Not Me (Watch Your Spotlight)

Fellow female creators, I love you dearly, and the depth of your suffering is incomprehensible.

And it is with the highest sense of compassion and support that I remind us that mass consciousness and momentum are powerful things.

When the energy gets rolling it can seem unavoidable. Inevitable even.

But it’s worth remembering that you are powerful, too.

So is your focus.

It is not worth letting mass momentum point you toward what you don’t want more of.

Just because (it seems like) everyone else is adding energy to what they don’t want (and what they think of as terribly wrong), doesn’t mean you have to, too.

Even if it’s true.

Even if it happened to you.

Even if you like to support your friends by letting them know they’re not alone.

Even if you think it’s important to spotlight the problem, in an effort to resolve it.

Actually, if you think problems get resolved by spotlighting them, you’re reading the wrong blog.

I love everyone dearly, but this blog is for conscious creators who know that our attention creates our reality.

With the most love and compassion in my heart, I am reminding us that if we don’t want more of it, we can shift focus to what we prefer.

If you can make a legitimate case for how it feels better to self-identify as a victim of sexual harassment for social media sport, then rock on with your bad self!

If not, check yourself and what you’re activating.

Spotlighting problems is not how we attract solutions.

I know you know this. It’s just a friendly public service reminder.

That is all.

Big love and happy manifesting!

PS – if you have no idea about the social media trend that this post is referencing, I say congrats and leave it there! 🙂

  • October 16, 2017
  • Sonya says:

    I love this Melani, beautifully stated….I’m going to balance my compassion with self-care and remembering how it feels to “join” or not. Thank you also Jeanette, I deeply appreciate the reminder to watch my own spotlight in all that is currently trending. One ❤️

  • Melani says:

    I’m not a fan-girl of Abraham (not really a good fan in general), but I do like that the ‘hammers say it is all about the energy surrounding the words. If people feel really elated writing “me, too” on Facebook, go for it! I’m not experiencing much joy coming from those posts, but that could be that I know the backstory of most of my FB friends who posted “me, too” (i.e., they are very angry women who enjoy nursing their anger to feel self-righteous). However, I can imagine that there are women on FB who are feeling exhilaration in posting “me, too.” It is so much better than depression and despair on the “Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale.” So, level up, Women!
    For me, I cannot nurse my anger for longer than a quick vent or it turns on me. A good example of this is my inability to look at abused animal photos on FB. I fully support rescuing all abused/neglected animals and actively participate in this goal. However, spending any time witnessing the horror does NOTHING for me in terms of LOA and as far as I can tell, doesn’t help animals pictured.
    BUT, and this is a big “but,” I did use anger to level up out of despair at one point in my life. It’s just that I got stuck there, because I didn’t trust the Universe, God, Higher Power enough at that time. I thought the anger and resentment kept me vigilant and strong enough to prevent further hurt.
    I really appreciate your thoughts here, Jeanette. I felt like an outsider to all these “me, too” posts. I didn’t want to be in that club and felt annoyed that there was a weird silent demand that I participate or a false dilemma fallacy at play – “You’re either with us or against us.” Thank you for speaking out for the NOT MEs!

  • Jiya says:

    Hi Jeanette, I was a part of that #MeToo feed. But I did that to empower our women or men for that matter.
    I wanted everyone to know that speaking-out is the word of brave and we should do that.
    My FOCUS was not on the problem but the joy that I was getting because of people becoming so courageous and showing self-love to themselves.I was so happy and thrilled to see such big models and actresses coming out and speaking for themselves.
    I think it could be a butterfly-effect to bring that change in the society many were looking for. Who knows?
    But I agree with your point too. I have a question though.
    I am a conscious creator but I had such experience at work once, not too deep though. I heard that those guys did this sort of things it other girls too. How should I deal with that?
    I think you should write a post on this question for many who have faced such situations in their lives that they could not forget or forgive, despite of being a conscious creator.

  • Steffy says:

    According to AH, if you make a problem bigger you also make the solution bigger. And… you can’t get it wrong. 😉
    So… are you SURE there’s a problem with #metoo??

  • Steffy says:

    Interesting point of view. I don’t see a problem and I don’t see any bandwagon or focusing on the unwanted. I see the #metoo as a shift for the better collective consciousness. The pendulum was too far to the silence side. It’s now suddenly and sharply swung to the vocal side. Once this is cleared out, a balance will be found. For those of you who are bothered or troubled by #metoo, perhaps spend a minute considering what you’re resisting about it and the reason for that. What you don’t resist doesn’t stick in your craw, right? Food for thought.

  • I love this! I posted something similar but shorter after I started seeing what was going on on social media. But this is so PERFECTLY said! I could feel the offness in my feed and I could not not say something. Had I seen this post earlier I would have shared this. And THANK YOU, in general, for you just being you. Having you in my feed, with the same views and knowing as myself, is a breath of fresh air, as well as a welcome comfort. Love you. xo

  • Laurie Stolmaker says:

    It is so complex- I worked as a therapist for years. I know the value of being witnessed. I love the work of Frederick Luskin, Forgive For Good. He suggests to tell the story once, maybe twice then stop telling it. Maybe some of these women are telling for the first time, but I agree that the spotlight on social media is not helpful, to me. I can send love and compassion, but I also felt myself dragged into memories that were not helpful. I am still processing it all, but I chose not to comment, Like or remark in any way. The leading edge is never very crowded!

  • Daniel Miller says:

    It’s impossible to fully heal and transcend a wound and a shame that is not fully acknowledged, understood, and yes, “spotlighted”, along with the embedded sociocultural patterns and power imbalances that enabled its infliction and persistence in the first place.
    The only question is what context or venue for a certain moment of the process of acknowledgement and dissolution of the wound. For many, this has been just that moment. And the public nature of it, for those who are able and comfortable with it, is entirely appropriate and even necessary, given that this particular issue is one so *very* deeply embedded at a collective level.
    These things are complex, but i assert from my own experience that healing and self-evolution absolutely require some necessary degree of identifying and daylighting the wound or dis-ease and the specific and often hidden (precisely by shame and by imbalances of power and agency) ways it manifests.
    Or to put it more simply: acknowledging something does not make it grow, nor does willfully ignoring it cause one to leave it behind.

  • Michelle says:

    Jeannette, thank you!!!
    I really believe that most of our current problems come from too much “awareness” pushed on us by the mainstream media.
    I prefer to be aware of better things.

  • Jacqui says:

    Thanks Jeannette, and everyone here for your thoughts. This whole thing is really helping me shift to another layer of awareness, around my own experience but also in my work as a coach. I didn’t ‘me too’ but did post about compassion for our women and also for our wonderful men. I definitely felt the call to help things shift to another level of consciousness around how we treat each other on our beautiful planet!
    I went to bed after reading this thinking that I needed someone to explain to me how I could have (in life, not on social media) NOT spotlighted something that is in my body, my psyche, my dreams, and that is coming up for healing. It seems to be part of being human, to me, and the journey from low-density to higher ones.
    Then I remembered that *I* am the authority 🙂
    I think I’m discovering that what I’ve ignored or denied* does* need a spotlight on it – but it’s one done in private, with support, and not one that requires giving weight to a social media wave, without the context of being part of being a bigger shift of consciousness, for all humans. Did I attract something as a teenager or woman that was unwanted? Or was that part of my soul’s evolution? Can I take my focus off it and have it not affect my life at all? That’s not been my experience. I never quite got to being able to say it would be so (no longer part of my experience)’ – but that’s not always been the easiest reach for me.
    High vibration has been a journey through the lower ones, and often with the support of someone who helped me have a good look at ‘the thing’ so I could feel it all fully, then heal it. Some layers of that are coming up for me now, in a way that I never looked at before. I welcome them so that I can be part of the solution for all of us.
    I run workshops in Brene Brown’s work and spend lots of time with people who are processing shame (I like to see the transformation, a lot!) I have always found the balance between deep empathy and helping someone shift to a higher awareness tricky. Carolyn Elliot calls it ‘illuminative empathy’ and that feels good to me – as a coach, not being able to meet people where they are (without joining them there) and helping them transmute the energy into something else – Phoenix like – alchemy!
    For me, a lot of the ‘me too’ has been the calling out for healing. I think what I’m sensing is true for me is what you speak to in ‘don’t spotlight it any longer than it needs to do the work in healing and turn your attention to the wanted’.
    Thanks for helping me work this through. I get the sense that something wonderful is happening and I’m glad to be able to have this conversation.

    • Such a great point, Jacqui.
      Perhaps it’s the way my vibration runs or the way my FB filters are set up (which are likely the same heheh) – but the vast majority of metoo sharing I’ve seen has been coming from that place of ‘oh, the relief of finally being able to let this go’.
      I’ve seen very little stewing and ruminating. And where I have seen that, the least helpful thing has been commentary about ‘just get over it’ or ‘don’t dwell on it’ – the helpful stuff has been acknowledging their sharing, and offering concrete ideas for assistance, such as referrals and resources.
      I love that phrase Illuminative Empathy. I get that some people find it murky and unpleasant to see this outpouring of truth. My Saturn and Venus in Scorpio are delighted that so many are finding their light for the first time.
      And for what it’s worth, I don’t think I have the right to tell someone how they get to do this.
      It’s too deep, too personal and too important to make blanket statements about what is or isn’t the “right way” to find relief around this topic.

  • I have a really different take on this.
    I’m seeing things in this phenemenon that I do want more of!
    Perhaps I’m focusing through a really specific lens, but behind the surface sadness and pain there is something beautiful and radical and wonderful emerging.
    I’ve seen men stepping up to pro-actively say ‘I see you and I’m sorry this happened’.
    I’ve seen women feel safe speaking their truth, sometimes for the first time in their lives. Brene Brown says that shame dissolves when we wrap words around it, and I’ve seen people who have managed to crack open ancient shame, because of this.
    I’ve seen people around the world expressing support and kindness and compassion, not from an energy of victimhood but from an energy of quiet collective “we can do better”.
    I’ve seen individuals write powerful and thought-provoking posts and articles about solutions.
    All of these things emerged out of something new and wonderful.
    I felt honoured to be able to participate.
    Yes, I did pause and wonder whether to participate or not.
    But I realised that my particular ‘me too’ is a part of my own history which I’ve healed and integrated into myself, and from which I have become more powerful and more useful. I see value in claiming it from that perspective.
    Thank you for creating a space for this conversation, Jeannette. It’s always so powerful to get super conscious about our choices!

    • Jeannette says:

      Yes, super conscious about feeling better is what we’re looking for! Here’s to each of us honoring whatever that is for us. 🙂

    • Ellen says:

      Thank you Janette Dalgliesh! I know this about PTSD: It’s not the trauma that creates PTSD, it’s not having the trauma acknowledged. The symptoms or PTSD are from not being believed or heard or being told to keep our mouths shut and be good girls. It’s from not being wrapped in the healing arms of a loving community and taught that telling the truth is healthy. By acknowledging each others wounds we get to heal together and own our power. To me, that’s a wonderfully high vibration.

      • Jacqui says:

        Love these words Ellen!

      • Thank you Ellen – yes, indeed!
        For women who have been shamed into silence, or not believed when they spoke up, or not heard – the ability to say ‘me too’ and be wrapped in loving acceptance is a HUGE gift.
        The metoo phenomenon is a wonderful opportunity for so many to activate the vibration or healing and love and acceptance and self-worth. It is a leading edge vibration which I am delighted to embrace and honour.

    • Jacqui says:

      I am totally stealing ‘crack open ancient shame’ 🙂 I see the magic that happens when we do that. People’s faces change before my eyes – they LOOK different, younger, freer. Thanks for this, Janette.

      • Thank you, Jacqui! I know the first time I was finally able to admit my own trauma, about a year ago, that’s exactly what it felt like. And it was SUCH a relief.
        Yes. Freedom. A powerful and wonderful thing. <3

    • Anonymous says:

      Beautifully said. There’s value in people speaking their experiences and letting them go. It’s a healing process. I have found the movement to be empowering. I think if conscious creators ignore or shut out the me too movement, they take the wonderful power of their focus away from a group of people who could really use it. How about conscious creators hold the people who have suffered in their minds and think good things for them and see them as whole and healed. That feels much better to me than shunning the people or the movement because of any bad juju it might bring. Just change the juju. We can do it. We can do anything.

  • HappySandra says:

    I’m like Nikky above. I seem to be out of the loop. But that’s okay, I’ll stay in my own happy (clueless) world. 🙂👍🏾

  • Pam says:

    I was so happy to see this post on Facebook because I was thinking the same thing!!! Suddenly all my friends are posting Me too…and I thought no I don’t want to make this larger by taking part in it!

  • Lorna says:

    thank you! Just what I was thinking.

  • Kat says:

    I said this exact thing to my partner this morning – you can’t get to a good place from a bad one. Despite things that may have happened in my past, I am a learner and a winner. I choose to lift myself up, in order to keep moving forward. I want to help create solutions. Thanks for writing this, Jeannette! 💜

  • Meg says:

    Jeannette, I will totally own that I was part of this momentum, and I have decided to be spotlighting the solution. I want to thank everyone on this post for gently reminding some of us who are conscious creators when we slip into muggle ways.
    xoxo Meg

  • Susan says:

    I couldn’t get involved….all those stories rehashed, all the anger brought up. It wasn’t even a *moral*, right vs wrong decision for me…it was a matter of not having the strength to live it, think it, read about it…not anymore, not one more time.
    I decided I would only retweet solution-oriented tweets…things need to change, but the immersion in all that ugliness, the reliving of it all, will not change things…
    I believe we have a shift to a kinder, more loving world coming…in the meantime, old ways may bubble to the surface, just so we can skim them off, toss them out…
    I believe healthy, happy change is coming…I pray on it, I visualize future generations finding a lot of our present culture to be unbelievable…because so much progress has been made!
    Thanks so much for this post, Jeannette…(I was feeling like I needed a little support for my point of view!)…

    • Jeannette says:

      One of my colleagues said something similar this morning, Susan – that solution-oriented focus is what we need, and what this “#metoo” is missing. It spotlights the problem without offering an answer.
      I like your visualization that our time will be considered unbelievable by future generations because so much progress has been made! Joining you in that one. 🙂

  • Nikky says:

    I do not know what you are referring to …. 😊

  • Kiersten says:

    Amen sista! I thought the same exact thing as I was scrolling through Facebook. Thanks for a well explained post on focus!

    • Jeannette says:

      I was a little disconcerted at how often it showed up in my feed among very savvy creators. When I asked myself, “What are they thinking?!” I realized they might not be. Or they might be thinking that it’s an important issue to make everyone aware of, like any self-respecting muggle would.
      Here’s to remembering what we’re capable of and to using those powers to fuel what we prefer.
      Thanks for reading and for posting, Kiersten! 🙂

  • Ming says:

    I said the SAME thing last night to a friend. I said I’m choosing on what I focus on. 🙂

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