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If It Makes You Feel Better …

if it makes you feel better ...Do you employ revenge in your manifesting process?
Can you throw a proper pity party?
Are you willing to think nasty thoughts when the occasion calls?
Sometimes our success is held up specifically because of our unwillingness to do (or think) what feels better.
That’s easy to happen when what feels better isn’t particularly pretty or socially approved.
So let’s remember how the system works …
Good vibrations beget good manifestations.
Which is why deliberate creators are so focused on flowing the good juju.
The problem occurs when we’re hesitant or unwilling to do what it takes to get to those good vibrations. We inadvertently hold ourselves in perpetual limbo by not being willing to engage thoughts or actions that feel better.
Whatever could I mean by that?
Sometimes the path to higher vibrations means traveling through some dark territory.

Like when we’re afraid of the news the doctor just delivered.
Or jealous of a colleague’s success.
Or ticked off when someone doesn’t deliver what they promised.

Lots of us have been conditioned to avoid “negative” places, either because it doesn’t fit our self-identity as a “good” or spiritual person, or because we don’t want to be judged by others, or we’re nervous we’ll get stuck if we go to the “dark side.”
There can be a variety of reasons we might not be willing to go through dark places, but someone who knows how the system works recognizes it’s sometimes required travel on the path to good vibrations.
Because if we aren’t willing to feel our feelings, and make the journey up the vibrational scale to better feelings, we’ll stay stuck in what we’re trying to avoid.
You might not immediately spot some of these as “better feeling thoughts,” but trust me, on some occasions they were just what I needed to break my evil spell:

  • “He can suck it.”
  • “She can suck it.”
  • “They can all suck it.”
  • “I hope they’re miserable together.”
  • “He is going to regret that he ever messed with me.”

I know. Not pretty.
And sometimes, it’s where we gotta go on our path to feeling better. Not always, but sometimes.

My favorite story of this is when a neighbor and I were talking about what to do with another neighbor who was causing mayhem in the hood. We were at our wits’ end trying to fix things and felt completely disempowered. She said, “Look, I know how stereotypical this is sounds (she’s Mexican), but I think we should slash his tires.”
We’re both nice girls, so when she said that we burst out laughing! It was the funniest, most relieving thought we’d engaged in the whole conversation! And it was magical. That laughter dispelled the negative energy we’d built up around the problem. And no, we didn’t slash any tires. But it sure was funny to think about it at the time.

Speaking of slashing tires, sometimes it’s action we resist on the path to feeling better. But there can be magical vibrational movement when we unfriend the sister-in-law, take a sick day to spite the boss, or tattle on the guy who did us wrong.
(Very often just a rich visualization of those actions can create the same energetic effect. Which I recommend before actually resorting to strong action in the heat of the moment.)
My point is this: when we refuse to engage a thought or action that doesn’t seem “nice” or “good,” we may be stalling our highest alignment.
So remember that if it feels better, it’s in service to your vibrational upgrade.

  • January 26, 2014

Freedom from Torture

free your mindToday I spoke with someone who was torturing herself with a really nasty thought.
(Actually, I didn’t think it was that bad of a thought, but she said it was literally killing her.)
“Then why are you thinking it?” I asked.
“Because it’s true,” she answered.
Or at least, she suspected it was true, although she really wanted to believe it wasn’t, since it was a thought she couldn’t live with.
“Maybe you should think something else instead,” I suggested.
“How am I supposed to do that, when this is so awful?” she insisted.
Clearly she had no practice in finding thoughts that felt better.  And she believed her thought was true.

Talk about the ultimate handicap – believing your thoughts and not knowing how to choose different ones.  Sheesh!

She used my silence to repeat again just how horrible her thought/reality was.

Okay, I get it!  But repeating it isn’t how we get out from under it!

“That’s one way of looking at it,” I offered.
And then I laid out like seven alternative thoughts, all of which felt way better, but she wasn’t biting.  It’s not how she saw it.
Holy mother, I’m wondering, how did she get my number?!  Not only that she can’t give herself relief from a horrible thought, but she can’t even pick one up when someone else (a really good professional even) is making one up for her!  Wowza.
So she believes in the sh*t that sucks, and doesn’t know how to tear her eyes away from it.
Then I got an idea … “Hey, you know that inner guidance thing?  How it doesn’t join us in untrue thoughts?  And how it feels really bad when that part of us vacates the premises?”
No, she didn’t know that.
“Well, that’s how it works,” I assured her.  “Which means any thought that doesn’t feel good isn’t true.”
“It’s NOT?!”
Absolutely not,” I vehemently insisted.
Her silence wasn’t from relief, but from disbelief.  I suspect she joined me in wondering why she called me.  Because clearly I was insane and of no use to her.
Don’t ask what made me think quantum physics would help the situation.
“Let’s look at it this way.  Everything is happening, there’s no such thing as time, and you can experience any of those realities based on how you focus.  Isn’t that reason enough to find a different thought?”
“What other thought would I think?” She sounded lost.
But I didn’t cave.  “One of love!  One of life!  One of pleasure!”
Still the crickets.  Okay, maybe I should tone it down … “It could be about mailmen or trees or anything!”  (I was just naming random things outside the window.)
Still not helping, but she offered me one last chance to ease her tortured mind:
“What do you think about death?”
“Well, I don’t think about it that much.”  (Duh, why would I?!  I’m not into self-torment!)  “But the truth is I don’t believe in it the way lots of others do.  I believe there’s no end to who we are.  Our bodies, sure.  But who we really are – it’s indestructible and infinite.  And super cool.”
Still nothing.
I suggested she talk with her higher power – whatever that was – and ask for some support there.
She’s not religious, she contended.  “Neither am I, and it still works.”  (Go figure.)
I hung up feeling rather useless and also astonished at someone who practiced such incredible self torture by repeating the awful thought that didn’t feel good – just because it seems true.  I wondered how horrid would it be to live like that.
And then realized, that was me, one week ago.  When I cried for 12 hours straight after realizing my blind cat wasn’t home any more.  I was under the spell of some heavy duty nasty thoughts, just like my friend was today.
I did try to find my way out, though:

  • “Maybe he had another little girl he wanted to live with.”  But I want him here.
  • “Maybe it was his time.”  He’s only three, for hell’s sake.  It’s too soon!
  • “Maybe he likes living the big adventure.”   It wasn’t that bad here.  We had good times … Elvis come BACK!
  • “Maybe he’s just hiding really well, and he’s actually still here somewhere.”  Don’t be ridiculous – he’s GONE!
  • “Maybe he’ll come back.  Maybe someone will find him.  Maybe I’ll find him.”

It was a lot of anguish and misery.  It was quite horrible – not just for me, but for everyone around me.
And I couldn’t stop.  Until I fell asleep.
Which is when I dreamed of being reunited with my favorite cat.
Sure enough, at 4 am when I didn’t have a single negative conscious thought flowing – that cat came back.
So I get it.  Sometimes we get stuck on a really awful thought that seems like we can’t shake.
But, we can.  Eventually we’ll cry ourselves into exhaustion, or fall asleep, or realize we were seeing it wrong all along.
Some how some way we’ll get a respite from the torment of repeating the thoughts that don’t feel good.  And when we do, we’ll remember how this works.
At least, that’s my intention for the next time I lose my head.
If you’re the unlucky person who is stuck sitting next to me as I empty the kleenex box, you have my permission to remind me of this post.  So I can remember how ridiculous it is to keep thinking a thought that feels horrible.
I’ll remember that as I find my way to relief, some way some how, even if it’s crying myself to sleep, I’ll remember that when I give up the battle of the bad thoughts, I create an opening for something good.

And if my cat hadn’t returned, I’d eventually find my way to other thoughts.  Because I’m cool like that.  I know good times follow bad, that things get better, that I’ll have more friends, that everyone’s fine no matter how it looks like to the contrary in my limited 3D perception, and that I’m not dependent on anyone or anything for how I feel.

This post is designed to remind myself (and anyone else who might benefit from it) the next time we’ve fallen under the spell of a torturous “truth.”

  • Everything is actually fine, even if you don’t see that right now.
  • If your thought doesn’t feel good, try again.
  • If all else fails, sleep is your friend.

That oughta do.  🙂
But if you’ve got words of wisdom to share with someone who is doing the mental flagellation game, please post them here.  Many thanks!

  • August 3, 2013

What Your Manifestation Can't Do

It's Not Your Manifestation's JobQuick heads up to fellow creators in case you’re thinking that getting what you want will make you feel better …
… it doesn’t work that way.
When we try to manifest something so we’ll be happier when we get it … that’s backwards.
We feel better first, then the manifestations happen.
I forget this myself sometimes, too.  Maybe you recognize this routine:

  • trying to create financial abundance so you can rest easy about making rent
  • wanting to attract a fabulous love interest so you can feel less lonely
  • intending to get healthy and fit so you feel better about yourself

Routines like that don’t actually work well, and may explain why you’re not making as much headway as you’d like.
In deliberate creation we don’t use our manifesting powers to create circumstances that make us feel better.
We start the party by feeling better.
That’s the first step.  Feel better first.
And changing how we feel is our job – not the job of our manifestations.
We aren’t creating something so that we’ll be able to relax or be happy – we’re relaxing and feeling good first.
Before there’s a “reason” to.
Then the good stuff happens.
Which we don’t even need any more, because we already got happy.
And that’s why (and when) it happens – when we don’t need it in order to change how we’re feeling!
It all starts with how we feel.  You gotta lead this party.
So if you’re trying to manifest something in order to feel better – your work is to just feel better first.  Now.  However you can.
Your manifestations can’t do that for you.  🙂

  • December 13, 2012

Top 10 Vibe Lifters Online

vibe lifters onlineWe all have our favorite places to go for a lift, right?  A walk in the park, listening to our favorite playlist, a soak in the tub, etc.
For those of us spending time online,  it’s handy to know where to plug in for uplifting vibes on the web.
Here are my top ten virtual haunts, which I’d love to expand if you’d share your favorite internet stops, too.  (Pretty soon we’ll have a top 100!)
just the little thingshttp://justlittlethings.net/
Just Little Things lists life’s simple pleasures that are commonly overlooked, and daily sources of happiness right under your nose.
thx thx thx blog of daily thank you noteshttp://thxthxthx.com/
Daily entertaining thank you notes. Leah Dieterich’s mother always told her to write thank you notes. So she does. To everything. thxthxthx is her daily exercise in gratitude.
"before I die" dream wall online
Before I Die is an interactive public art project where we can share our hopes and dreams in public space and discover the aspirations of the people around us.
awesome thingshttp://1000awesomethings.com/
1000 Awesome Things is just a time-ticking countdown of 1000 awesome things. Launched June, 2008 and updated every weekday.  A sample: “Seeing a big dog sitting in the driver’s seat of a parked car.”  🙂
tell us something goodhttp://www.tellussomethinggood.com/
Tell Us Something Good is a lovely if understated blog sharing short messages of wisdom and encouragement.  From the blog: “things I’m still learning I wish I knew at 22.”
daily goodhttp://www.dailygood.org/
DailyGood leverages the internet to promote positive and uplifting news around the world. Readers receive a news story, an inspiring quote, and a suggested action that each person can take to make a difference in their own lives and the world around them.
a community of conscious thinkers share their personal intentions as well as support others in theirs.  With over 100,000 intentions shared, you’re sure to be inspired to your own deliberate focus as well.
shop the universehttp://shopatuniverse.com
Instructions to place your manifesting order with Universe: Feel the excitement.  Make it real. Place your order in a happy mood, carefree and not needing it. Be specific and clear. Feel the excitement of ordering something you really want with the knowledge it will be delivered. Then let go.
do nothinghttp://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/
Virtual meditation practice.  This is a two minute online timer to help develop habits of relaxing and focusing.  (Especially challenging for those used to multitasking and a continual incoming stream of information.)
maru the cathttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumogu
Maru on YouTube.  (My personal favorite.)  You can’t help but feel better after watching a few minutes of Maru’s antics.  With new videos added regularly, you’ll never run out of reasons to smile.
Your turn.  Where do you go online for a mood lift?
Please share your favorite places to laugh, be inspired, think bigger, or whatever floats your vibrational boat.

  • February 18, 2012

Entertaining Emotional Guidance

I received this entertaining email from a friend and former client, but it was her comment at the end of the note that made me burst out laughing.
“To my darling husband,
Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately it was not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.
cars.jpg I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife
P.S. Your girlfriend called.”
The way the email goes, you read the love note first, THEN see the photo, and then the PS about the girlfriend.
But my friend’s note at the end made me proud that my message of always seeking the downstream action had gotten through. Her words:

Before she got into the truck, she asked herself,
“what would feel better?” . . .

Indeed! lol Sometimes the “feel better” action may very well result in something that looks like the above photo. Lord knows I’ve been there!
Which is why no one else can give us direction as good as we can give ourselves.
Checking within about what feels best offers us expert guidance.
We hear Abraham say all the time that our tendency to shun anger sometimes keeps us from climbing up the emotional scale. Although it doesn’t necessarily feel good to stay in the angry vibe for lengthy periods, sometimes it’s exactly the bridge we need in order to get to higher vibrations.
And that’s as much as I’ll say about that. For now, anyway. 🙂

  • October 30, 2007