Ten years ago I spent my last Valentine’s Day single and it was a whopper.
I’d gone through a horrible breakup a few weeks before. We are talking about a record-breaking bad breakup.
I wasn’t heartbroken. I was emotionally bankrupt.
I had hit what I would categorize as an emotional rock bottom. I got there by making a too many bad decisions for too long. I was a mess.
On that particular Valentine’s Day I was in no mood for romance and I was jonesing for it like an addict all at the same time.
Fortunately for me, my best friend from high school was also post-breakup and didn’t have anyone on her dance card for V-day that year either.
So when she visited we got ourselves a bottle of wine and a notebook and went to work on “the list” to create our next relationships.
You know the list. It’s the list of qualities you’re looking for in a match.
Almost every woman I know has made that list.
I’d made it at least a dozen times before. Obviously, it hadn’t worked – at all.
I’ll fast forward six weeks from that Valentine’s afternoon when we made our lists. I met the love of my life.
He was such an exact match to that list that I recognized him immediately. We fell in love at first sight. We’ve been together every day, ever since.
So why did it work when I was at my most pathetic after my worst breakup when it hadn’t worked before?
I’ll tell you why and you probably won’t believe it because it goes against everything you’ve ever learned about how to attract anything.
It worked because I’d given up.
I didn’t think it would work. I’d done it before with train wreck results. I had no reason to believe doing it again would be any different.
I did it for fun to pass the time. Nothing more, nothing less.
I had a bottle of wine with a friend. We laughed and had a blast. I was just tipsy enough to be totally honest with that list about what I really wanted. I had zero attachment to it because I didn’t really believe it was within reach.
I got crystal clear about what I wanted that day and felt exactly zero angst about getting it because I had surrendered to the idea that I’d be single forever.
Sometimes it takes completely letting go to let the magic happen.
A smarter person than I was would let go before hitting rock bottom. However, even if you feel like you’re cruising for rock bottom you can still take heart. There is a lot of freedom in giving up and miracles happen when you least expect them.
This Valentine’s Day I am wishing you lots of love, miracles you don’t expect, and some wishes you’ve long since given up on. It’s easy for me to see all of that happening for you. If I can get to happily-ever-after from rock bottom anything is possible.
Lisa Hayes is the Love Whisperer who helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Find her online at LisaMHayes.com.
The average person doesn’t realize that as they speak, so shall it be.
Fortunately, you’re not average.
(Anyone reading law of attraction material is already way ahead of the consciousness curve!)
We know that the way to welcome new love into our lives is to get ahead of it.
That means to speak, think, feel and behave the way we would when we’re experiencing that love.
That’s how we vibrate love (or whatever want) into our lives.
And it might not feel like the most natural or intuitive thing to do …
It can feel strange to appreciate something that isn’t here yet.
It might seem a little crazy to talk to our lover before we’ve met them.
It can be awkward to practice love before love has arrived.
But that’s how we grease the wheels for it.
That’s how we cue Universe to send in the next love.
So if you’re in the mood to call in a new relationship, pay attention to the sorts of things you hear yourself saying about the state of your romance.
Instead of perpetuating your current reality, you can usher in a new one by speaking it so.
That could sound like having a conversation with your lover as if he/she were already in the room with you:
If you’ve been in the routine of feeling like you’re rolling solo through life, those conversations can be a big vibrational switch.
Instead of instructing Universe that you’re alone, you send the signal that a loved one is right there with you.
You may find it easier to engage less reality-confronting thoughts like, “I’m ready for love” or “Looking forward to my next relationship.”
I’ve also heard many success stories from creators who wrote letters to their love as if they were already connected. (That’s a big vibrational difference than traditional journaling about longing for a new love.)
Those of you who have super cool friends can even talk about your new partner with those who get what you’re up to. Together you’re scripting your relationship into existence!
But even if you don’t feel comfortable talking about your lover as if they’re already present and accounted for, at least stop holding him/her at bay by speaking them away.
Because when you say, “I’m so tired of being alone,” Universe has to make it so.
And when you say, “Honey, I’m home!” Universe has to make that so, too.
It will make real whatever you’re willing to speak into being.
Remember Mike Dooley declaring “It’s a good thing I’m rich!” when he got a big bill in the mail he didn’t know how to pay?
Conscious creators are willing to say what isn’t “real” yet in order to make it so.
This means you can talk your way right into your next true love by engaging your creative powers to speak it so.
This isn’t the only way to become a match for a fabulous new relationship, but it is a powerful one.
You’re already speaking your reality into existence, so let’s make sure it’s the one you want.
If you’ve got success stories along these lines, we’d love to hear them!
That’s how she manifested the new love of a lifetime …
She went to sleep with him every night.
Before she knew his name. Before they’d even met.
She went to sleep with him every night.
She felt his arms wrapped lovingly around her as she drifted off to sleep. (Using a body pillow to help trick herself into the comforts of the cuddle.)
She actually had another guy in mind. A specific guy she thought would be a great candidate for love. He turned out to be a great stand-in to activate those feelings of love.
But because she knew not to be attached to anyone in particular, she put her intention out for “him or someone better.”
This was summertime that she started sleeping with her imaginary boyfriend. And doing some cleanup in the love department. (Tying up loose ends and upgrading beliefs, I gathered.)
By July she’d nixed the idea of online dating (didn’t appeal to her), but she did receive an inspiration to go speed dating in August. Just for fun.
That’s where she met a dozen different men, one of whom she felt an instant connection with.
And she’s been having fun with him ever since. (“Even better” than she ever dreamed a relationship could be, she reports!)
All from being willing to feel him (emotionally, vibrationally) before he was real. From being willing to release thoughts of the guy she thought it should be, and from being willing to take inspired action just for fun.
That’s manifesting at its finest.
If you’ve used this process yourself and have tips to share, please do so in the comments! 🙂
There are lots of ways to transform a relationship, but this list is devoted to ten law of attraction ways.
Even one of these ideas – put into practice – can make all the difference in your marriage, friendship or relationship with a family member, co-worker or neighbor.
You don’t need to engage all ten. Just be on the lookout for which appeals most:
1. Look for things to appreciate.
This is common advice in LOA circles, and for good reason. It’s a game-changer to develop a habit of noticing what we like about our other person.
Don’t overlook this gem for its simplicity or mundaneness. If every time you engaged a critical thought, you turned it around by clocking something you appreciate about them, that relationship will skyrocket into fabulous territory. Shoot, I even did it by accident once.
2. Love them up old-school.
Remember how in the beginning you only had eyes for their perfection and were blind to faults? You can plug back into that original love vibe by recalling what you were so taken with about them, before contrast clouded your vision.
Just take a moment now to recall what drew you to them in the first place. Next write that down and keep it handy for occasional review, or be prepared to recapture this perspective next time you find yourself dwelling on less than fabulous thoughts.
The first time I laid eyes on Russ I had a strong sensation of coming home. It felt like I’d been on vacation all my life and I’d finally returned home sweet home. Recalling that brings me right back to the truth of what’s possible for us together.
3. Release your grudges.
If there are memories or stories you’ve been hanging on to that you don’t want more of (I’m talking resentments, grudges, grievances, etc.) consider letting that go. Your relationship will be handicapped as long as you nurse old wounds.
That’s why it’s well worth letting that old reality be exactly that – an old reality. Stop bringing it into your present experience and make room for something better.
When I find myself lingering on a negative memory of Russ, I quote dad’s wisdom: “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.” It helps me shake off the negative past and create a more enjoyable present.
4. Give what you want to receive.
When we stop trying to outsource our happiness, and instead take responsibility for our own feelings, it gives the relationship breathing room to thrive.
Whatever we wish someone else would give us so we could feel better, we can give that to ourselves. You wish he was more considerate and respectful? Dial up your own self-respect and consideration. You want her to be more loving and attentive? Lead the way yourself. This is LOA at its best.
I used to blame Russ for not appreciating me like I thought he should. When I gave myself the gift I wanted from him (by finding ways to appreciate myself more), I felt better right away and it didn’t take long for him to follow my lead. Magic happens when we release the pressure we’ve put on them for how we feel.
5. Distance yourself from drama.
If you’ve got friends or family who chronically complain about their connections, limit your exposure to that energy. Don’t overly entertain others’ relationship criticisms.
Be discerning about the conversations and people you engage. Make a point of talking about what you prefer rather than what you wouldn’t consciously invite into your world. Because, as Jim Rohn said, we are who we hang out with.
6. Practice “I love that about you.”
When you see something you don’t like in your partner, try this little trick to turn that vibration around:
Say they’ve done that thing you just can’t stand. Again. Instead of engaging your inner critic, simply say to yourself (or even out loud), “I love that about you.”
Your Inner Being (aka Higher Self) really does love that about them, so when you think that thought you’re connecting with the part of you that sees them as Source does. And that’s a delicious and immediate shift.
In my experience, sometimes this trick works wonders and sometimes it just takes the edge off the criticism. But even that is a vibrational improvement.
7. Love them like you got what you wanted.
Have you noticed how much nicer we are when we’re fulfilled and satisfied? And have you noticed on the other hand how we sometimes withhold the goods when someone isn’t delivering what we want? Let’s suspend that latter routine, and instead lead the way to a happy relationship by conducting ourselves like we already got what we wanted.
My boyfriend works this magic on me sometimes … he’ll treat me like gold for no obvious reason. And when he does, I rise to the occasion and meet him at that gold standard. It’s a reliable way to draw the best out of your partner.
8. Clean up your expectations.
Often times what blocks another from being really good to us is our knowing who they are. We can only get what we vibrate, so when we expect someone to behave badly (“He’s a jerk”; “She’s so needy”), it’s a challenge for them to buck that vibrational current.
Practice seeing them at their best. As Abe would say, imagine their “vortex version” and let any low-vibe expectations evolve into positive ones. People live up to and down to our expectations all day long. Give your partner something good to work with!
When I found myself expecting Russ to be mad or upset about something, he was. When I shifted my expectations, it was like a different boyfriend came home from work that day. He matched my thoughts so perfectly it was a little spooky.
9. Rethink the negative past.
This is master level manifesting, and isn’t for all creators. It’s different than the tip to release a grudge, because what we’re doing with this one is imagining our past problem never happened. Or at least that it unfolded differently.
I learned this from Lynne McTaggart, who suggested we can change the past by recreating the memory in our minds. Not as it happened, but the way we prefer it had.
We do that by simply imagining the past events differently. That’s all. Tell a softer version of the past, and your present reality will adjust accordingly.
I practiced this once with a blowout that led to a five year estrangement with a loved one. Instead of thinking of that day as the big fight that ruined everything, I re-imagined that it wasn’t that big a deal. I told myself it was clear there was still a lot of love flowing between us and that all was well. Within days I received a love note and we were soon on friendly terms again, as if nothing had ever happened.
10. Open to possibilities.
Sometimes the transformation that’s being called for in our relationship is an ending. When we resist or deny that, we prevent our expansion and end up sabotaging our true fulfillment.
It simply doesn’t serve us when we’re attached to a particular outcome, so letting go our ideas of what’s “supposed to be” allows things to unfold in a way that serves everyone best. The name of this game isn’t using LOA to keep this person in our lives at any cost. It’s about finding a way to feel what we want and let Universe sort the details that match.
When I question the future of a relationship and am not sure whether to work it out or cut it loose, I let Universe guide me. My job is to vibrate what I want, so I tune into the feelings of a healthy, rewarding, happy relationship. I don’t necessarily know who I’m in this fabulous relationship with, but I do know how it feels. When I vibrate that, Universe makes things clear very quickly.
But it requires openness to practice that LOA magic.
These aren’t the only ways to employ your conscious creative powers in favor of an enhanced relationship, but they will take you far.
I’d love to hear your tips in the comments for how you’ve manifested positive change in your key relationships.
Important Note: if you are reading this in hopes of transforming an abusive person in your life, here are two suggestions: One, read this. Two, get outside support. This post is not written for those situations.
But there are two secrets that savvy creators know make all the difference in the world when it comes to drawing in the love of a lifetime.
These aren’t popular suggestions, but they are powerful ones. So if you’re serious about getting jiggy with someone’s heart, here’s how you’d do well to proceed:
Secret #1: Love yourself.
If you want someone else to love you, you get to lead the way.
Not because no one will love you if you don’t, but because you won’t feel it until you do.
We get what we vibrate, so if you want someone who loves and adores you, you’ll want to know how to love and adore yourself.
The more challenging that is for you to do, the more important (and potent) it is to practice.
And if you don’t know how to love yourself, it’s as simple as treating yourself the same way you would anyone else you love. In thought and action. You know how to be good to someone else, right? Be that kind of good to yourself and you’re well on your way to allowing a fabulous love into your life.
Secret #2: Love being single.
If you’re trying to manifest a lover out of resistance to not having one, you’ll like just perpetuate the single state.
What really cues Universe for your good time in the romance department is getting okay with – or better yet, embracing – being unaffiliated.
A lot of folks are nervous to do this, because they think they’ll end up alone forever if they let themselves enjoy it.
It’s the exact opposite.
You can’t have a good time with another person until you know how to have a good time alone.
It’s that law of attraction thing, you know. Whatever you’re vibrating is what you get more of. So if you’re in a state of “I don’t like this; I don’t want this” you’re just gonna get more of it.
Which means getting happy being single is one of the most powerful ways to attract a new love.
And if you don’t know how to be happy being single, just ask any of your married friends about the upside of rolling solo. They’ll help open your eyes to the benefits of your current situation.
Plus, when you love life as is, you become very attractive – in more ways than one. Just make sure you don’t give that up when you commit to your new lover. 🙂
Note: this is different than when someone is attracting a person with specific qualities or attributes. This post is for when someone wants this particular Jane or John Doe into their arms.
Here’s my answer to the question, “Is it possible to manifest a certain person into my love life and if so, how?”
Yes, it’s possible, but please, don’t bother.
There’s a better way for you to get the love you want.
I know a lot of other LOA savvy folks say that it isn’t even possible to manifest a specific person into a love relationship.
That’s probably the best way to think about this subject.
However, that hasn’t been my experience.
But because I do have experience on this, it is very easy for me to recommend that you don’t go that route. It is not going to take you where you want to go. It really truly isn’t a focus that will serve you.
What you do want to focus on is what you really want.
And that’s not the one particular person that your mind might be fixated on.
What you want is how you think you’ll feel when you’re in a relationship with this person.
Those are two potentially different things.
And because of that, you want to pursue the latter, not the former.
Your higher self (or angels, guides, God, Universe – whatever you want to call higher power) is way better at arranging the love of your life than you are.
For some reason, we meet some “close but not quites” on the journey. Those are the men and women in our lives who give us glimpse of possibilities of a fabulous love, but for some reason it doesn’t pan out.
My friend, let it go.
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
You’ll not achieve your best alignment to love by trying to hang onto it.
Instead, tap the feelings of love right now.
Not yearning, not chasing, not desperateness, not clinging, not manipulating, not obsessing.
You know how that feels, right?
Tune into that, and you’ll allow your best lover to arrive on your doorstep.
You can align to love by:
But please stop thinking your romance has to be with so-and-so.
Consider him/her a filler, a stand in, a whiff of what’s to come, just to whet your appetite for something even better.
Because if you are attached to a certain person, you’re kinking up your own love story.
Let them go and get on with loving your life.
And trust me, you’ll be headed straight for your happily ever after with your next perfect someone.
Wanted to run this relationship question by you all …
… a savvy creator is feeling stuck with how to put LOA to work in her love life. (Which isn’t feeling particularly lovely to her lately.)
Here’s her request:
I need help. I need clear, simple instructions, kind of an LOA for dummies thing.
I know what’s creating my unwanted situation: observing what is (yuck!), expecting a certain behavior, reacting with more and more anger each time and obsessing about leaving the relationship.
What I DON’T know though is how to do it different. How can I not notice what is, and how can I not be angry when I feel I’m not respected?
How can I not expect the behavior that’s been there for a while?
I’m looking forward to your words of wisdom as well, readers, since I’ve been in this routine myself before.
(And it may be that there’s a bigger question to be addressed here.)
Thanks in advance for your input, friends!
In the mood for a good manifesting story?
Here’s my latest big adventure in manifesting …
Last year as I felt the contrast in my love relationship and caught myself trying to “figure things out” – I realized I’d be better off with a more aligned approach.
So I got focused on what I wanted – in a high level, big picture way – and then turned it over to Universe.
I gave the vibrational instruction (by focusing on the idea, image and feeling) of being in a happy, loving relationship and having the time of my life with a great guy.
I let go trying to figure anything else out, knowing Universe would coordinate the details. All I needed to do was get OFF the contrast, and ON the happy result I wanted. If I needed to do anything, it would be made clear in the form of some inspired action or internal nudge.
Sure enough, within two weeks I got a crystal clear signal that this was not my guy.
Seriously, I’ve never had such clarity in my life. I think angels must have delivered that message personally – it was SO clear!
When you get clarity like that, you can’t ignore it! Especially after you purposely asked for it.
So I cut him loose that night. In a very loving and respectful way. (I did good for a girl who hadn’t practiced a breakup speech!)
And it was done.
But by the end of the week, I was in the breakup from hell. I’m too LOA savvy to elaborate, but many of you who were in touch with me at that time know I’m not exaggerating when I say it got ugly.
Me, the Good Vibe Coach, who can do breakups in the vortex, was in the breakup from hell. I felt like a manifesting failure!
So we’re doing the worst breakup I’ve ever had in my entire life, but my wise coach told me this is his breakup, too, and I can’t deny him his process. And if he’s gonna be a beast, I can’t control that. Fine.
Which meant I had to give up thinking it should be a parting with love and light on both sides.
All I could do was my best to stay focused on what I wanted: love, appreciation, respect, support, etc.
That was a challenge. One I failed at many days.
I mean, in the face of some really ugly stuff, I was trying to –
I built some muscle on this one! That focus did not come without effort.
But I eventually got pretty good at making positive aspect lists, and fast forwarding to the time when I would be happily ensconced in a new love affair, at which time it was really easy to only wish the very best for this ex who was going all out to make life hell.
I began to stop fantasizing about his demise, and started wishing good things for him – that he would be able to connect with someone with love and respect and generosity and other good things. I imagined how great it would be if we had the kind of ex-relationship where I could help him succeed in a new romance. (I figured I had good insight for him!) I imagined the kind of woman who would love and adore him, the way he deserved to be loved.
And I focused on the things that I did appreciate about this long drawn out ugly breakup. Believe it or not, there were some things:
I realized I wasn’t interested in moving or living alone again. (It makes me laugh when I think back to how I dragged my feet to cohabitate with him – I thought that would be SO hard to enjoy a new house and another person under my roof! And here I was now not wanting to give it up.)
When people would ask how the split was going, I could feel myself struggling to answer. What they expected, and in many ways what I expected, wasn’t what was happening. Sometimes it was great and sometimes it was awful. Sometimes our path was clear and sometimes it wasn’t. I could feel the “should” about how things were supposed to proceed getting in the way of how things actually were unfolding.
So I just let it go.
I decided to let it be whatever it was going to be. I didn’t know what to call it or how to explain it. But I would simply do my best to make the best of where I was right now.
Although I did relocate the guns to a trusted friend’s house, just in case. lol
That’s been a while ago.
Two (reluctant) love interests and a new year later – my ex and I are still under the same roof together.
Living more happily than ever before.
No one is more surprised than I to read those words. But the truth is I’ve never felt such love, respect and appreciation for him – or from him.
Our life together has never been this easy or free. It’s based on enjoyment, with very little struggle involved. Even when a little challenge does crop up, it (usually) quickly becomes a source of laughter.
I don’t know what’s happened, other than that I got really good at appreciating him. And he stopped taking me and our life together for granted.
I never would have guessed – when we were in the middle of all that contrast – that he would be the next guy in my vision of a fabulous, loving relationship. (I thought he was the guy I needed to ditch in order to find that!) My best dream I could conjure up was that we would eventually become good friends as exes.
I guess that’s what’s happened. That, and more.
My ongoing intention is to continue holding this relationship loosely, and allow Universe to continue coordinating my happy ending. I don’t know what tomorrow holds (although we are going to Maui this fall, so I have some idea what the future holds) but I promise to keep using my positive focus skills and be open to whatever results best match the love vibe I conjure up.
It seems to be a pretty good formula for living “happily ever after.”
And that is my law of attraction love story for today.
Not what you expected, right? Me either, it turns out. 😉
Share your manifesting story in the comments below, or email me for individual posting.