I bet we’ve all been there …
When for one reason or another we had to deal with obsessive thinking. When something bad happened and we couldn’t stop mentally replaying it.
Maybe we were unjustly fired. Or a true love betrayed us. Or a family member said something that hit a sore spot.
And we keep turning it over in our heads, repeating what we wish we’d said or still want to say … as if resolution will be found by rehashing it.
Sometimes it does help to sift through the mental mess to find a better-feeling perspective.
But sometimes we just keep looping obsessively through thoughts and visuals that torment us with every repetition.
Even when we try to stop, we can’t. It’s like we’re not in charge of what we think, and that makes it even more disturbing, because we don’t want to give this subject any more air time and yet we can’t stop.
I have to imagine that regular meditators have a leg up on this routine, since they are more practiced at managing thoughts than those of us who don’t meditate.
But there is something we can do when we can’t seem to stop obsessive thoughts …
and that’s to make them work for you.
This happened to me when a love relationship ended in a way I didn’t appreciate. I mean, I really didn’t appreciate.*
I’ll spare you the sordid details, but I found myself in a sh*tstorm of negative thoughts about this guy and how wrong he’d done me.
If someone offered me $100k to say something nice about him, I’d have said a bunch of swear words about what they could do with their stupid hundred grand. I had not a single whiff of anything remotely good, and what’s worse – I wasn’t making room for anything good because all I could do was repeat everything I was so upset about.
After several days of this routine (it might have been longer), I realized I needed to get an LOA grip. Because continuing this pattern was going to lead to more things that I wouldn’t like either.
So I did the only thing I could do … and that was to use every single complaint I had about this guy as a lead-in to what my next guy would be.
Because conscious creators know how this works. Whenever we experience the high contrast of what we don’t want, it automatically inspires new desires (or stronger desires) of what we do want.
So this blankety-blank-blank jerk was actually helping to create someone as fabulous as he was dastardly.
And that thought made me feel better.
To think that this jerkoff would be the reason my next guy was so amazing – that seemed like sweet justice. I could get on board with that.
So for every complaint I had about the former guy, I made a list item about the fabulous new guy.
And every time I started the routine of complaining about what I hated about the old guy, I used it as a chance to run through my list of the new guy.
You know what that meant, right?
It meant my next guy was getting a lot of air time in my head. And conscious creators know what that means! (Read that sentence again in my sing song voice! Things are about to get delicious!)
Pretty soon, I didn’t even have to finish my whole bitch session of the old guy to start enjoying thoughts of my new guy. As soon as I started to hear myself thinking, “I can’t believe that blankety blank jerk thought he could blankety blank …” I’d take a pause, shake it off, and switch the channel over to “what I love about the new guy.”
The new guy became a joy to contemplate! I made it easy to tune into him via a short list of one-word qualities that I quickly memorized. He was:
By the time I finished my list of what my next guy would be, I wasn’t minding the old one so much. Funny how that works, right? Once we know we’re going to be happy again, we kind of sort of drop old grudges and want everyone else to be happy, too.
Thoughts of the next guy helped draw my obsessive attention off of what I didn’t want and onto what I did want.
So every time my brain wanted to go back to the bad thing, it just became a cue to conjure up the good thing.
That’s how I made those obsessive thoughts work for me.
Care to guess what happened?
Once I dialed off of the tirade of bad vibes and consistently plugged into good ones, three things unfolded:
New guy was an extremely welcome relief to what I’d been torturing myself with for those couple weeks, and his fabulousness delighted even me, who is used to fabulous surprises from Universe.
So the next time you feel battered by bad thoughts on repeat, remember this as a potential way to put them to good work.
Just think on whatever represents the opposite of those bad thoughts, and tune in there each time the old ones rear their ugly head. It won’t take long before you have good momentum going toward a preferred outcome.
If you’ve got a tip to share about managing obsessive thoughts, please share!
* understatement of the year
Fear doesn’t fly with happily ever after.
It just doesn’t.
We know that, and yet, staying out of fear is sometimes easier said than done.
Like when it seems something bad is coming for you …
Could be the doctor’s prognosis, the boss’ decision, the bank’s foreclosure … whatever you’re in fear of is easy to believe it’s inevitable and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Except – there is.
There is something you can do about it.
You can stop being party to the contrast you don’t want. You don’t have to let it just carry you along straight to your demise (or what looks like your demise).
You can change your mind.
You can choose something different.
You can remember who you are and you can use your powers to create what you prefer.
We are never out of power. We are never stuck in what we don’t want.
Not when we know how to choose otherwise, anyway.
And you know how to change your mind. You do it all the time.
You can do it here, too.
You can remember that you’re calling these shots.
You can remember that you create your reality.
You can remember that all you have to do is change your thought, to change your vibration, and that changes what happens next.
It’s never over; it’s never done; it’s never lost.
You can have what you want.
The other day when a friend asked what I was up I told the scary story of what I was trying not to experience.
I told it like it was inevitable. I told it like it was unavoidable. It was happening to me and there was nothing I could do about it.
And she said, “That’s not happening.”
She said it with confidence.
She said it like she meant it.
She said it as a friendly slap across the face when I’d lost my manifesting mind.
And she repeated it when I stuck to my story about how inevitable this unwanted thing was.
And then I remembered, of course, I would never create that.
I would never create that!
I know too much.
And in that moment it seemed obvious. I just needed to choose what I wanted.
I just needed to stop feeling like this thing was happening that I didn’t want, and remember that I’m in charge here.
And I didn’t pick anything different in that red hot moment.
I wasn’t there yet.
But I let that new thought start to grow within … I let it gain a little more power.
I let it grow a little bit before I acted on it.
I remembered who I am: a powerful conscious creator who knows how to think a new thought.
I remembered that everything could just as well be fine as it could be cowsh*t.
And then I geared up to decide that it would be fine.
I didn’t know how it would be fine – yet.
But I don’t have to know how. (That’s not my job.)
I just have to be willing to decide.
I just have to be willing to drop the fear of what I don’t want.
When I stop feeling like this is inevitable, I create an opening for Universe to do it different.
And when I get on board by being willing to feel different – even just releasing fear and feeling empowered and capable again – then I’m home free.
Maybe I get there by realizing, “Hey, this thing I thought was so scary, not such a big deal. Why would I scare myself like that? That’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it.”
I’m an eternal being. Nothing can ever go wrong for me. The system is rigged for my happily ever after. I literally can’t go wrong!
And knowing that changes everything.
It’s worth remembering that all we have to do to avoid whatever we’re most afraid of is stay out of fear.
Because in fear we have no power.
Remember who you are. Remember what you’re capable of.
You know what you want, and you know how that feels.
Take a deep breath – or three, shake out the fear, and then dial on what you want.
Do whatever feels best after that, and you’re golden.
Use your power, fellow creator. You’ve got this.
So you know how one of the most important tips for LOA is remove yourself from negative situations?
I literally cannot remove myself from my life because I live with my aunt and uncle.
So if I am constantly surrounded by negativity, what can I do?
He’s certainly not the first conscious creator to feel handicapped in his vibration management practice due to being immersed in a negative situation.
How have you handled it when it’s a work environment or family situation that doesn’t seem easy to just walk away from?
We’d all love to hear your tips and insights for our young manifesting friend. Thanks in advance for your advice!
Our latest question comes from a reader about a practice (suggested by her life coach) called conscious complaining.
She wonders whether it’s helpful to air negative thoughts, or is it contradictory to everything we’re taught about the power of positive focus? Here’s the question:
My life coach introduced me to something called conscious complaining, which extolls the value of expressing negative thoughts out loud in order to free yourself from them.
The idea behind it is that it helps you cut through the repressed negativity by airing and releasing it.
However, this doesn’t fit with what I’ve learned about law of attraction. Wouldn’t focusing on the negative just create more negative results? Or is there a good reason to practice “conscious complaining?”
Any insight is greatly appreciated!
For readers who aren’t familiar with the concept of conscious complaining, you can read more here. Karla McLaren explains that complaining doesn’t make you feel worse – rather, it has the opposite effect since it breaks through stagnation and actually serves as “quick lube for your soul.”
What do you guys think? Is there value to voicing your negative thoughts? Or could a conscious complaining session derail deliberate creation efforts?
Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts!
My ex-fiance and good friend just phoned to ask why he’s such a powerful manifestor of negative things, but not positive ones.
(There’s a belief worth turning around. But we’ll get to that later.)
Rob’s story is interesting, and probably not uncommon. So I’ve challenged him to change it, and thinking some of us might be inspired to join him.
He told about driving a customer’s car down the highway (he does custom remodel work on priceless classics), noticed a big work truck ahead of him, and started thinking, “You know, the last thing I need is a rock chip. I should probably change … ” and BAM! Before he was even done thinking the thought to change lanes, the windshield took a hit, leaving a lovely chip.
When he gets to the shop, he thinks, “I should call Todd to arrange for that repair today. But what if Todd’s out? Thursday’s his day off. Today’s Tuesday. But what if he’s not in?” Sure enough, Todd’s out, even though it’s not his regular day off.
Rob asks if he had fleeting thoughts of a million dollars spilling through the streets, would it suddenly appear?
I suggested he try it sometime. After he laughed, I asked if he has as strong a belief in free money in the streets as he does rock chips and bad timing for repairs.
Admittedly, and he’s not alone in this, it’s sometimes easier to believe in bad things than it is in really good things.
The good news is he/we can change that. Belief is just a thought we’ve repeated enough to make it a strong one. And we can change our thoughts. We humans are pretty cool that way.
So Rob’s going to try it. He’s going to practice thinking good thoughts and see how quickly they manifest. I ask him to report back.
Before he hangs up, he tells me how he’s really good at reading people, too. He can tell in advance what they’re going to do. He might think he’s psychic. I think he doesn’t yet realize the powerful effect his thoughts have on others.
For example, he says when his son comes over he knows it’s to ask for money, rather than lend a hand around the house. He can tell when the neighborhood homeless guy is going to drop by his shop asking for a loan. He’s got lots of examples of how he predicts people’s behavior.
Is he predicting? Or creating? (And what if they were the same?)
I suggest he practice his good thoughts on people, too. I told him people live up to and down to our expectations all day long, and suggest he practice holding new expectations.
I got a funny feeling his world is about to get brighter. : )