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Surrendering vs. Creating

Some of us in LOA world wonder how (or even whether) the spiritual teachings of surrendering work with conscious creation.

Manifestors know we can create our reality by focusing on what we prefer.

Yet there is much spiritual wisdom about accepting reality without resistance and surrendering to God’s will.

How does that fit in with conscious creation?

Anyone who has studied Byron Katie’s Work, or been inspired by Michael Singer’s Surrender Experiment, may have questioned how those habits work for conscious creators.

Can just saying yes to life go hand in hand with manifesting what we prefer?

Remember my massage therapist who just let herself “fall into it” when she got fired and had no money to pay rent? She had no resistance to what was happening.

It was a huge lesson to me on the power of allowing.

So I know that letting go is an integral part of a manifestor’s skill set.

Yet when Amina Makhdoom invited facebook friends to a month-long practice of saying yes to whatever life presents (replicating Singer’s surrender experiment), I immediately thought of my ex’s booty call invitation. And the boss who recently suggested I return to the fold in corporate world.

Neither of which I had any interest in. To say the least.

Was she asking that I surrender and say yes to the things I have absolutely no personal preference for? Because that’s not my idea of a good time.

Ruby GangadharanWhich is why I asked Ruby Gangadharan her thoughts. (Ruby is a student to the yoga sutras, a life coach, deliberate creator, and ashtanga yoga practitioner.)

Here’s what Guru Ruby had to say …

Deliberate creation is the process of using the universal law of ‘like attracts like’ to willfully call into your reality things you desire.

Surrendering is the process by which you release any active part in creating your reality and let the universal forces play out what they know is best for you.

At first glance, these might seem like they are in stark opposition to each other.

One is active and offers control while the other does not. They are in fact, different sides to the same coin.

Surrendering requires you to trust in a higher power. The premise is that the higher power knows what’s best for you and will provide you with opportunities and resources to help you live out your destiny.

Looks like you are giving up the control isn’t it?

But let’s question what this higher power is …

Deliberate creators reference ‘the source.’ We say we are the extension of that source energy. It is infinite; it guides us and creates a reality that is a vibrational match to us. Doesn’t this sound familiar to the higher power referenced in surrendering?

But how can you create the reality that you want when you ask me to surrender and say yes to all that comes my way?

You can because even when you surrender it’s your higher self that is sending opportunities your way.

Your higher self is still a point of attraction that knows what it desires and what’s its purpose is.

In Law of Attraction you are told of concepts such as ‘universal manager’ and the techniques of letting go, releasing resistance, and following the downstream flow. These are all techniques that draw from the core concept of surrender.

Surrender does not mean you go out to seek your next action. This is not about you finding the next thing to do. It is also not about saying yes to everything in the hopes that it will bear fruit.

Surrendering is about you keeping yourself aligned in a mental state of peace and being present to the Now.

And if a situation shows up that requires your attention, you do your part without attachment to the outcome, without either liking or disliking it for what it is and without losing your alignment and peace of mind.

This next thing is the important part that goes with the practice of surrender …

When you start the practice of surrender, you should engage in some regular practice of energy alignment or energy purification. (Michael Singer used regular meditation to maintain a steady state of mind). This is one example; you can choose an energy alignment practice that brings you to a steady state of mind (i.e. being in the vortex).

You have to find a practice which brings you into alignment with the source, brings you clarity and lifts your energy.

So if you find that by surrendering, situations show up that you don’t want or you aren’t sure how they will help; look at them as an indication of the vibrations that are active within you.

That will guide you in your alignment practice; either to release resistance or to realign or to seek more clarity.

To conclude, surrender is not different from the deliberate creation process. It is, in a lot of ways, its duality. Surrender is a philosophy (concept) and like every other concept out there, it can be used to best serve our growth.

This next bit is a Q&A exchange Ruby and I had via email.

I’m including it here (with permission) to help flesh out this subject …

Jeannette: So Ruby, are you saying that if I had a stronger alignment practice or purer energy, I wouldn’t be propositioned by my ex or invited back to a corporate job?

Ruby: There is a reason why proposition from the ex and running into an old boss has come to pass. There are two ways to look at this; a) there is a resistant energy towards those scenarios which is playing out (namely, a strong ‘not wanting to’ towards a corporate job and sleeping with an ex). What we resist persists.

Meditation (or whatever is your tool to release resistance) will help you emotionally detach from the outcome of these specific scenarios. Until you hold such a strong NO preference to sleeping with an ex, please expect ‘booty calls.’ 🙂

Does this help move you to the next level and explain surrender?

Jeannette: I think I have a different definition of surrender. Mine is more like … I can accept that life is presenting these things. I’m not resisting the presentation of them. (I get it’s in response to my vibration.)

But I can still honor my personal desires without feeling like I’m not ‘surrendering’ to life by doing so. To do anything else feels directionless and dishonoring of who I am.

Ruby: Surrender is really the next level to LOA’s releasing resistance. Things will continue to happen to us while we realign, release resistance. The practice of surrender comes handy while we move on with our life as our new vibrations take hold. Taking action without attachment to the outcome.

Explain that last statement, ‘… honor my personal desires without feeling like I’m not ‘surrendering’ to life by doing so.’ Do you think surrender means to give up?

Jeannette: saying yes to an invitation I don’t prefer (that would actually be in direct opposition to what I’m consciously creating) does feel like giving up my personal desire and my manifesting rights (let alone skills).

If something already is (in my reality) I know resisting it is insane. But sex with an ex or working a job I don’t want aren’t my present reality. The invitations are, but every part of my inner being says “not that way.” My inner being says run your own show! (Working for myself is elation! I love it!) And it also says, don’t sleep with that guy any more. There’s no elation in that proposition.

If the conscious creator way is to head in the direction of what feels better, then I am definitely not headed for corporate work or booty calls. Right? I’d be crazy not to listen to that inner guidance.

Ruby: Surrender doesn’t mean going against your core values, beliefs or purpose. It’s more about practicing detachment from the outcomes of our actions.

Seems to me you are on the right track of finding your own practice of surrender with or without you agreeing to the ‘definition.’

This Q&A with Ruby will likely continue in the comments, where you’re invited to join in.

Thanks in advance for your input on what can seem like a challenging marriage of concepts – for some of us. 🙂

  • June 4, 2016

The Time I Got Schooled About Allowing

How to Allow & Practice SurrenderEvery now and then someone writes with an urgent question about manifesting something fast, because things are dire and getting worse unless they can use law of attraction to turn it around now.
This is the story I share about how I got schooled in the LOA way to handle situations like that:
Years ago I went to a massage therapist who was highly recommended by a good friend. “You’ll love her,” Lanaiya told me. “She’s amazing.”
And this masseuse was different, I’ll say that. She didn’t do just regular massage – she “read energy patterns” and saw things in your field – the sort of stuff you wouldn’t expect from a regular therapist. It was intriguing.
But I did question her accuracy when she told me I needed to learn how to allow.
Excuse me?
Clearly she doesn’t know who she’s talking to.
I am the Good Vibe Coach. I am a manifesting maven. I know all about allowing. Don’t tell me I need to be better at the surrender. I know all about that. I study Abe; I teach this stuff to others – for a living, for hell’s sake! This is what I do.
But fine. She can say what she wants. I’m not going to be rude.
So the session’s over, I’m her last appointment of the day, and we walk out to the parking lot together.
That’s when I asked her something about herself, and it prompted her to tell this story:

Just a few weeks ago she’d been working for a real estate company as an in-house masseuse. It was an okay gig, regular money, regular hours. Highly stressed people, but it kept her employed.
Until the day it didn’t. The market had turned, money was tight, and they let her go.
No notice.
No severance.
No clientele. No network. No backup plan.
And to top it off she had no savings and no rent money. (No rent money! The Capricorn financial planner in me was alarmed to hear that part!)
She had no answers, no solutions, no ideas.
And she thought, “Wow, something really good must be getting ready to happen.”
(Really? That’s what you thought? You know what I’d be thinking? Holy shit, I better get a job!)
But she didn’t think that.
She didn’t scramble. She didn’t stress. She didn’t plot or strategize or try to figure it out.
She allowed it.
In fact, she says she “surrendered into it.” Like falling back into it, trusting that she’d be safe. She imagined falling into a “soft, warm, puffy cloud,” she said.
Because something this big doesn’t happen unless something really good is coming, she told me.
“Alrighty then,” I thought. “You’re crazy. You need to get this handled.”
And then she tells me what unfolded …
That weekend she got invited to a party by a friend.
She had nothing else to do, so …
(Really? Nothing else to do? Like updating a resume, or spreading the word that you’re looking for work? Or asking the folks for a loan? I think you’ve got plenty of other stuff to do besides have a few drinks, girl!)
But no, she had nothing else to do, so she went to the party.
It turns out her friend threw this party in her honor.
The friend wanted to introduce her to all her other friends who she knew would LOVE to experience the gifts of this energy-working massage therapist.
So she gave a little sample to a couple girls right there at the party, and they LOVED it! They couldn’t get enough! Everyone wanted a turn with her!
They started booking her for private sessions.
And then raved about her to other friends and family. And she got booked some more.
Indeed, I realized, that’s how I found out about her. Lanaiya raved, said I absolutely must go. And there I was.
And actually, when I paid her, I wrote the check out for a couple extra sessions because I thought my folks might like to see her, too.
So … not only does she find the money for next month’s rent as a result of these sessions she’s doing, but she also raised her entire income level, upgraded her clientele, created her own schedule and work space, and enjoyed her work vastly more because now she had clients she could do this cool energy dance with. (The real estate agents hadn’t been into it so much.)

Now I understand why she would tell me I need to become a better allower.
I did not grasp the level that she was practicing it at. That’s what allowing looks like. That’s what surrendering makes possible.
That’s what it looks like in the real world.
And that’s what I aspire to … to be that trusting when it looks like things are going wrong. To be that open to positive change when it doesn’t look like I wanted.
(It’s like the same reason why the DUI driver is the one to walk away from the accident – they have no resistance flowing.)
I’d been properly schooled on the art of allowing.
So when someone writes in dire straits and absolutely must manifest something fast because things are going to hell in a hand basket, this is the story I tell. And it’s the story I remind myself when I get anxious about things …
“Something really good must be getting ready to happen.”
And it will, as long as I don’t resist and I don’t scramble. Just surrender to it all – and accept all party invites. 🙂

  • September 16, 2015

Don't Worry; Relief Is Coming

Relief is coming for deliberate creatorsInteresting messages in my inbox lately:
One reader writes in that she’s been working on changing limiting beliefs for years and has made absolutely no headway.  In fact, quite the opposite – things are worse than they’ve ever been.  What to do?
Another wants to know how to use law of attraction to secure food and shelter for herself and her young children.  (She’s homeless, unemployed and scared.)
I don’t know if it’s 2012 energy that’s amping up the contrast for some or what’s going on here, but I do know it’s no fun to feel like all is lost with no idea how to change it.
Those thoughts along the lines of “all is lost” or “it’s never been worse” or “nothing is working” don’t leave much room for something good to happen …
and I’ve noticed it doesn’t matter whether we learn to manage those thoughts or not, because things are going to get better one way or another.
Here’s the way some folks experience that:
Things get so bad they finally give up trying to change it.  In that surrender is relief, and that’s when solutions can appear.
Deliberate creators know they don’t have to let things get that bad in order to experience relief; but sometimes that’s how it goes. So what?  We get to do this however we want.

In fact, I’ve had several people tell me that’s the ONLY time they ever get what they want – after they give up from exhaustion.

Some people use high contrast as part of their creation process, which is perfectly fine as long as we realize that it’s optional. We don’t have to have that much resistance in play in order to manifest what we want; that’s just one way to do it.
Abraham regularly reminds us that even what many of us consider the “worst case scenario” (i.e. death) offers tremendous relief.
So one way or another, things can’t help but get better when we’re feeling tremendously out of sorts.
But there is one thing I want everyone to hear when turning to law of attraction in their deepest time of need:

* * This is no time to blame yourself for creating your current circumstances. * *

This is not the time to berate yourself for not being able to think a positive thought.  This is not the time to compare yourself to others who seem to be succeeding so effortlessly.  Nor is this likely the best time to nail down your limiting beliefs.

This is the time to be easy on yourself. To show yourself some compassion and remember that you’re doing the best you can and that you’re doing better than you’ve given credit for.

Too many creators use their knowledge of law of attraction to make themselves wrong for what they’re manifesting.  And in my experience, that thought doesn’t help a whole helluva lot.

If you find it empowering to realize you are in charge of everything that unfolds in your life, go for it.  Have fun with that thought!

But if you’re in deep struggle with life, please stop beating yourself up by thinking it’s your fault for creating this.  The last thing you need right now is another heavy thought.
This is the time for relaxing, for surrendering, for trusting, and for being easier on yourself.
And if you can’t do that, don’t worry.  Relief is coming, one way or another.
(And no, I don’t mean you’re going to die if you don’t turn this ship around!)
I mean relief isn’t as far away as you think, it isn’t as hard as you think, and it’s coming for you even if you aren’t consciously seeking it.
The system is set up for our success – it’s fail proof and fool proof.  As one of my favorite pins reminds me:
everything is going to be okay

(“Not to spoil the ending for you, but … everything’s going to be okay.”)

In the meantime, if you can just give up the fight for a while to pet a dog, or take a nap, or find something to laugh about, that’ll help your good news arrive sooner than later.
I am rooting for you, even though you don’t need it because your happy ending is guaranteed.  🙂

  • April 15, 2012

Q&A: How to Let Go?

how to let goThis popular question showed up in my inbox not once, but three times this week, and appeared even more often in client and group sessions.

So it seemed appropriate to have the subject of letting go be our next Q&A post for everyone to weigh in on.

Here’s the succinct question from Maryann:

“I have really struggled in the past with the “Letting Go” step of the Law of Attraction process. I’m starting to get a handle on surrendering and realizing how much resistance that I had from trying so hard. Do you know of any other resources or any other suggestions that may help with ‘giving up’?”

Another woman writes in:

“I understand how important it is to release attachment to my desire; I just don’t know how to.  How do you do it when it’s something you really really want?”

I’ve got a feeling everyone reading this has felt this challenge, whether related to weight loss, love, money, or the American Idol winner (hee).

And because we’ve all felt it, I believe everyone reading this has helpful insight to offer Maryann and others struggling with this aspect of manifesting!

So basically, we know that needing something desperately introduces the kind of resistance that actually keeps it from happening.  Cool, we get that.

But how do you let go of something that you’ve got your heart set on?

In traditional Q&A style, I’m turning this one over to you all.  Thanks in advance for your wise, humorous and helpful responses!

  • May 7, 2009

Care But Not Care

horses2Continuing the highlights from the manifesting seminar with Koelle’s horses in Scottsdale, Martha shared a quote that is at the heart of successful manifesting. 

I thought it might be from Lao-Tzu, but I might have that wrong.
Anyway, what she said was that one of the keys to getting what we want is to “know but not know; care but not care.” 
She is, of course, talking about being free of resistance and dwelling in the sweet spot of allowing.
This “caring, but not caring” is one of the aspects we’ll focus on in the Perfect Clients course next week.  Martha said if you care deeply about something, you’ve got to let it go.
Sounds contradictory, huh? 
But deliberate creators know that’s excellent advice because the more we care about something, the more we want it, the more attached we (often) become to it, which means the more we repel it
So this trick of combining desire with allowing could be described as “caring but not caring.”  I think Martha’s saying that you don’t want to release your desire (which is what some Buddhists practice, right?) but you also don’t want to be attached to it.
Martha had a beautiful moment of imparting this wisdom when she taught a participant how her version of “not caring” wasn’t serving her.  I hope I can do it justice by trying to describe it in words …

In an attempt to show us the different ways of “not caring” Martha stood in front of the group, paused while she got in character, and then embraced what felt like flippant and slightly bitter energy (reminded me of a snotty brat teenager) and said with very biting words, ” I don’t care!” along with a caustic flip of her hand and head. 
Then Martha paused for a moment to “not care” differently: she took on a very light and carefree energy (you know how you can feel the energy someone’s flowing even before they talk?) and with a half smile and open arms she said, “I don’t care” with complete freedom, enjoyment and openness. 

Again, it’s hard to describe, but I hope you get a sense of what I mean. 
Can you feel the different versions of not caring?  The helpful one is a kind of not caring that comes from already being fulfilled, simply because the sky is blue and life is good.  
Koelle shared a related concept as well, when she asked a woman what having a boyfriend was going to do for her.  The woman said it would make her feel loved and supported and appreciated.  Koelle asked her to start feeling those senses now.  Because, Koelle said, when you can feel love and support and appreciation now, you no longer need a boyfriend for it – and that’s what lets the boyfriend happen.  It eliminates the “need.”
Koelle’s basically talking about releasing resistance, and stepping into allowing by creating vibrational alignment.

koelleSo to love, to enjoy, to be at peace and be happy now – that’s the key, right?

This “not caring” conversation came about when we were doing a herding exercise in the corral, where it was easy to get “attached” to doing it right and getting successful results.  It was a great opportunity to remember to have an end result in mind, but to approach it with a lightness and easiness that kept resistance out of the picture.
Honestly, it was easy to stay light and easy in that gorgeous setting with beautiful horses and generous people and happy dogs and the amazing energy of Koelle.  But we can do it no matter where we are, who we’re with and what we’re doing.  We can do it at work, at the mall, and with our ex. 
Life is good and offers an abundance of reasons to be happy.  Find your reasons, and as you stick with ’em, know that’s putting you in direct alignment with all your dreams coming true. 

  • April 4, 2009