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When You Reach Your Allowing Limit

the limits of allowingSometimes we conscious creators get frustrated when things go poof right when it looks like our big dream is about to unfold.
Like when:

  • our hot date who seems a lot like Mr. Right – never calls again.
  • or the dream job that we had two fabulous interviews for – gets offered to someone else.
  • or our medical condition clears up and it seems like we’re healed – and symptoms flare up again.

I’ve personally had more close calls and false starts than I care to recount.
While it can be easy to interpret those events as manifesting misses (or even failures), there’s actually a different interpretation that may serve better …
One of Abraham’s hot-seaters recently asked what was up when it looked like everything was coming together, and his big desire was in process of manifesting, and then the rug was pulled out from under him and everything went south.
Abe explained, “You just reached the limits of your allowing.”
It was just as much as you were capable of believing in and receiving. It’s as far as your vibration could take you.

When my coaching practice was fairly new, my newsletter vendor asked if they could spotlight my business to their customers – to show how effective newsletter campaigns can be in growing a business.
(Apparently you guys were opening and sharing my newsletter at ridiculously high rates, and my subscription list was growing dramatically, so Good Vibe Coaching was a powerful success story in their eyes.)
And I thought, “This is it! This is how the world learns about the magic of manifesting and my role in it! This is how Universe answers my request for impacting and inspiring many others!”
I told them I’d be delighted for them to share my statistics publicly!
Their attorneys reached out to get my permission in writing. I happily gave it. They told me my case study would be published soon. I was so excited to have lots of new eyes on my business!
And then … nada. Nothing happened. They never published it and never told me why.

In hindsight I realize that I had done exactly what Abe described: “reached the limits of my allowing.”
It didn’t mean I missed my big chance. It didn’t mean I was a manifesting failure. It didn’t mean it wasn’t meant to be.
It just meant I was still getting the hang of the vibration of my “dream come true,” and had more work to do in becoming a closer match to what I wanted.
It’s actually a pretty exciting sign, when you think about it like that!
It means you’re getting closer. It means your alignment is strong enough that you can get big whiffs of success.
It means you just need a little more expanding in your belief, some stronger expectations, and more acclimation in order to allow it in.
And that sometimes takes a little time and a little practice.
It’s okay. It’s a process!
Don’t give up when things don’t come together after it looked like they were about to. That just means you’re getting closer and that’s all the more reason to continue.
So keep practicing believing in what you want. Continue experiencing your desired reality in your mind’s eye. Stick to inspired actions and do all the things you know to do to acclimate yourself to the reality you want.
When you reach the limits of your allowing, that’s your cue to expand it.
Don’t be discouraged when it’s a near miss – it’s actually a good sign that you’re on the right track! Full steam ahead and it won’t be long before you’re telling your favorite success story ever.

  • April 30, 2016

The Time I Got Schooled About Allowing

How to Allow & Practice SurrenderEvery now and then someone writes with an urgent question about manifesting something fast, because things are dire and getting worse unless they can use law of attraction to turn it around now.
This is the story I share about how I got schooled in the LOA way to handle situations like that:
Years ago I went to a massage therapist who was highly recommended by a good friend. “You’ll love her,” Lanaiya told me. “She’s amazing.”
And this masseuse was different, I’ll say that. She didn’t do just regular massage – she “read energy patterns” and saw things in your field – the sort of stuff you wouldn’t expect from a regular therapist. It was intriguing.
But I did question her accuracy when she told me I needed to learn how to allow.
Excuse me?
Clearly she doesn’t know who she’s talking to.
I am the Good Vibe Coach. I am a manifesting maven. I know all about allowing. Don’t tell me I need to be better at the surrender. I know all about that. I study Abe; I teach this stuff to others – for a living, for hell’s sake! This is what I do.
But fine. She can say what she wants. I’m not going to be rude.
So the session’s over, I’m her last appointment of the day, and we walk out to the parking lot together.
That’s when I asked her something about herself, and it prompted her to tell this story:

Just a few weeks ago she’d been working for a real estate company as an in-house masseuse. It was an okay gig, regular money, regular hours. Highly stressed people, but it kept her employed.
Until the day it didn’t. The market had turned, money was tight, and they let her go.
No notice.
No severance.
No clientele. No network. No backup plan.
And to top it off she had no savings and no rent money. (No rent money! The Capricorn financial planner in me was alarmed to hear that part!)
She had no answers, no solutions, no ideas.
And she thought, “Wow, something really good must be getting ready to happen.”
(Really? That’s what you thought? You know what I’d be thinking? Holy shit, I better get a job!)
But she didn’t think that.
She didn’t scramble. She didn’t stress. She didn’t plot or strategize or try to figure it out.
She allowed it.
In fact, she says she “surrendered into it.” Like falling back into it, trusting that she’d be safe. She imagined falling into a “soft, warm, puffy cloud,” she said.
Because something this big doesn’t happen unless something really good is coming, she told me.
“Alrighty then,” I thought. “You’re crazy. You need to get this handled.”
And then she tells me what unfolded …
That weekend she got invited to a party by a friend.
She had nothing else to do, so …
(Really? Nothing else to do? Like updating a resume, or spreading the word that you’re looking for work? Or asking the folks for a loan? I think you’ve got plenty of other stuff to do besides have a few drinks, girl!)
But no, she had nothing else to do, so she went to the party.
It turns out her friend threw this party in her honor.
The friend wanted to introduce her to all her other friends who she knew would LOVE to experience the gifts of this energy-working massage therapist.
So she gave a little sample to a couple girls right there at the party, and they LOVED it! They couldn’t get enough! Everyone wanted a turn with her!
They started booking her for private sessions.
And then raved about her to other friends and family. And she got booked some more.
Indeed, I realized, that’s how I found out about her. Lanaiya raved, said I absolutely must go. And there I was.
And actually, when I paid her, I wrote the check out for a couple extra sessions because I thought my folks might like to see her, too.
So … not only does she find the money for next month’s rent as a result of these sessions she’s doing, but she also raised her entire income level, upgraded her clientele, created her own schedule and work space, and enjoyed her work vastly more because now she had clients she could do this cool energy dance with. (The real estate agents hadn’t been into it so much.)

Okay.
Now I understand why she would tell me I need to become a better allower.
I did not grasp the level that she was practicing it at. That’s what allowing looks like. That’s what surrendering makes possible.
That’s what it looks like in the real world.
And that’s what I aspire to … to be that trusting when it looks like things are going wrong. To be that open to positive change when it doesn’t look like I wanted.
(It’s like the same reason why the DUI driver is the one to walk away from the accident – they have no resistance flowing.)
I’d been properly schooled on the art of allowing.
So when someone writes in dire straits and absolutely must manifest something fast because things are going to hell in a hand basket, this is the story I tell. And it’s the story I remind myself when I get anxious about things …
“Something really good must be getting ready to happen.”
And it will, as long as I don’t resist and I don’t scramble. Just surrender to it all – and accept all party invites. 🙂

  • September 16, 2015

Invite Your Problems to Stay

Super excited about this guest post from Nancy Barry-Jansson after she mentioned this idea on a GVU call. Enjoy!
Invite Your Problems In
If you’ve been reading Jeannette’s blog for a while, you’ve read about the importance of letting go of resistance. Now, you may get the idea and logically understand the reasons, but still find yourself surrounded by persistent contrast.
Think about the recurring issues and “problems” in your life. If you are like most people, it won’t take you that long. You’ll know the answer immediately!
So, the important question to ask is, how does your body feel when you think about these topics, even the ones that you think you have been addressing?
Is it possible you are more in resistance than you realize?
Recently I watched one of Teal Scott‘s videos where she discussed this very topic. First she answered a question related to achieving wellness when someone is not experiencing that, but her response could easily apply to anything we want that we are not currently experiencing. So, in this example, just substitute your issue for the term disease.
Teal said:

“Every disease is a teacher. So, one of the best things you can do if you are sitting in a diseased state, is to give it permission to be there for as long as it wants to be there.”
she also said…
“You can’t be at war with any aspect of What Is, and be winning. You can’t be at war with any aspect of What Is, and be benefiting in any way.”

That’s pretty profound, but it makes sense since every subject vibrationally contains the problem, the solution, and everything in-between. By labeling a current life situation as a “problem”, or feeling negatively toward it, we are automatically standing vibrationally opposite of any solution(s). As long as you feel sad, mad, frustrated, or irritated with a situation, that emotion is your indicator that you are vibrationally too far away from the solutions to *even be aware* of them!
To see a solution, we must release the resistance to the problem and line ourselves up vibrationally with the possibility of solution(s). Yeah, I know. Easier said than done when you are being reminded every second of your illness, or have no clue how you will pay your bills, or keep having that *same argument* yet again with your beloved.
So, how can you begin to line up and let go of resistance to your “problems”?
Teal suggests we stop labeling our experiences as problems, and instead see them as our friend and teacher who has an important message for us.
So, that might look like:
1. Acknowledging the “problem.” Formally acknowledge and welcome it into your life, since it’s been there anyway. By shining a light on it, it can no longer lurk and wreck havoc in the background. Invite it in to be your guest for as long as it needs to be there and get comfy. Pull up a chair or poof up a pillow on the couch.
2. Start a loving dialogue. Grab a journal if that feels right to you, and start by admitting how you have felt about it in the past. Let it know that you are willing to see it now as your best friend and teacher. Ask it what it is here to teach you, and let it know you appreciate any insights it would like to share with you throughout the day.
3. Check in with it often. For the rest of that day and week, consciously notice what related thoughts pop up that feel good (which means you’re on the right track to get the lesson) or which ones don’t feel good (which means you are resisting it). Raising your awareness on this subject and being open for the lessons will benefit you tremendously.
4. Express appreciation. Every time you consciously notice a related thought popping up, regardless of how it feels, say Thank You to your new friend/teacher and really feel that appreciation. Feel good about becoming more conscious and appreciating the lessons … even if you are not sure you fully get them, yet.
5. Trust the process. Know that when you have learned what this experience came to teach you, it will leave on it’s own. In the meantime, get comfortable and relax.
But, wait, Nancy…by welcoming the problem and appreciating it, aren’t we focusing on it and fueling it with our attention?
That’s a great question.
Actually, with our conscious attention and positive energy, we are fueling it to move along. What we push against and resist, is what persists. As Jeannette has shared before, our joys often seem fleeting because we don’t resist them, and so like any emotion that is not resisted, they seem to quickly move on. When we make our “problems” our friend, instead of an enemy, we open the door to the alchemical powers of love and compassion to transmute the energy as we reap the benefit of the lessons.
On this journey, your souvenirs will be the lessons you learned, a new appreciation for the teacher, and feeling empowered to welcome in new friends/teachers the rest of your life.
What are your thoughts about this approach? Are you willing to invite your “problems” to stay?

…………………………….

Nancy Barry-Jansson is a long-standing Good Vibe University faculty member and the creator of  Six Steps to Powerful Affirmations free eCourse, which can be found online at AffirmingSpirit.com.

  • December 29, 2012

Rooting for Alignment

Each weekend when I drop my foster kitty off to be shown at an adoption event, I invite angels to hang out and make sure all goes well for her. 
Except the call to angels isn’t usually that generic.
It usually goes more like: “help her find her perfect home” and “keep her safe and happy in the meantime.”
As in: I know what’s best for her, and that is a quiet day at the adoption event until a stable, loving family who has a good history with cats comes along to claim her and devote themselves to her lifelong well-being.
Which seems like a no-brainer of an intention to me, but what if she’d do better living in a family of dog-lovers?  Or with a single person who moves all over the country?  Or with an irresponsible owner who lets her outside for big adventures? 
(I do, and my cats love it!)
Regardless, my prayer/intention today was a simple: “I’ll see you in a few hours.”  Then I asked angels to make sure she comes home tonight. 
(Not what foster moms are supposed to wish for.)
This isn’t the first time I’ve had trouble letting go of a foster animal.  
But it is the first time I’ve been this conscious about the conflicting and potentially misguided prayers I offer.
One week it’s “deliver her to her perfect family” and the next it’s “bring her home to me”?  It makes me realize just how micromanaging I can be.
Because all I really want for her is whatever she wants. 
And the truth is I don’t know what that is.
Maybe she wants to be free to roam the world without supervision, or to call it good and get run over next week, or to play rough with young children, or to be the only cat in the house, or … maybe she doesn’t give a rip.  I don’t know.
But I see that my opportunity here is to relax and let go.  To let her alignment look like whatever it’s gonna look like, and not let that jeopardize mine.
This routine might seem silly with the foster cat, but we do this same thing with ourselves and our loved ones, too.
We might wish for:

  • our brother to find the right girl and settle down (I actually wish for mine to live it up while he’s still single!)
  • or for our kids to get accepted into the right school and succeed there
  • or for our spouse’s business to take off
  • or for mom’s test results to come back negative.

But how can we know what someone else’s best and highest alignment looks like?
Or even our own, for that matter?

Earlier this year my highest alignment actually involved a breakup with my boyfriend. I cannot tell you how much better life has gotten as a result of that altercation!  And it’s not what I would have picked in advance, were I choosing from the menu of life experiences. 
But it profoundly contributed to a stronger alignment, deeper appreciation and higher quality of life for me.

So what do we know about alignment? 
We know it’s a feeling of thriving, passion, aliveness and delight.  And that it’s got lots of joy and love and appreciation mixed in.
Other than that – could we really say the specifics of what alignment looks like?  Especially someone else’s? 
What if it’s that they/we flunk out of school and travel the world with the wrong guy?  Or lose our home in order to be free to move at last?  Or go head to head with a life-threatening illness in order to better know the delicious value and purpose of life?
I heard Abraham say two things along these lines today:
One was on a workshop CD where they said we don’t really want money; rather, we want alignment.  (We think money brings alignment, but in fact alignment brings money.)
So you might be manifesting money thinking it’ll contribute to your greater alignment and enjoyment of life, but in fact, that would be backwards.  That’s a typical example of how we sometimes misdirect our manifesting efforts.
The other was on a video clip where they said most of us have a problem rooting mom across the finish line of death, but what we’re really rooting for is alignment.  And we can’t say what that is for another.

(If you play it, listen to the very end when Abe says it’s debatable about whose life was saved!)
My takeaway is that we’d do well to let go of manifesting the details and instead just root for alignment,  trusting that Universe can answer that request better than we can imagine.
I might be a big talker today because the phone just rang and my first thought was, “They better not be calling to say Luna got adopted.”
Sigh.
As long as we’re enjoying the process, right?  lol 
And that I am. 
If you have thoughts on this topic, you know I’d love to hear them.

  • November 28, 2010

Let's "Let'R Done"

An important reminder that “getting’r done” isn’t the most powerful approach to getting what we want:
I think Abraham-Hicks should sell hats that say “Let’R Done.”
Because it’s easy – even for us deliberate creators who are trained to know better – to sometimes fall into the habit of thinking we have to Get’R Done to Make It Happen.
Which, of course, couldn’t be further from the truth.
This recent reminder from Abe brings the point home well:

You’re just trying too hard.
You’re not quite willing to let it just be the next logical step. You want to poke at it and push it along a little bit.
It’s like, “All right, already! I know this stuff! So let’s get the job done!”
And we say, “let’s LET the job be done. Let’s not get the job done. Let’s LET the job be done.”
Let’s let it be done by the natural laws of the Universe. Let’s let it be done by the larger part of you. Let’s let it be done by Law of Attraction.
Let’s let it be done by because it is right that it be done.
Let’s let it be done because IT IS DONE!!!
That’s the thing we so want you to hear! It is done!
It is only your awareness that you can’t see the evidence of the doneness of it that is holding you back.
There is great love here for you.
Phoenix 4/17/10

 
When we work hard to make something happen, we’re actually holding up the party.
Chilling out, relaxing, and letting inspiration hit is a much smarter (not to mention enjoyable) approach.
And with that, I’m off to to let something happen.

  • October 15, 2010

If It's Work, It Doesn't Work

My good friend and ex-beau, who moonlights as my dog walker, lawn scooper and grocery shopper came by this morning to medicate feral cat Roxy.
(Roxy had a bunch of teeth pulled last week and is on pain meds and antibiotics.  You might imagine a feral feline in pain isn’t the easiest cat to medicate!)
Anyway, my ex asked why I was on the computer on a Sunday morning.
I showed him an inbox with over 120 recent emails from paying clients, people who want to be paying clients, colleagues proposing collaborations, etc. and told him I also needed to get an article in to my editor and post something new on the blog.
That’s why I’m in the office on Sunday.
My ex (who is somewhat LOA savvy after his time with me) said to me, “If it’s work, it doesn’t work.”
Words he shared to help me remember that spending Sunday with an overflowing inbox and writing deadlines and a phone that kept ringing wasn’t actually the best thing I could do for myself if I wasn’t enjoying it.
If it’s work, it doesn’t work.
I’m shaking off a little embarrassment that I needed the reminder.

When we try too hard (or try at all) to make something happen, we keep that very thing from happening.

Not that “work” is bad in and of itself.  It’s just when it feels like work, in a hard and exhausting way, rather than in an enjoyable and uplifting “flow” kind of way, that it’s not serving us.
We know the difference, right?  If not, we’d be well served to get a handle on it.
It’s just like Abraham’s upstream vs. downstream analogy.  When we’re paddling upstream, we’re headed in the exact opposite direction of what we want, because everything we want is downstream.  And it’s not hard work to float downstream.
Ever since Fen posted in the Good Vibe U forum about “Allowing vs. Doing” I’ve been thinking about how sometimes it is enjoyable to do something, rather than just twinkle our nose and have it done immediately.  (Although there are times that “instant” is my favorite way to go.)
Like putting Good Vibe U together – that’s been “work,” but fun work.  Mostly, anyway.  Helpful virtual assistants were happy to load content to the site, but I rather enjoyed the process myself.  (Even if it wasn’t the smartest way for me to spend time.)
I could tell when it crossed the feel good line, and started to feel a little heavy.  Which was my sign to back off till it got fun again, which it quickly did once it had a little space to.
Our opportunity as deliberate creators is to be sensitive enough to recognize once we’ve engaged the push or the try or the hard work energy.  That vibe won’t take us where we want to go.
So on this Valentine’s Day, for some of my love-challenged clients, I would remind this:

If the relationship isn’t flowing naturally, that’s our cue to get looser, get easier, to shake it off and get our focus on something that does feel good.  To take a deep breath, relax our grip on it, and remember what is right about the world.

Which, brings me back to why I’m still sitting in my office chair on Valentine’s Sunday morning.  This is without a doubt one of the things I love most in life – engaging with you on the fascinating and somewhat challenging subject of deliberate creation when it comes to love, money, and everything else we ever wanted.
Life is good, huh?!
Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers.

  • February 14, 2010

Fine Either Way

how to allow under pressureQuick LOA story from the weekend:

Saturday morning started with a minor heated discussion with my sweetie about the cleaning routine in the house.  It was with that frustrated vibe flowing that I checked in on the foster kitties.

One of them looked .. mm, not so fabulous.  His siblings were perky and playing, but this guy was lethargic and unresponsive.
I thought it could be low blood sugar, but my syrup solution didn’t help.

“Relax,” I told myself.  Maybe it needs more time to work.  Take a shower in the meantime in case you need to run him to the vet.

Fifteen minutes later he looked even worse.  And this time I noticed vomit on the blanket.

Not good!

The symptoms pointed to distemper – incredibly deadly for kittens.  The incubation time would have been right, the vomiting, the sudden decline, unresponsive to sugar … definitely not good.

I expected the vet would be busy on a Saturday, but would squeeze me in.  They were, but they did.

(I didn’t see until later that my frustration, fear, and expectation to see the vet played into the unfolding situation.)

On the drive over, tears welled up while prepping that this guy might very well be taking a trip to euthanization, and that his siblings might follow suit.

That overwhelming negative emotion clued me in to getting deliberate.

I didn’t want to go with fearful expectations.  I would at least shift the energy so I didn’t contribute to a “bad” outcome.

If he wanted to go, he could go – but it wouldn’t be surrounded with my worry and heartbreak.  I would escort him with peace, love and acceptance.

It sounded good, anyway.

That’s the first step, though – becoming aware & knowing what I want.

The turnaround started with telling myself that “death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

That thought made me smile.

I was thinking this kitty’s death would be a tragedy, but death is a blissful experience from what I’ve heard.  (And not just from Abraham.)

Who could blame him for choosing to be here for just four short weeks?  Surely that’s the BEST time of all – he had a doting mother who kept him warm, well fed and clean; two fabulous siblings to play with.  Plus, he altered the lives of many people – directly and indirectly.

He did good work, had a great time – who could fault him for breezing out now?  I could understand that.

And with that understanding, relief came.

With that bit of relief, I leveraged a little more.

Plus, how do I know he’s going to die, anyway?  Maybe this is no big deal!

And even if he does die, maybe his brothers will be fine.

Ahhh … even MORE relief with that line of thinking.

So we’re on our way to the best vet in the state. This kitty will get every chance there is to heal.

Now it’s my time to detach from needing him to heal. 

“I’m okay either way.”  I practiced that thought a couple times in order to start to feel it.  What would it feel like to be okay with his death?

Bobby Pinson’s chorus “I’m Fine Either Way” came to mind.

I felt myself releasing attachment to the outcome, and sprinkled on some additionally supportive thoughts.  “He had a great life if he goes now – you can’t feel bad about that.  And if he stays, it’s a miracle.  I’m fine either way!”

As I chose a parking spot at the vet’s office, I thought I better pick one that’ll be easy to pull out of in case I’m a big mess of tears from walking out without my kitten.
And I was okay with the thought of being sad.

It’s okay to be sad.

Once inside the vet’s office, kitty got a quick escort to the back.

Sitting in the lobby gave me time to get okay again with whatever he wanted to do.  He could stay; he could go; I was doing all I could on my end action-wise, and I was surely going to do it vibration-wise too.

So how could I feel better?

I struck up conversation with other clients in the lobby.  One woman admired another client’s handsome hound dog.  She talked about her own hound dog mix back at home.  An older gentleman said his cat was in for radiation therapy.  One of my cats had it as well, so I knew how expensive it was.  He said he might have to live in a “Tough Shed,” but his 8 year old cat would get the treatment he needed.  Lots of love in this room.

The lobby also had a cat tower with five foster cats up for adoption.

I said hello to Susie, a friendly young feline whose legs and back were broken when her owner started the car engine she was sleeping on.  It’s hard not to feel good when you’re seeing a living miracle before your very eyes.  Not just that she survived that accident, but somehow made it to a vet where someone cared enough to cover the bill and put her up for adoption?!  And she’s still friendly through all of that?!

Miracle.

Pure and simple.

They’re all around – these miracles.

In fact, here comes my favorite vet, Dr. H, to say hello.  Just a friendly visit, he’s not working on my kitty.  He asks how I am, I say fine.  He says, “Better than your kitty.”  I know, looks like distemper.

Dr. H says, actually the test came back negative.

“Negative for distemper?!”

Right.  Negative for distemper, he repeats.

It felt like an out of body experience in that very moment!  Because I know if it’s not distemper, my kitty will be fine!

It’s a miracle!  At least, feels like one to me.

Two hours later back at home he’s looking so much better I have trouble figuring out which one he is.  Oh, the syrup-sticky mouth guy – that’s him.  Playing with his brother’s tail.

Looking as if nothing was ever wrong.  We still don’t know what it was.

I recognize, I really AM fine either way.  AND … it’s great to have him here.

If I can get to “allowing” on this situation – I can get there on anything.

And although I have no idea what part my vibe played in kitty’s life or death experience, I’m at least sure that by managing my vibration I didn’t make things worse.

  • August 4, 2008
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