Values: Quick Ticket to Raising the Vibe

siamese-kittens.jpgWe all know we get what we vibrate, so the quick & easy way to get what we want is to vibrate it now.

We also know vibrating it before it’s happened (whatever “it” is) is easier said than done.

Those of you who have worked with me know I believe a quick ticket to creating that vibrational alignment is living your values.

What do I mean by that? Living your values means knowing what’s most important to you and honoring it daily.

Values are what you hold dear in life, serving as a compass pointing out what it means to be true to yourself. When you live your values, you feel more YOU. You could say honoring your values is when you are your BEST self.

In fact, Laura Whitworth said in her book, Co-Active Coaching, that “making decisions based on our top values will always, repeat always, lead to more fulfillment.”

I call that the sweet spot – when we’ve oriented our life around what best offers us satisfaction and fulfillment. By doing so our vibration automatically goes UP, putting us in very nice alignment with all our highest goals, dreams and desires.

For that reason, knowing what your values are so you can honor them in your daily life is crucial.

Do you know your core values?  Do you know what makes you YOU? 

In order to live and honor what’s most important to you, you need to know what that is for you. Most coaches say we each have between six and twelve core values.

Here’s one method to identify your core values:

Think of an out of the ordinary recent peak moment in your life, something especially rewarding or poignant. As you recall this moment, ask what was present that made this such a fulfilling time. Your answers are clues to your core values.

You can also look at the opposite extreme, exploring a time when you were particularly angry, upset or thwarted in some way. In recalling this moment in time, ask what was missing that made it such a negative experience.

Example: last week Russ hired gardeners to weed and prune the yard.

(Those of you who read my Good News posts know that this was a hot spot for the two of us, as I didn’t think the yard needed cutting back. When we realized we didn’t see eye to eye on this issue, my sweetie said “I’m telling you how it’s gonna be” which didn’t sit well with me. In fact, that experience itself was an indication my ‘independence’ and ‘freedom’ values were feeling trampled on.)

Anyway, after the workers were done I surveyed the yard in tears. It seemed like everything had been chopped back next to nothing. I’ll refrain from elaborating, but I was gutted to survey the results.

To have such a strong emotional response is a clue that one of my core values was missing or violated. I didn’t realize it until I heard myself explain to Russ why I was so upset: “it’s as if nothing’s allowed to grow here.”

Ahh, Growth. One of my core values.

Now a guy who doesn’t understand anything about values might thinks he’s just got an overly emotional or moody girlfriend. And it would be easy for me to point the finger at my dictatorial boyfriend who completely ignored my wishes and blame him for making me feel so bad.

But I know better.

I felt awful because I stepped out of my sweet spot. And when I know what my sweet spot consists of, I can step back in.

My sweet spot (which is just my core values list) includes:

  • Indepence/Freedom
  • Feeling good
  • Nature
  • Connection
  • Authenticity
  • Growth
  • Learning
  • Inspiration
  • Action (believe it or not)

So the question becomes how can I best honor growth in my life?

I started by being willing to talk to the guy who hired the thugs to massacre the back yard. (That would be my boyfriend, who was already in hot water for “telling me how it’s gonna be.”)

This situation was actually an excellent growth opportunity for us and our relationship. I’m grateful I didn’t miss it.

I also treated the yard to a big dose of Miracle Grow fertilizer. It’s already perking up! Next I brought home a new mama cat with three young babies from Humane Society who needed fostering. All of these actions help me connect to my core value of growth. Which elevates my vibe automatically.

Pretty cool, huh?

In fact, can you also see the potential in knowing the values of those close to you? When you know what trips their trigger, it’s super easy to support their good time.

Which is why we coaches always want to know our clients values – because when we help you steer towards them, you can’t help but feel fabulous!

But you don’t have to have a coach for this work.

  1. Discover your core values,
  2. Make a point of staying connected to them in your daily life, and
  3. Your vibe will automatically rise.

Which is how you get what you want.

Values are kind of like fingerprints – no two are the same and it’s what makes us unique.

For that reason, I’d love to hear what your values are if you care to share! Here’s a list from Steve Pavlina’s site you might find helpful.

I won’t be surprised if those of us drawn here together share some of the same values. You know, that “like attracting like” thing and all.

  • July 27, 2008
  • Tia says:

    Thanks Gillian 🙂 I have to agree that I am rather tenacious not sure about the calm tranquil nature though lol .. maybe somewhere deep within? The rest is sooo bang on too except for one – I dont ever think of myself as hard working … I goof off too much and never seem to stay in one job long enough to really work hard at it!! I love the description though 🙂
    Btw Jeannette I went back to your old old posts and ended up posting 3 more posts cos my vibe was low that day and every single one of those posts I clicked on was sooo spookily linked to what I had been thinking! Maybe I shld be postin this on the ‘pre paved’ blog. LOL
    Talk tyu sooN!!

  • Gillian says:

    The Ox is born under the sign of equilibrium and tenacity, which are the Ox’s core values. They tend to have a calm and tranquil nature, they are very family oriented, love family life, love their home, their home is their castle. They are down to earth. They love and seek a peaceful and grounded existence. They are hard and conscientious workers, resolute and methodical and determined, they have excellent leadership qualities.
    Hope it helps.

  • Tia, we have that in common .. CONNECTING and Being Connected. I really get that!
    The having fun part hits home, too.
    Explains why I love your energy so much!
    Thanks for posting here, sweetie, and inviting the Ox energy in!

  • Tia says:

    Im an Ox … I feel left out of monkeyland! lol .. my values include FUN, INTIMACY, LOVE, TRUST, LOYALTY, RESPECT (yeah thats big for me too), FREEDOM CONNECTION/BEING CONNECTED, and GROWTH!
    As long as Im 1) havin fun and 2) feeling connected to people / what Im doing I dont need much else… I think part of why its so important to me is that I was sent away to boarding school at the age of 5 for 2 years!!
    As a result I ‘dis’like not being connected to people .. not all people, just the ones I connect with!! Interesting how your childhood experiences determine your values ay?!

  • Susie, that’s EXACTLY what it says to me – ANAL. Ugh!
    I’ve got some reframing to do there.
    In fact, I even used that EXACT haircut example to Russ! I said, “Have you ever had such a bad haircut that you just wanted to cry?” (Which, in reflection, was a mean thing to ask since that’s actually one of his worst childhood memories.)
    But that’s exactly how it felt. Controlled, manipulated, stunted, .. oh my gosh, I’m working myself into a bad vibe!
    Scratch that!
    Here’s the good news: YOU understand! I’m not alone! Even when his mom tried to tell me “Jeannette, you have to realize, you HAVE to trim the yard” I was feeling pretty …
    ope, there I go again – back to my pity party …
    Here’s the good news (second try): I have made such a big deal about this that I am POSITIVE it will go down differently next time. I’ve also LEARNED so much from it that I know it’s impossible to retrace those same steps. Growth has happened. We learned, we know more, and we’re still here.
    Oh my word, Susie – just read your second comment!! WOO HOO GIRLFRIEND!!
    Times one hundred INDEED!!
    My hero – Susie B. 🙂

  • susie says:

    oh yeah, and nowww (that i quit my job) im ready to narrow down my list of values
    woohoo x 100

  • susie says:

    jeannette, i sooooo relate to the preference for a wild garden as opposed to a “manicured”, (i.e. anal) look….
    reminds me of several haircuts when i was a teen, after which i ended up in tears (short bangs, too short anywhere)….interesting connection!!!!
    love you

  • Kelly, I just saw your personal blog post before I read your comment here …
    What a fun blog you’ve created! LOVED your “falling in love” piece form November.
    And congrats on claiming your “really good writer” status!
    Thanks, too, for the kind words, Kelly. That means a lot coming from a fellow blogger. Especially one who is a really good writer (woo hoo)!!

  • Gillian says:

    Oh dear, your blog attracts more and more monkeys, Jeannette, ha ha ha!!!
    Dawn, then you and your husband are truly a fantastic match, because “secret friends” work best for husband-wife relationships. We monkeys are also very compatible with other signs like the dragon and the rat and the dog, but its the snake, which is best suited when finding a mate.

  • Kelly says:

    The values portion of this post really hit home. I love Steve’s list and have it saved on my computer. I’m having difficulty attracting money (you wrote on this awhile back) because I somehow feel having money is in opposition to my value of simplicity and happy frugality. I’m working on this!
    I’m honestly amazed by your blog and that you continue to put out great information that is also FUN TO READ. No easy task in the increasingly saturated blog world.
    I’m a problogger who has a LOA (different focus than yours) guy as a client. I’m a REALLY GOOD WRITER (I saw this from your newsletter and intend to use it).
    Thanks so much!
    I’ve shared the newsletter post on expectations on my personal blog.

  • Oooh, brilliant shift, Dawn – from striving to feeling it now!

    Nice to meet another fellow Monkey. hee hee

    Thanks for posting, my tree-swinging sister!

  • Dawn says:

    I love all this talk about Chinese Astrology. I, too, am a monkey (interesting also that my husband is a snake). “Freedom, independence, and individuality” hit all my nails right smack on their heads!!! I feel like my whole life has been about striving for those three things. Of course, now I know that I don’t need to “strive” for them, just feel them already.

  • Gillian says:

    Where did I learn so much about this subject? We monkeys are supposed to be a shrewd judge of human character, another attribute of monkeys I had not mentioned yet. I observe people a lot and I love studying human character, so I have studied Chinese Astrology and applied it to the people I know, its great when you understand why people are the way they are. I also love the western zodiac, though I am not yet all too familiar with it. What do I do with my knowledge? I use this knowledge to have a better understanding of the people I meet. Have a better human understanding. Its great, the Zodiacs, Chinese and Western, are so very interesting.

  • Well, thanks again for sharing your knowledge here, Gillian. 🙂

  • Gillian, how did you learn so much about this fascinating topic?! And what are you doing with it – besides blessing us with it here?!

  • Gillian says:

    Oh ya, another thing I forgot to mention about snakes, since snakes are attributed with such a high sex appeal, dreaming about snakes actually represents the opposite sex. Don’t believe anyone telling you that dreaming about snakes signifies evil or enemies, nothing could be farther from the truth. Snakes do not represent evil!!! If snakes appear in our dreams it ALWAYS signifies the opposite sex, it could mean anything from secret admirers to a lover or spouse, who is head over heels in love with us. I can testify to that! So no matter how scared we are when we dream about snakes, we can rest assured, that in reality we are loved! I guarantee you that!

  • Gillian says:

    Yap, believe it or not, the Monkey and the Snake are “secret friends” a term in Chinese Astrology meaning that these two signs are very compatible and have much in common and compliment eachother in many ways. What both signs have in common is their high creativity and the snake is patient and wise enough to take the monkey’s mischievious ways with a sense of humour, he he, he!
    The snake is a very wise and intuitive animal sign, they are deep thinkers, they love higher studies and they are somehow blessed with an incredible 6th sense. They can feel things and know something way ahead before actually seeing or hearing about it. They are very patient and snake women have a certain allure, they are usually very feminine as the snake is the most “Yin” (feminine) animal in the cycle and they are extremely attractive to the opposite sex.
    As for monkey’s, we monkeys can only thrive if we can enjoy freedom and be free to express our individuality and/or Uniqueness! Great isn’t it? I love being unique.

  • “Swinging from tree to tree” … that kind of sounds like my summer of dating a few years ago. lol
    And totally not a surprise, Leslie, that you would sport Wisdom, Growth and Knowledge. Maybe that’s a good reason for us to team up … I benefit from your wisdom, and I’ll take you swinging in trees. hee hee
    All right, that thought is so much fun it made me laugh out loud here by myself!
    Thanks for posting, girlfriend. 🙂

  • Gillian says:

    Believe it or not Jeannette, I already suspected you were a Monkey, I could just tell somehow, picking up certain characteristics of yours! Maybe its because I am a Monkey too, so I tend to recognize Monkey qualities in people instantly! Freedom is on the top of the list of the monkey’s core value, nobody can tie down a monkey with too many rules and regulations and “shoulds” and “musts”! Eventually the monkey will just break the chains and cut loose. Another very important core value of the monkey is “Individuality”. The monkey person has to be able to express his own Uniqueness (as you said it). I used to work in a hotel many years ago and I could not have been more miserable in the hotel business. Not too mention all the stupid rules and regulations of a bootcamp, that zapped off my sense of freedom , but also the fact that I had to wear a Uniform and blend in with the rest made feel so sick. I could not express my own sense of individuality, by dressing the way I wanted to, but had to conform to the uniformity of the hotel’s rules and regulations! It was a nightmare! So yes, knowing our core values is very important to live our lives to the fullest!

  • Leslie R says:

    Monkies attracting more monkies – could there be anything more fun! The immediate hit you get from monkies is fun – they are after all the animal that gets to swing from tree to tree.
    And I love that snakes get to have wisdom as a core value. We snakes get to shed our skins and have lots of new growth. There is a big difference between wisdom and knowledge and I always wanted the wisdom because that helps to bridge the knowledge to the physical world. Know what I mean.

  • Gillian, the whole Chinese astrology thing appeals to me so much more knowing the core values attached to each animal. I didn’t know this!

    When Kim reads this she’ll probably say, “Yes you did, Jeannette, I told you a long time ago.”

    And you’re right – I’m a dead ringer for a Monkey.

    I’m off to go look up Russ’ sign …

    Thanks again for tipping us off to this, Gillian! Very fun!

  • I never knew that about Chinese astrology, Gillian! Thanks for the tip!
    Right off the bat, I have to say that sounds spot on, since I think I’m a monkey and freedom and independence and – I call it Uniqueness – are high on my list.
    Very interesting.

  • Sherry says:

    Oh yes I concur on the Monkey values! Nothing like swinging from tree to tree, seeing things from different perspectives and revelling in the adventure.

  • Gillian says:

    Anyone, who has interest reading the Chinese Astrology will find a description of the core values of each animal sign. For example the main core values for people born in the year of the monkey would be: “Freedom”, “Independence” and “Individuality”. The core value for Rabbit people would be “Prudence” (That’s why they are so diplomatic!), for Snake people would be “Wisdom”, for Tiger people would be “Courage” and “Determination”, Rat people are born under the sign of “Charm” and so on. Anyone, who needs some help finding out their core values might want to pick up a book on Chinese Astrology and read about their animal sign and the core values of each animal sign.

  • Thanks for the link, Phillis. That one probably hits the nail on the head for most people who value inspiration. 🙂

  • You know, Leslie, I thought of beauty/appreciation and nurturing for you when I wrote this. I can sure see how Family shows up for you as well!
    And how nice is that to know Respect is a must for your hubby in order to feel his best self. That’s an easy one to deliver, huh?
    In fact, someone should write a book about how to win friends and influence others by simply observing and honoring their core values. Talk about an easy way to prevent relationship challenges!!
    Thanks for sharing your beautiful self with us, Leslie. I’m not at all surprised to hear we have several values in common! 🙂

  • Leslie R says:

    Respect I have noticed is a huge one for my husband, that one will get his knickers in a knot the quickest. Over the years this has helped me alot in our relationship, realizing the his position in the community and in the family is very important to him and being well thought of. Big Time.

  • Phillis says:

    If you haven’t seen this (another must see)
    Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

  • Leslie R says:

    Although it is hard to see plants cut back I do know that it does help them grow stronger and bushier.
    That is the thing about growth there is always an abundance of it. And especially if you have signed up for it as you have Jeannette. There is a whole lot of miracle-gro in this world!
    More and more I see that I have a core value for FAMILY. The wellbeing of those I care for is utmost to me.
    Another value that I embrace is INSPIRATION – I feel in sync when I am thrilled and inspired with life and wanting to share.
    SHARING I guess is huge with me as well.
    And something that I have worked on hugely for the past five years is ACCOUNTABILITY, which is perhaps another word for authenticity. I look at all of Jeannette’s values and go YUP!
    NATURE is huge as well and animals, even though I only have two cats I love animals, observing and just being touched by them.
    Which of course BEAUTY goes with that as well.
    I have to admit I feel good naming all of this, you are onto something girlfriend!
    Love Leslie

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