The Beauty of Anger
Does anyone have any idea how annoying it is to hear “You can choose to feel differently” or “Is this really what you want to vibrate?” when all you want to do is complain?
Well, I suspect my clients do. (They’ve heard it from me.)
The fact is I’m still getting some juice from anger right now in this red hot moment, and I’m hanging out here as long as it feels good and certainly long enough to fuel incentive for positive change. If it didn’t bother me this much, I might not notice it and I might not change it. (“It” being my relationship.) So this anger is a good thing. It’s got my attention!
I refuse to feel bad about this anger, and I’m not letting anyone talk me out of it, because this feels better right here, right now.
In fact, it makes me wonder – what feels good about anger? For some reason, this anger does feel better. As I wonder why, and I look up my trusty emotional scale on page 297 of “Ask & It Is Given,” I see that anger might be feeling fabulous right now because I’ve moved out of unconscious guilt and unworthiness. Mm hmm. No wonder I like it here!
Here’s Abraham’s emotional scale for reference:
- Positive Expectation
Man, me?! Guilt or unworthiness?! I’ve done so much self-love work, how is that even possible?!
But, it’s not a huge stretch if you saw the circumstances that brought me to anger.
I see now I’ve denied what’s important to me. Plain and simple. (I didn’t see it until Anger got my attention and inspired me to look.) I’ve tried to live what’s important to others (likely inspired by remnants of unworthiness), and I of all people know the trap door it is to follow someone else’s “feel good.”
Specifically, I committed to a weekend full of activities with my boyfriend that have kept me from giving my dogs, my health, my house, and certainly my work the attention I’d like them/me/it to have. Because everyone knows that in order to be in a good relationship, you must have some give and take. (What the hell ever.) That when it’s your anniversary weekend, you don’t say “I’m working” or “Maybe next time.” You say “Yes. I’d love to.”
The problem is my “yes” – as much sense as it makes in the relationship world – was a betrayal of what I really wanted. Look, I need some exercise. You got yours while you walked the golf course today, but I sat at the computer meeting an article deadline, and no, I’m still not done working. But that’s not what I said. I said, “Sure, let’s go.” To a party that I could invest two hours in, not five. And on our anniversary night, frankly, I’d rather have done something more our style – maybe just the two of us.
I also see that I visited with revenge earlier tonight when I left him sitting at his friends’ party for over an hour while I went for a walk in the neighborhood chatting with a girlfriend on his cell phone, which felt much better than hanging out with a bunch of drinkers. (No offense, guys. Just not my gig.) He thinks it’s okay to keep me from getting back home for dogs’ potty breaks and finishing the article? Oh yeah?? We’ll see how cool it is.
I mean, those words didn’t actually cross my mind, but that feeling sure did. I see how I went tripping right on through revenge earlier tonight on my way to this beautiful anger.
Anyway, I’m pissed off for right now and I’m staying here until I decide to go somewhere else. And no coach, or ex-boyfriend, or girlfriend, and certainly no boyfriend is going to talk me out of it. Anger is what feels good, I hear my “feel good” loud and clear, and I am more committed than ever to following it.
Now, I fully expect I will wake up with a completely different attitude (I might even set an intention, or not). But for right now, this is where I am, and it is okay. (Lorenzo, I still love you for that.)
This anger is serving me.
And it’s given me clarity that I’m upset because I haven’t honored what’s important to me. I haven’t fully followed my feel good. No wonder I’m so mad!! It isn’t anyone’s fault but my own and I get that.
Thank God, I get it.
I know this post is long enough already, but it seems helpful to note that I recognize a theme here from the email/computer challenge I recently experienced: disrespect. As this vibration of disrespect seems to come up here and there, it makes me realize that if the world is showing me disrespect, then it’s worth looking within to see how I’m disrespecting myself.
And it’s right there plain as day for me when I look for it: I haven’t respected what’s important to me. Hello!
Thank you beautiful world for showing me where I’ve got room to clean up my vibration.
PS – in the time it took me to edit this post, I’ve already moved out of anger and am feeling something more like peace and relief. So even though it’s already old news, I’m still posting this, because if this isn’t real world manifesting, I don’t know what is. And I am committed to showing how law of attraction works in the real world! This is my real world, and I know it’s not 100% beautiful and peaceful and lovely, but … it still works for me. : )
PPS – sweetie, if you’re reading this – happy anniversary!
PPPS – sorry for the swear words, everyone. (Keepin’ it real.)