What To Do With Unwanted Emotion?

sadness.jpgOne of my clients generously gave me permission to share an important question she recently asked:

“I know it is good to honor my emotions and release them without holding them in, however I also know the value of being in positive emotion so we can attract positive experience. When I feel sad, or angry, or any number of negative emotions and I am tempted to try to change the thought in order to stay in the positive (doesn’t always work).  I was just wondering what your thoughts are on this.”

She’s not alone in wondering what to do with challenging emotions. LOA savvy folks know the power of those emotions, and thus sometimes tend to avoid them in fear of what they might manifest. So when feelings like grief, anger, resentment, etc. comes up – it’s not unusual for the deliberate creator to get nervous and generate resistance.
Since it’s natural – and inevitable – that as humans we feel a wide variety of emotions, it’s helpful to get a handle on what to do when they arise. I believe those sad, angry and other less fun emotions – until they’re processed – will remain in the background, left to our physical body to deal with and still contributing to our vibration.
So even when we try to upgrade to a better feeling, it’s not as easy or effective if we haven’t yet let ourselves feel the negative or unwanted emotion.
Even though it may seem contrary to manifesting efforts, letting ourselves feel unwanted emotions is what frees us from them. Otherwise we just have anger, grief, resentment, etc. simmering beneath the surface – and making up part of our vibration anyway – no matter how much we don’t want it.
What we resist, persists – which is another good argument for not resisting negative feelings.
Lao Tzu said it more eloquently in the Tao Te Ching: “Simply notice the natural order of things. Work with it rather than against it. For to try to change what is only sets up resistance.”
The fear that we’ll get stuck in a negative emotion or attract something awful while we’re there is just another feeling to allow, process, and release. As long as you’re not resisting your feelings they can be in movement.
It’s when we start pushing against them (whether that’s by denying, ignoring, dismissing or wishing them away) that the real fun begins. (And by that I don’t really mean fun. ha! Although when we release the judgment about which feelings are good and which are bad, that could be an accurate statement.)
Anyway, to bring this point home about how helpful it is to just feel the feelings, I tell clients about my past experience in grieving over lost dogs. My old routine – before I learned how to feel the feelings – was to involuntarily immerse in black feelings for days on end – not showering, not eating, not talking. Just holed up at home in a silent tomb of grief.
In fact, once my co-workers arrived on my doorstep with pasta salads telling me to eat, shower and get dressed. Another time my husband thought he was going to have to take me to the hospital for valium because I was so grief-stricken I couldn’t move. That was dark.
And then one time I did it different.
When Sophie died (the girl on my home page), which happened here at home, I said goodbye to her, walked out to the back porch, sat down in the sun, put my arms around my knees, and felt it.  I let myself feel it – the sadness, the grief, the love, all of it. I felt it. And I remember thinking, “Man, this is SAD.” This is REALLY sad!” Like I’d never experienced before. I’d never been so sad. I was in awe of how sad I was and how deeply I felt it.
For about five minutes.
And then it was gone.
Totally GONE! The sadness was all mine for a couple minutes – and then it wasn’t any more! No trace of it left. Nothing but love and grace and appreciation left in its wake.
I wasn’t in denial, wasn’t dysfunctioning – just letting myself feel the feelings fully. Not to get rid of them – but that’s what happened – they moved right along. They were here, intensely so – and then they weren’t! Because I felt them. Fully.
Which taught me not to be afraid of sadness or grief. Coach Tom Stone’s work along these lines is extremely helpful, as well. I learned his technique for “feeling fully” later on, and was grateful to have had this prior experience to confirm what he says about the benefit of the process.
Long answer to a good question – hope someone finds it helpful.

  • August 14, 2008
  • True, Jessica – and finding that new perspective is incredibly empowering for managing the vibration! (Our own vibration, that is.)
    I’m going to remember this (nice intention, huh?) next time someone’s getting “hot” with me.
    Thanks again for posting – I love your insights, Jessica!

  • Jessica says:

    I had another thought related to my other post… our perspective can also be shifted about relationship conflicts or other negative happenings in the world. It is about finding the positive intent that is part of the negative.
    For instance, we may diffuse our own frustration with our children or other family member when they act out because we can notice that the “reason” behind it stems from something positive. How many times is a conflict escalated due to our reaction to someone else’s reaction? So, when we realize that the reason we are frustrated with our child’s temper is because we value the contentment of things going smoothly, peacefully or quietly… we see that the negative emotion (frustration) wouldn’t be there if we didn’t care about something positive. In addition, we may see that our child is having a temper because of something THEY value that is positive (uninterrupted play time, exploring their magical world, a full belly, etc).
    What about an argument with someone? Naturally both individuals have something of meaning, value and importance that is causing them to feel strongly enough to express or act negatively- or that some positive value is not being met. Instead of another’s words hurting us, we can actually “hear” the love or beneficial meaing behind it.
    I’m not saying it is okay for others to act out or hurt us, however, how we allow it to affect our emotions- positive or negative can teach us something about ourselves. Otherwise it would not even be on our radar. If we feel strongly about it, than there is something positive to look for.
    Thanks everyone for such great comments!! I really enjoy reading everyone’s input and perspective. It is so wonderful!

  • Thanks, Gillian, for saying this:

    “I think we all can manage our emotions, but its a process and takes some time, especially if we have been conditioned to think and be so negative for so many years.”

    There are some folks who give up on being able to manage how they feel because they think their past conditioning is too overwhelming to overcome. Sharing your experience here is proof that when someone is committed to improving how they feel, it can be done.

    Congratulations, Gillian! Thanks again for your encouraging words. I know many reading this will have new access to hope in reading your post!

  • Gillian says:

    You know Jeannette, this post about negative emotions is such an eye opener for me, because somehow I have become conscious of the great progress I have made with my emotions. Reading this post made a light bulb go up in me, how far I have come with managing my emotions. If we use Abrahams emotional scale, my dominant emotions less than a 1 year ago was still on the lower end of the scale ranging between frustration, anger, anxiety, fear and despair. Now, my dominant emotions have definitely shifted to the upper end of the scale, ranging from joy, enthusiasm, happiness and boredom and irritation. I am quite happy to say that the most negative emotions I feel now are boredom and a mild irritation in mundane life, but I think I have overcome those heavy duty negative feelings of fear, despair and anger. Whenever old thought pattern appear and those all too familiar negative feelings creep up again, I catch myself so fast and release those bad feelings with such a relief. Its really great. I think we all can manage our emotions, but its a process and takes some time, especially if we have been conditioned to think and be so negative for so many years. It takes practise (Pray Rain Journaling is a great and fun way to practise cultivating good vibes) but its so good to see the results in ourselves. Thanks for this post Jeannette, its a great eye opener for me.

  • It DOES get easier, doesn’t it, Jennie?
    Kudos to you for having the awareness and the courage to do it different than before.
    That’s what it’s all about.
    Thanks for reading, and for posting, Jennie! 🙂

  • Jennie says:

    How incredibly timely. I’ve been asking myself about this dilemma daily lately. I come up against fear and realize that I would not like to manifest more of it in my life so fight against it. My Rosen Method practitioner says that when I face my fear or sadness head-on she can feel the space for relief and release in my body. So, I’m taking a new approach, facing these uncomfortable emotions so I can move on to bigger and better things. They come back, but I just greet them again and the process gets easier.
    Thanks so much Jeanette!

  • I have to tell you, Amy, I wondered that myself.

    I don’t know if it was a result of the personal development work I’d been reading and doing on myself in the interim, or if I was guided by angels who were tired of seeing me suffer (ha), or if I just plain got tired of doing it the old way … I don’t really know!

    But I’m grateful! Whatever brought it on, I’m grateful.

    I wish I could tell you more specifically so it could be replicated, but I simply don’t know.

    Maybe I’ll ask for that answer and if I get one I’ll share it here when I do. 🙂

    Thanks for posting, Amy!

  • Amy says:

    Just out of curitosity, Jeannette, I was wondering what changed between your old way of grieving (for days) and the new way. What do you think kept you “down” for so long before? What happened that made you realize it could be easier, and then worked the first time you tried it? I’d love to be able to do this with my anxiety/panic issues. Fantastic progress!

  • Thanks for missing me, Gillian!

    I’m actually tempted to leave the computer more often when I see what brilliant examples and suggestions come from you guys while I’m away!!

    PS – I backdated my responses so this thread was easier to follow, so anyone who reads now won’t understand why you think I was gone …

    but I just want to thank everyone AGAIN for sharing such brilliant insights and stories and follow up questions.

    I LOVE this place with you guys in it!! (HUGE HUG)

  • Gillian says:

    Wonder when Jeannette is coming back? We want to hear her comments and feedbacK!

  • Not only will he, Michael, but so will WE, as we follow this inspiring example you gave here. That’s exactly what it’s all about – thanks for sharing what it looks like in the “real world”!

  • Michael says:

    Brilliant indeed! This is a great blog (and equally helpful comments too). I think many of us are taught to avoid if not completely resist certain emotions.
    A few years ago, I was in a bad place and pretty depressed. One of my ‘fixes’ was to just drive and drive and listen to music, look out the window and just try and ‘survive’ it.
    One day, the depression turned into anger and rage. My initial thought was that I needed to get out of that q-u-i-c-k! But then it occured to me, I’d never been that angry. I’d only been really angry perhaps a handful of times in my whole life.
    So I just let it pour out for about five hours. I wanted to kill a couple people I’d grown up with in church…that was scary, but I let it pour out. I wanted to set fire to a place I associated with a lot of pain…let that pour out too.
    When about five hours had passed, I realized I felt a LOT better. I had little bouts with this for the next six months or so. I’d find myself giving the finger to someone mentally…and instead of chastising myself, I just let it go.
    Within a year, I found I had a much different view on anger. I felt like there were times I could be angry about things and not have to resist it, let it build, and probably let it effect me detrimentally.
    Now as I raise a young son, I’m sensitive to his anger. I didn’t always handle it in a way I would have liked…in fact, I was teaching him to resist it, when I realized this was a real opportunity to give him a lot of freedom in his life around emotions. So we teach him different ways to be angry without perhaps hurting himself or someone else.
    And it feels great! I feel like he’ll have amazing freedom in his life because of this…

  • Jessica, this sentence of yours is one that can EASILY and immediately take me to not just acceptance but also appreciation for negative emotions I have:

    “It is there to show you, teach you, and heal you.”

    Thank you!

    What you described here sounds much like what an absence or violation of core values feels like. To recognize that, and purposely let the value be expressed (by feeling what’s missing), is one of the most powerful energy-shifters I think anyone’s posted on this blog.

    I like it! And will be remembering it …

    Thanks, Jessica!

  • Peregrine John says:

    Newton’s 3rd Law of Emotional Response. Brilliant.

  • Jessica Earl says:

    I have spent the last couple hours looking for an article I wrote (and never shared) because it would fit here wonderfully. I can’t find it, but I REALLY want to share it with you all. I can’t pull the whole thing out of my head, but I’ll try to give the highlights at least.
    I discovered something about anger one day, and I’ve learned that it applies to almost any emotion we can label as “negative” or “not good”. I was so angry one day and suddenly, I found myself just plain curious about it. I asked myself why I was angry… and I realized that the only reason we feel ANY negative emotion is because “something” is IMPORTANT to us. I mean, if it were not important why wouldn’t we just not notice or feel anything at all. It passes by unnoticed… it is truly our CARING about something that triggers our negative emotion.
    Sitting in a traffic jam… I’m mad, or frustrated or just disappointed. It all stems from wanting to be home with my family. Upset by a coworkers rudeness- it stems from our value we place on being considerate. Consideration is important to us. Or Politeness. Or Awareness of Others… it is many different things, different for each of us. Bottom line is, if you just look at your anger as though with curiosity, you’ll find the positive intent behind it. It is to bring you closer to that which you want.
    How better to shift your focus and accept a negative emotion than to realize it is there to benefit you? It is there to show you, teach you, and heal you.
    It is Dualistic. You can’t have the negative emotion without there being its polar positive opposite in some form or another. We just have to learn to look for it.
    So rather than resist the negative, we are merely recognizing that all emotions encompasses both positive and negative. It is how it gets expressed into form that truly matters. How we react to it…
    Lastly, what I have found is once we discover what it is that is at the core of the anger- the positive gem in the middle of it all- what we want. Is actually what we can begin to focus on giving to ourselves.
    Coworking upsetting you with rude comments? Allow the politeness (or whatever is true for you) to flow through you, afterall that is what you want. You’ll find yourself healing and by “giving” to yourself that which is important to you and what you truly care about, you will shift focus to all that makes you joyful… as you are paying attention to what really matters to you.
    Listen to your negative emotions as they are telling you something!! Don’t just shoo them away and not listen, as they will keep pestering you!
    Okay, that’s the jist of it. I wish I could share my article because I had a lot of example and other techiniques to assist this process. I still hope it is helpful in some way to someone.
    Namaste, Jessica

  • Yeah, and imagine if she could get to KNOWING!! From wishful to positive to KNOWING/believing!

    In fact, everyone who’s reading this now, let’s imagine her doing that! What great energy to send her way. 🙂

    Thanks for posting again, John.

  • Peregrine John says:

    Back at last… I haven’t had a chance to talk with her again, but I suspect you’ve hit on it with this:
    “A strong grounding in a positive vibration is what she’d want to cultivate, but also being able to appreciate the full range of emotions could help release resistance to what she’s experiencing.”
    She’s lived in a negative vibe for so long that breaking free of it isn’t easy. Her efforts seem to me to be more “hopeful” than confident, if you take my meaning. Like the difference between wishful thinking and positive thinking.

  • Paul, you’re hitting on something related to what I’ve been exploring lately.
    I’m still thinking about it and finding the story I want to go with on it, so I’ll refrain from going into detail now, but I wanted to thank you for bringing up a very important point (the sudden and the created feelings).
    It’s a fascinating and important subject. I’m not surprised to see you broaching it here! Thanks, Paul. 🙂

  • Paul. says:

    This is such an important topic, Jeannette; I’m glad you addressed it. As someone who is prone to store emotions in my body and who has worked with others who have, I know the damage they can cause–not good and so unnecesssary.
    However, when I first started with Abraham, I felt so guilty about my “negative” feelings so I was presented with a double-whammy: not having a history of effectively dealing with “negative” emotions AND guilt over having those emotions. As you can imagine, that vibe was anything but good. This post would have been so helpful to me then as I’m sure it’s so helpful to many right now, a wonderful reminder that we’re human and feelings are part of that package; feel ’em, clear ’em and get back to deliberately creating.
    Nowadays, I distinguish between 2 types of feelings: sudden ones and created ones. The sudden ones, the kind that rush all over me without any warning (thanks to surprise events or activation of past stuff I haven’t yet untangled), when those hit me, I have no time to process them; I just hunker down, feel ’em (throw myself a pity party if I have to) and, as you said, they clear so much quicker than I would’ve expected, giving me space to then process them.
    I know so many of you are ahead of me with my “created” emotions, saying we create all of them and you’re so right. And that’s where the Abraham processes have been so helpful to me. It’s taking a lot of practise but when I start to feel myself not feeling so great, I hope to check in with myself to see do I really want to create this emotion. Sometimes I can pivot-switch away from it, sometimes not.
    Even when my wonky brain chemistry kicks in (I’ve struggled all my life with clinical depression), I focus on Moving Up the Emotional Scale (Abraham’s process, which is why it’s capitalized) bit-by-bit to change the tape that plays in my mind during those episodes. For me, it may be a rocky sea (understatement) but somehow knowing that I’ve created the “voice-over” that narrates these feelings gives me some measure of control (over a quirk of biology) and, if I’m lucky, some insight on what needs to be worked through when I’m feeling stronger.
    (Note to self: gotta check out this Pray Rain Journal everyone’s raving about!)

  • Gillian says:

    Thanks Leslie, I am glad you liked the idea of pray raining about myself. I thought if pray raining about my goals had already shifted my vibes so quickly, why not pray rain about myself and my image? Because I found pray raining to be the best method to change our vibes, so why not journal about ourselves and boost our self-confidence, because I believe confidence (good vibes) to be truly the “KEY” to our success. If we believe in ourselves, it means we also believe and trust in the Universe (to bring us all the great things in life), because we are all divine beings, after all! I always observe and analyse people and the common denominator all successfull people have is an unwavering self-confidence, sometimes even an oversized ego!!! So pray raining about ourselves is so much fun. Highlight all the fantastic qualities and achievements about yourself, exaggerate it, boast and bragg about it (hey, its just your journal!!!), magnetize all the positive aspects of YOU! Then you can start thinking about building and creating your self-image. What person do you aspire to BE? How do you want people to perceive you, what image do you want to project out to the world? It takes some time to think and concentrate on this new image of yours, but its so much fun!!! You can be as creative and imaginative as you like, as long as you FEEL GOOD! And what could be better than feeling good about ourselves? This is truly the magic of Jeannette’s Pray Rain Journal technique, to help us achieve a different level of consciousness.

  • Leslie’s right, Gillian! I can’t imagine anything more brilliant!! A pray rain journal about YOU!! What a FABULOUS combination to manifest self-love! WOW!!
    I am SO doing this and sharing this with clients! Thank you, Gillian!

  • Leslie Richter says:

    Wow could you get more brilliant GILLIAN, a pray rain journal about you. I can see you amping the self-confidence and self-worth from here. And as a matter of fact I am going to follow your brillant example.
    You so made my day! And I thought you were awesome to begin with – here is to being more!
    Love Leslie

  • Gillian says:

    Thanks for your advise Jeannette, I found since I started Pray Rain Journaling, my “needy/desperate’ feelings become less frequent. I catch myself very fast now when my thoughts drift to unwanted things or to past tragedies and then shift my focus on all the things I want. I also found that confidence and self-love is absolute “KEY” to success, so I started a new Pray Rain Journal about ME. What I like and appreciate about myself, I am creating the best image about myself by journaling about it and projecting it outwards. Its fun to see the magic responses, after creating a better self-image about ourselves.

  • Excellent identification of “unknowing” attachment, Tia. Not necessarily fun, but that realization is where your peace, freedom and joy lies, huh?

    I’m looking forward to hearing more about what you’re up to!

    Thanks for reading and for posting your real life example. This is what helps bring it home to everyone who feels challenged with the same thing!

  • Tia says:

    Unwanted emotions … how come all your blogs relate to whatever is going on in my life at any given time!? LOL. So all of last week I have intended to have awesome dates with this guy I fancied, and I did – each lasted about 7-8 hours on average (4 in a week, every other day!) and it was great. And we texted lots during the day. On the last date I felt like we weren’t getting anywhere ie, no emotional connection was being formed, something was not fitting right and texted my friend to say so. Lo and behold, I havent heard from him in over 12 hours!! I tried to shift the vibe to think of the good things about our dates (and tried to downplay my -ve vibe!) but the niggling feeling was obviously stronger! You cant lie to yourself or the Universe 😉 darn! The need / lack / desperation bit (wanting it to be diff than what it is) hit the nail on the head, Gillian!
    So now Im accepting the feeling of disappointment and letting it play out so I can move on from it. I find it interesting how when I form an attachment (unknowingly of course!) to how I want things to be, JUST how quickly that “ruins” it all for me! And amazed at how quickly my situation changes with the tiniest shift in vibe. Why oh why am I so powerful!!?? And how oh how can i harness it to always work for me!? 😉
    Brilliant post, and now that I’m less distracted I can focus on things I have been putting off, lol. I’ve got 2 pages left on my workbook Jeannette 😀 Off to my NLP class tmrw, yay! Thanks everyone for such interesting and timely posts! Love you all, really, I do xxx

  • I DO know what you mean, Leslie! What another great example of accepting & allowing – which keeps the experience so much cleaner!

    I like how you’ve got clients “self-selecting” out so you don’t have to do the work of firing them yourself. lol

  • Leslie Richter says:

    It’s a real basic energy thing. I recently had a client that I just didn’t like from the get-go. I decided not to deny it but just to make the best of it and appreciate the work and income. After three weeks she phonned to say she had decided it wasn’t in their budget and my services were no longer required.
    I totally got it. We were not a fit. I was happy that I hadn’t taken it personally or denied my true feelings. It’s much cleaner that way.
    That’s what I mean about being basic. I had these feeling about her and I chose to be as nuetral as possible and still honor what came up for me. I am sure that’s why it processed through so quickly. I didn’t deny the feelings and I didn’t buy into them, if you know what I mean.
    Love Leslie

  • What a wise son, Anna! And just 8 years old!!
    I just submitted an article for publishing on this very topic – how kids know SO much more than we give them credit for!
    Huge blessing that your son lives in an environment where he can share his wisdom without being corrected.
    Thanks for passing along his wise words to the rest of us! Give him a big hug from me, please.

  • Anna says:

    “He needs to cry. He needs to let himself be sad, let himself feel his feelings… And then he can be happy again.”
    “He” is my Dad, Grampa to my 8-year-old son, who said this to me after a visit with Grampa… who isn’t always a happy man.
    Often I think all we really need to do is remember what we knew when we were little…

  • I have to admit, Iyabo, I’ve always admired your ability to process feelings through writing.

    Thanks for sharing your experience here. 🙂

  • Iyabo says:

    Great post Jeanette and obviously very timely.
    Because I type so fast, if I journal when I am upset, and feel the feelings, I can usually get to the center of it through journaling and it dissipates.
    Also, I am making peace with those “negative” feelings as Abraham teaches that they are just an indication that you are not in alignment with your inner being. I like looking at such feelings that way.

  • Kristy, you and I are “birds of a feather.” And I suspect we have lots of good company, too.

    Feeling stress as a result of the stories and beliefs others tell us, or even from the stories we tell ourselves, is pretty natural (oh, is that another one?!).

    The good news is we are awake and aware and that is all that matters to shift things!

    Thanks for posting, Kristy. I’m sending good thoughts your way for lots of success and ease (professionally and financially).

  • Kristy M says:

    I find that as a theatre student, stress is a big issue. I do what I want to do but I constantly have people telling us how “hard it is to make it in the business” and how we will have to struggle a lot and do chorus roles (not that theres anything wrong with chorus.. I’ve done ensemble work and its super fun lol) and there is stress of what will happen after graduation
    Instead of pushing that away, I do what you said.. let myself feel it and then I feel better :)…
    now I’m working on money stress. Which is a big issue for me! (for a student in NYC, at least lol)

  • danae says:

    ps. I don’t know why my post is ‘anonymous’ – I entered all my details… sorry, Danae

  • I LOVE what you said, Danae: “I always have everything I need.” And your ability to perceive the perfection of it – whatever IT is – is a gift indeed.
    Thanks for showing the example of what acceptance and allowing looks like in real life!
    I’m practicing your words right now as I wonder where my missing tabby is.
    Your post is much appreciated – come back again, Danae! 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    wow, what a great blog – Kim Falconer recommended it to me, and I have to say its exactly what I need (lol, I always have everything I need)…
    on the subject of ‘unwanted’ feelings, I love what Abraham teaches about ‘reaching for the next best’ thought/feeling etc. No solar heroics (overcoming) or attempts to ‘replace’ a so-called ‘negative’ emotion with a ‘positive’ one, just a slight shift – an awareness of what’s going on and a choice to make the move toward a different vibrational state.
    Lately I’ve been in a bit of a funk – unexpected events have thrown me off my game somewhat. But even as the urge to cry and throw a tantrum (just kidding) kicks in there’s a part of me that recognises the perfection of it all – and tells me that even this is ‘what I need’.
    Well, each time some outer event triggers an internal reaction, its an opportunity to see something about ourselves.
    oh, I’ve just been utterly inspired to write something about this subject!
    thanks so much!!

  • Zoe, last night I talked with a client who shared how DELIGHTED she is to be off her anti-depression medication and FEELING again. Feeling all of it – good, bad & ugly. She reminded me of the princess in Enchanted who was so thrilled to be angry for the first time.

    Inconvenient or not, my client’s comments reiterated to me what a gift it is to be here, feeling now. 🙂

  • Gillian says:

    What a great article again! Yes, dealing with negative emotions are tough. One of the toughest feelings for me to deal with and that often creeps up in me is a feeling of “Need/lack/desperation”, because that always signals what we don’t have and attracts more of the same. While its is good to feel feelings like grief or sadness and then let it pass, I feel some other emotions like “desperation” may not be felt too long, just long enough for us to recognize the feeling and then shift our focus to to a better thought. So I am now practising feelings of relief and contentment with what is. I get tinto the feeling place with thoughts of already achieving and having all and feeling so relieved or just happy with what is. Those feelings of lack/need is one of the worst feelings to have and it needs to be overcome.

  • Zoe Routh says:

    Hi Jeannette
    Those feelings are just so darn inconvenient! They surface just as you need to meet a deadline, or phone a client or whatever. I actually do what Martha Beck suggests – book an appointment to feel like crap, and then go for it – write sad letters, sob, and so on. Exhausting, but then it’s done. New energy flows in.
    Just like kids – they have a natural instinct to feel things fully (until we scold it out of them) – have a tantrum, scream and carry on, and then they’re done. On to playing with the frisbee or yoyo or whatever.

  • El Baugher says:

    I had a very profound “Ah-Ha” moment today and I posted it on an LOA forum I belong to. I felt so moved, I decided to post it in my blog also.
    This is a story about how my life rolled when I learned to “accept what is”. That was my first real step in a very fast moving direction.
    I also changed the link in my name incase this one doesn’t link.

  • Gillian, I’ve found when “need” or “desperation” are making themselves at home with me that the best remedy for me is Byron Katie’s Work.

    Is it true (that I need to be on time for the groomer)?
    Can I know that it’s true (that I need Russ to engage in this relationship)?
    How do I feel when I think that thought? Who would I be without it?

    And the beautiful turnarounds: I don’t need to be on time; I need to engage in the relationship.

    Having said that, when need has a strong grip on me, I let myself feel it and explore it, because if I know anything it’s that trying to unload ANY emotion (as one that doesn’t belong here) is just going to guarantee its longer stay.

    Feeling it out is often what gives us the leg up to move on from it. It’s an amazing experience.

    But as long as any of us are in resistance to any feelings, we continue the “stuckness” of it.

    Thanks for posting, Gillian. You’re reflecting exactly what lots of LOA savvy folks experience!

  • El Baugher says:

    Great post!
    Acceptance is key. I was just writing about it today myself. A wise person (ME) once said, “How can you find joy where you are unless you first accept that you’re there?”
    Peace & Love,
    El Baugher AKA The Smiling Spirit

  • El, that was a moving story. Thanks for the link to it!

  • Oooh – I like that, El!
    Wise person indeed!
    Can we get a link to your writing on this topic?
    Thanks for reading and for pitching in, El! I look forward to hearing more from you! 🙂

  • John, she said the smallest thing sends her reeling back? Would love to talk with her about that … sounds like something’s not getting released, or that there might be many layers of it present.

    If we’ve got a vibration activated we’ll find ourselves coming back to that feeling place again and again. Without knowing any more detail, I would suggest it’s time to deactivate what she’s not wanting by activating something new.

    (Also, there’s a difference in writing about the feelings versus actually feeling them.)

    But in your question you ask how to be free of the fragility in the first place.

    A strong grounding in a positive vibration is what she’d want to cultivate, but also being able to appreciate the full range of emotions could help release resistance to what she’s experiencing.

    You know her situation better, though – what are your thoughts?

  • Yes, Phillis, Tom Stone’s technique is super simple and effective – it’s as simple as feeling the feelings. But he walks folks through the process (since he says we never learned to do this properly as youngsters) on his Core Dynamics audio program. I don’t have a link handy, but email me if you’re interested in more.

    Doesn’t sound to me like you need it, though.

    Thanks for reading and for posting, Phillis! Sending lots of good thoughts your way …

  • Peregrine John says:

    A friend of mine has been on a rollercoaster lately of emotion, and asked me what I do about things like that. Well, I do something pretty similar to the advice here, partly because of similar advice given here months ago, and that was my suggestion.
    She said that she does indeed examine and process through the unwanted feelings and let them go, writing about the anger, sadness, whatever, and looking at it for what it is. She feels better for a time, but “then the smallest thing, KA-BLAM! — sends me reeling back again.”
    How to be free of the fragility in the first place?

  • Phillis says:

    Thank you — you, again my dear friend, read my ‘what am I doing’ mind — I was just (an hour ago) pondering the very same thing — how to deal and release . . . EMOTIONS . . . . you are an Blessing . . . Cheers, P.

  • Dawn, thanks for the encouraging feedback!

    I love how you recognize that it’s easy to mix up tired for depressed. Isn’t it amazing what a great couple night’s sleep will do for our mood/energy? (I know that one well!)

    Thanks for reading and even more for posting. It’s always nice to hear I get it right now and again.

    Love to you, my friend!

  • Dawn says:

    As always, HOLY COW!!! How did you know EXACTLY what I needed to read right now. I’ve been floating along feeling good and really believing for days now, until today (I think I’m extra tired too, which I often mistake for being depressed). I have been stressing over my lack feelings that have snuck in and haven’t been sure what to do with them.
    So THANK YOU so much for this perfectly timed post. I guess I manifested learning how to deal better with “unwanted” emotions. :o)
    You are truly the BEST, Jeannette!

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