Ten years ago I spent my last Valentine’s Day single and it was a whopper.
I’d gone through a horrible breakup a few weeks before. We are talking about a record-breaking bad breakup.
I wasn’t heartbroken. I was emotionally bankrupt.
I had hit what I would categorize as an emotional rock bottom. I got there by making a too many bad decisions for too long. I was a mess.
On that particular Valentine’s Day I was in no mood for romance and I was jonesing for it like an addict all at the same time.
Fortunately for me, my best friend from high school was also post-breakup and didn’t have anyone on her dance card for V-day that year either.
So when she visited we got ourselves a bottle of wine and a notebook and went to work on “the list” to create our next relationships.
You know the list. It’s the list of qualities you’re looking for in a match.
Almost every woman I know has made that list.
I’d made it at least a dozen times before. Obviously, it hadn’t worked – at all.
I’ll fast forward six weeks from that Valentine’s afternoon when we made our lists. I met the love of my life.
He was such an exact match to that list that I recognized him immediately. We fell in love at first sight. We’ve been together every day, ever since.
So why did it work when I was at my most pathetic after my worst breakup when it hadn’t worked before?
I’ll tell you why and you probably won’t believe it because it goes against everything you’ve ever learned about how to attract anything.
It worked because I’d given up.
I didn’t think it would work. I’d done it before with train wreck results. I had no reason to believe doing it again would be any different.
I did it for fun to pass the time. Nothing more, nothing less.
I had a bottle of wine with a friend. We laughed and had a blast. I was just tipsy enough to be totally honest with that list about what I really wanted. I had zero attachment to it because I didn’t really believe it was within reach.
I got crystal clear about what I wanted that day and felt exactly zero angst about getting it because I had surrendered to the idea that I’d be single forever.
Sometimes it takes completely letting go to let the magic happen.
A smarter person than I was would let go before hitting rock bottom. However, even if you feel like you’re cruising for rock bottom you can still take heart. There is a lot of freedom in giving up and miracles happen when you least expect them.
This Valentine’s Day I am wishing you lots of love, miracles you don’t expect, and some wishes you’ve long since given up on. It’s easy for me to see all of that happening for you. If I can get to happily-ever-after from rock bottom anything is possible.
Lisa Hayes is the Love Whisperer who helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Find her online at LisaMHayes.com.
The average person doesn’t realize that as they speak, so shall it be.
Fortunately, you’re not average.
(Anyone reading law of attraction material is already way ahead of the consciousness curve!)
We know that the way to welcome new love into our lives is to get ahead of it.
That means to speak, think, feel and behave the way we would when we’re experiencing that love.
That’s how we vibrate love (or whatever want) into our lives.
And it might not feel like the most natural or intuitive thing to do …
It can feel strange to appreciate something that isn’t here yet.
It might seem a little crazy to talk to our lover before we’ve met them.
It can be awkward to practice love before love has arrived.
But that’s how we grease the wheels for it.
That’s how we cue Universe to send in the next love.
So if you’re in the mood to call in a new relationship, pay attention to the sorts of things you hear yourself saying about the state of your romance.
Instead of perpetuating your current reality, you can usher in a new one by speaking it so.
That could sound like having a conversation with your lover as if he/she were already in the room with you:
If you’ve been in the routine of feeling like you’re rolling solo through life, those conversations can be a big vibrational switch.
Instead of instructing Universe that you’re alone, you send the signal that a loved one is right there with you.
You may find it easier to engage less reality-confronting thoughts like, “I’m ready for love” or “Looking forward to my next relationship.”
I’ve also heard many success stories from creators who wrote letters to their love as if they were already connected. (That’s a big vibrational difference than traditional journaling about longing for a new love.)
Those of you who have super cool friends can even talk about your new partner with those who get what you’re up to. Together you’re scripting your relationship into existence!
But even if you don’t feel comfortable talking about your lover as if they’re already present and accounted for, at least stop holding him/her at bay by speaking them away.
Because when you say, “I’m so tired of being alone,” Universe has to make it so.
And when you say, “Honey, I’m home!” Universe has to make that so, too.
It will make real whatever you’re willing to speak into being.
Remember Mike Dooley declaring “It’s a good thing I’m rich!” when he got a big bill in the mail he didn’t know how to pay?
Conscious creators are willing to say what isn’t “real” yet in order to make it so.
This means you can talk your way right into your next true love by engaging your creative powers to speak it so.
This isn’t the only way to become a match for a fabulous new relationship, but it is a powerful one.
You’re already speaking your reality into existence, so let’s make sure it’s the one you want.
If you’ve got success stories along these lines, we’d love to hear them!
One of my favorite manifesting successes to tell about is one that happened accidentally.
I certainly never intended for change to happen.
In fact, I just wanted things to stay the same forever …
It started in 1992 when I bought a house that I loved so much I knew without a doubt that I would never leave it.
The first moment I walked into it with the realtor I was filled with an overwhelming sense of coming home. Of being right where I belonged.
It was absolutely perfect. I loved the trees and the rose bushes; I loved the red bricks with the black shutters; I loved the porches and the steps; I loved the light from all the windows; I loved the french doors; I loved the hardwood floors. I loved the neighbors and the location. I loved how easy it was to maintain. I even loved what it cost.
I could fill a book with all the different ways I loved that house.
In fact, I actively loved that property every day. It was just such a dream come true I couldn’t help it.
Think about the vibrational consequences of that …
Year after year of loving that house beyond compare. Knowing I was right where I wanted to be most and that it couldn’t get any better than this.
Imagine being Universe receiving that vibrational instruction, where it hears from me over and over again how much I love where I live.
You can guess what happened, right?
It eventually gave me an even better place to live.
Despite the fact that I didn’t even want one, and that I didn’t even think was possible.
(In fact, I held on to that house just so that I could go back after I’d played out this other hand I was dealt.)
The only reason I was willing to move was because my beau at the time was insistent on living together in a place of our own. My guidance was a yes for it, which surprised me, but off I went to buy a house with my love interest. Because I know not to ignore guidance.
And that house turned out to be even better than my last one!
The house I thought couldn’t be improved on! It got even better!
That might sound like a no-brainer to you. But to me – who’d been living in my absolutely perfect house for years knowing it couldn’t be topped – it was a surprise.
And it shouldn’t have been.
Because we know that like attracts like and that Universe returns whatever vibration we put out. I was sending, “It doesn’t get any better than this” and Universe delivered “better than this.”
So the love I felt for my first place turned out to be a powerful (if inadvertent) manifesting strategy for making even bigger dreams come true.
Dreams I didn’t even consciously entertain.
These days, though, I’m doing it consciously.
I’m using this same love strategy in service of new dreams, loving everything up. Finding ways to appreciate what is even more than I already do.
The thing about love, though, is that if you’re flowing it just to make things change – that’s not real love.
Real love is without agenda.
It’s not pretending to love it just so it’ll get better. That routine is not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about genuine love and appreciation. Which when we go there, we’re a winner no matter what. Even if it’s ‘just’ that our heart fills with good vibes, and nothing else changes, we’re still better off.
I do wonder how my love life would have unfolded if I were as good at appreciating boyfriends as I was at loving that house.
And how fun to think about what might be in store for my physical self as I get better at loving up this body!
Does it kind of make you want to love up your money a little better than you have been, perhaps?
Some of my clients are hesitant to drop resistance and find something to like about their situation that they want to change so much. They’re nervous that if they stop disliking it, if they find a way to appreciate it, Universe will think they got what they wanted and they’ll be stuck with it forever.
It’s the opposite, I tell them! Their resistance is what keeps it in place!
That’s when I tell my house story, to show just how magic appreciation can be.
And that’s the manifesting strategy I’ve noticed I’m employing above all others this year: loving everything up – without needing it to be any different.
This time I won’t be surprised when “even better” arrives.
PS – for those of you who enjoy audio, you can hear this story on the latest podcast episode.
That’s how she manifested the new love of a lifetime …
She went to sleep with him every night.
Before she knew his name. Before they’d even met.
She went to sleep with him every night.
She felt his arms wrapped lovingly around her as she drifted off to sleep. (Using a body pillow to help trick herself into the comforts of the cuddle.)
She actually had another guy in mind. A specific guy she thought would be a great candidate for love. He turned out to be a great stand-in to activate those feelings of love.
But because she knew not to be attached to anyone in particular, she put her intention out for “him or someone better.”
This was summertime that she started sleeping with her imaginary boyfriend. And doing some cleanup in the love department. (Tying up loose ends and upgrading beliefs, I gathered.)
By July she’d nixed the idea of online dating (didn’t appeal to her), but she did receive an inspiration to go speed dating in August. Just for fun.
That’s where she met a dozen different men, one of whom she felt an instant connection with.
And she’s been having fun with him ever since. (“Even better” than she ever dreamed a relationship could be, she reports!)
All from being willing to feel him (emotionally, vibrationally) before he was real. From being willing to release thoughts of the guy she thought it should be, and from being willing to take inspired action just for fun.
That’s manifesting at its finest.
If you’ve used this process yourself and have tips to share, please do so in the comments! 🙂
This post is by request after Mia asked how I manifested the guy who felt like “home sweet home” the first time I laid eyes on him.
I’ve probably shared this story somewhere else, but I like it so much I thought it worth retelling. 🙂
It’s 2006 and I’ve been actively dating a bunch of fabulous men for about a year or two. I’ve had an absolute blast with amazing guys, but the whole “rotation,” we’ll call it, is starting to lose its luster.
I’m (finally) in the mood for a keeper.
Someone I can put some time in with. To get to know someone in a way that you don’t during 3 month stints. I want a relationship that’s got legs.
My name for him is “One of the Ones.” (Because I don’t believe in just One.)
But I’m ready for someone Significant. Someone to go the distance with.
So I decide to manifest One of the Ones. My attitude about it was, “Bring him on, Universe, I’m ready for a keeper!”
That wasn’t out of frustration with dating, or being treated poorly by men. I was having a great time. I was just ready for something else.
(I think that vibrational setup matters.)
I had loved being single and loved meeting new guys. But now I just wanted to love a new guy for a longer while.
After deciding this (not wanting it, not wishing for it, but deciding it), the next thing I did was make a list. The ubiquitous manifesting list.
Mine’s got 47 things on it, including that he’s a dog lover and drives a truck. (I’m thinking a down to earth kind of guy who loves animals.)
I wrote the list once and mostly forgot about it. (I might have read it once or twice after for fun, but it certainly wasn’t a regular practice.)
Due to what I knew about vibration and attraction, I strongly suspected I would meet this guy doing something that I loved. Right? Love your life, and life gets even better.
So I suspected I would meet my new guy while doing something with my dogs. Probably a dog walk up the canyon. But maybe Petsmart, maybe at the dog park. Maybe at a volunteer event. But probably up that favorite canyon of mine.
On every walk I had an eagle eye out for cutie patootie guys with no rings. “Oh, maybe that’s him!” I would think when I turned the corner to see another handsome stranger smiling at me. (I was probably throwing off some strange energy.)
Other than those dog walks where I knew I was eventually going to meet him, I’m enjoying other parts of my life as if he were already here …
So basically I’ve got a couple of LOA elements in play:
I know he’s coming (because I said so). I’m expecting to meet him on a dog walk someday (no hurry, no time pressure). I’m enjoying myself in the meantime and also acting as if he’s already here (in certain moments where it works to do that).
In the meantime, back at the ranch, I am done with dating and have no interest in reactivating my online dating profile. Great entertainment, but no keepers. That was my assessment.
Here’s where Universe started to surprise me …
One day I’m on the computer and an ad gets my attention for eharmony. Never did eharmony; have no intention of starting now.
Except inspiration is crawling all over this thing.
Like, I can’t ignore it. I feel something pulling me to check out this eharmony thing.
Seriously, eharmony?! Sheesh. I don’t know what Universe is thinking – I’m meeting my guy at a dog park. But I know not to ignore inspiration, even when it makes no sense.
So fine. I put up a profile. Just to satisfy that guidance that said to.
And sure enough, it was such a bad idea that I asked eharmony for a refund when they only returned three matches. One of which was already hooked up and hadn’t taken himself off the site yet. They apologized for not having more matches and refunded my fee.
There was one match, though, who requested a fast track so we could exchange messages. I didn’t know the whole fast track routine, but I said yes and we exchanged a few notes. Nice enough guy. Kind of funny. Attentive, but respectful. I wasn’t having a bad time.
Until he shared his must-haves and can’t-stands. (I think it’s called something different now.)
His must-haves included something like “fashionable” or “stylish” and “financially responsible.”
Okay, stylish is the last thing anyone is ever going to call me. And the last time I balanced my checkbook was after mysterious untraceable money kept showing up in my account. I figured it was my easy money intention coming to fruition, and stopped tracking that balance. So if he’s looking for someone with her nails done and her bank balance accounted for, I’m not her.
I tell him it looks like we’re not a match and I shut down my profile.
Eharmony delivers his impassioned plea for me to reconsider. He thinks we have potential. He thinks there’s something worth exploring.
Something in me has a yes for this, although I really don’t want him to get in the way of the guy I’m meeting on my dog walk.
Okay, fine, I say, we can meet up in person.
Soon after I’m driving to meet him for a movie date.
As soon as I saw him, I felt like I’d come home. It felt like I’d been on vacation all my life and I was finally coming home sweet home.
He just felt so right.
It wasn’t that he was the most handsome guy I’d ever seen. It wasn’t that he was so charming and witty that he swept me off my feet instantly. It wasn’t that I was dazzled by his wealth and success in life.
I just knew this was where I was meant to be.
Bizarre, right? I’d never experienced anything like that with a guy before.
He didn’t have a dog and he didn’t drive a truck. But as we got to know each other I learned he was 43 of the 47 things I’d put on that list.
I had a girlfriend once who told me about how the first time she saw her husband, she knew they’d be married. He was just a guy in a bar, and she came to work the next day knowing they would marry. (They did! And they’re married to this day!) I didn’t understand how anything could work like that.
But I do now.
The time from deciding to call in One of the Ones to meeting my guy online was three weeks. That was nine years ago, he reminded me the other day when he said happy anniversary. 🙂
To recap this manifesting process:
What wasn’t part of it was looking for him on the dog walks. Go figure.
There are lots of ways to transform a relationship, but this list is devoted to ten law of attraction ways.
Even one of these ideas – put into practice – can make all the difference in your marriage, friendship or relationship with a family member, co-worker or neighbor.
You don’t need to engage all ten. Just be on the lookout for which appeals most:
1. Look for things to appreciate.
This is common advice in LOA circles, and for good reason. It’s a game-changer to develop a habit of noticing what we like about our other person.
Don’t overlook this gem for its simplicity or mundaneness. If every time you engaged a critical thought, you turned it around by clocking something you appreciate about them, that relationship will skyrocket into fabulous territory. Shoot, I even did it by accident once.
2. Love them up old-school.
Remember how in the beginning you only had eyes for their perfection and were blind to faults? You can plug back into that original love vibe by recalling what you were so taken with about them, before contrast clouded your vision.
Just take a moment now to recall what drew you to them in the first place. Next write that down and keep it handy for occasional review, or be prepared to recapture this perspective next time you find yourself dwelling on less than fabulous thoughts.
The first time I laid eyes on Russ I had a strong sensation of coming home. It felt like I’d been on vacation all my life and I’d finally returned home sweet home. Recalling that brings me right back to the truth of what’s possible for us together.
3. Release your grudges.
If there are memories or stories you’ve been hanging on to that you don’t want more of (I’m talking resentments, grudges, grievances, etc.) consider letting that go. Your relationship will be handicapped as long as you nurse old wounds.
That’s why it’s well worth letting that old reality be exactly that – an old reality. Stop bringing it into your present experience and make room for something better.
When I find myself lingering on a negative memory of Russ, I quote dad’s wisdom: “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.” It helps me shake off the negative past and create a more enjoyable present.
4. Give what you want to receive.
When we stop trying to outsource our happiness, and instead take responsibility for our own feelings, it gives the relationship breathing room to thrive.
Whatever we wish someone else would give us so we could feel better, we can give that to ourselves. You wish he was more considerate and respectful? Dial up your own self-respect and consideration. You want her to be more loving and attentive? Lead the way yourself. This is LOA at its best.
I used to blame Russ for not appreciating me like I thought he should. When I gave myself the gift I wanted from him (by finding ways to appreciate myself more), I felt better right away and it didn’t take long for him to follow my lead. Magic happens when we release the pressure we’ve put on them for how we feel.
5. Distance yourself from drama.
If you’ve got friends or family who chronically complain about their connections, limit your exposure to that energy. Don’t overly entertain others’ relationship criticisms.
Be discerning about the conversations and people you engage. Make a point of talking about what you prefer rather than what you wouldn’t consciously invite into your world. Because, as Jim Rohn said, we are who we hang out with.
6. Practice “I love that about you.”
When you see something you don’t like in your partner, try this little trick to turn that vibration around:
Say they’ve done that thing you just can’t stand. Again. Instead of engaging your inner critic, simply say to yourself (or even out loud), “I love that about you.”
Your Inner Being (aka Higher Self) really does love that about them, so when you think that thought you’re connecting with the part of you that sees them as Source does. And that’s a delicious and immediate shift.
In my experience, sometimes this trick works wonders and sometimes it just takes the edge off the criticism. But even that is a vibrational improvement.
7. Love them like you got what you wanted.
Have you noticed how much nicer we are when we’re fulfilled and satisfied? And have you noticed on the other hand how we sometimes withhold the goods when someone isn’t delivering what we want? Let’s suspend that latter routine, and instead lead the way to a happy relationship by conducting ourselves like we already got what we wanted.
My boyfriend works this magic on me sometimes … he’ll treat me like gold for no obvious reason. And when he does, I rise to the occasion and meet him at that gold standard. It’s a reliable way to draw the best out of your partner.
8. Clean up your expectations.
Often times what blocks another from being really good to us is our knowing who they are. We can only get what we vibrate, so when we expect someone to behave badly (“He’s a jerk”; “She’s so needy”), it’s a challenge for them to buck that vibrational current.
Practice seeing them at their best. As Abe would say, imagine their “vortex version” and let any low-vibe expectations evolve into positive ones. People live up to and down to our expectations all day long. Give your partner something good to work with!
When I found myself expecting Russ to be mad or upset about something, he was. When I shifted my expectations, it was like a different boyfriend came home from work that day. He matched my thoughts so perfectly it was a little spooky.
9. Rethink the negative past.
This is master level manifesting, and isn’t for all creators. It’s different than the tip to release a grudge, because what we’re doing with this one is imagining our past problem never happened. Or at least that it unfolded differently.
I learned this from Lynne McTaggart, who suggested we can change the past by recreating the memory in our minds. Not as it happened, but the way we prefer it had.
We do that by simply imagining the past events differently. That’s all. Tell a softer version of the past, and your present reality will adjust accordingly.
I practiced this once with a blowout that led to a five year estrangement with a loved one. Instead of thinking of that day as the big fight that ruined everything, I re-imagined that it wasn’t that big a deal. I told myself it was clear there was still a lot of love flowing between us and that all was well. Within days I received a love note and we were soon on friendly terms again, as if nothing had ever happened.
10. Open to possibilities.
Sometimes the transformation that’s being called for in our relationship is an ending. When we resist or deny that, we prevent our expansion and end up sabotaging our true fulfillment.
It simply doesn’t serve us when we’re attached to a particular outcome, so letting go our ideas of what’s “supposed to be” allows things to unfold in a way that serves everyone best. The name of this game isn’t using LOA to keep this person in our lives at any cost. It’s about finding a way to feel what we want and let Universe sort the details that match.
When I question the future of a relationship and am not sure whether to work it out or cut it loose, I let Universe guide me. My job is to vibrate what I want, so I tune into the feelings of a healthy, rewarding, happy relationship. I don’t necessarily know who I’m in this fabulous relationship with, but I do know how it feels. When I vibrate that, Universe makes things clear very quickly.
But it requires openness to practice that LOA magic.
These aren’t the only ways to employ your conscious creative powers in favor of an enhanced relationship, but they will take you far.
I’d love to hear your tips in the comments for how you’ve manifested positive change in your key relationships.
Important Note: if you are reading this in hopes of transforming an abusive person in your life, here are two suggestions: One, read this. Two, get outside support. This post is not written for those situations.
Note: this is different than when someone is attracting a person with specific qualities or attributes. This post is for when someone wants this particular Jane or John Doe into their arms.
Here’s my answer to the question, “Is it possible to manifest a certain person into my love life and if so, how?”
Yes, it’s possible, but please, don’t bother.
There’s a better way for you to get the love you want.
I know a lot of other LOA savvy folks say that it isn’t even possible to manifest a specific person into a love relationship.
That’s probably the best way to think about this subject.
However, that hasn’t been my experience.
But because I do have experience on this, it is very easy for me to recommend that you don’t go that route. It is not going to take you where you want to go. It really truly isn’t a focus that will serve you.
What you do want to focus on is what you really want.
And that’s not the one particular person that your mind might be fixated on.
What you want is how you think you’ll feel when you’re in a relationship with this person.
Those are two potentially different things.
And because of that, you want to pursue the latter, not the former.
Your higher self (or angels, guides, God, Universe – whatever you want to call higher power) is way better at arranging the love of your life than you are.
For some reason, we meet some “close but not quites” on the journey. Those are the men and women in our lives who give us glimpse of possibilities of a fabulous love, but for some reason it doesn’t pan out.
My friend, let it go.
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
You’ll not achieve your best alignment to love by trying to hang onto it.
Instead, tap the feelings of love right now.
Not yearning, not chasing, not desperateness, not clinging, not manipulating, not obsessing.
You know how that feels, right?
Tune into that, and you’ll allow your best lover to arrive on your doorstep.
You can align to love by:
But please stop thinking your romance has to be with so-and-so.
Consider him/her a filler, a stand in, a whiff of what’s to come, just to whet your appetite for something even better.
Because if you are attached to a certain person, you’re kinking up your own love story.
Let them go and get on with loving your life.
And trust me, you’ll be headed straight for your happily ever after with your next perfect someone.
This is a story about the power of focus, and how it serves us to be very conscientious about where we point that thing.
Once upon a time I broke up with a boyfriend that I shared a beautiful home with.
I had decided that his jerk-side outweighed his sweetheart-side by more than I appreciated. Our up and down romance came to a final and undeniable end.
Although our co-mortgage didn’t.
For a while we stalemated each other, each refusing to move out of the house we both loved, knowing the other would eventually give in and pack his/her bags.
I had several rescued animals – all of which were either senior, blind or feral – that I was decidedly reluctant to relocate. We would wait him out.
In the meantime, I met a fabulous new guy who was super hot, incredibly interesting and ridiculously charming.
My heart beats fast just thinking about him!
He was hot stuff, you guys.
He’d traveled the world and had amazing stories to tell. He was a triathlete without an ounce of body fat. Handsome, rich, successful, respectful of my work, plus he had the sexiest accent I’ve ever dated.
It was jackpot city!
He was ridiculously easy to have a good time with.
And I did!
Where I wasn’t having a good time, though, was back at the ranch, living under the same roof as my ex. Who did not appreciate my new dating life.
He was ornery, argumentative and inconsiderate, to say the least.
(Understandable under the circumstances, but I figured this is all the more reason he should leave once and for all.)
Remember I had multiple animals in my care, so leaving the house wasn’t an option until I could take everyone with me.
All I could do, since I was unwilling to move the menagerie at the time, was to practice my focusing skills as a conscious creator and set the vibrational tone for the life I wanted. Continue reading