One of the most common questions from creators wanting physical change in their body is how to love your body when you don’t feel beautiful.
The question came in again after I released an ebook on the subject last month:
My question is what does that actually look like to love your body even when it’s not what you prefer?
I mean, what did you actually “say” to yourself during those times? When I look in the mirror, and get so bummed, get dressed and the physical evidence of clothes being tight … I want to cry!
When I try to fake it till I make it, and say something like “I appreciate my body for being strong and healthy, my mind goes back to what’s in front of me. And if I even try to say something like “I rock! I’m sexy no matter what” my mind adamantly replies “you are full of shit”!
I feel like I’m not doing this stuff right.
I responded that we weren’t trying to see something that wasn’t there, or pretend it was other than it was. But rather we practice seeing it in a more loving and appreciative way.
Which is hard when we’ve practiced criticism and judgment for so long.
What I did was look in the mirror and practice looking for curves instead of fat rolls. Curves are womanly. They can be sensual, if you practice seeing them that way. We’ve just been hypnotized into hate for so long that we don’t see beauty without consciously changing our perspective.
I would also think of some of the beautiful women online who have shared pictures of their bigger selves, and how sexy they were. And if they could be sexy – and undoubtedly they were – if they could be sexy in their bigness, why not me?
I just practiced seeing it. It wasn’t easy, or immediate, but we get whatever we look for long enough.
I also remembered how good it feels to hug someone with some heft to them. Isn’t that the best hug? And now I was someone with some heft to herself. I’m a woman of substance! I can get down with that.
Somedays I’d see my mom’s family in the mirror when I looked at myself – they’re not dainty women. They’re strong, beautiful European women. And I LOVE them! They are lovers of life! They give the best hugs! They laugh with gusto! They eat with gusto! They enjoy life! They don’t sweat it what size they’re wearing. They’re lovely, loving women. And I could be one of those women, too, maybe. A lovely, loving woman. I could start to see it as a good thing instead of a cursed thing.
Sometimes I would try to see what my boyfriend say when he said he loved my butt. What could be loving about this butt?? But the more I looked, the more I could see it. It did have a nice shape and a nice feel. (Not gonna lie – it does!) I could see how he was a fan.
And that’s all it was – practicing seeing it with new eyes where it isn’t easy at first.
Little by little, not giving up, being persistent at finding the treasure that this body is. Because guaranteed our bodies are true treasures, and if we keep looking for that, we’ll eventually see it because we always get whatever we’re willing to see.
I asked for permission to post her question, because I thought you all would have good input, too. She said yes, and added this:
My thing is I can’t seem to get past the feeling of the fat rolls on my back, or whatever, which only thrusts me back into reality, which is what I’m supposed to be not focusing on! How in the world can I get to the point you were at in the shower, not even realizing you got thin again until you ran your hand across your belly? I am looking for it at every turn. How did you just forget the bigger body you were in??
And I told her that I didn’t forget it. I found the love in it. I didn’t pretend it was something different, I just changed the way I saw it. And that changes everything, when we learn to look with love.
Just like that exchange between Sarah Silverman and her troll. She responded with love and it transformed the situation.
We’re looking to do the same thing with our selves.
That’s what I told her.
But I thought maybe someone here might have a different way of saying it or a different approach altogether? Let’s share tips that work.
Thanks in advance, everyone!
In honor of my latest ebook on Manifesting the Body You Love, I’m sharing three things I wish everyone knew about their body.
After more than a decade of working with fellow creators to manifest physical changes in their body, these are a few things I’ve learned along the way:
1. Your body is working for you, at all times, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
“Symptoms” and illnesses are not a sign of failure on your body’s part. They are actually in service to your healing and your highest good.
Any time we feel inclined to judge or criticize something going “wrong” in our body is a sign we’re operating under an illusion.
Our bodies aren’t betraying us. Rather, they’re either in the active process of healing or they’re simply following our own bad instructions.
The good news is we can change those instructions. In fact, even judging it as “going wrong” is an instruction the body has to follow!
2. Your body is capable of more than you’re allowing.
We limit what’s possible in our bodies by what we believe. Most of us have been trained into a very narrow thought stream about what our bodies can and can’t do.
When we drop those constraints about what’s possible, our bodies rise to the occasion.
And that’s when things get really fun. There are plenty of people already proving it!
3. Your body knows best.
Anyone who doesn’t know your vibration is not in a position to know what serves your physical form best. (And no one knows your vibration better than you.)
That means anyone writing a prescription, creating a workout, or offering diet instructions should take second chair to your body’s own wisdom.
That’s not to say that muggle experts don’t sometimes present us with just the solution needed, but you don’t know for sure until you check in with your body.
The thing is our bodies are telling us what they want every moment of every day. They’re constantly calling us forward on the path of well-being, when we take the time to listen. 🙂
When we learn to trust that our bodies know how to thrive, and we let them lead the way, our experience of our physical selves gets better than we ever dreamed.
Here’s to partnering with our bodies and loving them into their highest expression, rather than that other routine we may have been doing for so long.
You’re invited to check out the ebook and give your body some love today. 🙂
Even savvy creators fall for it …
When we want to drop weight, common wisdom has trained us to clean up our diet and increase movement.
After all, everyone “knows” you can’t lose weight without watching what you eat and/or making an exercise commitment.
It amazes me how often skilled creators default to muggle weight loss methods, even though they know we live in a vibrational world that arises from our thoughts.
Granted, whatever we believe strongly enough, we will see evidence of.
So some people do get results by restricting calories and sweating up a storm.
But for those who are looking for more efficient results in manifesting physical change, it’s worth starting with what matters …
Our thoughts. That make up our vibration.
Instead of swearing off pancakes and vowing to take the stairs, start with an inventory of your thinking.
This is where savvy creators begin – with the vibration – long before we do any evaluation of food and movement.
We start by making sure our thoughts are lined up with what we want.
Because that’s what really matters.
Are your thoughts those of a healthy, beautiful, strong, energetic person? Or are they thoughts of a critical, tired, out of shape person?
You can’t get the body you want while thinking thoughts about a body you hate.
That’s not to say you can’t get results by taking a traditional focus on food and exercise, but best leverage comes from vibrational tweaking at the start.
Once you know what lean/healthy/sexy/strong/or whatever-you-want-your-body-to-be thoughts are – and that’s what you’re thinking more often than not – then it will occur to you to make helpful changes.
You’ll make those changes from inspiration, not willpower. It will be enjoyable, not a slog.
But making those changes without having the right vibration in place is pointless.
(Which is why there are so many frustrated and disappointed dieters out there.)
We start with the vibration. Not the diet. Not the exercise.
We cultivate the feelings of what we want, and then listen to inspiration for what comes next.
Sometimes just changing the instruction you’re giving your body is enough to create the change. (I’ve seen it happen!)
Sometimes your inner guidance will show you the next step to getting there.
Like that time I consciously dialed onto body love instead of body loathing, and shortly after I got all lit up about a NutriBullet. (I still love my NutriBullet!)
It would be easy to say that thing changed my life, but the truth is, the new vibration changed my life. The vibration of love instead of loathing; the vibration of healthy and beautiful instead of declining and out of shape.
So the next time you’re in the mood to manifest physical change in your body, start with an inventory of your thoughts.
That’s where savvy creators start.
But however you do it, giving your body the love it deserves is the best way for it to love you back!
The other day someone asked how I’d managed to lose 20 pounds.
She was guessing the number, because all I know is I’ve gone from Beautiful to Cute to Ravishing past Hot on the Yay scale. If anyone knows how much that is, don’t tell me – I like living beyond the numbers!
I gave her the answer she was expecting, although it wasn’t an accurate or helpful one …
I told her what I’d been doing differently.
Conscious creators know how misleading that is – to attribute the change to actions only and not acknowledge the role of the vibrational shift.
The helpful and more accurate response to her question would have been to tell her how I’ve been feeling differently.
Because that’s where our entire reality comes from – our vibration.
It was factual to say that I’d begun drinking a daily detox tea. That was true.
But that’s not what any weight loss was a result of.
This weight loss began with finding the vibration of body love. Making that the norm rather than the exception for how I felt about myself. And then just following inspiration. Which led to Doc of Detox’s daily tea.
If I drank that tea with my old vibration in place, I doubt it would have any effect. Because it’s not actions that matter most – it’s the vibration.
Someone else could do the very same things and get a very different result.
As she found out when she started drinking the same daily detox tea. She got the opposite results, if you can believe it.
Conscious creators wouldn’t be surprised by that because we know everything arises from the vibration. A new vibration may inspire us to new actions, but it is inaccurate to attribute change solely to those actions.
The same action can lead to very different results for people flowing different vibrations.
Which is why this post isn’t about the most amazing detox tea I’ve ever found.
This post is a reminder that the vibration is what matters. Once we tune into the frequency of what we want, we’ll be inspired to take any actions that support that result.
That’s what we’re doing at Body Love Lab right now, but anyone who wants a hand in tuning into a new vibration can find one for a variety of dreams or desires in our Vibration Activation series. (Here’s the weight loss, healthy body, feelin’ sexy and the good news from the doc scripts.)
In the meantime, my next job is to drop my limiting beliefs about what I think muggles can hear and not hear. !!
Sometimes even conscious creators slip into old habits when it comes to how we think about our bodies and working out.
If you’re exercising to get rid of flab, sag or jiggle – versus working out for the love of movement or in aspiration of good health or a fab figure – you can make a minor tweak for big results.
Here’s the deal we sometimes forget:
Any time we engage action out of resistance, we enhance what we don’t want.
(Which means you may be inadvertently building a bigger belly, flabbier arms, a jigglier butt – or whatever else you’re trying to get rid of – in that time spent at the gym.)
Effective workouts aren’t just about the body. Harness the power of your mind to get the most out of your physical training.
Like, if you’re at Zumba every Tuesday because your friend told you it would get rid of that baby weight you haven’t been able to drop, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t change a thing. It’s a totally different vibe to Zumba because you love moving your body and are looking forward to feeling even better in it than it is to Zumba because you hate your muffin top.
Or if you’re on the treadmill to run off the middle age spread you detest, that’s not as effective as running with the intention of a fit physique.
Can you feel the difference? Same action, different focus, leading to very different results.
That’s because any time we’re focused on “not this,” that fixation can’t take us where we want to go. It defies the laws of our universe. What we focus on grows.
(It is possible that strong belief can get temporary results, but sustaining that in the long run is challenging.)
So it’s important to be dialed on positive intentions and results rather than spotlighting the contrast that inspired you to the desire. Make sense?
Seems like a small thing but it actually makes a big difference.
Yesterday I wore a pair of shorts that weren’t particularly flattering to the thighs. My first thought was that I needed to get back to the exercise room.
Which is what I did later that day. And working out on the Bowflex is where I remembered that exercising to avoid what I don’t want (untoned thighs) was a waste of a workout.
If I’m not lunging or squatting with a focus on health, fitness, beauty, self-love or whatever I’m really wanting – I may as well be lounging in the shade with a good book. Enjoying myself in any other way would be better than trying to get rid of something I don’t want.
Because we get what we think about.
So if you’re working out while dwelling on flabby arms or stubborn belly fat – tune your mind instead to thoughts of how you want them to look and feel. Activate the feelings of satisfaction and enjoyment in place of loathing and discomfort. You’ll get a lot more bang for your buck with that vibrational shift.
There’s another way to get more out of your workouts, too.
Set an intention before you start exercising as to how you want your body to respond. Jeanna Gabellini taught me this trick: she used to intend that her body responded to this 30 minute workout as if it were 3 hours. Way to leverage the power of your mind in support of your physical experience!
My point with this is that as we’re flexing the muscles of our body to enhance our physique, let’s remember to also flex the power of our mind to make sure we get where we want to go.