all. Maybe it was just right out there for everyone to see. LOL) I’m learning more and more all the time how important it is to listen to *myself* rather than trying to jump through another’s hoops and follow some set protocol on how things should be achieved. Because we all know there is not just one way to do things, right??
    I’m still on my path to the acting career of my dreams, and I’ve come upon the main issue of this blog several times. Do I hold out for the TV or movie studio to call me and personally invite me to share my brilliance on the national level? Or do I “settle” for the non-paid student film auditions because they *feel* more available to me at this point?
    The great thing I realized is that auditioning for a student film was NOT settling! First of all, I walked into the audition knowing that it wasn’t a big deal, and of course with that mentality, I completely nailed it! (Mighty good practice for when the “big” auditions come, I’d say.) Secondly, it was a nice reminder of why I’m doing all of this in the first place. Fame and wealth are grand, and I have every intention of accepting those things into my life, but in the meantime, I’m remembering that what drew me to acting in the first place is the fact that acting just feels good. THAT is the goal here. To work as an actor because I truly enjoy it. Working as an actor at a very great level of success will only add to the joy that acting already brings me!
    So acting in a non-paid arena now not only gets me into the vibration of more acting gigs, but gosh darn it, it just feels good. … Which also gets me in the vibration of more acting gigs. Convenient how that works. 😀

  • Way to step beyond old limits, Janette! (Indeed, NOT a crappy manifester! ha)
    Can’t wait to hear what you create in your next career from this space of new understanding and liberation!
    What shall I imagine with you? I’d love to get in on this fun with you!

  • Debra, your talk about stunt doubles and cats with nine lives is reminding me of an epiphany our dear friend Kim shared recently.
    Funny how my roads lately keep leading back to these thoughts! Delicious indeed. 🙂

  • Janette says:

    You nailed it again!
    I was thinking about how often in the past I have ‘settled’, especially in career terms (I’ve had a few! – LOL!!) – and I was thinking ‘hmm, I must be a pretty crap manifestor’
    But NOW I realise that Universe was giving me the baby steps so I could get used to the idea… but then *I* would decide ‘oh, that’s all I can manage’ and get myself stuck at the bottom of the ladder. So for me… felt good to get a foot in the door, but the fear of success kept me half out of the building. Not Universe’s fault, and not that I’d made the wrong choice!!
    This is fabulously liberating, and addresses something I hadn’t even realised was vexing my mind – the fear that maybe this time as I seek my next career, I would yet again find myself settling. Because now I know what’s going on and what my choices are.
    And BOY does THAT feel good!!!! See, I wasn’t kidding when I said I read this blog to get my vibe up!

  • Debra says:

    Oh Tia! You crack me up in such a good way!! Hee hee!!
    PS~LOVE the story of your most recent aha! relative to this post. You rock so deep!
    I practice this as well. It’s kinda like having a stunt double in a way…or like a cat w/9 lives.
    Duh!…we are invincible…we can do anything. We are eternal beings ever unfolding into the fullness of that which we are in our non-physical perfection.
    All we have to do…is do what we love; what feels best. Genius.
    Thanks again, Jeannette for this amazing space & for sharing your wisdom. :0)
    Loooove it. Loooove you. :0)

  • Of course you could find that better feeling perspective, Tia! You’re a pro at it! (Literally!)
    I loved where you referred to the signs as “preview of coming attractions.”
    And I’m looking for the perfect photo to post at the end of this piece, just for you. lol
    Thanks for chiming in, my friend!

  • Oh how badly I want those two hands to meet (in the picture above)!!
    Yet, they are outstretched, beckoning each other, knowing all that needs to happen is take one step closer. One step at a time and before you know it, the gap is closed 🙂
    Unless the other person is taking one step back at the same time … or both are crawling sideways like crabs. Then how doth they meet? LOL!

  • Kevin Webb says:

    Great post Jeannette!
    Everything happens at just the right time, just like this blog post of yours.
    In “Thad’s” situation it sounds like he hasn’t recognized the value he could realize in doing those speaking gigs. If he saw the free speaking opportunities as just that, opportunities, he might notice that he thrust himself into a position where he might be recommended to speak for pay.

  • Holy Mother of God … this is one of those signs from the Universe.
    “If you can’t change perspective on something, let it go”.
    This morning I woke up thinking that I had manifested what I wanted but it’s turned out to a version close to it, a preview of coming attractions rather than what I REALLY wanted. Which made me upset cos I’ve had so many signs, I’m ready for the real thing!
    So I thought the only choice I had was to let go cos of COURSE I don’t want to settle or let the Universe think I’m ok with that. But letting go didn’t feel good either (at least, not just yet) so my vibe really suffered as I tried to find answers.
    Yesterday I was on a coaching call that was all about perspectives. And day before. Today, with my own coach – perspectives!! And now this post Jeannette!? I get it Universe, I get it!! LOL
    We found one that I was so stuck on that this ‘thing’ I had this persp on felt like a compromise. One that was annoying and irritating me enough to let the vibe sink as it has been for a few days.
    I was ready to give up on it and create a vacuum in its space so that the Universe cld refill it but then we explored a few other perspectives and I’m happy to say I found one that resonates with me so much that I’m sticking around a bit longer!
    It’s called the practice perspective. If I’m not willing to be the One, I can’t expect to have the One (anything can be the One – from clients to relationships to houses etc). So till I am ready to be the One in every area of my life, I now choose to be the practice One!
    That’s not compromising, it’s wearing a cloak of fresh eyes. If it doesn’t work I can always go back to another choice. Feels like a weight has been lifted off and I’m back to believing, trusting and doing what feels good rather than trying to predict the outcome.
    Powerful! We call this Balance coaching in the CTI model and use it when someone is feeling stuck, movement has ceased and there is an either-or option, neither of which is appealing.
    So you’ve been peeking into my brain the last few days haven’t you 😉 Perfection!!

  • I love that story, MsNikki! And yes, that’s often how it works, isn’t it? We just get ourselves in the vicinity and our vortex sucks us in. ha ha
    I like that visual a lot – like there’s nothing we can do to KEEP from going there … we just get in the neighborhood of it and it happens swiftly and effortlessly!
    Thanks for reading and for posting, MsNikki!

  • MSNikki says:

    Jeanette, OMG!! Another kick a** post that is soo timely!
    I agree w/Kevin and believe that these are signs, no scratch that, flaming red flares from the big ol’ U that “Thad” is on his way. If “Thad” didn’t have his bad a** motivational speaker mojo on, he wouldn’t be getting such requests, right?! (Insert vigorous head nods yes). Thad doesn’t know where these engagements could lead and neither do we. However, I would wager a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos that these engagements will lead him to where he wants/feels he needs to be!
    This reminds of a recent example in my own life. An unemployed human resources specialist kept looking and applying for jobs everywhere without any success. During this time, she took it upon herself to encourage people in her church job networking group with advice, job announcements, etc. Do you know that she was offered a job by a former member of that group who happened to be in the group directory? The lady who offered her the job was impressed by her actions and contacted her. The rest is history!
    I am definitely bookmarking this post on my BlackBerry as a constant reminder when I am in doubt!

  • Debra, I love the spotlight you put on the simplicity of this question and its ability to guide us so well!
    I know I can sound like a broken record repeating it to clients, but that’s the best guidance I think we could tap into.
    Thanks for reading and especially for posting, my friend!

  • It’s true, Kevin, if we saw it as an opportunity instead of a compromise, it would FEEL better which would LEAD to better.
    Here’s the other thing … when we do what we love, money often finds its way through our day one way or another (as long as we don’t hold limiting beliefs about what it takes to make money).
    So by doing a free gig, it often leads to more money in our pocket any way. I’ve experienced that myself many times.
    But that begs the question as to what Thad’s true intentions are – does he really want to be a paid speaker? or would he be willing to do it for free if he already had more money than he could ever spend?

  • Debra says:

    Love this! As always, a brilliant post.
    “What feel best?” is the greatest guidance question I know…and one I recommend wholeheartedly when guiding someone to their most aligned self.
    Know what turns me on about it the most? It’s simplicity.
    Too often we humans like to muck everything up in the realms of the intellect. We reason, analyze, and posit ourselves to pieces over the big stuff and even the little stuff.
    When we start to recognize that our best decision making mechanism is not in our heads…but in our gut and chest (heart), *that’s* when we start to shift into ease and grace in making choices.
    “What feels best?” One. Simple. Question. And really, if we’re honest w/ourselves pretty darn easy to feel/detect the answer. Very seldom are two choices so closely positioned that deciphering what feels best between them is invisible to us.
    (Unless we’re talking about the choice between chocolate chip cookies and choco-chunk cookies…pretty similar…although a choco-lovin’ girl like me will choose the chunks over the chips every time. More choco, feels mo’betta!)
    Mmmm…time for lunch. Don’t worry. It’s greens, veggies and good stuff for me for lunch, ’cause that’s what feels best.
    A cookie…or the incredible pumpkin dessert I made last night will feel really good a little later! ;~)
    Love ya, Jeannette! Thanks for another ‘right-on’ and oh so important post! :0)

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