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Yay, Contrast!

Yay for Contrast!I don’t know about you, but this summer hasn’t been all happy happy joy joy.
I’ll spare you details, but it’s been unusually high contrast of late.

Technical definition of contrast:

The unwanted crappy side of life. It’s the stuff we don’t want and don’t like, ranging from things like a zit to a bankruptcy to a heartbreak to a life-threatening diagnosis.

(Mine’s probably like a 3 or 4 on the 10 point scale, so don’t feel too bad for me.)
Along the way I’ve gotten really friendly support from savvy creators on what to do about it:

  • “Look at the bright side. There’s plenty going right if you just look for it.”
  • “Universe is telling you something. Get the message and take action.”
  • “Chin up. Don’t let it get you down.”

All good tips!
There is plenty going right and it would be smart to receive any messages it contains.
And since conscious creators know we get what we vibrate, we sometimes have a tendency to want out of the crappy stuff pronto.
But here’s the thing …
Contrast is the fuel that feeds our expansion. (I learned that gem from Abraham.)
It’s what directly inspires new dreams and desires.
Life literally comes to a standstill without it. (Limbo, anyone?)
So it’s not necessarily a thing to be avoided or wished away.
And yet, that’s often our first wish when we see a loved one going through it. (Or ourselves, even!)
We want to see them find their way through as soon as possible. If we had the power, we’d wave it away with our magic wand.
But experiencing contrast doesn’t mean something’s gone wrong.
It doesn’t mean you’re failing as a conscious creator.
It doesn’t mean you’re messing up your life.
In fact, it’s probably the exact opposite …
It means you’re alive and kicking. (Contrast is part of the gig!) You’re in the game! And you’re launching something fabulous – making it possible for life to get even better than before.
When you put it in that light, doesn’t it make you a little bit excited to have some?
Maybe when a fellow creator sees an LOA-savvy friend in the midst of the muck, the more appropriate response might be:

  • “Yeah, that sucks. Milk it, girlfriend!”
  • “You go, girl! Way to rock the party!”
  • “You get all the best problems!”

Okay, that last one made me laugh. And it’s true that this post is a lot easier to write with most of my big contrast in the rear view mirror.
But if we were being honest about how powerfully these unwanted parts of life can propel us toward new dreams and upgraded experiences, wouldn’t we welcome it and wish it on our best friends and family?
Wouldn’t we want to take them out to celebrate, instead of sending a prayer on their behalf?
(Not that someone in a big fat pile of crap is in the mood to celebrate, but you know.)
And yes, if a loved one is stuck in the struggle and forgot that they’re in charge of when they turn on the relief, it might be good to remind them how the system works and their role in it.
And certainly, it would not seem loving to say such a thing to someone who had no idea about their reality-creating powers.
But otherwise, instead of wishing someone else’s contrast away or trying to help them out of it, perhaps the most supportive thing to do is to let them have it and cheer them on from the sidelines.
Because contrast really and truly is where all the good stuff starts.
At least, that’s what I’ve been reminding myself this summer.
You can hear my favorite evidence of the power of contrast in the newest podcast: It’s My Contrast and I’ll Cry If I Want To.
Would love to hear your thoughts on the subject!

  • August 29, 2016

Let's Hear It for the Buggers!

Perfect Client List for Attracting ClientsOne of the ways I attract fabulous clients is by keeping a perfect client list, which has morphed over the years as I’ve gained clarity about who I love to work with.
Whenever a “don’t want” experience unfolds, that’s my cue to revisit the list to ensure my attention is squarely focused on what I do want. (So I don’t start attracting more clients who cancel at the last minute, don’t like my coaching style, etc.)
If I don’t already have an entry on the list representing what I prefer, it gets updated to include it.
Which means that while the list started as a pretty simple thing (with a couple of entries about how they find me, are delighted to pay my full rates, happy to start work, etc.), over time the “don’t want” experiences have upgraded this perfect client list to a thing of beauty.
It includes some really nice detail about who exactly my best clients are.
This focusing tool that guides my vibration (and thus my business) into ideal territory is worth more than I can properly describe. It’s a powerful thing for filling my business with perfect peeps.
And other than those first few traits I came up with on my own, every line on that list was delivered by “one of the buggers,” as Abe calls them … Some experience or person I did not enjoy for one reason or another.
I don’t think you can really create a fabulous list like that from scratch. Contrast is what brings that level of clarity.
That’s why I get it when Abe says we should thank those who show us what we don’t want, because without them life doesn’t get as fabulous as it can be.

A while ago I had a client experience that I didn’t love. Per my focusing habit, after grumbling about it for a minute, I turned attention to my perfect client list. (Just to make sure I’m pointed where I want to go. Don’t need any more of this crap.)
Lo and behold, this particular aspect wasn’t on the list.
It wasn’t on the list!!
I could hardly believe it, but this called for an update! I can’t even remember the last time my list got an upgrade!
It was kind of amazing to realize that this person was directly responsible for helping my business get even better.

That’s when I really got what Abe means when they say, “Thank your buggers.”
I mean, when was the last time someone gave me a new line for my list?!
She gave me a new line! She gave me stronger clarity! What a gift, and what a hero!
I share this for those of us who sometimes forget the value of those “don’t want” experiences. Whoever helps us better understand what we want, they deserve a round of applause for giving us that clarity.
So instead of grumbling about how they did us wrong, let’s celebrate the role they played in expanding our lives even further. That means you, ex-husbands, politicians, and inconsiderate drivers. You are helping pave the way – in big ways and small – to our even better experience.
That is, as long as we remember to turn our attention to what we do want, however we accomplish that.
Bring it on, Universe! We conscious creators know what to do with the buggers!

  • October 16, 2015

My Ultimate Manifesting Miracle

My Ultimate Manifesting MiracleMany won’t understand the miracle that transpired for me here.
You might expect someone’s biggest manifesting success to be about big money or a career breakthrough. Maybe a fairy tale love story or a body transformation.
But trust me, this one was a big deal in my world …
Everyone who knows me knows my world revolves around my blind kitty Elvis. He is my favorite thing about life. I love and adore him more than anything else.
So when he got sick, I got scared.
When he didn’t perk up after a few days, we went to the vet. They did blood tests, shaved his belly for an ultrasound and offered a couple of possible diagnoses. We started meds in hopes his multiple symptoms would clear up.
They didn’t.
Whatever ailed him continued to.
The vet switched up meds and suggested an exploratory surgery if we didn’t see improvement within 24 to 48 hours.
I wasn’t keen on a surgery.
And I didn’t want to be shoving meds down his throat every couple hours. I didn’t want to haul him back to the vet’s office when he already felt so bad. I didn’t want to make him undergo anesthetic when his health was so fragile. I didn’t want to lose my favorite guy.
Yet it looked like that’s exactly where we were headed – nowhere good.
I knew my resistance to losing him was adding power to that very reality I didn’t want.
I also knew there was a reality where he was thriving and happy, and that’s the one that I wanted to experience.
But my resistance to the present reality was keeping me stuck in it.
At one point I felt sure Elvis was getting ready to transition.
(I’ve fostered a lot of animals, many of them sick after being rescued from a shelter, many of whom didn’t make it. Elvis had that same “exit energy” flowing. He just didn’t seem like he was really “here” any more.)
I realized this might be it. This might be where I have to say goodbye.
It was an incredibly sad thought for me.
I thought about how Abraham says life just continues to get better and better. That whenever contrast happens, it just fuels new desires and as long as we go along with that new desire life can only improve.
And I thought to myself, “Universe, you think you can do better than Elvis?! I’d like to see that.” (Because this is one amazing cat!)
Seriously, if Universe thinks it can do better than Elvis, I’m open to that.
And with that I felt my attachment to this cat’s healing diminish. I felt myself being okay with his exit. I felt peace in my heart with whatever might happen next.
Within an hour or so, I noticed he seemed to be a little more alert. He lifted his head even. And then he actually shifted position. Shortly after he drink some water. And he just got better and better until within 24 hours I knew he was in the clear.
The miracle for me isn’t just that my cat got better. That’s super freakin’ cool …
… but the true miracle was realizing my ability to accept the very thing I wanted least.
To be able to make peace with the ultimate ‘don’t want’ and to know that something amazing and fabulous was on its heels. That was worth celebrating.
I consider it one of my most impressive successes to have found better feeling thoughts in the face of (my) extreme contrast.
Releasing attachment to what I wanted most was quite a challenge. But if I can do that, anything is possible.
What’s your favorite manifesting success? Think on it for a few seconds to activate a really nice vibration.
(And share it in the comments if you like!)

  • May 24, 2015

My Best Successes Came from Crap

My Best Success Came from CrapAnyone who’s heard one of my interviews or read Adventures in Manifesting knows my best successes came from crap.
Meaning, it was very high contrast that inspired the biggest wins of my life:

  • threatening to be fired led to a miraculous new client dropping right in my lap
  • a nervous breakdown in the backyard led to a life-saving turnaround with foster dog adoptions
  • pressures of the corporate world and huge financial fears led to a swiftly thriving coaching practice
  • the worst breakup ever led to relationship bliss and happiness like never before.

I’m not such a fan of huge contrast now that I know better how to manage it, but it doesn’t change how valuable it is for creating really great stuff that comes next.
That is, when we know how to work it.
In each of my favorite success stories, the key to benefiting from all that contrast was an effective redirection of attention. That is a crucial element.
But none of those big wins could have happened as fabulously without the high contrast.
I share this because it’s really easy for some creators to think that things “gone wrong” in life are a sign of failure or doom – but it couldn’t be more opposite.
The worse it is now, the better it gets next. That is, when you manage your focus (i.e. vibration).
It’s one reason I get so excited when a new client shows up with something really awful on their plate. Oh, the places they’ll go – when they learn how to use it!
That’s what this entire blog is devoted to – inspiring fellow creators to get crystal clear and conscious about redirecting our all-powerful attention. When we know how to do that, nothing can stop us from creating whatever we dare imagine!
It’s worth remembering next time it seems like you’re dealing with a lot of “crap” on your plate. The unwanted stuff is a sign of good things coming!
Because that undesirable stuff works to your highest benefit – when you practice vibration management.
So if you’ve had a lot of contrast in your world lately, that’s a good sign that things are about to get very, very good.

  • April 2, 2013

LOA Success Secret #3: Make Friends with Problems

make friends with contrast
This is secret #3 from our Law of Attraction Success Secret series.
This LOA success secret took me a while to embrace, even though I’ve been hearing it from Abraham for a while.
I’d originally approached conscious creation as a way to get what I wanted to ensure a smooth, easy road in life.  If I could just get my thoughts right, life could be relatively problem-free.
Or so I thought.
That’s not actually how the system works.
Whether you call it problems, contrast, the unwanted, the undesired, blankety blank crap, or whatever we bump into in life that we don’t want any part of – it’s not actually a failure of the system to experience that.
Rather, it’s part of the system. Indeed, it’s a crucial first step for how life gets better and better.
Here’s how I understand it:

all of our new desires are fueled by (or sourced from) a “don’t want.”  We want health more than ever when we’re sick.  We want prosperity when things feel tight.  We want companionship when feeling lonely.

So all those desires originated from something that didn’t feel so fab.  And desire is what fuels our expansion.
Which means it’s actually a good thing when we run across something we don’t like.  It means life is about to get even better!
That is, as long as we don’t stay stuck (i.e. focused) on the crappy problems.  Since we get what we focus on, if I’m all panties-in-a-twist about what’s gone wrong, then guaranteed I’m creating more things going wrong.
But when I can appreciate the role this “contrast” has played, knowing that it’s leading to even better things (as long as I don’t overly dwell on the ‘problem’), then life can’t help but get better.
So that’s actually two reasons to make friends with what doesn’t seem very nice in life (losing a job, getting dumped, going broke, getting sick, etc.):

  1. The first reason is that it’s what leads to things getting even better than they were before,
  2. and the second reason is that if we don’t make some sort of peace with it, then we get stuck in it!

And we know too much to play it that way!
Since resistance is all that keeps us away from experiencing our biggest dreams and desires, dropping resistance (coming into alignment) is the name of the game.
One of the ways we most often kink the vibe is being upset with contrast.
When we instead see contrast as our friend, something we welcome and even appreciate, our dreams come together beautifully.

In fact, one of you readers shared something recently that I absolutely LOVED.  Kate wrote about “exciting cosmic ordering” in reference to some major unwanted stuff.  Which was fabulous, because it shows how much she gets that something great is on the heels of something ‘awful’ when we learn to ride the vibrational wave.

That doesn’t mean we don’t feel out the not-so-fun emotions when they come up in response to what we don’t like.  There is an appropriate time for swearing, crying, and feeling sorry for ourselves.
But when we really do let ourselves feel it out, it passes relatively quickly.  And we can then get on with the next step of allowing the next cool thing that this beautiful problem has fueled for us.
Like I said, even after I understood this process theoretically, it took a while for me to be able to see a problem and be grateful for it.  I’m still learning to make that a habit, but when I do, I minimize the time spent out of alignment which makes dreams manifest that much bigger, better and faster.
Sometimes the easier first step is just to make peace with the problem, if we can’t actually celebrate it for where we know it’s taking us.  One way or another, though, learn to drop the resistance to what you don’t want, in order to get on with a lovely life.
Here are a couple of inspiring reminders I found on Pinterest about embracing the challenges we occasionally find in life:
embrace contrast
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf
Would love to hear your tips on how to drop the resistance to life’s ‘problems’ if you care to share …

  • May 27, 2012

Choosing to Thrive: Lessons from Jaycee Dugard

I requested this guest post from Law of Attraction Coach Flavia Daay after I heard Flavia talk about the Jaycee Dugard story in a very positive light.  Flavia’s post makes it clear she was simply following Jaycee’s lead in finding the best from a high-contrast experience:
Jaycee Dugard through the eyes of Flavia DaayMost stories of survival are stories in which the person can’t help but feel victimized, stories of being so overwhelmed by it all that they seems stuck in the past and unable to embrace their new freedoms.
Not so with Jaycee Lee Dugard! In an interview she gave to ABC’s news anchor Diane Sawyer, we saw a serene, poised woman, a genuine example of the power of forgiveness. Hers is a triumphant story of letting go of the past and moving forward in a state of gratitude, a story many can draw strength from.
When asked about feelings of anger or bitterness she replied by saying she refuses to let him have anymore of her. Even after 18 years of being kidnapped and giving birth to her captor’s children, this girl had the wisdom to realize that however she feels right now is not going to change what happened. When asked if there’s anything she’d like to say to Philip Garrido, she replied that he couldn’t steal anything else from her, that he can’t steal her and her mother’s love for each other and in fact never could.
After seeing the interview one person commented, “the next time someone tells me they can’t, I will say three words, ‘Jaycee Lee Dugard.'”
In my opinion, one of the reasons she was able to tap into her strength and do what she had to do to survive was having her children. Even though she first gave birth at the age of 14, this was a chance for her to connect outside of him – a real blessing. She promised herself she wouldn’t let anything happen to them. And she kept it. Her two girls were never outwardly harmed.
Even more amazing is that she home schooled the girls, even though all she had was a 5th grade education.
During her years in captivity, she secretly wrote a few dreams she had for the future which included seeing her mom and even riding in a hot air balloon. And see her mom she did! The night they were reunited she even woke up her daughters telling them “I’m so happy! I’m so happy!” Jaycee shared that she doesn’t see their father in the children but had concerns that her mother would be uncomfortable. Luckily those concerns were quickly put to rest as her mother feels the same way and declares that she loves them with all her heart.
Her therapist taught her that a way of vanquishing the past is through gratitude for the present moment. Among the things Jaycee feels grateful for is dinners with her family, having real food everyday, nature and horses.
She revealed employing humor as a way of coping. Jaycee explains that her young, smooth skin is due to her being locked up and not seeing the sun for years. That is truly impressive!
This beautiful, insightful young woman even created a foundation to help all members of the families that have gone through a trauma, emphasizing that it’s not just the victim who needs help in recovering.
She wrote her story in a book as a way of looking at what happened “until it doesn’t scare you anymore.”
Dianne Sawyer was very surprised to learn that Jaycee doesn’t think love is impossible. For her it’s not out of the question, she is open to finding love, the kind she reads about, she adds, but she’s quick to say “If it happens, it happens, if not, I’ll be happy anyway.” What a powerful lesson!
And she fulfilled her second wish on camera, that of riding in a hot air balloon while commenting on how peaceful it was.
Her final words to us viewers were “Live each day to the fullest whatever life brings you.”   What about you? What inspires you to forgive or live life fully even though you may have experienced some exaggerated contrast?
Flavia Daay, Law of Attraction CoachFlavia Daay is a Law of Attraction Life Coach, founder of Yes Yes Yes Coaching, and faculty member at Good Vibe University who helps people find vibrational bridges from where they are to where they want to be.
Her joy is helping you remember the perfection of who you really are, to give you back to yourself. Find Flavia online at Yes Yes Yes Coaching.

  • July 26, 2011

I Will Not Expand On That

I just finished a Money Party call at GVU on How to Sell It Out, a class to share my personal manifesting process with anyone who was interested in how to dial in vibrationally to sell out their offering.
Part of my presentation included letting people know where my vibe was before I started the process, which was sort of in the crapper. 
My attention had recently been dialed in on a number of (non LOA savvy) colleagues whose offerings weren’t selling, and who were blaming the struggling economy and tight fisted clients on their lack of results. 
In my call notes describing the vibrational challenges, next to “An ABUNDANCE of evidence from peers that times are tough” I wrote in strong letters: “I will not expand on that.”
Because I could feel myself ready to explain why this was so hard; why the deck was stacked against me and why it was so easy to believe that struggle was in store.
I know that contrary vibration does not belong in the story of success.  Well, maybe in the beginning for dramatic effect, but KEEP IT BRIEF, for hell’s sake. 
I love that I know myself well enough to give strict instruction NOT to dwell where it doesn’t serve me or my audience … i.e. The Crapper.
Which is when I realized it might serve me well to have notes for other areas of life when I have a tendency to expand on something that I don’t want to expand.  Know what I mean?

  • Like when I’m explaining to Russ how bad the storm is that he’s about to drive in. 
  • Or when I’m describing how awful this wrong brand of chewable acerola is.  (Oh, that’s wrong!)
  • Or when I talk about how frustrated I can get with my girlfriend.  (Very. Frustrated!)

Some handy dandy life notes with “I will not expand on that” would be useful at those times.

Perhaps, sometimes, maybe it IS appropriate to expand on the contrast.  MAYBE. 
Like at the vet’s office to make sure they know all the symptoms that are presenting.  But I’d have a hard time making a strong argument in favor of this one.

What I will do now, though, is commit to paying good attention and honoring when it’s time to refrain from telling the big bad ugly story with all the vivid technicolor details and emphatic body language to go along.
Sometimes a simple “I was upset” or “I didn’t like it” suffices to make the point instead of a lengthy diatribe on … well, I will refrain from going there.
(Oh, look how good I’m getting at this already!)
I will also commit to telling the fabulous stories – like the one yesterday about my new socks (they’re lovely!) and even the purpose of today’s call – an excuse to talk about my filled up program; and how much I love this blind cat Elvis; and did I mention how delicious lunch was? etc. etc. 
I will reliably expand on the love.
But  in the future when you hear me end a line of thought with “I will not expand on that,” we’ll know that’s my cue for redirecting the line of thought out of the crapper and back into the vortex
Where I belong.  🙂
(Quick link here for Good Vibe U members who want to hear the archived call.) 
And just a reminder to non-members, all GVU calls are free when you dial in live (no reason to feel left out).  Check the calendar or like the facebook page to get call details in advance.

  • December 8, 2010

Thanks to the Jerks

As I’m practicing milking the good stuff (inspired by Stacy’s excellent milk maid post at Good Vibe U), I thought about all the wonderful people and circumstances that have contributed to my beautiful present day reality …
I thought about my wonderful dogs, family, friends, clients and sweeties.  About all the great times and happy circumstances, gorgeous environment and beautiful things.  About great helpers, supporters and resources.
And quickly realized I was leaving the most important people and things off the list.
Because we know where the good stuff really originates … it starts with all the jerks and problems and things gone wrong in our past.
We know that all our good stuff is seeded by the crap.  That’s where all new desires come from – the “don’t wants,” the jerks and the problems.
So with that in mind, I hereby offer proper acknowledgement to some of the people and things I owe my wonderful life to:

  • thank you, 15 extra pounds, for being so persistent in teaching me to love myself unconditionally
  • thank you, dark side of corporate America, for caring more about your bottom line than employees and customers, which inspired me to do work I could be proud to put my name on
  • thank you, people who didn’t “get” LOA, for inspiring me to rendezvous with those who do
  • thank you, family who wasn’t always in touch, for teaching me to feel and know your love even when it wasn’t obvious
  • thank you, awful lovers, for serving as catalysts to the fabulous men who followed you!
  • thank you to every disconnected jerk who mistreated an animal, for leading me to the most generous and loving animal advocates I could ever meet
  • thank you to every friend who betrayed, manipulated or disappeared, for bringing me Verrall and Pam and other fabulous friends
  • thank you to every frustrating traffic jam and downtown concrete jungle that led me to these amazing walks in nature so close to home
  • thank you to every money worry that brought on this much appreciated state of financial prosperity!

Indeed, thank you, Contrast, for all you’ve done to inspire me to a better life!
I am where I am now thanks to you.
We’ve done beautiful work together, and with that benefit of hindsight, it becomes easier to look forward to more.

  • August 10, 2010