We’ve all done it – made someone upset by something we said or did.
Or didn’t say or do.
Like when we didn’t say yes to the favor a friend wanted. (“No, I’m not watching your cat who attacks on sight. Get a sitter!”)
Or when we answered our sister truthfully when she asked about her husband’s behavior. (“Really, sis, it didn’t seem like a big deal to me.”)
Or when we refused to go along with the boss’s answer when the client asked for a realistic delivery timeframe.
Yikesy, some people can get mad at us!
But that’s the thing … we didn’t really upset them. They upset themselves and are just blaming it on us.
That’s rather normal, unfortunately.
It’s not accurate. And it’s not helpful.
But it is rather normal.
(I probably did it three times today myself already!)
Conscious creators in their right mind, though, know that we alone are responsible for how we feel.
Even though that can be tricky to practice. (In fact, I consider it a master manifesting skill to not give a rip what others think.)
It’s worth remembering when we’re feeling bad because of how someone else feels about us.
They might think you let them down. Or betrayed them.
They might think you’re a colossal idiot. Or the devil incarnate.
They might think you owe them. And that you’ve ruined their life.
They might accuse you of having no heart and being incapable of feeling love or compassion or empathy.
Here’s the thing …
… that’s okay.
They get to think whatever they think and feel whatever they feel.
That’s for them. Not you.
But if your well-being depends on their favorable opinion, you’ve got a big vibrational handicap in place.
Because it’s virtually impossible to ensure everyone loves you all the time.
(You likely know this if you’ve tried to manage their opinions of you before!)
What’s a conscious creator to do at a time like this?
Let them have it.
I mean – let them have it their way. What they think and feel is not your concern. And it’s not your fault.
It’s not for you to manage.
And it’s really cool if you can learn to not give a rip what they think!
It’s way more important – and powerful – when you focus on how YOU feel.
With that in mind, here’s a little script for feeling better when someone else thinks you’re the reason they feel bad.
Edit and repeat as required to get back to your own feel good when the rest of the world isn’t.
Okay, so he’s/she’s mad at me.
I got that.
And I can be cool with that.
It’s not my fault that he feels what he feels. That’s his business.
We’re all grownups here. He’s in charge of him; I’m in charge of me.
And I know how to be in good charge of myself.
I know how to feel better even when someone else doesn’t.
Even when they think it’s my fault. Even when they paint me as the bad guy.
I know how to let them have that, and still choose something else for myself.
Because I feel good about who I am and how I conduct myself.
I approve of the decisions I’ve made.
(And if I don’t, this is my chance to get better at it.)
I’m just doing the best I can with what I’ve got where I stand right now.
Can’t expect any more than that.
I know better than to try bending over backwards to make someone else happy. That’s a losing proposition. For all of us.
All I can be is me.
If they’re not down with that, they deserve someone else to get tangled up with anyway.
Because I deserve to feel better.
I deserve to know that I’m a good person who is being true to herself as best she can.
And all in all, I’m doing a good freakin’ job of that! Look at me go – not caring what others think! This is pretty cool to free myself of needing others to think well of me!
In fact, if there were awards for this, I’d probably get one!
And isn’t that what matters most? That I be true to myself? I’ve done the other routine long enough to know it doesn’t work.
What does work is for me to tend to my own feelings. And I know how to do that.
I know how to think a thought that feels better. (I’m doing it right now!)
I know how to take the action that feels best. I know how to focus my attention in a way that serves my vibration.
I know that I’m in charge of how I feel. And I know it’s okay to have a bad day now and again – they keep the system running! Bad days are great! They’re a must-have!
But if today isn’t that day for me, I know how to let go and relax. I know how to love myself no matter what.
I know how to feel better right here and now.
There are a lot of great qualities about me that not everyone sees, and that’s fine. I see it, and that’s what counts.
In fact, the better I see those great things about myself, the more I attract others who feel the same. And that’s a cool party!
After all, I’m a pretty amazing person! And anyone who doesn’t get that – they are not for me. Not right now, anyway. If they come to their senses about how fabulous I am, cool. If not, that’s cool, too.
Because I know. And that’s enough. When I love who I am, I don’t need anyone else’s approval. That is freedom!
So here’s to letting them sort it out themselves.
I’m not joining their drama. Because I choose to feel good. I choose to love myself.
I got this.
I choose to enjoy this delightful day in this exceptional life I’ve been given.
And so it is.
She was quoting Anita Moorjani’s story about how her experience with cancer woke her up to her true self and inspired her to live authentically.
What a gift, right? And from cancer!
That’s a powerful vibrational shift, to go from fearing/hating something to appreciating it.
Reminds me of how I’ve said that the extra weight I carried taught me unconditional love for self. (Those pounds just refused to go until I learned how to love them. And then they said, ok, our work here is done.)
Dropping that kind of resistance opens us up to the good things that we were closed off to with our old way of thinking.
Lisa Hayes shared another example of how to make a big vibrational leap when she wrote about her current take on American politics. (Which, as some of you may know, the US presidential election scene hasn’t been all love and light lately.)
Here it is in her words:
Anyone who knows me doesn’t have to try very hard to figure out how I feel about Donald Trump. I’ll just say I have strong feelings and they aren’t positive. Which is why when I realized I’m secretly rooting for him to win the Republican nomination no one was more surprised than me.
You might be wondering why, and the answer is simple.
If Donald Trump wins the Republican nomination, one of two things will happen. Our next President will either be a woman or a Socialist, and I’m fine with either outcome. Yes, I have a preference about those two possibilities, but at the end of the day, I’m good either way. (Please don’t email me to tell me why you hate Hillary or Bernie. Let me keep my zen on this one.)
Donald Trump guarantees that one way or the other we’re about to make history.
I’ve spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how to manage my vibration around The Donald. My genius partner pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago that if we’re not all careful we’ll get a Trump Presidency the same way we got a Bush Presidency, by focusing so intently on what we don’t want.
And I know this, but I was still struggling.
Then I sat down one afternoon and devoted a couple of hours to doing the math. I’ve been paid to do precinct by precinct statistical analysis in presidential races for candidates before. This isn’t exactly foreign to me. So, rather than just staying in the stream of seventh-seal-of-hell-level freakout, I got out my district voting record data charts and did the analysis.
Here’s what I found. The Donald can’t win the general. There is no path to victory for him. I’m not alone in that analysis. Most people whose numbers I historically respect agree.
Suddenly I’m not resisting him at all. I still loathe what he stands for, but I’m secretly pulling for him. When I see him on TV or online, I’m reminded of the saying about how Southern people don’t hide their crazy people. (They parade it on the front porch and give it a sweet tea.) When I see his face, I say to myself, “Bless your poor little heart” and move on.
I figured out how to befriend one of my biggest vibration dingers.
You can, too. Make a list of your top five vibration dingers. Then take the bottom two on that list, and find a way to spin the story so you can befriend the very thing that’s been bugging the crap out of you. After you’ve successfully cleared up the easier ones, work your way up the list.
Make it a game. Enlist help if you need it. You’ll be amazed how much energy you will free up.
Jeannette here again. Whether your vibrational bumps in the road happen to be political, environmental, professional, financial, or are showing up in your relationships – or wherever they might be, use the inspiration from Anita and Lisa to find a new take on what you’ve been resisting.
If they can make friends with cancer and Trump, I believe anything is possible for us, too. 🙂